Chapter 3: Perspective
Watchtower, April 21, 13:23 EDT
"Sometimes being a superhero sucks." Cassie stabbed at the carrots on her plate and dropped her cheek into her hand. Asami raised an eyebrow, maintaining her posture in her seat around the table. Cassie noticed her look and sat back up. "I just mean that sometimes all of our drama about secrets and anonymity seems like more trouble than it's worth, you know? At this point, I wish we could just put up an ad."
She waved her fork in the air for dramatic effect, as though reading out an article. "Wanted: scrawny girl, short hair, angel powers. Open invitation to any global Justice League headquarters at your earliest convenience. Will reimburse travel costs and provide snacks." Asami giggled at the description, making Cassie grin in return. Then the Wonder Girl sighed. "Whoever she is, she's really good at disappearing."
Cassie returned to her sullenness. She continued to wave her fork in the air, this time guiding it like a plane between the pinpricks of stars visible outside the Watchtower's window. The mess hall aboard the space base was sparsely populated at the moment, giving them privacy on the side of the room. A few other costumed heroes dotted the tables or got food from the small buffet line. Through the multi-story-length windows was a view of the Milky Way as seen from Europe and Africa at the moment, with the sun hidden on the other side of the planet and the planet hidden behind the other side of the station.
Asami studied her friend. "That is good, isn't it? From our perspective. She understands the value of keeping herself secret. Troublesome as anonymity may be, the alternative would be less pleasant. You know this."
Cassie had always been more than a little star-struck by heroism, even since before joining the League, from what Asami heard. Daughter of a god, protégé of a demi-god, she must have had a romantic view of her own identity.
Unlike some of the others who found Cassie's attitude grating, Asami liked it. She also envied it a little. Cassie was confident about herself and her ability to do good in the world. She was comfortable enough with herself not to be suspicious whenever people gave her recognition. She was optimistic enough to never lose a spark of excitement and wonder, no matter how many times she got knocked down.
Asami had been kidnapped, experimented on, and used by alien villains. After that, she'd been imprisoned, trained, and studied by earth heroes. After that, she'd been manipulated and used again by a villain masquerading as a hero - or at least as her hero.
Cassie nodded glumly. "I know, I know...deep down, I know. But even though it's better, that doesn't make it perfect. Like this girl, right? If we could find her, we could help her, train her, give her some recognition for what she's done."
"Or lock her away in a laboratory." The words were out of Asami's mouth before she realized what she was saying. Her jaw closed with a click of teeth before she could finish the sentence: Until you decide she's not a threat.
Through a heavy silence, Cassie stared at her in dismay. "I - I didn't mean-"
"I know." Asami held up a hand to halt the apology.
It was just one more difference between them. At Cassie's words, Asami had imagined the grand, televised parades in the League's honor, their museums and city statues and fan merchandise. Her mind had then immediately pulled into the past, toward sterile white walls, locked doors, stoic guards, and a feeling, like wilting on the inside, of being very alone that stung even years later.
Cassie, she knew, meant well. In the optimist's mind, recognition didn't mean parades, or exposure to an adoring public that would compromise their privacy, or forced guidance that would compromise their freedom. It was simple appreciation and a sense of belonging.
"I'm sorry. I know," Asami repeated with a sigh. "I'm just saying that there are many reasons why someone may wish to hide, even from you. From us."
From you. Another slip, one that she told herself Cassie hadn't noticed despite the lingering, guilty stare. Cassie cleared her throat and squirmed in her seat, returning her attention to her food.
"We really messed up back then," she said quietly. Asami didn't answer immediately, though the silence of course said it all.
It was only recently, after she'd left the Outsiders, that she learned the League had a new way of operating when it came to recruiting kids. Namely, they didn't, at least not on a League-wide scale. In fact, standardizing the League's response to new heroes came courtesy of the original junior team themselves.
After the disaster of how they handled Roy and the Outsiders - oh, the horror stories of making amends to Virgil's family for keeping him away - Nightwing and Aqualad realized why their own mentors had kept their young lives private for so long. As adults, they now realized what it meant to be accountable for the wellbeing of children. Now, until a junior reached the age of legal adulthood in their area of origin, there were no parades, no public exposure. To begin with, there was barely any exposure to the League.
The League was not a draft service, they wanted the world to know, but it was their duty to ensure the safety of others. When an adult with abilities was discovered, a Leaguer would be sent out to introduce themselves, make sure the new hero was appropriately trained and safe, explain matters insofar as how things were done, assure them that if they ran into any difficulties all they had to do was call, and then leave them alone until they either started causing trouble or decided they wanted to join the League.
It was dubbed the "good neighbor" procedure - a civil introduction and tactful withdrawal. If one look at Batman wasn't enough, experience had taught them all that pressuring people did nobody any good. The procedures concerning kids, of course, had some key differences.
"Do you regret coming to us?" Cassie asked cautiously, drawing Asami from her thoughts. She looked out the window, taking time to puzzle through an answer that even she wasn't entirely sure of.
"I wasn't happy with the Outsiders," she said finally. Cassie curled and uncurled her fingers on the table.
"But you're not happy here."
"I wasn't unhappy with the Outsiders," Asami said gently, dropping her gaze. "Not exactly. They did not drive me away, and I have not abandonedthem to replace them with the League." Those last words were said partly to herself, and they competed with less kind voices still ringing in her head from when she'd said goodbye to everyone.
Asami looked across the table at the one person who'd welcomed her wholeheartedly since her first day here. She believed if there was anyone who would truly listen to her, it would be Cassie. If even Cassie couldn't do that, then she'd know she made a mistake coming to this place.
"For awhile now, I was...uneasy with them." Asami cupped her mug of tea between both hands, trying to line up her palms and fingers evenly while she talked. "I felt a little blind, I think."
"Blind?" Cassie interrupted, then quickly closed her mouth and settled back to listen.
"...You have to understand, we are the closest thing to a family we can be. We are all a little messed up, but we're messed up together, and together we do the best we can. It is the same for how we go about being heroes. Sure, we're messy, but we do the best we can together. All of us – all of them, the others – are good people." Asami took a sip of tea as an excuse to think. This time Cassie stayed quiet. "I've never really liked messiness, though. My powers, yes? They come from my ability to control my energies, which is only possible when I achieve inner balance and stability."
Cassie nodded obligingly, and Asami restrained a smile. She knew the other girl wasn't versed in Eastern philosophies and practices, but she did her best to keep up anyway. "I started to feel like there must be a way to do things that would be less messy – a better way, at least for me. But I didn't know how to discover it. I only know two ways right now: messy and restricting."
"The Outsiders, and what little you saw of us," Cassie laid out plainly, frowning.
"I do not think our way was wrong, no more than the League's way is wrong. Each has their benefits and faults, but I was living with the Outsiders' faults, seeing them all the way through." Asami hesitated and lowered her voice again. "It started interfering with my powers."
Cassie's eyes widened, and Asami didn't blame her for being alarmed. This was the part she hadn't revealed to anyone, a dangerous detail to keep to herself regardless of her discretion in avoiding major hero work since being inducted into the League. Powers gone haywire were not something to toy around with.
"Mostly it weakened me," she continued quickly. "All my unease left me with inner turmoil that made my energies hard to access and direct. That was when I decided to leave. I couldn't let anyone get hurt because of me."
"That's why you've only been taking minor solo missions," Cassie deduced. Asami nodded. "I thought you were just nervous about working in one of our teams, not being familiar with our protocols and all."
"That is another reason," Asami admitted with a sheepish smile. She never would have said so with any other Leaguer, but she knew Cassie wasn't just digging for weaknesses or liabilities to disapprove of. Her concern was genuine.
"But that's all the more reason you should work with us," Cassie insisted. "Going out alone when you're not in top form is dangerous; you never know what might happen. And you're never going to learn the League's way of doing things if you never start."
"Perhaps you are right." Asami tapped a finger on the rim of her mug. "Maybe...maybe I can help you with this girl you are looking for."
"Really?" Cassie blinked. "Are you sure? These sorts of situations are...volatile. It's not like the mainline League missions, just taking someone down or keeping people safe. We have no idea what might happen when we find someone who doesn't want to be found, especially a kid."
"I believe I can help," Asami said with more conviction, nodding to herself. "I am not so familiar with being a Leaguer, but I understand being a young runaway with powers. She may hide from you and Bart, but I believe I can relate to her and find her more easily."
"Well," Cassie leaned back in her seat, "Those are good points. Let's go talk to Batgirl after we're done eating."
They spoke of lighter topics after that while they finished lunch: school, the looming summer break, movies and videogames. They kept chatting comfortably as they walked toward the corridor –
"Hey, Cassie...Asami."
– until Nightwing, headed toward the mess hall, stopped inside the door and severed their conversation.
"Hey, Nightwing." Cassie smiled amiably. He nodded to her and then turned his attention to Asami, who looked back at him with a neutral expression.
"Do you have time to talk?" he asked. There was a hint of awkwardness in his demeanor, maybe out of embarrassment or guilt as Asami liked to imagine.
"About Arsenal." She didn't beat around the bush. Ever since she came to the League, Nightwing seemed to expect her to act as an informant on the Outsiders. It was irritating.
"If it's okay, we could go somewhere-"
"I do not have time, and as always, there is nothing to say."
His mouth twisted and pressed into a thin line. After a moment, he gestured her out of the way of the door and lowered his voice. Cassie hovered at eavesdropping distance, going to lean against the wall. "Asami, I'm sure you can understand why we worry. You yourself left the Outsiders for a reason."
She glared, and he quickly backtracked. "He...we didn't do right by him. I know that. He was absorbed in his own anger when he left, and it was because we messed up. We can't reach out to him if he won't let us, but you could talk to him."
"He is not interested in returning to the League."
"But can you understand why it's important?" Nightwing sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, but you did leave the Outsiders. Was it because of him? His anger made him chaotic back then, and if he's been holding onto that all this time-"
"He does his best. He's taken care of us." Asami crossed her arms. "I will respect his silence and not attempt to speak for him."
Nightwing observed her for a moment, clearly reluctant to leave things at that. "Do you think he's stable?" he asked.
Asami bristled with defensiveness on behalf of the friend and guide who'd watched out for her these past couple years. She opened her mouth to respond when, in a moment of great poetic irony, Question opened the door to the mess hall and walked right past them, thumbing through a journal and mumbling to himself. Before the door slid shut again, they could see Batman turning down the side corridor.
Cassie tried valiantly to hide a smile from her spot. Asami restrained both a smile and a smirk, but she did turn her nose up at the boy wonder.
"Stability is somewhat subjective, don't you think?"
He stiffened as Asami brushed past him and headed toward the door. Cassie pushed herself off the wall and joined her, waving back at Nightwing quietly before following her friend out of the hall.
"So." Cassie clasped her hands behind her back. "Batgirl."
"Yes, Batgirl." Asami honestly couldn't say where Cassie stood on the matter of Arsenal, whether she was concerned about him like the rest of the League or whether she didn't consider him a real threat. Either way, she always remained neutral when the matter came up, and seemed to respect Asami's unwillingness to let her own place in the League affect her old friends. She appreciated that.
"You are...truly alright with letting me help?" Asami asked hesitantly, feeling self-conscious after that exchange Cassie witnessed.
"If you want to try, I don't see why not. You clash with the others when it comes to conventional issues and missions. Maybe a different type of job is just what you need."
Asami smiled slightly. "That is exactly what I was thinking."
There were times, like now, when she felt she'd never really be accepted by the League. Because of her history with them, they couldn't see who she was in the present. If there was a young girl out there feeling the same, maybe she and Asami would be able to help each other.
Author's Note: Another story veeery late in updating. Ah, well...
killianrainey: Batgirl did walk back on that and agree with them, but to be fair, Batman has a point. Careless trust is dangerous, especially when dealing with a superpowered stranger. He may be overly paranoid, but the man's good at keeping himself and the League safe.