The world all a haze when JC finally woke up. Sort of.

He couldn't really see anything and could hear only certain things. Beeping, humming, snippets of muffled conversation, some shouting and arguing and some quiet and whispered, but he heard it. He couldn't really make out the words though, mind slow to catch up.

As he drifted in and out, he went to roll over when a sharp stab from his stomach pulled him back. Then, he remembered. It shot back to him with so much force he almost vomited over the side of his bed, shaking. The pain. The blood. So much blood…

His hands flew under the several blankets he found himself wrapped up in, quickly feeling for his stomach and tears streamed down his face in relief as it's roundness was still prominent.

Shakily, he raised two fingers to his lips and kissed them, whispering 'Thankyou..' to whoever was watching over them and pressing them against his stomach with a sniffle. The baby was okay. Or so he hoped. He didn't know for sure, though his gut told him it was.

Blinking as he came to, he finally managed to look around and noticed that...he was definitely not in his bedroom. For a start, it was white, blindingly so and familiar smelling. It smelled...clean, with a metal tang to it. The window that greeted him looking out over the California landscape confused him, but the medical equipment made it obvious. A hospital. A fucking hospital. Great, seems Kian did make do on his 911 call. Shit.

Groaning with a grimace at the ache he felt in his groin, JC pulled the blankets off himself carefully, intent on getting up, but finding his legs were made of jelly on the first try, he sat back down with a wince. This was going to take some doing, wasn't it?

Looking around, his eye found the IV line in his hand and traced the tubes from the bed back to the pole beside him. Ah. Readying himself again, he gripped onto the metal shaft of the pole, slowly pushing his feet on the ground to raise himself up…

"Don't. You. Fucking. Dare."

Kian. Fuck. He sounded angry, no, he sounded hurt. Both. He didn't know, but he knew that tone of voice. Kian only used that tone of voice when he was extremely upset and angry with someone and it wasn't that often that voice came out.

JC quickly lowered himself back down, hissing from the pain that shot though him because of it, looking towards the floor as squeaky fast footsteps came towards him and trainers appeared in his vision. Yep. Definitely Kian.

His heart, already panicked before about the baby, started hammering faster in his chest. He knew Kian well. Knew his actions. His moods. His voice tones. He lived with him for nearly 4 years for Christ's sake.

The only way Kian could be that angry, that upset, was if he knew. He /knew/ about the baby. God, when did he find out? When he checked him over? When he called the ambulance? At the hospital? He didn't want to know the answer.

"Justin." His real name was said angrily as two trembling hands clamped down on his thighs. "Justin Cloud Caylen, look at me." He didn't want to, as Kian's voice was scaring him, but did as he asked, dry throat flexing as he swallowed hard before tilting his head up to look square in the face at Kian, eyes wet.

"How...How…you almost died. You lost so much blood! You should have fucking told me you hurt yourself!" Kian was shaking really bad and he was as pale as a ghost, eyes red having obviously been crying as much as JC had. "How long have...? You should have told me! You should have fucking told me you motherfucker! What were you thinking?!"

He must have been outside smoking something to calm down as he smelled like weed and it made JC feel sick, groaning and having to look away when he tried to open his mouth to talk.

Kian's eyes went wide, reaching out to grab a vomit bag nearby before he realized what was wrong and scrambled to get the hoodie he had thrown on at the house to cover up his bloodstained shirt, off, chucking it to the other side of the room.

JC tried to swallow what little he did have left once the smell left, the sight of the blood unnerving, chest clogged as he tried to breathe in and out, but the panic seizing him made it hard.

He closed his eyes as more tears started streaming down his face, not wanting to look at Kian anymore, but suddenly felt hands. Warm, trembling hands reached up and wiped them away before a thin body slid next to him, holding him tightly.

He broke.

Full blown sobbing, he reached out and clutched fistfuls of Kian's shirt, face buried in his shoulder as all he had kept inside of him, all the fear, came out. It took him a moment to realize, but Kian was doing pretty much the same to him, except into his hair. He could hear him murmuring something, but couldn't make it out, too overwhelmed.

They stayed like that for almost an hour before JC made to gently pull away, swallowing as he attempted to talk again. "I...I'm s-s-sorry." JC's throat was very dry, but he managed. "I...I d-didn't m-mean to...I d-didn't want to…"

"How long have you known?" Kian's voice was quiet, angry, but soft and calm at the same time, thumb rubbing circles back and forth over JC's knuckles. He hadn't noticed till now, but they were holding hands. He didn't think much of it thankfully. He couldn't right now. Kian wanted answers. "A w-while…"

"How long?"

"Bout'...t-t-three months. F-Found out w-while we w-were on tour."

Kian took a deep breath in, having to look away before looking back at him, hurt clear in his eyes. "Why didn't you /tell/ me?"

"I didn't w-want to…we a-aren't ready for this." JC closed his eyes, shaking his head. "We aren't r-ready for this k-kind of t-thing yet. W-W-We're not together in that w-way, w-we barely k-know how to take c-care of ourselves and i-it was a accident."

Kian stayed silent, long enough for JC to realize he could keep talking. "I...I was also afr-afraid. Of w-what you would s-say. I d-didn't want you to h-hate me." He hadn't noticed, but his hand came to curl around his stomach as he was talking, protective.

The hand disappeared and JC shuddered from the pain at the loss of contact, but was quickly thrown off by the feeling of arms cautiously encircling him, kisses on his forehead, closed eyelids, nose and finally his lips, before a voice muttered. "You fucking idiot."

JC's eyes squeezed open and he found himself staring into Kian's dark brown ones.

"You fucking idiot." Kian repeated again, anger gone. "We aren't ready, you're right about that. Our house is trashed, our lives aren't at the best time...you're right about a lot of things. Except, you got one wrong. I certainly didn't expect this, but JC, I could never hate you. Ever."

"You should." JC sniffled, shaking his head. "You should hate me. I kept this whole thing from you for 5 months. I should have told you and I didn't. You should hate me for that."

"I did, at first." Kian's face became serious. "I didn't know what was going on with you, but when the doctor told me out there what happened...my heart was in my throat, man. I thought they were kidding, but when I realized they weren't, I started crying. When you hit the floor after I pushed you, it was apparently so hard, you had a placental abruption...whatever than means. They said they'd come in later to explain it. I thought...I thought you'd had a miscarriage..."

JC bit his lip, nodding along with him. "You thought you were going to have to come in here and tell me I lost it and you know how much I like kids."

"Exactly." Kian's bottom lip wobbled, having to start wiping at his eyes in case. "I thought you were going to be devastated. I was getting up to come in here when they told me it barely made it. Just. You lost so much blood, Justin. Too much. You were so pale. I seriously thought my best friend was going to die because of me and I-"

"Shut the fuck up." JC snapped, Kian taken aback. "Don't you dare say this was your fault."

"But-" Kian protested.

"No. It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I should have said something." JC shook his head, pulling himself up to finally be level with Kian. "I'm not going to just sit there and let you take the blame for something that you had no idea about, just because I'm a pussy who doesn't-OW!" JC suddenly hunched over, and on his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Kian was quick to jump in front of him, panicked.

"Nothing." JC said though clenched teeth. "Stretched out too far. Just hurts."

"Shit, lie back down. You shouldn't be sitting up." Kian started to push him down gently back onto the bed, careful not to jostle him too much.

JC, though not liking the fact he was in the bed in the first place, didn't fight him. It was surprised though when Kian went under the wires and crammed his long skinny frame beside him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm lying down with you so I can watch you." Kian's hand reached out, but then pulled back. "Can I...uh...can I touch it? Your...uh...stomach, I mean."

"Dude, it's your kid." JC rolled his eyes at Kian's awkwardness. "You do what you want. I don't care."

"I know, but I don't want to hurt you...I'm new to this too, remember?" Kian sighed.

"I know." JC sighed back. After a long moment of silence stretched between them, he reached out and took Kian's hand, fingers accidently intertwining as he placed on the left side of his stomach. "It's feet are down here, from what I know and it's head…" He guided Kian's hand up gently to avoid hurting himself more and making Kian feel worse in a sweeping motion across it to the top, near his chest. "...is here. Something like that."

"Wow…" Kian whispered, fingers dragging gently across the area without leaving JC's hand. "It's so...small. It is supposed to be that small?"

"Yeah. It's meant to be that way." JC nodded, Kian's head having ended up on his shoulder.

"It'll get bigger, won't it?"

"Most likely, yeah."

"Huh." Kian nodded to himself, before licking his lips. "What are we going to do with it?"

"What?" JC looked down at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

Kian looked up at him, serious. "What are we going to do, when it's born? It won't stay in there forever."

"I don't know." JC looked down. "I'm not sure."

"I think you do now what you want to do, JC." Kian propped himself beside him. "I want to hear it come from you."

JC was silent, before he made a small sound, looking back up at Kian. "Is...is it bad, that I want to keep it?"

"...No." Kian shook his head. "I knew you would think it was, but it's not."

"You're taking this whole thing pretty well, K."

"Most likely hasn't sunk in yet." Kian huffed. "It will later. Right now, I'm more worried about my best friend bleeding out than anything else."

JC really wanted to talk to him about it properly, but he guess this was about as good as he would get right now. He just nodded and snuggled into Kian's side, tired from crying and drinking in the safety he felt from it. He knew he wouldn't get it again, so he tried to take in as much as he could.

As he was dozing off, he almost heard Kian say something along the lines of 'I love you too much to lose you.', but he was too tired to really make it out and fell asleep to Kian's weight on his side, content with just enjoying what he had for now.

He knew their whole worlds would change soon enough.