A/N: WHEEEE, Chapter 3! Now, let's see what Joshua has to say about Neku's cutting, hmmm?! Warning, there is a small lime towards the end in italics. Enjoy~

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.

My Secret

Chapter 3

"Neku?!"

Joshua.

I stared at him, and he stared back at me, looking horrified. Or more precisely, he stared at my wrist, which was dripping with blood. I realized then that I had forgotten to lock my bedroom door when I got back.

"Neku, what the hell are you doing?!" he demanded, rushing over to me, but I flinched away. I'd had too many people yell at me and hit me in the past over my cutting, and I wasn't about to forget it now. "Neku…?" Joshua said, seeming confused.

"Don't…don't come near me, please," I whispered, tears streaming down my face again. I felt weak and vulnerable right then, more than I ever had before.

"Neku, I'm only trying to help," Joshua murmured to me, looking worried as hell. Shit, I was worried about myself, too.

He slowly approached me, and for some reason, I didn't back away. He gently grabbed my wrist that was holding the razor, making me drop it, and I let out a choked sob again. Burying my face in his chest, I cried again, unable to control myself. Joshua cautiously wrapped his arms around me, which made me cry harder.

I'd needed comfort for so long, I didn't even realize it. I had secluded myself for far too long, and now I was paying the price. Joshua gently hugged me and sat on the bed with me, slowly rocking me in a comforting gesture.

Eventually, I cried until I quieted down, feeling drained. I lifted my head from Joshua's chest, and glanced him before muttering, "Sorry…"

"It's okay, Neku," he assured me quietly. "I'm sorry for upsetting you so badly." And then he did something that shocked the hell out of me: he kissed me on the lips, just a light brush of his on mine. My eyes widened and I froze, shocked into silence. He quickly pulled back, blushing a very light tinge of pink. "Let's…get your wrist cleaned up and bandaged, okay?" I nodded slowly.

As Joshua cleaned my wrist in the bathroom and bandaged it again, I thought about that kiss. It felt…strange, but…good. I had never been kissed before, and that was my first. The silverette finished bandaging my wrist and then stood, pulling me up with him gently. He brought me out into the living room, where he sat me on the couch next to him.

"Neku, I'm only going to say this once, okay? I'm sticking with you from now on," he said sternly. I opened my mouth to protest, but he placed a finger on my lips, silencing me. "I don't want you cutting anymore. I won't tell anyone, but promise me you won't. And even if you do, I'm still staying close to you to make sure you don't."

"I'm not suicidal, Joshua," I snapped, rolling my eyes. "It's merely for stress relief. But fine, I promise I won't anymore."

"Thank you," he said, and got up. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was already 6:15 in the evening. "I'm gonna make some ramen I brought with me. Want some?"

"Um…sure," I said, feeling weird about him now. It was obvious he cared for me, but I swear, it was like 2 different people in one at times. There was prissy Joshua, and then there was caring Joshua. I couldn't tell which one came out at what time, so I was thoroughly confused.

He nodded and smiled, and then set about making the ramen. As he went about the kitchen, cooking, I thought about that kiss again. Was it just a friendly kiss? Or does he really like me? Do friends even kiss without being in a relationship? Wait, were we even friends? Gah, my head hurts now.

I got up and went to my room to get some Advil. Joshua looked like he was about to follow me until I told him what I was doing. Rolling my eyes, I continued to the precious painkillers, and took three with some water. I felt the relief hit me about 10 minutes later. Joshua brought over a bowl of the ramen 3 minutes after the pain killers kicked in, and handed it to me, sitting down next to me on the couch.

"So, why were you so upset earlier, Neku?" he asked cautiously. I stiffened again in mid bite of my ramen, and stared at the floor as if it were most interesting thing in the world. "Neku…?"

"I…was upset…because…of my parents…" I whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"They're dead," I choked out, feeling tears in the corners of my eyes. I noticed Joshua's eyes widen in my peripheral vision.

"I'm so sorry, Neku…" he whispered, setting his bowl aside and coming over to hug me again. He placed my bowl on the coffee table in front of us as he wrapped his arms around me comfortingly. "I won't ask how it happened, okay?"

"They both committed suicide," I breathed. Joshua's grip on me tightened, and I wondered to myself, Why am I telling someone I just met 2 days ago all of this?

"You don't need to tell me this, Neku," the silverette insisted. "If you're not ready, then don't tell me, okay?"

"I need to tell someone besides a fucking psychiatrist for once, Josh," I growled, and then took a deep, shuddering breath. "Mom committed suicide on accident when I was 17, because she was a cutter, too. Dad couldn't cope, so he killed himself when I was 18. He shot himself in the head."

"Oh my god, Neku…" Joshua breathed in horror. "How on earth did you for the past 3 years?"

"I tried therapy, that didn't help, and then I started cutting. Everyone who found out yelled at me or hit me for it when they found out," I mumbled. "That's why I was so scared when you caught me earlier…I didn't want to be yelled at or hit again…"

"Neku, I would never do that," he promised. "I'm not like that."

"How was I supposed to know?" I whimpered, tears flowing freely down my face, but then I became angry. "I can't read minds, Joshua," I snapped in a passive-aggressive tone. I stood up suddenly, and stormed off to my room, slamming the door again and making sure to lock it this time.

"Neku! Neku, open the door, please!" Joshua begged, banging his fist against the door.

"NO! GO AWAY, JOSHUA! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE!" I screamed back, searching for my razor blade, but then I realized Joshua must have taken it earlier.

"Neku, please! I just want to help!" he persistently cried out through the door.

"NO! FUCK OFF! I HATE YOU!" I all but shrieked back. I heard a small gasp, and then shuffling footsteps away from the door. I was sure he was gone by now, but I refused to leave until morning, and even then only to get water and use the bathroom.

I slept fitfully that night, suffering from a nightmare about my parents' deaths, and for some odd reason, Joshua was in it as well. I woke with a gasp, barely remembering the dream, but feeling gross from the cold sweat I was suffering from. I looked at the alarm clock next to my bed; 8:13 in the morning, yuck.

Grabbing some fresh clothes, I was about to sneak out to the bathroom to shower, but when I opened the door, I was shocked to see Joshua leaning against my door. Or at least, he was, until I opened the door, causing him to fall back and hit the floor, hard.

"Ow!" he yelped, rubbing his head as he sat up, then he realized I was standing behind him. "Neku!" he cried out, jumping to his feet suddenly. I ignored him, pushing past him and going to the bathroom for a shower. He tried to follow me in until I stopped him with a death-glare.

"Out," I stated coldly, and he backed out. I washed myself off in the shower, feeling a bit better after a good cleaning, but I was still confused as hell about Joshua. I didn't know what to feel about him. We'd only known each other for 3 fucking days, for fuck's sake! I can't possibly fall for him! Gah, I'm so damn confused…

Stalking out from the bathroom, I didn't see Joshua, so I slipped back into my room, and checked my phone for the time. Turns out I had a message, but from who? I hardly gave out my number. I clicked on the "open message" button on my phone, and realized it was from Joshua.

It read:

Neku, I'm sorry about last night and this morning. I figured you needed a friend, and I tried to be your friend, but it didn't work out, I guess. Let me know if you want me to move out.

Joshua

Growling, I snapped my phone shut, unsure of what I wanted right then. I decided to get more sleep, and hopefully this would all make more sense when I next woke up.

X*X(Neku's Dream)X*X

"M-more, Josh, please!" I all but begged him, and he thrust into me again, harder this time, causing me to moan loudly.

"Mmm, Neku, I want to hear you scream," Joshua purred, and thrust into me again, even harder, and hit my prostate, making me scream as he wished. I panted and moaned as he kept up the rhythm, pounding me into the mattress, making the entire bed shake from our love-making.

"A-ah, J-Joshua, I…I'm gonna cum!" I cried out, and I was almost there! Stars clouded my vision right as—

X*X(End Of Dream)X*X

"Argh!" I sat up quickly in bed, and immediately regretted it. Feeling the sticky mess between my legs and on my sheets, I snarled, "Oh, you have GOT to be fucking kidding me. Are you serious?! A fucking wet dream?!"

FUUUCK! Could things get any worse?! Growling under my breath, I got out of bed, avoiding the mess on the sheets, and ran off with clean boxers and cargo pants to shower again. Once I finished, I quickly ran to my room to peel the sheets off the bed and wash them before Joshua came back from wherever he went to.

As the washing machine clunked to life while washing my sheets, I sat on the floor of the laundry room and rested my forehead against my knees. What was I gonna do?

A/N: Whoopee! Another chapter, finally completed! I almost didn't put the wet dream scene in, but I decided to for some extra length on this. I hope you guys liked this chapter! R&R, peeps!