AN: I really, truly don't like it when fics dwell on baby days in SI fics, but hopefully you'll forgive me, since that's only a small part of what's going on and i'm trying to show everything that's going on outside of just Hana's point of view. Family relationships, and all that. They exist, and sometimes they don't start off amazingly.

Edit Jul/12/2016

Edit Jul/27/2017 Beta'd by FreelanceBum !

Word count: 3,627

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Chapter 3 Getting a grip.

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Fucking ninjas.

They were shinobi—god, how many weeks did it take for her to figure that out? Granted, Hana had been pretty blitzed out of her mind for a while, being a baby and all, but dammit, that wasn't the point!

Ninjas. Head protectors. Hidden leaf.

Jesus, even giant pet wolves—Ninken? Who cared—it was real and she was a fucking baby. Somehow. Against every single odd known to man.

No matter how many times she tried to wrap her head around it, Hana couldn't figure it out. It didn't make sense. She hadn't done anything to deserve this wild and unusual punishment. She just woke up one day and everything was different. Now Ninja and magic were real.

God, she just wanted to go home.

But… it didn't matter how much she slept or cried, the world remained the same. She was stuck drinking out of a sippy cup and sucking down various blended meals that tasted like cardboard. On the bright side, sometimes her (new) parents gave her little scraps of meat here and there, so her diet it wasn't all bad, it was steadily improving, so life wasn't completely awful—wait a minute, yes it was.

What was she, some sort of dog?!

Bullshit, that was what it was. Complete and utter bullshit that she had no way of escaping. One could only wallow in self pity and depression for so long before something snapped and lead to anger. After a whole bloody year of bullshit and baby talk, learning an entire new language, she was done. Just absolutely done with everything.

Her babysitter had a hard time looking after her, evidently.

"Hana-chan, what are you—"

CRASH!

Down went the TV. Hana looked up at Hasuki with a dull, empty expression. What are you gonna do about it, punk?

He turned white. "Tsume-sama is going to skin me alive."

Hana shrugged and toddled over to the couch on her stupid, useless baby legs. God, she couldn't even reach the top of sofa on her own. She felt so pathetic.

Picking up her colouring book, she looked down at the lettering on the cover.

She couldn't even read it right. There were instructions and paint by numbers, but she didn't know what any of it meant and she wanted to rip it to pieces.

As days passed by, Hana lay awake at night, thinking about what might've happened to her old family. If her mom was okay, if her dad was able to console her...or if he was just as broken up about her disappearance as she assumed they'd be. She wondered if her little sister was okay, or if she cried herself to sleep at night wondering where her big sister had went, just as much as Hana did, wondering if she'd ever be able to go home. She wondered how her older brothers took her disappearance, and if her friends still thought about her. How long was it before she was forgotten? Did her family have a funeral for her? Did they give up hope?

Would her friends be okay with her disappearance? Would anyone be okay?

Was… she going to be okay?

Thinking about her life and family was absolutely torture, but she couldn't stop. She wondered if it was all a dream or hallucination, but discarded the idea after trying to pinch herself awake a couple dozen times. She wondered if she was crazy for a long time, or if she would eventually end up that way—sure, she felt stable enough at the moment, but she had to hit a breaking point somewhere.

Years stopped feeling the same. The fog in her mind had cleared up, she could think and remember things clearly, but time seemed to go at a different rhythm now. She couldn't ever seem to stay focused in the daytime, but at night, she lay awake with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. The faces of her lost family members met her in her dreams, and at times all she could ever do was just stare off into space, holding onto her blankets until her knuckles went white, just to keep herself grounded.

She had lost so, so much.

It wasn't fair.

Why did it have to be her?

She spent too much time thinking—she missed her old life, her hobbies, god, she missed her dogs, but after two whole years had passed by, she knew she wasn't ever going to see them again.

Saying that she fell into a depression after that was putting it mildly.

Breathing was difficult sometimes. For days on end, she slept in. Even drawing, something she always loved, couldn't help. Everything was just so frustrating and tiresome—she didn't care for the books Tsume bought her. She couldn't read them, no matter hard hard she tried. Everything was different and she hated it.

She just wanted her family back. She missed her old life. Tsume was nice and all, but she wasn't… she couldn't ever replace her real mother. It wasn't the same, Hana didn't want to move on.

She didn't know if she could.

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"Hana! Make a happy face and pose with daddy!"

Click.

Tsume frowned and looked up from her camera, shooting both her daughter and partner a flat look. "It's not a cute family photo if the both of you refuse to smile."

Her Fiancé scowled and put baby Hana back into her highchair, strapping her in. "She isn't interested, don't force her if she doesn't want to have her picture taken."

"Is she really the victim here? Why do i get the feeling that it's you who's getting forced into getting your picture taken?" Tsume raised an eyebrow at him. "Tatsuo, come on, it's not that hard to smile for a couple seconds. When Hana's all grown up, she's going to want some baby pictures where you don't look like you have a massive headache."

"Then that'd be totally out of character," he shot back. In her little chair, Hana watched the two adults with tired eyes and brought her sippy cup to her lips. Her father watched her out of the corner of his eye, but when she set down her cup and slapped his hand away when he tried to spoonfeed her, he sighed and gestured to Tsume. "See? She doesn't want me getting involved."

Tsume scoffed. "That's because you aren't doing it right."

"She doesn't like me."

"Tatsuo." She stared at him, her brows scrunching up. She set her camera down on their kitchen table and lowered her voice. "You have to try a little harder than that—you work seven days a week, she's not going to warm up to you with that attitude."

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at the linoleum floor. "I'm not wrong though, am I? You're obviously the favourite."

Tsume scoffed. "She calls me by my first name. Being the favourite isn't much to boast about."

"So why bother with the photographs?" Tatsuo jerked his head towards the camera. "And the scrapbooking, and the height charts? Why does it matter?"

At this, she was silent. The only sound present came from the new TV they had installed a couple days ago, and the quiet scrap of plastic cutlery as Hana fed herself and watched the flashy new screen.

Tatsuo got up from his chair and shook his head, picking up their empty plates from dinner. "Listen…. Just, I dunno, forget I said anything. Whatever mood Hana's in this time… She'll grow out of it, I'm sure she'll warm up me eventually."

She didn't believe him, watching his back as he went over to the kitchen and placed their dirty dishes in the sink. "You just can't give in so easily—don't throw in the towel just yet."

He sighed, turning on the tap. "I didn't expect you to be the patient one in this relationship."

"We aren't teenagers anymore, I'm capable of a little maturity" Tsume huffed. Hana pushed her empty bowl forward when she finished eating and undid the clip on her highchair, slipping out of the seat before her mother could scoop her up. Tsume bent down to try and fetch her daughter, but the infant crawled under the table before she could reach her. "Hold on, come back here."

"Don't need help," Hana shot back, looking up at Tsume between the wooden legs of the kitchen chairs. Tsume caught her a moment later and Hana yelped, pounding her little fists against Tsume's chest. "Didn't need help!"

Tsume cringed and tucked Hana into the crook of her arm so that she couldn't do much damage. "I don't doubt that, kiddo, but don't you want mommy to sit and watch with you?"

Hana scowled and looked up at her. "You don' like my show."

"Well, uh—"

"Fine, ok, don' care," Hana said impatiently, peering over her shoulder to catch the rest of her program. "Just show me show."

"Tatsuo?" Tsume turned back and glanced at her Fiancé, still doing the dishes. She winced as Hana pulled her hair, trying to direct her over towards the living room. "Just think about what I said, alright? We'll talk about this later."

With a noncommittal grunt, Tatsuo turned off the running water and started scrubbing. "Sure, okay."

Before Tsume could respond, Hana whined and yanked her hair again. "Tsu-tsu, TV!"

She sighed and padded out of the kitchen.

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"I don't understand, Kuromaru, she's been like this for so long now," Tsume muttered outside Hana's door several nights later. "I don't know what's wrong—is it me? Should I… do something different?"

Her ninken gave her a tired look. "Don't put yourself down, it could be anything."

"Maybe I should've stayed off active duty longer," she said, biting her lip.

"You would've gone mad." The canine huffed, poking his nose inside the pup's room. He ignored the way his master scoffed, sticking his head further into the bedroom.

"I think she's dreaming," he said quietly, picking up the way the child tossed in her bed.

"A nightmare," Tsume corrected, opening the door and creeping inside. She kept her footsteps silent and her voice too quiet for the girl to hear. "She's going to be crabby when she wakes up, shit." She grimaced, her hand hovering over Hana's trembling form.

"Let me try, Tsume." Kuromaru offered by the door. The light behind him cast a dark shadow across the room and onto the wall.

It was pretty ominous, and Tsume gave him a skeptical look. "You don't think she'll ask why a wolf is in her room and freak out?"

"She's an Inuzuka, it's in her blood to love dogs." Kuromaru huffed, taking a step inside the girl's room. "Besides, I'm fluffy and adorable."

"No you aren't." Tsume snorted, making her way to the door. "But if you wanna take a shot at it, be my guest."

Hana tossed in her sleep, murmuring some odd phrase he didn't understand. Sleeptalking? That was a new one. Usually, the poor child just snored and cried.

"Human," the canine murmured, using his nose to wake the child up. He wondered if he should speak to the pup, whether or not she would find it jarring.

Outside the clan, humans found it shocking to meet a talking dog—most ninken didn't speak truthfully, and it took many years of practice and strong enough vocal chords to pull off. Often, it was a matter of pedigree in the end. Smaller ninken had a better understanding of language and could replicate it with their smaller and more delicate vocal chords, while larger ninken such as himself struggled. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone, but when he had been paired with Tsume they had both been young, he often found himself utterly confused by the complexity of human culture and language.

"What… a puppy?" Hana murmured in her limited vernacular, roused from her restless sleep.

The child rubbed at her face, blinking up at him with big wide eyes. She was scared and disoriented. He understood that. He also understood that she was learning language just as he once did. It was often frustrating—maybe he could help her out a bit.

"Ninken," he corrected, watching her react to him as he spoke to her. "Play a game with me, it'll take your mind off of the dream. Say what I say."

"Ninken," she copied, with somewhat of a lisp. She had an odd accent, but it was disappearing in time.

He sat down in front of her and rested a paw on the edge of her bed. "Foot."

"Foot…" She looked down at her toes. "What… do you call your foot?"

"A paw." Kuromaru let her reach down to touch his paw on her bed, and he was relieved to see her smile so soon after her nightmare. He looked around her bedroom for some things to name for their little game. "My turn again. Let's see…."

She nodded along with brief understanding. Distracting her from her nightmares was a gradual process, and Hana looked at him funny for naming just about everything that came to mind, but eventually she found some dry amusement in it. Perhaps it was because she was talking to a dog, who talked back and occasionally let himself be pet by her.

Still, she was learning language relatively fast, by ninken standards. Humans too, if what Tsume said was correct. She might've been frustrated because she didn't know how to express herself fully, or because she just wasn't learning every word in the language overnight, but that was common for someone learning a new skill. She had a keen sense of humour and understanding of her surroundings, which became more apparent as she got older, despite how she seemed to put on an act whenever she was around other children her so, other parents took notice, and that got them whispering.

They wondered if she was a prodigy. Of course, all parents hoped their child would be one. If a kid decided that they liked running, their parents would declare that their son or daughter was an athlete. It was harmless boasting, but within the ranks of shinobi parents, there was an extra layer of expectation. All the marks were there—she was exceptionally talented at certain things; art, terrorizing her babysitter. It didn't mean she would end up being a shinobi prodigy or the next Buddha, but… she was smart, and Konoha would inevitably try to use that to their advantage. It was simply how things worked, regardless of Kuromaru's feelings on the matter. She could be a great leader someday. She could be a great anything, really.

He knew humans, though. He knew their ways. They would try to make something useful out of her. He wondered if it was already too late to intervene, or that his teaching he would only hurt her in the end.

But… right now she was still a child and craved kindness, contact. She reached out a cautious hand, just brushing the side of his coat.

"You remind me of the dog from my…. dream," she explained, a pained expression crossing her face. "I don't think I can go back… can you... stay here? Until I sleep again?" She sniffled, wrapping her blanket around herself.

He hesitated, sensing Tsume by the door, but nodded and laid down next to her bed.

Kuromaru still struggled to understand sometimes what humans meant—it might've been just a dream or something truly plaguing the young child, whatever that meant. But... perhaps in the case of nightmares, he got one thing; humans felt better when they received affection from animals. He could ignore his pride for the sake of this pup, at least for tonight.

So, while even the most acclaimed shinobi were denied a pat or token of affection from him, Kuromaru allowed the young child to cling tightly to his fur until the night had passed and she had fallen asleep.

As long as his family was happy, he was content in letting them have their way.

(And he totally was fluffy and adorable, Tsume didn't know what she was talking about.)

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Between her tantrums and bouts of intense depression, there were moments when Hana sat quietly by herself and thought. Or rather, felt.

She didn't notice it at first—being blitzed out of her mind as a baby, with a too small brain to think clearly, but eventually she could feel the presence of her chakra coils inside her. It started off as a stomach ache after lunch with Tsume. It was easy to write off as another example of the woman's bland, tasteless cooking at work, but felt more like a nerve spasm or a menstrual cramp, however ridiculous that might been at two years old. When she pointed it out to her guardian though, the woman gave her a loud chuckle and a toothy grin.

"It's your chakra forming," she explained, pleasantly surprised she had to explain the concept so early. "Most pups your age don't feel it until they're much older—three or four at least."

"What's chakra?" Hana asked, even though she had a general idea of what it meant anyway.

"It's your life energy—everything around us has chakra, from the birds to the trees, even Kuromaru has it."

Hana licked her lips. "What's chakra made of?"

"It's—ugh, made of..." Tsume's grin faltered. Hana was already immediately asking the hard questions. "Chakra is created when physical energy, and spiritual energy are moulded together. Usually inside a shinobi, like me. People can use it to make water flow, or fires burn, cool stuff like that, though it takes a toll on your energy to do so."

"Where does it come from?" Hana pressed. "Can it be grown? Can it be destroyed? Is it alive too?"

Her tone was textbook, as if her mother's tone was copying an old lecture drilled into her brain. "Physical energy comes from each and every cell within the body—while spiritual energy is derived from the minds consciousness." Tumse said, pursing her lips. One question down… "Chakra cannot be artificially grown, but it can be increased in size by an individual, by training or meditation…." She looked into the eyes of her two year old kid.

Yeah, this was all flying over her head.

"I think... It's time to do something else..." She muttered, ushering Hana over to her room. "Have you talked to your toy puppy in a while? I heard he's lonely."

"Puppy is a loner and an alcoholic." Hana looked up at Tsume with an unimpressed stare. "Tell me about chakra."

Tsume frowned. "Alcoholic is an adult word. Where did you hear that word?"

Hana crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. "TV told me. What's chakra do when you die?"

Good lord—Tsume dragged a hand over her face. "Who told you about death?"

Hana frowned deeper. "Books told me. How do some people pass on chakra to their kids if it's just a manifes… manifes… If it's outside chakra found on the inside?"

"Look, if I had all the answers I would tell you," Tsume said, leveling with her. "Even though I know for a fact you can't read and couldn't possibly hear about death from a book I bought you—" Hana turned a bright scarlet. "—and you broke our first TV and aren't allowed to listen to adult shows, I understand. You want to know everything. I know how that feels, but sometimes you have to wait and learn day by day like the rest of us."

Hana seemed to mull the thought over. That, or she hadent understood everything Tsume had just said. Honestly, it was a 50/50 shot.

She seemed somewhat pacified though. "Will you tell me though? Later?"

"Later," Tsume assured her, sighing. She just couldn't win against this kid. "When you start going to school, the teachers there can answer everything, I promise."

Hana pursed her lips. "When will I be going?"

"When you're old enough." Tsume stressed.

Something seemed to bother her though, and Hana nervously looked at the ground.

"Will I be going to ninja school?" She asked quietly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"Most kids with chakra go to the academy, yeah." She nodded, picking up on her daughter's change in attitude. "What are you thinking, kid? Do you not wanna go?"

"I... I don't know." She confessed. "Maybe?"

"That's okay, you can decide if you want. The choice is up to you. " Tsume said easily, tucking her into bed. "You don't have to be a ninja if you don't want to. There's a lot of different opportunities out there for a kid like you—you could be a florist, or a baker, or a vet. It wouldn't change anything."

Now, Hana seemed to watch her with a thoughtful expression. "I don't have to if I don't want to?"

Tsume raised an eyebrow at her. "Not at all. What made you think I'd force you into doing something you don't want to?"

"Oh, uh…" she pursed her lips. "TV said so?"

Tsume sighed. "Next time tv tells you something bad, just smash it again, okay?"

Hana nodded. "Whatever you say, Tsu-tsu."

"Or Mommy, you could call me Mommy too, you know," she said, giving Hana a thumbs up.

Hana didn't go for it. "Kinda awkward." She mirrored Tsume's thumbs up. "Friends instead?"

It… was better or nothing, right? Tsume would take it. "Best friends."

"Give it time," Hana said grudgingly, shooting another bittersweet arrow into Tsume's heart.

God, she'd never win with this kid.

Tsume sighed, shaking her head. "It's fine, I can wait."