I couldn't move. I wanted out. I often felt Dean's eyes on me. He probably felt obliged to do something. He didn't really care. How could he? After all I put him through I'm surprised that he even spoke to me after I fell. I didn't want to cause him any more pain, so I remained where I was and avoided talking and looking at anyone. Only moving to get up and use the bathroom and wash occasionally. I hadn't eaten much, only the food that Dean had made me eat.

I noticed Dean had left the room and got up to use the bathroom. When I came back I laid on the floor. I was exhausted but I didn't want to sleep, so I made myself deliberately uncomfortable, as I had for the past few days. I stared up at the ceiling, still not moving when I heard the door open and Dean return, shifting around, offering food to Sam, eating some food himself. I had completely zoned out again when Dean dropped down beside me, holding out a container of food. I didn't take it. I never did. I heard Dean sigh and I felt another stab of regret to the amount of pain I had caused him.

"Cas, sit up man, you've gotta eat."

So he was going to try and make me. I didn't want to. I didn't deserve anything. I didn't need anything, especially nothing from Dean- I was still embarrassed that he had found me like he did a few days ago.

I rolled over so that my back was facing him. I knew it was rude, but I really didn't want to talk to him, or be forced to eat when all I wanted to do was die.

Dean got up and shifted around to face me. I was preparing to roll over again when he grabbed my shoulder, anticipating my actions.

"let me go Dean"

I had officially lost any fight I had ever had. My voice no longer sounded like my own. I sounded weak.

Dean released my shoulder, I must admit I was a little surprised that he was giving up so easily.

"Cas come on buddy, sit up, let me check your injuries at least."

So he hadn't given up. Damn. I glared at him before shifting into a sitting position with my back against the couch, I hugged my knees and hoped Dean didn't try to talk too much.

Dean was holding out the food to me again. I felt rude but I ignored the offer.

"I don't want to eat, Dean. You said you wanted to check my arm"

I stretched my arm out towards him and allowed him to roll up my sleeve. The worst of the cuts had neat black stitching across them, done by Dean's well-practiced hand. The bandaging pulled at my sore skin as he unwrapped the bandages and I saw Dean's understanding and watched as he tried to be gentler. He pressed a light finger to a few of the cuts before re-wrapping my arm and sitting down next to me. So he wasn't letting up easy today.

"Cas, man, come on, talk to me, you know me. Talking can help. I swear"

Yeah, right. I'm sure. I was done talking, paying attention, I shuffled away from him and pulled my knees closer, indicating that the conversation was over.

He grabbed my shoulder, not as gentle as before, probably trying harder to stop me ignoring him this time. I didn't want to talk to him, especially because I had done so much wrong by him. I gave into the pressure on my shoulder and turned to face him, glaring.

"Why won't you leave me alone Dean?" I spat with a little more venom than I was intending. I voiced my fears in my spiteful words, "It's not like you actually care"

I knew that I had gone to far. He would leave me now. He would be done with putting up with me. Why did I lash out at Dean? I'm not angry with him, I am angry with myself. The hurt was plain on his face and I immediately felt terrible. How much more pain could I cause Dean Winchester?

I was disgusted with myself and I turned away from Dean again. Why did I have to screw everything up?

"Cas, I don't know what to say, you probably won't believe me whatever I say. I do care. Whatever has made you think that I don't care has got it all wrong. Talk to me Cas. It will help. I don't mind what you say, just talk to me."

I considered his offer of having someone to talk to. I didn't show any inclination of it though. I remained exactly as I was. Dean tried again, this time with a more direct suggestion.

"You know you need to sleep, right Cas?"

I did know. I was tired, I had been for the last few days. I hadn't slept since… that night. I toyed with words and how I was going to phrase what I wanted to say.

My words ended up tumbling and stuttering

"I.. I know Dean, its just…I'm tired, but I'm scared..."

I'm sure Dean would know what I meant. Nightmares.

"Cas come on man, just sleep and I'll wake you if you look like your having an issue"

I recognised his offer as sincere and decided to accept it.

"Ok Dean" I whispered

I moved back onto the couch and curled up in the corner, still scared to close my eyes, Dean sat down on the couch as well, giving me a little space, and I felt his eyes on me. I sat for a while like this before I felt Dean move right beside me. I was grateful for his presence. I had to make sure he knew I appreciated that he was trying to help.

All I could seem to say though was, "Thankyou Dean"

Dean stayed beside me and soon I felt my eyelids drooping and I fell into sleep.

Cas had barely moved for three days. He remained sitting on the shabby motel room couch, staring at the wall opposite to him. If I called his name his didn't respond and when I placed a hand on his shoulder he flinched and turned blank eyes toward me, all the life gone. I don't reckon he would have eaten unless I had almost forced food down his throat. Sam was still sick as anything. He stayed in bed, usually sleeping and sometimes getting up to eat. I let him rest. He deserved it. The small motel we were staying in was what we usually found on a hunting trip. A few crappy beds- three in this case, a couch, a small, dirty kitchen and a shitbox of a TV with crappy programs. I didn't want to go back to the bunker- I didn't think Sam would be very happy about travelling and moving him in his condition might cause some problems. Cas didn't seem inclined to move from his current position, let alone go anywhere outside since that night.

I'd picked up some take-out. The store was barely 10 steps from the motel. When I arrived back at the room, Cas had shifted, he was now lying on the floor, but continued his deadpan stare at nothing. I went to Sam's bed to offer him some food, only to discover him fast asleep. I didn't want to disturb him so I put his share of the food is the small hotel refrigerator. I ate quickly, leaning against the kitchen table, watching Cas and trying to decide what to do about his condition. I decided he hadn't eaten in a while.

I picked up the rest of the food, plonking myself down next to Cas on the floor, holding out a container of food. When he didn't accept it I sighed.

"Cas, sit up man, you've gotta eat."

Cas turned his sad eyes toward me, then rolled over, so his back was facing me. I got up and walked to the other side of him, determined to make sure he didn't ignore me. As I sat down I grabbed his shoulder, preventing him from rolling over again.

"let me go Dean."

Cas spoke in a voice so small and broken that I obliged, but I didn't want to give up on talking to him just yet.

"Cas come on buddy, sit up, let me check your injuries at least"

Cas glared at me before pulling himself up and leaning against the couch, hugging his knees.

Well, it was a start.

I offered him the tub of food again, he ignored it.

"I don't want to eat, Dean. You said you wanted to check my arm."

I took his outstreched arm and rolled up his sleeve. I had stiched the worst of the cuts and bandaged his whole arm.

He winced a little as I began to unwrap bandages. I know from experience that it can hurt for several days after.

I noticed that his eyes were following my movements rather than staring into the distance and thought this was a good sign.

The cuts weren't any worse than yesterday, but they weren't very much better either. I shook my head as I re-wrapped his arm in bandages and sat down next to him.

"Cas, man, come on, talk to me, you know me. Talking can help. I swear."

Cas simply pulled his knees closer and shuffled again until his back was facing me.

I grabbed his shoulder, not caring if he told me to get off or lashed out, I wasn't letting go. I pulled his shoulder until he turned to face me again, glaring through teary eyes.

"Why won't you leave me alone Dean," he hissed viciously, "It's not like you actually care."

Ouch. That stung. I did care. Did he really think that?

My hurt must have shown on my face, because his expression changed before he turned his face away from me.

"Cas, I don't know what to say, you probably won't believe me whatever I say. I do care. Whatever has made you think that I don't care has got it all wrong. Talk to me Cas. It will help. I don't mind what you say, just talk to me."

This didn't seem to have much of an affect on Cas. He remained silent and still.

"You know you need to sleep right Cas?"

I didn't think he was going to answer. I could see him trying to decide on something to say.

"I.. I know Dean, its just…I'm tired, but I'm scared..."

I knew what her was talking about. He was scared of nightmares. I knew a thing or two about that.

"Cas come on man, just sleep and I'll wake you if you look like your having an issue"

"Ok Dean" he whispered before curling up in the corner of the couch again. But he didn't close his eyes

I sat for a while before scooting over to sit beside him, so close that our hips were touching.

"Thankyou Dean"

Soon after Cas spoke I noticed his eyelids drooping slightly and he leant into me as he drifted off to sleep.

A/N: Sorry this took a while to upload- i had school and stuff. next chapter should be fairly soon. please review. thanks for reading guys :)