Chapter three

With each next day Sam grew more used to having his brother around. They bickered like they had always done, but it was not hard to move on when Dean fixed the leak in the roof while Sam roasted the best parts of the boar he had caught with Breeze by his side. Even when he had ignored the jab at how he was still a hunter Sam had felt proud that Dean saw that he could more than manage by himself, blindness notwithstanding.

Of course, Dean slept in too… and he was lazy when he could be. Sam though was happy to let him snore on the couch so that he could go for his quiet morning swim. And if, when he came back inside of the lodge, he caught Dean in an absent stare filled with pain he let him have a little more time. Healing came easy here, Sam knew. For him too the place held a certain comfort. No one came past, not humans and not the monsters out to hurt them. Here the mind had space and peace to think.

No, they didn't talk about feelings. Dean never had been good at that, and Sam had long ago learned when silence and unspoken gestures were more effective. Nightmares were not new for them. Sam though sensed that which Dean relived was different this time. Even through the door of his bedroom the sharp but caught short and then muffled cry torn from his brother's throat spoke of grief. Cas… the idea of him lost in purgatory hurt Sam too. Why? How?

"I'm fine." Sam wondered how often he has heard his brother say it and if he's not said it himself a thousand times too. Their pains may be different ones, but they both cope by hiding. The stock of chopped wood has grown at Dean's hand and so has the amount of books Sam has gathered around him since he stupidly stumbled over a tree root.

"Research?"

Sam paused reading when Dean plopped down on the dining chair next to him, not quite having caught the question and its meaning. It took all of his concentration to see the words, and so he finished his sentence first before he allowed for the interruption to distract him.

"But… how?"

Looking up Sam didn't rein in his by demon blood given sense. "Blunt persistence", he said with a shrug. "Slowly, but at least the letters don't move. That helps."

"Geek." At his even darker glare Dean threw up his hands as if to surrender. "Whatever", the gesture said, but Sam too saw the frown and how it eased off under his brother's next unspoken thought. Always a source of action Dean stole his book in a swift move to peek at the cover. "The Hobbit?" He tossed it aside, but a bit too brisk and so the book slid far too fast to the edge of the table.

"Hey, careful!" Sam protested at the abuse of the old, taped together book. Though it wasn't his, and none of the books in the lodge were, he'd been happy when he first discovered it… and later again when he figured out how to use his other sight to read it. The books had provided a lifeline for him. A way to escape from his reality of grief and pain. As such he held them dear still, weathered appearances included. Unwilling to see his favourite one damaged even more Sam reached out his demonic energy on pure impulse to rescue it from toppling to the floor… and snap, it was back in his hands, safe.

"What the…" Dean jumped up, pushing back his chair in his shock.

Belatedly Sam realised he'd used his telekinetic ability, the one he'd kept from Dean for the reason which now stared back at him; fear and something darker almost, his hunter instincts. This gift reminded his brother of the full-blown demons. Some had thrown them both through the air, smashed them against walls and almost broken their bodies in half. Demons too used it to kill, but Sam never would. Not against the innocent. Plus, he knew that his gift wasn't that strong… for which he was glad too. Still, he cringed at the stare of accusation.

"I told you what I am."

"Not of all of your powers."

Dean didn't sit back down, and Sam refused to get up. His leg was hurting him too much still, and worse, he knew that he hadn't been honest with his brother. The cold front he sensed rising even further though reminded him of why he'd felt too afraid to open up about his powers. "Dean, I…" Sam tried to repair the distance falling between them. What if this pushed Dean away for good? Now, when mere seconds ago he'd still felt like they were back to their level of normal, of brotherhood.

"Sammy." His name came out as a sharp warning, but Dean had no follow up to it. At least not a spoken one. Instead he shut down on Sam and the invisible door around his heart slammed back closed in his face. His brother was pissed… but Sam also heard the guilt in that one word. There was something Dean wasn't telling him, didn't want to face for some reason.

Pain be damned Sam got up too, upset and hurt by the lack of understanding. "No. This is it. You trust me, or you don't. This is my house. If I don't get to ask more, I don't have to defend myself either."

Tension spilled out further. Dean opened his mouth, but rather than speak he shook his head. The expected fight drew short to the blurred motion of Dean storming out of the door. By far too loud it slammed back into place behind him…

Too torn by what happened to react Sam blinked at the sound of the Impala engine roaring to life. Should he run after the only family he has left? Sam though stayed frozen where he stood. For two years he didn't have to rein back in his true self. He knew that if they saw what he was people would fear him… but by far worse than he had imagined was the depth of hurt and mistrust he saw in Dean. The big brother he looked up to, even when he was being a pain in the behind sometimes. Why did he not see that Sam was still the same? That his body and soul had always been touched like this. Even as a boy he'd always felt like he was different. Only now did he fully understand how.

The sound of retreat moved away further with each breath, but Sam didn't move. Dean was gone. Not dead, but left by choice, because he was afraid of him. It hurt worse than a punch in the gut. Maybe it would have been better if he… no, Sam knew that he was happier still than he'd been before he had known. Dean was alive, and it was more important to him than anything else. Alone again, but at last he knew where he stood in life, or did he?

- 0 - 0 - 0 -

Thoughts hunted the long night. More than once Sam woke to stare out of the window in regret. He hated fighting with Dean, but worse was that he was missing him already. The lodge felt too empty. What had calmed him before failed to bring comfort. Unable to help it he stood staring at the abandoned couch. Was it too late to fix things?

Dawn crouched back into his life slowly. Sam stared sightless out of the window for long minutes. What if he went after Dean? But to tell him what? Deep down he knew that he was done hiding, but he also dreaded tempting fate. Here no one hunted him. Safe; the word sounded hollow in his mind when he already worried about Dean. What awaited his brother out there? Physical fitness alone wasn't enough on a hunt. Their strength came in numbers, from knowledge, knowhow and from having someone by your side. Dean could fight better than most men. Sam didn't doubt his abilities for a second, but he could also no longer count the times he had to save Dean from the monster… and even himself.

As if sensing his pain over being alone again Breeze nuzzled his hand. Sam met her where she sat on her hunches, looking up at him with wide, yellow eyes of pure trust. "Hey", he answered her offer by scratching the fur between her ears. Her low growl of pleasure came accompanied with the press of her paw against his leg. Happy to have her uncomplicated love Sam knelt to pull her closer to pet her. He grinned when she rolled away from his hands to lie onto her back in her silent request for him to rub her belly. Before he could react though she jumped up, her body tense and her ears turned up sharp towards a distant sound.

"What is it?" Sam froze, hopeful… wondering in spite of himself. Could it be?

Long seconds passed by until at last Sam too heard the roar of an engine closing in on him. There was only one sound like it; the Impala. Dean was speeding down the dirt track in his unique style. Tires digging in, because his brother didn't do speed limits or driving careful well. When he wanted something, he went for it. Sam smiled at how he all but slid the car over the last stretch of mud. One last screech of protesting breaks and every sound torn through the forest crashed to a halt. That was until the door opened… breaking through to Sam's mind. Dean was here!

Eager to get to his brother and not let him leave this time Sam walked outside on his bare feet. The shadowed shape of Dean sat perched onto the hood of his car, waiting… tense, and yet driven, breathing of energy. "Dean?" He closed the distance.

Dean didn't wait long to speak. "Truth is, I don't always know evil from evil anymore and it scares me. Back in purgatory I was almost done for. Five against one, but Benny, he evened the odds. Fought with me and had my back for every fight which came after it. It didn't matter what I was or that he hasn't been human in decades. Sammy, a vampire helped me find the doorway back to you. I know, I should want to cut off his head now that we are here, but I don't, and I can't bring myself to end the life of a friend. All I have that I can be sure of is how to be me, a hunter, and a brother. But you…"

"What of me?" Sam perched next to his brother on the still warm hood of the car with a frown. Now he saw what had changed him. A freaking vampire of all dark creatures had helped bring him back to Sam. Where Dean was always so rigid about monsters and offering them no redemption before he'd learned differently out of necessity. It hurt Sam to think that for a few darker souls it was too late, but maybe fate had intervened for them both with reason. It had brought them together here, more aware of how monsters too knew shades of grey, for how long or short it was to last anyway. Would it make them better hunters?

"I thought you had given up. Abandoned everyone."

"You mean you?"

"And Kevin."

Sam winced at the name of the prophet, the younger man whom they couldn't save from demon hands and had to leave behind in their mess of two years ago. He hated to think that he'd almost forgotten him. That in his desperate need to survive and live on he had let another suffer. But wasn't it always so? He was but one man and he had trusted that other hunters would step in where he could not anymore. Was he wrong though?

Before Sam was able to voice his regrets Dean added, "When I first saw you, I believed I understood why you hadn't answered any calls, but last night I wasn't so sure anymore. Those powers… you're far from useless, Sammy. Join me and you will see that we can make a difference again."

"Can we? Dean, I can only sense what is around me, nothing more. Smells, sounds and half of my sight restored on a good day. I can't see much when I move, drive or run. Heck, I can't even do that anymore, because of my hip."

"So? I am not asking you to run into hell with me."

"Then what are you asking?"

"To be my brother. Spells, research and if need be a touch of your inner demon. We have always been stronger together."

Sam stared at Dean, confused over the last part, which had come out faster. "Last night you couldn't get away fast enough…"

"Once I started to think I didn't get far", Dean shrugged. "Fear is a bitch. Like you, I am so tired of it, Sammy. I should not have to be afraid of family, not when there is only one left. Powers are one thing. You though, I know you… or I least I think I do. And for better or worse I trust you to have my back. Promise me…"

"I can't, Dean." Sam didn't let him finish.

Dean too cut in fast. "Can't or won't?"

Sam smiled at his brother's impatience. "I can't watch you run in alone, is what I meant. Not without going in too."

"Ah."

The small sound of disappointment and yet understanding too touched something inside of Sam, an emotion which he had tucked away deep to protect himself. This was Dean asking, almost apologising, and even after two years apart Sam knew what it had taken for his brother to drive back to him to open up about something he wasn't all ready to face. And in that moment too he could only be honest too. Not for Dean, well… maybe in part, but for himself. The life he always said he wanted was not whom he was in his core. He was a hunter, like Dean.

Choice made he said, "You need to be my eyes."

"I can do that", Dean promised him with a small smile, which widened when Sam continued.

"You need to give up on the no dog rule."

"Meh, she's a wolf."

"Give me five to pack?"

"You have it. And Sammy? Put on some shoes too."

- 0 - 0 - 0 -

With a lighter heart Sam packed his bag. All he needed were minutes, because since his life had always been reduced to being on the road he didn't own much. In truth the lodge no longer felt like home to him. Strange how well he'd pushed aside his old self until Dean had returned. Now he had purpose again, a reason to drive across the states. Even his demon half itched to get out there and do what he felt born to do; helping people.

Passing by the dining table Sam picked up the book held together by sticky tape and old memories, not all his own. On a whim he tucked it in his bag. Though he knew most of The Hobbit by heart he hated to stop reading halfway, plus it was the best portable memory he could think of to take along for the rest of his life. No, he'd never forget the lodge. It stood for two years of healing… of the break he had needed before he could run back into his old life again and of his reunion with Dean.

Sam headed for the door outside without regret. It was time to face the world. Whistling loudly into the forest for Breeze to join him he tugged on a pair of faded boots, put on his coat and headed outside, closing the door behind him. By the time he'd thrown his bag in the trunk a wet nose sought out his palm as a greeting. In answer to the quiet gesture of how Breeze was ready to follow him everywhere he went Sam curled his fingers in the fur on her neck. "Come… jump in, Girl." He opened the back door for her, smiling when she wasted no time to follow his order.

From across the car he saw how Dean stood watching the both of them. Sam grinned to himself, aware of how his brother always fussed over the car. "She doesn't bite… much." Feeling his way to the passenger door Sam added, "But hurt her and I am gone."

Dean was fast to recover. "You two should get a room."

Sam stuck out his tongue before he got into the car. His brother didn't fool him anymore. Over the last week and through his demon senses he had seen Dean pet Breeze when he wasn't paying any attention to what he was doing. Fears always calmed down in the long run, unless there truly was something to stay afraid about. Sam had no doubt though that the main reason why Dean accepted a wolf moving into his car was due to his needs to keep her close. Then again, any being with a good soul who stood in their corner was family to his brother, and as such a few dirty paw prints only added to the history of the Impala their father had bought before they were even born.

"Drive." Sam said when he felt Dean's eyes on him from the driver's seat.

"Where to?"

"You've been out there, so you tell me."

"All right. I've found your phone and listened to the four dozen or so messages Kevin left you." Before he could feel all too guilty for having lost the phone and letting down someone because of it Dean continued to lay out his plan. "Gotta give him credit. The kid escaped from Crowley and his demons. From the messages I know where he was last, but he sounded spooked and must have run on. We need to go there and pick up his trace before the demons grab him, Sammy. Figure out where he may have gone to and make sure that he is safe."

"Agreed."

Dean wasted no time to start the engine. He stepped on the gas, hard, to speed off onto the dirt track. Not before long rock music from decades long gone filled the car. Sam grinned to himself when he heard Dean attempt to sing along with the song. Though he would never tell his big brother this, he had missed the sound of the out of tune effort. This was what he'd grown up with, to Dean being, well… Dean.

Breeze though seemed far less amused. She growled from the back seat, then changed her mind and howled as if attempting to sing along too. Sam laughed when in answer Dean glared at her through the rear-view mirror.

"What?" Sam teased him with an elaborate shrug meant to suggest that he didn't blame her for acting out.

"Two against one, huh?" His pout held no leverage, because he could not hang on to it for long enough. Grinning with mischief, Dean turned up the volume to sing along even louder and more off key than before. Driven out by his energy Breeze barked to mark out her place in the pack of three.

Sam whimpered at the resulting cacophony of sounds. It was too much! Sound, sights and smells exploded in his brain. Only when he used his telekinetic power to slam the radio to a halt was he released from the onslaught of stimulae even his demon half could not process fast enough. "Dude… my senses. Have some mercy." Reaching out to the back seat he told Breeze with a sharp grasp around her leg to calm the hell down too.

"Never." Dean shook his head while he took a sharp turn to head onto the asphalt road out of the national park. Speeding onwards well over the set limit he faced Sam. "This counts for you both though. You damage my car and I will kill you."

"I know."

Blessed silence fell over them, companionable and familiar. Sam didn't look back once, not even when they drove past the signpost which told them of how they were leaving the national park. Hours on the road and state borders ahead awaited them. Sam didn't mind it. Now that he was healed, he found that he wasn't afraid to be out here after all. Not with Dean by his side.

Whether people liked it or not he was human too. He refused to keep on hiding, because a hunter did what he had to do to fight for another day. If anything, he had to continue what he'd started. Kevin needed him back on the case again now that he was strong enough to help him, and others too would one day come to depend on his skills, even when they didn't know it yet. He'd prove those who'd ever feared him, and those who might in future, wrong. Sure in that knowledge Sam rested his head against the window to let the constant roar of the engine lull him to sleep.

THE END