The Mirror Lied

Chapter Three

Life went on as usual without Takano Masamune. He ignored his calls, he took no notice of his persistent knocking on the door and avoided him best as he could in the morning. Although he had caught him in the train station around a week ago Takano had called after him but it was too late as Ritsu pretended he didn't hear and boarded quickly on the train. There was this brief feeling that it was pretty easy to tell Ritsu was trying to do a runner away from him, he prayed he wouldn't see him again and that he would give up on pestering him.

It was friday night and it looked like Takano wasn't in since his lights were off. Ritsu breathed a sigh of relief, he was off the hook thankfully. He had a quick ready meal, caught up on last-minute work and then stripped down to have a nice hot bath. He knew he shouldn't but he always kept his phone close to him, he heard it vibrate on the hamper beside the sink. He'd read it when he got out; Ritsu pulled a face seeing the large crack on its screen and sunk deeper in the water. It could only be Takano-san, he didn't understand why he wanted his attention so much, they were sort of friends and friends drifted away all the time.

"Let it be Takano, you hurt me once and hell you're not going to do it again."

Ritsu sloppily grabbed his flannel slapping it on to his legs running it from his ankle to the top of his thigh. Course, he had to wash down 'there' at least. He couldn't stand touching himself, Ritsu didn't feel the vagina in-between his legs belonged to him. He rushed it and slammed his thighs closed then washed under his arms and neck.

"Why do I have to feel like this? Why do you always make me feel.. like this?"

After finishing his bath Ritsu dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He felt dehydrated, needing a glass of water and almost forgot his phone in the process of getting a drink.

"Still on for that coffee at Starbucks? I'll buy you that pumpkin spiced latte you mentioned you like."

He grimaced at the text and angrily wrote back a reply being "Go away" which made him feel slightly guilty but he was sick of men hassling him. Ritsu just wanted the world to stop for a good moment or two, just so he could properly think without cracking up or bursting into a fountain of tears. He didn't know what he really wanted which was on one hand to be loved then on another to be left alone feared of rejection.
"But if I don't take the first step then I'll never get anywhere, even if he hurts me again-" He took a shuddered shaky breath and slowly exhaled before sipping his drink. "Maybe he has changed? M-Maybe he won't care.. But then who says he'd fall in love with me again? It isn't as if we have to date.. We could just be friends."

Ritsu contemplated on contacting Takano for the rest of the weekend in-fact he had actually grown a pair enough to go to his front door but just before he knocked that sinking feeling ate him up once more and returned back to his apartment.

The texts and phone calls from Takano died down then stopped all at once. He fiddled his thumbs at work during lunch break, eyeing up his cracked phone (also knowing he should get it repaired soon before it busted completely) and fingered the man's contact. Even Saeki-san noticed however she didn't mention anything but give him a sympathetic smile knowing something wasn't right and bought back Ritsu a delicious Anpan* cake after she'd nipped out to the shop.

There was also that one voice mail from his mother asking if he wanted to come to dinner this Sunday to 'catch up'. Ritsu snorted under his breath, he mentally noted to politely decline that request when he got home later. It was no 'catching up' instead a mouthful of abuse and lectures while his father sat back too chicken shit to stand up to his wife. But yet, he would fight and bawl with her when it came to the company.

"Is everything okay?"

Carefully he met her eyes beside him Ritsu smiled but they both knew it was false.

"Don't force yourself-" She said. "Something has happened hasn't it?"

"It's nothing big just.."

"Just what?"

He really wanted to tell Saeki the truth, the whole damn truth. Who he was, what was underneath and the past. Ritsu feared what she would say and if even they remained friends then after that. Since, Saeki came on to him Ritsu knew she may feel uncomfortable around him since he wasn't really, well, fully male. But he was male, Ritsu was a grown man and was sick of hiding so why did he keep doing it to people who tried to let him in.

He ignored her question and after work Ritsu offered to buy dinner for her to which she squealed excitedly. They ended up somewhere not too far from the company, it was nice and not too expensive.

"Want to try some of mine?" Saeki gestured her chopsticks to her food but Ritsu kindly said no.

"It's been ages since I've gone out to dinner, properly-" Seeing the funny way Saeki-san looked at him made him self-conscious. "W-With a friend!"

"You need to get out more Ri-chan, you know I'm always happy to have you company! You just seem.. so introverted and even lonely sometimes, why is that?"

Ritsu chewed nervously on his meat and swallowed.

"Hm?"

"What are you hiding from me Onodera?" The use of his family name hit him sharp, even her eyes were sharp but concerned obviously. "You can tell me anything you know, I'll never judge you, you're my friend."

Ritsu dropped his utensils and clenched his hands into tight balls underneath the table on his lap. He was terrified, yet he wanted to let her know, if he got this over and done with there would be no more hiding from her. She seems understanding, also Saeki-san said she wouldn't judge him but that could just be a nice way to lead him out of his shell before laughing right in his face.

"How do you always r-read my mind like that?" Ritsu huffed.

"So there is something then? Is it to do with Takano-san?"

Shyly he nodded. "Partly, b-but that isn't- no it's everything to do with him-"

"Actually, you don't have to tell me, I apologize I shouldn't bully you into telling me anything you don't want to-" She smiled gently at him. "Let's just enjoy the rest of the evening! Oh! Lets get some desert too, earlier I saw the banoffee pie on the menu! It looks delicious! You like lemon cake right? I'm sure they have that as-well."

"Saeki-san" Ritsu called her name in a timid voice, almost sounding feminine, she instantly looked back at him.

"Mm?"

"Thank you for being my friend,"

At that moment he became teary-eyed and cried there in the middle of eating. Saeki-san had to lean across to wrap her arms around his neck and humor him to stop crying because 'everything was going to be okay'. Ritsu wished everything was okay, but Saeki-san was always in her own world where everything was dandy sugar and candy.

In the end he decided not to tell her. It wasn't the right time, the scenery and atmosphere didn't feel comfortable. She understood, though she acted like she forgot but Ritsu knew she hadn't but she never mentioned anything after that.

It was a quiet Sunday afternoon in which left Ritsu nervously waiting at a booth table in the corner of Starbucks with a latte. He was supposed to be on a 'meet-up' with the man who had constantly been pecking his head in for the past fortnight.

It wasn't the first time he'd done this, still that didn't mean he wasn't allowed to be anxious meeting someone off this internet like this. Other people would be on his case telling him that it was dangerous and stupid to be meeting a man who didn't even have a picture of himself on his profile. Then, nor did Ritsu whom only had a picture of a cat with glasses on in a little tuxedo. Bored, he looked at the picture, Ritsu loved cats it was a shame they didn't like him back though. He actually never even liked cats before he met Saga also known now as Takano Masamune who had that small kitten.

That had Ritsu thinking whether he still had the cat but it was well over ten years now surely it was very old or gone at the most. It was a nice cat, black and white with wide golden eyes that loved to nibble on your fingers a lot. But he could not remember its name only that it was black, white and a tom.

"He's late"

However, now that wasn't exactly a bad thing Ritsu was glad he was late that way he could collect up his nerves before he exploded. Then again he hoped he didn't show up so he could go home. Sadly, he felt his phone vibrate and the text message made his throat swell.

"Where are you? I'm already here,"

Ritsu peered behind his phone and looked over at the queue from a far slowly piling up with more people.

"NO!"

There in-front of two giggling teenage girls was the person he had avoided for the past god knows how many weeks now. He couldn't believe it, Takano was here. However, it may just be that he came here often and had some free time to kill but it was awfully fishy how he was pattering away on his phone only to then receive another message.

"You are at the Starbucks near the station, right? Answer, because I'm about to order."

Ritsu rolled his eyes, only Takano could be that pushy. He had to respond though, he found himself replying gradually, one character at a time.

"I'm here"

He watched as Takano typed back immediately. "Where?"

He could leave now, all he had to do was run out the door and never see him again. Curses, how on earth did the man he'd been speaking to online turn out to be Takano.

Too lost in his own thoughts he hated how quick the barristers were behind the counter today. Usually, they were slow as anything when you waited but now that Ritsu was in such a panic Takano had to be served his drink super quickly.

Slowly Ritsu slipped out of the booth, grabbing his bag and throwing it over his shoulder however he had already been spotted.

"Onodera?"

Gradually he turned seeing Takano standing on his left looking wide eyed at him. He probably couldn't believe it either, fate was stringing them both together. It was so cruel, Ritsu didn't understand what he did to deserve this.

"Oh.. Hello Takano-san," He never looked at him instead at his sneakers and gave a small wave.

"You're here too?"

Well, duh.

"Yes, I was just leaving so-"

"You haven't by any chance been waiting for anybody, have you?"

"No, I was just here to read, I'll be on my way now."

"Liar"

Ritsu gave him such a frown. "Excuse me?"

"You're a liar, it was you wasn't it I've talked to? I figured it out ages ago anyway-"

He so wanted the ground to eat him up, his face was burning bright red now that he'd been found out.

"W-Whatever-"

"Let that be a lesson for leaving your phone hanging around, I mean I was surprised too at first but how else would I contact you? Knowing you'd shut me out."

"I never.. I never shut you out okay.."

"Then lets chat."

It wasn't the best road to a conversation, Takano-san acting as if nothing happened between them both and Ritsu just desperately trying to leave. Takano had ordered and bought him another latte including a cake to try to get a smile out of him at least.

"So why have you been avoiding me? No half assef excuses either."

"I h-haven't-"

"Bollocks."

"Look, I've been busy I apologize for not spending time with you? But work has just been overbearing, it's been worst than usual and I am struggling with personal issues right now so please just drop it."

"Considering you had time to go out for dinner the other night with that woman-" Takano watched the way Ritsu froze giving him the 'how did you know' look. "You have plenty of time then, didn't you?"

"That was work"

"I'll bet-"

"How do you even know? Y-You're not stalking me are you?"

Takano nearly spat out his coffee. "The hell?! I was out myself with an author, I saw you and her head into a restaurant."

"Why are you so pissed off that I haven't been around? It's not as if.. You know.. We're close or anything.." Ritsu looked away out the window, his mood worsened seeing the small droplets land on the glass and it didn't take long for down pour to arrive.

"Because I like spending time with you, so sue me for enjoying myself geez." He muttered beneath his cup.

Pursing his lips Ritsu hated his current kindness and that according to Takano he liked being around him. It was true, he felt the same but knowing he was his ex-boyfriend hurt. It did have him wondering just what he would say if he found out who he really was. It seemed as if he had never forgotten, if he remembered the library scenario then he would know that he once dated someone who was trans.

They could be friends, the pair of them could make it work they didn't have to sleep together to be pals. He gave up, as it seemed he was unable to outrun this guy.

"How have you been Takano-san?"

Perking up at the spark of conversation Masamune placed down his cup and amenably grinned.

"I'm well, Onodera?"

"Likewise-" He snapped.

"Would you like another drink?"

It was hopeless since Ritsu was easily whisked away by him. They chatted for hours, somehow they ended up going to a movie theater and winding back at Ritsu's place after Takano grabbed a six pack from the convenience store on the corner.

"Are you sure it's okay to be downing alcohol Takano-san? You have work tomorrow,"

He shrugged carelessly. "I've felt worse before today, one drink won't hurt, just help yourself."

"I'll have one-"

"Can you not hold your liquor well?"

"Y-Yes I can I'll have you know! I have work in the morning and I want to present myself well unlike yourself!"

"I could do with going into work cheerful for a change,"

"Y-You could get into trouble-"

"Pfft, as if Isaka would give a rat's ass, I mean as long as I get the job done eventually then it shouldn't matter and I know for a fact he drinks in his office anyway."

"You're setting a bad example," Ritsu whined.

"I can guarantee you the whole office would join in if they could." Takano chuckled at Ritsu's horrified expression. "You're such a little apple polisher Onodera, you know I prefer it being the two of us."

The younger man's heart raced in his chest and butterflies fluttered in his gut uncontrollably. "I see"

"Your place however is kind of a wreck," He said while looking around. "I wasn't going to say anything at first but it's best to be honest."

"O-Oi! Don't just say that type of thing when you're in someone's home!"

"Oh yeah, let me guess you were busy."

"Yes.." He grumbled as he didn't take too kindly to Takano's tone much.

"So you too were scouting around on online dating websites, I didn't think you were the type to do that sort of thing." He said taking another mouthful.

"I-I wanted to see what they were like since everyone talks about them at work-" Even though they didn't, he was certain Takano could see past that though.

"You know," Takano sighed. "When we first met, I was kinda sure we knew each other because you remind me of someone, like a lot."

"Eh?"

Now this was interesting.

"There was this guy, we were close in school but we went away suddenly-"

"No, please don't bring this up."

"Remember me telling you about that stalker in the library? Well, I didn't even get to say goodbye, by the way you're not uncomfortable where this is heading right? I mean, your clearly stated what you were looking for online so I am only assuming you're into guys too?"

Ritsu's cheeks were on fire but he proceeded to nod his head.

"Actually, forget it."

"He's giving up that easily?"

"You just remind me of him, sorry."

"Did-" He couldn't believe that he was about to ask this but he wanted to know with such need it hurt. "Did you love him?"

Now even Takano thought on this for a good few minutes; Ritsu watched him pitifully play around with the near empty can in his hands and tug off its top.

"He wasn't the first person I have dated, but I can assure you he was my first love."

Looking back to Ritsu he snickered a laugh. "Stupid, right?"

No it was not stupid at all, it was practically ridiculous but a good ridiculous. Ritsu's hands were shaking, he had to put down his drink before he spilled it all over the show. His eyes were stinging with tears, he knew he would begin to cry if he didn't bail now. Standing up he muttered how he was just going to the toilet and wouldn't be too long because after all they had guzzled down drinks all day.

Sitting there on the toilet Ritsu wiped at the tears in his eyes; the last time he felt so overwhelmed and dazed like this was when he was that love-sick fifteen year old boy. Now there he was, crying over the same person. It didn't help at all, Ritsu didn't know if Takano had feelings for him still, but he had loved him whether a part of him still did was questionable. He wanted to run at him now, forget everything and just run into his arms so they could pick up from where they'd left off.

His eyes were still puffy and red when he returned to the living room. Takano noticed straightaway otherwise he wouldn't have asked "Onodera, what's wrong?"

"N-Nothing,"

"I know there is so don't lie," He said sternly. "Are you not feeling well again?"

Lying, it would be wise to tell him now.

"I-I-"

"Onodera"

Two large arms snaked around his quivering form holding him tightly while he cried. Ritsu hid away at first, scared, but until Takano leaned further inwards and the embrace tensed he managed to get the younger man calmer. As he nuzzled into his chest it alarmed Ritsu knowing just how much Takano had grown in comparison to himself who hadn't spouted a lot since school.

Leisurely Ritsu pulled away as he did he felt Takano perch a hand under his chin and tilt his head backwards to have a better view of those large watery green eyes. He smirked sweetly then draped his thumb underneath Ritsu's bottom lip.

The small gap between them closed and their lips shortly met. Takano was the first to take initiative just like he had been back then. Always the first to make the move, Ritsu would follow as usual.

His lips were soft, slightly chapped but loving. They were perfect, utterly amazing. The kiss deepened, Ritsu enjoyed how it was so adoring, the last time he had asked to use his tongue but this was better. His tongue came not long after, prodding into his lips and swaying with his own. Ritsu explored his own mouth, tasting the bitter-sweet mixture of coffee and alcohol.

Large masculine hands traveled down Ritsu's sides and underneath his shirt but it was too late because Takano had already felt his binder.

"Hey.. Onodera.." He whispered against his lips.

Ritsu was petrified, he couldn't even get the words out of his mouth.

"What is that?"

"W-What?" He asked sounding stupid.

"Underneath your shirt, it feels like-"

"N-Nothing? I don't know what you're talkin- ST-STOP!"

Takano dragged him right back into his grip; hands roaming under his top and rummaged along the binder. Then quickly began to feel up Ritsu's front who pleaded and begged him to stop as he tried hard to push him off.

"S-Stop! Takano-san stoppit!" Ritsu screamed at the top of his lungs. "G-Get the hell away from me!"

He didn't need anymore information because this was definitely the icing on the cake. A very hurt expression plastered on the older man's face, he jumped back from Ritsu like he'd touched a blazing flame.

"You knew didn't you"

The growl in Takano's voice made him flinch.

"I-I can explain.."

"No, save it."

Takano stormed over to the sofa collecting his jacket and made his way to the door. Ritsu tugged on his sleeve but was shoved off him.

"You.. I.. I can't.." was all Ritsu muttered, too lost for anything to properly say.

"Why didn't you just tell me? All you do is lie."

"What was I supposed to do?" Ritsu's voice shook. "I was afraid, I'm sorry."

"Just give me some time, okay?"

"O-Okay.."

That was the last time he spoke to Takano for at least six months. The two saw one another whether it was at the station, at Lawsons on the corner or the library. Onodera wanted to speak, he wanted to say anything even if it was about the weather or work but Takano-san needed space.

"After all, wasn't I the one ignoring him a few months back?" He thought miserably.

Now he knew how it felt to be neglected or was it the worst of the worsts; was Takano-san rejecting him? Maybe so, Ritsu didn't blame him though.

"He doesn't need me, I was stupid enough to let him in again."

After finishing work one evening he grabbed a quick bento meal for dinner, same old, same old and traveled home. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the tall dark figure sat outside his door.

As much as he wanted to rejoice and start asking questions Ritsu decided to keep it neutral and gave a simple "Good evening" to him.

Takano didn't look at him as he pulled himself up from the door. He tucked his hands deep into his pockets and walked around Ritsu for him to be able to get inside his apartment but obviously he wanted to talk.

"I've been thinking-" He started.

"Hm?"

"About you, I've thought about you everyday for the past.. fuck knows how many months now-" sighing he looked Ritsu in the eyes. "Can we talk? If you haven't got time then-"

"Yes!"

Both were startled at just how demanding he sounded but it was an improvement at least. "Yes.. Takano-san please talk, I want to talk a-about everything-"

Shifting around on edge Takano gestured to both the doors. "Yours or mine?"

Ritsu looked down at the plastic bag in his hand then to Takano who was patiently waiting. "Yours.."

Screw it, dinner could wait.