Part Three. Tell me if this is still good, or if it's just bleh. I'll try and get on with the fourth chapter as soon as possible. Christmas time, isn't a barrier for me.
That same afternoon, Shinji walked into the flat, closing the door behind him. He took off his shoes and was greeted by Pen-Pen. Instead of ruffling the penguins' hair though, the Third Child just walked straight on to his room, changed the tape inside from Salieri to Rachmaninov and laid down on his bed. He tried not to let himself think too much, but the same thoughts were still there, and the same red headed german was still prominently featured in them. He tried fast forwarding to the climax of the song, to concentrate on the different music lines in the movement, but the overall emotion of the piece got the best of him. He stopped the tape and angrily ripped out the headphones from his ears, sitting upright again. He decided he'd get up and cook for himself and Misato when she came home, since Asuka wouldn't be there. He felt mixed towards that thought. On one hand, it was peaceful without her. On the other, dinners just didn't feel the same without the loud and angry Second Child at the table complaining. However, the memory of her saying 'God, you're so pathetic when you huddle up and say "gomen' like that. It makes me want to puke!' just killed any sentiment in Shinji's mind at that moment, and he decided to cook. It always helped him to clear his mind completely. Before that however, the telephone rang. Shinji went to pick it up.
"Hello, Katsuragi residence"
"I know my own number Shinji, don't worry. I'm calling to say that I'm going to be pulling another all-nighter at NERV. So don't bother cooking for me, I'll manage to eat something here."
"Ok Misato."
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, right?"
"Right."
"Hey, what's wrong Shinji, you don't sound so-"
He hung up, suddenly very angry. After he calmed down, he proceeded to walk towards the kitchen, ready to cook for himself. However, he had lost his appetite. He just sat down on the table, playing with the knife from the cutlery he had set out for himself. After twirling it in his hand for 20 minutes or so, he got up, pocketed the knife and walked into his room. Anyone walking past him could have sworn they heard him say: "Are you leaving me alone here too, Misato?"
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After dinner with the Horaki's, Asuka left their house, and walked to the train station to go home. She had decided she would help Hikari see Touji on Saturday, and would have to talk to a few people in NERV tomorrow. They wouldn't deny such a small request from her, because she was the great Asuka Langley Sohryu, and she got her way, all of the time. However, there was one main thing at the back of her mind on that walk to the train station. One that was always there, and she managed to repress every day. But something had happened then at Hikari's that had amplified it, and now it wouldn't leave her alone. She violently shook herself, trying to remove that feeling from her mind.
That feeling was a feeling of being abandoned and being alone. And with that came a feeling of wanting it to stop. But she did not want to say how. The mere thought enraged her.
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That night, Asuka dreamt again. She was in front of the apartment building. It was night. She realized she was able to control her movements, and suddenly had a strange urge to walk. She went into the buildings' small garden, and she sat down on a bench. Then she realized there were people sitting opposite her. One of them was crying, and the other was listening to the former, and comforting her as much as he could.
"I just thought that maybe I had a chance. I thought she actually wanted to be with me. The way she looked at me was so wonderful, it made me feel alive. I wanted those eyes on me, loving me. But now she probably just hates me! She must think I'm a freak! Oh god, I feel so awful!" Said the one that was crying. She sobbed for a while more while the one comforting her held her for a while more, slightly massaging her back.
Asuka had mixed feelings about that scene. She was disgusted by the overall image of weakness in a human being, finding those people inferior to herself. But at the same time, she wanted to break down just like the person in front of her, and most of all, she wanted someone to hold her just like that. She felt angry. But at the same time, incredibly sad and alone. Then, the other figure spoke softly:
"I don't know much about feelings. I don't have anyone for myself. But somehow, I get the feeling she just has a great sense of guilt, and she doesn't want that to affect you. 1 think its because she cares for you that much is the reason she rejected you. She doesn't think you are a freak. She probably thinks of herself as undeserving of you, and wanting to protect you from herself."
"But I don't care! All I want in this miserable life where I could cease to exist any day, is to be able to die having been in her arms!"
"Maya, I think that that is her deepest desire too. But she probably just has a lot of guilt she has to work through to be able to see that. You need to make it clear to her that you don't care about the guilt, and that you want to help her with it. Maybe that way, she'll realize that she wants you too. And it might take her some time to be able to feel for you, but I really think you should give it another try. You of all the people in the geofront do not deserve to feel this way. You are an amazing, beautiful person that only deserves the best, Maya. Don't settle for any less."
She silently cried for a while more in the comforter's arms. But after a while, she said:
"Thank you, Shinji."
And then Asuka forgot all of her angry feelings, and felt very alone and confused. No matter how hard she tried not to feel it, she wanted to be in Shinji's arms, telling him how she felt, and be comforted just like that. She was so alone, and it hurt so much.
Shinji then looked up, straight at Asuka. She felt a few tears roll down her cheeks. These weren't the usual tears she shed when she missed her mother. This was a whole new level of loneliness, one that struck deeper inside than before. She called out to him from in front of him:
"Shinji!" She half yelled, half sobbed. But Shinji just looked back down at Maya. Asuka tried calling his name one more time, but he didn't look up again. He couldn't see her, or hear her.
She laid down on the bench, and wept. In the real world, she was crying, and mumbling something like "Shinji, hold me. Shinji, don't let me go."
She was broken. It was only a shame that she couldn't see that in the plain of reality and had to deal with it in her dreams.
Please review, so I can stop writing it if you don't like it. Plenty more suffering ahead, but you will all be rewarded.
Thanks for reading,
-Alejandro
