*cue The Lion King opening music. I actually have this as a ring tone on my cell – it's my alarm. Begin narration*
Roy was glad to start second grade. He would get to see all the pretty girls again… except that one girl who lived at the orphanage with the Elric's. She punched him once last year when he tried to ask her out. He never even bothered to learn her name. So he idly picked his nose while waiting for the stupid school bus. As luck would have it, he had to sit by Barry the Chopper, who missed first grade because he got the swine flu and shit little piggies for a year. The mass murderer incessantly asked the pyro if he could cut him up, but the almost-kinda-sorta-not really-but-almost colonel refused. Then Roy asked Barry if he wanted crack, but Barry declined politely. So Roy snorted crack and passed out while Barry played with razor blades.
Winry and Rose skipped merrily to school, escorted by their buddies Robin Hood (the fox) and Kangaroo Jack. Robin and Jack got in a fight and shot each other with big bazookas they pulled out of each other's asses. Winry skinned the corpses and Rose cooked them and they spent the entire day on the sidewalk, feasting on fox and kangaroo meat.
Riza and Sheska thought it would be fun to be ninjas instead of reading books and crap all the time, so they went around acting like Naruto and Sasuke ad skipped school because they started a game where they pissed off drivers stuck in traffic even more than they already were for being stuck in traffic and now they were going to be late for the big meeting to decide what other budgets they were going to cut from schools so the drivers used their kick-butt Transformer cars to chase Riza and Sheska. Then the Deceptacons and their new ally Sailor Moon attacked and all hell broke loose and every one forgot about school and budget cuts cuz it was like they were in a Transformer movie, only Shia LeBouf wasn't there which made the author only the smallest fraction (like, one gazillionth) of a bit sad, but she's okay because she's getting over her illness and is writing a stupid fanfiction.
The Homunculi all cut class the minute school started and snuck to the bathrooms to get wasted, so there's not much to say there. They got drunk and stuff happened. Use your imaginations, people!!
Izumi, who was their teacher yet again and probably will be for the remainder of this story, was at home vomiting blood everywhere, so Coach Armstrong was the sub.
Scar, Yoki, Russell, and Lin were still writing dirty fanfictions abut you know who already so I don't think I should have to mention it every single time.
Lanfan was still in the hospital after cutting off her arm while brushing her hair last year because she liked how the place smelled. May Chang didn't show up because she and Xiao Mei kidnapped Fletcher. They ran off before the author could ask what they were going to do, so I really have no story there. Hmm…
Breda the Bus Driver found a high Roy slumped over in the back seat of the bus, mumbling random crap about pirates, so he left him there and went to join Hughes, Maria Ross, Fuery, Fallman, Fuhrer Wrath, Coach Armstrong, and Psiren in the teachers lounge because they were going to have a Guitar Hero tournament and he wanted to win the prize – a dysfunctional robot named Gir and his alien pet named Zim.
Ed, Al, and Christin also cut school because they wanted to go see Napoleon Dynamite and Shrek 2, but they got busted by Kimblee and were forced to eat nothing but apple brownies. (Seriously, my friend Katie had to make apple brownies in her foods class at school one time and we spent a fair amount of time discussing the use of apples and chocolate. It was interesting.)
Basically, no one went to school this time.