A/N: I'm not so happy with that oneshot. I read it over and over but couldn't figure out a more satisfying way to write so I'm just gonna publish it as it came.

Summery: The day had come. But now that it's here she doesn't feel the way she imagined she would feel. No hatred no anger. Just grief and pain.

Disclaimer: I don't own the mentalist. The song I used is property of Bullet for my valentine

Too late, too late. Can't even ask you why. And now I'm wasting away in my own misery. I hope you've finally gone to a place where you belong

Days had passed. Years gone by. Well twenty years now. She'd been promoted to senior chef at the diner. She couldn't help but snort bitterly thinking of the leap she had taken in her working career. At least she earned enough money for a comfortable life for all of them. She got better in hiding the money from her drunk of a father and her thief of a brother. Tommy got lost along the way. But she didn't have the time and energy to try and get him back on track cause he obviously didn't want to. She hadn't been able to stop him from dropping out of school only a year before he would have graduated. Now he wasted away in whatever park served him and his stupid friends as a place to hang out. Drinking and doing drugs. But she couldn't find it in herself to care anymore. He was only two years younger than her but never so much as raised a finger to help her with the duties and responsibility but demanded and demanded. In the end they had a major fall out and hadn't spoken ever since. He didn't acknowledge the sacrifiices she made for them at all and accused her of only spending her time on their little brothers. He actually was pissed off at Teresa for not paying a fortune for expensive brands. Freaking ungrateful brat.

Too late, too late. I never said goodbye.

Their father's condition had turned from bad to worse. He was a wreck. Always changing from angry to a sobbing shadow of a human being. She couldn't hide his abusive personality form her brothers anymore but was still able to prevent him from beating them. She had reached a point she couldn't even summon the strentgh to hate him anymore. The only emotion she'd been able to feel towards him lately was pity. Even when she could hardly move and every step would jostle her bruised ribs. Even then all she felt was pity. Even more when he had unleashed his anger onto her and broke down afterwards. Sobbing and apologizing. Pityful.

My sadness shows. As your name is carved in stone. Can't erase the words, the reality grows.

She was tired. Her brothers would spent the day at their friends' house and Tommy whereever he would find himself. Having just finished the morning shift at the diner she sighed in relief when the front door clicked shut behind her. Throwing her jacket onto the kitchen counter she opened the fridge retrieving a bottle of water she drank greedily. Suddenly a groan broke the silence. A groan in itself wasn't unusual in the Lisbon household but there was something about that sound that made her shiver. Slowly she put the bottle down and listened for the sound. As she heard it again she followed the sound into the living room. And the scene that unfolded in front of her eyes had her holding her breath. She walked into the room. Closer to the source of that sound and sat on the table opposite from the couch. On it lay her father. Sweaty and breathing heavy and unsteady. His eyes were half open close to fluttering shut for the last time. Empty pill and booze bottles were littered around him.

„Tess?" he breathed and tried to grasp her hand.

She hesitated before taking it and squeezing it gently. She could see the tears on his face and realized she was crying as well.

„I'm sorry," he rasped out trying to catch his daughter's eyes.

She couldn't talk nor could she move. She knew she should be calling an ambulance but she couldn't make herself move. That's what he'd been waiting for. All those years after his wife's death he'd been longing to be with her. Feeling guilty for that wish and trying to drink the guilt away. Right at that moment she realized all of this. That didn't make it any less painful but still she could understand.

I wish I died. On that night right by your side. So just kill me now, let the good times roll

„I hope you can forgive me one day", his voice growing smaller and weaker with every breath he took.

A lump formed in her throat. She felt hot tears on her face. Never had she thought she would feel more than anger and hatred on that day that she had wished for many times in the past years. But now that the day had come she couldn't help but feel grief and pain about that man that had abandoned them and abused her and Tommy. Pain about what they had lost on the day her mother had died. Pain about every missed opportunity in her life because of him. And still she couldn't bring herself to hate him as she had promised herself. But even though she would finally manage to forgive she would never forget. The damage he'd done was too deep. She cupped his face gently and whispered:" I hope you're finally gone to a place where you belong."

Will you wait for me? When I see you on the other side. You won't have to wait too long. Will you come to me?. When you're safely to the other side 'cause here I don't belong

thx for reading