Chapter 3: The Advice of Those on the Sidelines

On the surface, it seemed as though nothing had changed in Kazuki's life. He still woke up well before his sister, his parents still ran through the same morning routine that they had every day for as long as Kazuki could remember. His father still asked that Kazuki wake up Miu, although Kazuki was especially careful to make sure that his sister was actually asleep before entering the room. It was a day just like any other.

But to Kazuki, it seemed entirely new. Every moment that he spent in his sister's presence filled him with a sense of joy, every thing that she did seemed as graceful and elegant as humanly possible. When she spoke to him, even if it was only to grumble about having to wake up so early, it felt as though Kazuki had been brought to Heaven itself. Still, not everything was well with Kazuki. The stubborn refusal of his mind to think of anything other than Miu was gone, as though Kazuki's acknowledgement of his feelings had put it at bay, but it had come at a price. Kazuki knew that the way he felt was wrong, and that nobody would accept how he felt for Miu- not his friends, not his parents, and most definitely not his sister. So from the moment he woke up in the morning, Kazuki's mind was filled with fear that someone would realize before he was ready, anxiety that he would never find anybody who understood.

Miu was surprisingly cheerful that morning, and she talked to Kazuki the entire way to school- or rather, she talked at Kazuki, who was too busy trying to figure out how to get out of the mess he was in.

I can't do this alone, he decided as they arrived in their homeroom. I need to talk to somebody about this before I go insane, but who? It can't be Miu, and it has to be someone I can trust…

"Good morning, Kazuki."

"Good morning, Naoto." An idea struck Kazuki. "Hey, Naoto?"

"Wow, you actually have something to talk about this morning. What is it?"

"I need advice on something."

"You must be desperate, then. What's bothering you?"

"There's a girl who I kind of like," Kazuki said ambiguously.

"Congratulations," Naoto replied. "Does she like you back, or does she not even know you exist?"

"Naoto, it's me. Do you really think that any girl would think of me in that manner?"

"You'd be surprised." He raised his hand to scratch just behind his ear. "You're out of luck, man. I've got no advice for something like this."

"It was worth a try, I guess."

"What about Miu? She might be able to give you some advice."

"No! I mean, I can never tell when she's messing with me or not. I'd rather not risk it."

"Your parents?" Naoto suggested. "They've probably been through something like this before."

"I doubt it."

"You might want to try it anyway," Naoto advised. "They're your parents, so they deserve to know what's going on in your life, even if they can't help you completely."

Ms. Sasaki entered the room at that moment, so the two of them were forced to abandon their conversation. Kazuki was left thinking about the last thing his friend had said to him. He should have expected that he wouldn't get any good advice, not when he was limited to only giving a vague overview of the situation that did nothing to address the main issue at hand. He debated telling Naoto about everything, but decided for the moment that it would be a better idea to simply keep quiet. He could try to work things out on his own and still ask for help later if necessary, but it would all be over if it turned out that Naoto was unwilling to help. At any rate, there were no opportunities for the rest of the day where the two of them would be able to talk without being overheard, so there was no point in worrying about it.

The day went by surprisingly quickly, and it wasn't long before Kazuki and Miu were once more walking down the familiar path to their home.

"Are you okay, Kazuki?" Miu asked. "You're being really quiet, even for you."

"I'm fine," he lied. "I'm just trying to think of a way to get out of that writing assignment. Be nice to me and I might let you in on my plans." Miu laughed at that, raising Kazuki's spirits a little.

"That's just like you, Kazuki," she said. "Well, I'm glad that nothing's troubling you. I'd hate it if something was making my big brother worry."

"Yeah…"

"Are you sure you're going to be alright?" There was genuine, deep worry in her eyes. She cared about him.

Will she care about me that much when she learns what it is that I've been keeping from her? he thought. He forced himself to smile at her.

"I'll be alright," he asserted. Miu didn't press the issue after that, so their conversation stayed limited to trivial things. Once they got home, Kazuki did his best to stay away from his sister, allowing him to ponder his problems without making her worry any more than she already was. He was pacing back and forth through the house when he heard the front door open.

"I'm home," he heard his father call. Kazuki went to the front door.

"Dad?" he asked hesitantly, "Can we talk about something?"

"Sure," Setsuna responded. "What is it?"

Kazuki glanced behind him, making sure that Miu hadn't come out of her room yet.

"Dad, I think I'm in love with Miu."

"Is that it?" Setsuna didn't seem angry as Kazuki would have expected after such a statement, he didn't try to ask for clarification. Instead, he spoke without any emotion, so that when he spoke Kazuki had no idea what he meant. "Come with me."

Without waiting, he grabbed Kazuki's wrist and led him into the kitchen.

"Sit," he commanded, releasing Kazuki's arm. Setsuna took the seat opposite the one Kazuki sat in.

"You think that you love your sister?"

"I-I think so," Kazuki said nervously. It felt as though he was being interrogated.

"Does she know? Have you told anybody else?"

"No," Kazuki answered. "I wasn't sure what I should do, so I haven't said anything about it to anybody except you. I was hoping that you might be able to give me some advice."

"You want advice?" Setsuna asked rhetorically. "Forget about her."

"What?"

"Forget her," Setsuna repeated. "Take those feelings and bury them. Miu will never be anything but your sister, and trying to make her anything else will only end in suffering for you both. Anybody who finds out will want nothing to do with you, and Miu herself may reject you for it. I won't allow my children to have such a life."

It was the advice that Kazuki had feared the most, but the ones that he knew would come. The words that common sense told him were the only possible action. I was a fool to think that there would be a way for us to be together, he thought.

"Thank you for your advice," he said. "Please, don't tell anybody about this. Especially not my sister." The word sister brought a sour taste to his mouth, a reminder of what could not be.

"I will forget that I ever heard it," Setsuna promised. "You would do well to do the same."

Kazuki walked slowly back to his room. It hurt so much that he would never be able to have his love, and each footstep felt as though his dreams had turned to lead and were being dragged behind him. If I let go of my dreams, will this pain go away?

"Is something wrong?" Miu asked as he entered the room. He wondered why she had to be so nice, why she couldn't just ignore him for once. Her words only reminded him of his suffering. He didn't trust himself to be able to give a reply, so instead just went straight to his futon and lay down on it. After a while, he heard Miu get up and leave without saying a word.

"Kazuki has feelings for Miu," Setsuna told his wife.

"Are you just now figuring that out?"

"I've known for a long time, but I was waiting for him to figure it out. He asked me what he should do about it."

"I hope you gave him good advice."

"I told him he should forget about it," Setsuna said.

"It won't work," Sara predicted. "He won't be able to handle the pain. Nobody would, if they were forced to be so close to the one they love."

"Maybe he'll surprise you. Maybe he'll be able to outlast it."

"You sound as though you want him to forget about her."

"I do," Setsuna admitted. "No matter what pain he'll go through, this way is better for him."

"Would it be that bad if they were to be together?" Sara asked. "Nobody outside the family would have to know, so we could at least let them try it and see for themselves what it would be like."

"That's only if Miu accepts it."

"Miu will understand. If necessary, we can tell her everything, and she might be more open to the idea."

"If we tell them now, it will be like we're giving them an expectation to live up to. It's too late."

"So we're back to watching Kazuki suffer alone?"

"If he can manage, this will be the best solution. If not…we'll just have to worry about that later." Setsuna hesitated before speaking again. "Sara, I have a business trip to Tokyo tomorrow."

"I remember you telling me about it."

"I think that this time, I might stay there for a few days," he announced. "I can afford to take a few days off of work, and I think that I need to clear my head with everything that's been going on."

"Take as long as you need," Sara told him. "Just promise me that you'll come back when you're ready."