Sunday night, Adam made his way through Kim's apartment building after his shift. He carried a bag of her favorite Chinese food as a peace offering. He really hoped some eggrolls and sesame chicken would ease the tension. The talk on Saturday did not go as he had planned and unfortunately it just ran through his head his whole shift today. It was bad enough to be on patrol but reliving that conversation as he did made it so much worse.

"What do you mean you were testing me?" Adam asked with a fury in his voice when Kim told him about the push test.

"It was stupid. A stupid, stupid idea." Kim told him. And it was. It was probably just as stupid to tell him about it but they had agreed this morning they were going to be honest and tell each other everything.

"Then why do it?"

"I don't know I was scared. I mean I did just learn I was not the second but the third women you had asked to marry you I wasn't really thinking clearly." Kim said this and it punched Adam right in the gut. He didn't think too much of it. Kim seemed to take it okay when he explained things. Now he learned how wrong he was then. He probably should have told her better than he did and maybe explain that better then he did. He had asked the other two to marry him but he never felt as strongly about it as when he asked Kim. When he asked Nicole to marry him they were young and drunk. When he asked Wendy it was because he thought it was what he was supposed to do. But when he asked Kim it was because it was what he wanted. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. And still did.

"Where would you even get that idea?"

"Lets not talk about that right now." Kim told him. She really didn't want to have the Roman conversation yet. Just remembering Adam's face when he found out broke her heart she couldn't even think about looking at him when they had a whole conversation about her relationship if you could even call it that with Roman.

The conversation got very emotional for both of them as it went on.

"You never came after me."

"I didn't know I was supposed to."

"Adam, if you really wanted me, if you really wanted to marry me you would have come after me. You would have fought for me but you didn't."

"I was giving you time to cool off. I figured you needed space."

"I didn't need space, Adam. I needed YOU. I needed you to show you loved me, to show you wanted to marry me."

"You seemed fine after everything. Hell, you even told me you were fine."

"Adam I was anything but fine. I was going to transfer. I had my papers into Platt. I cried in front of Platt that's how unfine I was."
"You were going to transfer?" That hit Adam hard.

"Yeah. Lindsay had to talk me out of it. But it was too hard to see you everyday. I knew I made a mistake giving you the ring back and figured it would be easier to deal with you not wanting to marrying me without seeing you everyday." Kim explained.

"I proposed, I gave you a ring, I asked you to marry me. What else was I supposed to do to show you I wanted to marry you?"

Kim was quiet for a second. She sat in the chair next to where he had been standing while they were having this argument. She buried her face in her hands trying to hold back the tears. She was thinking of everything that happened before she gave Adam that ring back. How her heart already felt broken because she knew eventually it would end because he wasn't jumping at the chance to marry her then and there. But then she thought what else was she looking for from him then? Was it really an issue or did Roman's manipulations just make it a problem?

Adam walked over to her and squatted next to where Kim sat and rested his hand on her thigh.

"Kim, you were the best thing in my life. You were my reason for everything. Going on without you was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am sorry if I did something that made you think I didn't want to marry you. But I did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I still do." Adam told her. Kim finally looked up at him from where her head rested in her hands.

"So you didn't just ask me to marry you because you enjoyed the engagement and didn't want to get married?" Kim asked him.

"What? No. Kim I wanted to marry you. I just wanted to do it the way you wanted. If it were up to me we would have been married the day after I proposed at city hall." Adam told her. And it was true. He would have married her at any time he just didn't want to plan a wedding. He wanted what came after the wedding, a marriage to Kim.

At this confession Kim started to cry harder and said, "This is all so fucked up." Adam pulled her in to his chest.

"Shhh. It's going to be okay." Adam reassured her.

And things may have been okay, if they left the conversation at that. Adam kicked himself all day for continuing the conversation after Kim stopped crying. She had said they shouldn't talk about everything in one day and she was right.

"There was nothing serious between us! I was just using him to get over you."

"But him? Seriously Kim? And you didn't even tell me yourself that you were sleeping with him. I had to find out in court." It was hard for Adam to figure out what was worse: Kim giving him the ring back or finding out in court she was sleeping with Roman. Both broke his heart to tiny pieces.

"I apologized already for that!" Kim yelled at him. Adam paused for a second. He was thinking of everything they had talked about that day.

"He was the one that suggested the push test, wasn't he?" Adam asked. Kim didn't say anything. "Wasn't he?"

"Yes!" Kim finally responded.

"God Kim. He split us up and then you went running right into his arms." Adam spat in angry. If he could get his hands on Roman now he may kill him. He put all the doubt in Kim's mind. He was supposed to have Kim's back but instead was just trying to find a way to get her on her back.

"Don't put this all on him! This was us. WE had problems." Kim yelled at him.

"Don't defend him! He messed where he shouldn't have been. You should have talked to me instead of him." Adam yelled back. He was furious now.

"There are a lot of things I should have done. And I lot of things I shouldn't have done." Kim told him. She stopped yelling when she said this.

"Do you have any idea how bad it hurt me to see you with him? To hear you to were together? Kim I loved you and you moved on with our friend, your partner. That pretty much killed me." Adam said and lowered his head. It was too painful to talk about.

"Seriously?" Kim asked. She was mad now. "Any idea how much that hurt you? Do you have any idea how bad it hurt for me to witness you tell him he could 'have me'? Like I was some property or toy you were just allowing him to have. That why I did anything with him. Because he could 'have me'." Kim said seething now remembering that day. How he had broken her heart all over again when he said that not because she knew he wasn't going to fight for her after that but because he obviously saw her as some type of possession not a person.

Adam was quiet now. He remembered that. It was not his finest moment. He was crazy with jealousy over her and Roman.

"You can try to blame him all you want. But this was us. We ruined us." Kim told him.

"No you and him ruined us, Kim." Adam told her.

Kim walked to the door of her bedroom and said, "If that's what you believe than there is no us, Adam." And she closed the door on him.

Adam wanted to throw something but didn't because he didn't want to break anything belonging to Kim and upset her anymore. She was right when she said they shouldn't have discussed everything today. Adam walked over and laid on the couch Kim had turned into his bed. He buried his face in the pink pillow. He wished he could go back and say so many different things during that conversation because no matter what she told him he still wanted her. He still loved her.

He was going to tell her despite everything he still loved her and still wanted to be with her when he got home from work. He picked up her favorite food in hopes of easing some of the tension before he told her all of that. He was going to make this right.

Adam put his key in the door lock and opened the door to Kim's apartment. It was dark. Weird. He turned the lights on and walked through the apartment to the kitchen. He called out her name as he walked and got no response. He placed the bag down on the kitchen island and then saw a piece of paper with his name on it. He opened it and read:

Adam,

Mark went out of town for work and Maddie needs help with Zoe while she is finishing work for her clinical license. I'll be staying there for the night. Please feel free to stay here still. If you need anything let me know.

-Kim

Adam felt like an ass. He knew this was more of her running away from him then Maddie needing help but he was going to let her have her space for now. But not for long. He was going to fix this. He needed her in his life. The last year of his life made that painfully obvious. He just needed to fix all his mistakes.

A/N: Happy CPD Day! I was delaying posting this because it felt a little all over the place but then I realized that's generally how arguments with significant others go so here it is. Please don't hate me there had to be some more angst!