"Hit the showers, you pansies!" Coach Tanaka shrilled.

Finally, Finn thought. The only time he could be alone with Puck in school was after practice.

"Finn," Puck said from the other side of the locker room. "Come over here."

As Finn walked toward Puck, the team trickled into the showers, leaving Puck and Finn alone in the locker room.

"Finn darling, my parents want you to come over and eat dinner with us." Puck said as he changed into a pair of skinny jeans that were three sizes too small.

Dinner and a show?

"But, Puck, don't they already know me?" Finn asked.

"Of course they do, darling. But they always saw you as a best friend, but now they have to see you as a boyfriend. They are concerned about their little boy." Puck explained, rolling his eyes at his boyfriend's dumbness.

"Okay, babe. I'll see you at 6:00!" Finn said, running into the showers. "You know how frisky those kickers get when you leave them alone!"

___________________

Finn rang on the doorbell of Puck's house. He never actually noticed the wilting sunflowers in the yard and the garden full of old Madonna records and dog pee.

Um…ew.

"Oh my fucking gosh! Hi, Finn! Look at you, all dolled up!" Mrs. Puckerman shouted when she opened the door.

Even thought she was his boyfriend's mom, she still scared the hell out of him. She had large, yellow, crooked teeth, smoked, cursed, drank, and wore plaid every day.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Plaid is scary.

"Ok, Finn. It's nothing to be worried about. That was just my daughter. She had her first period yesterday. You understand, don't you?" Mrs. Puckerman said as she led Finn into the kitchen.

"Noah. Your guest has arrived. Why don't you introduce him to the family?" Mrs. Puckerman ordered once she saw Puck.

"Finn, this is Adrian, my sister." Puck said, pointing to a ten year old girl with frazzled hair and a " Woodstock '61" t-shirt."

Someone call the fashion police!

"And this is my dad." Puck continued. He pointed to an obese, over-tanned man with a beard that probably housed a flock of sparrows.

"Oh, fuck me! I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Noah's mom, but you can call me Robin." Puck's mom burped, extending a manicured hand to Finn.

Finn shot a glance at Puck, who was mortified that his boyfriend has to meet the Addams Family.

Snap, snap.

"So, Finland , I hear you're dating my boy." Mr. Puckerman boomed.

"Umm…yeah Mr. Puckerman. I love your son." Finn squeaked. "And by the way, my name is Finn."

"Wha? What was that, Gill?" Mr. Puckerman interrogated.

"Nothing, Mr. Puckerman." Finn whispered.

"Anyway, Pinn, stop with this "Mr. Puckerman" crap. Call me Marshall . Mr. Puckerman was my father." Marshall laughed.

"Soups up!" Robin exclaimed, bringing a giant cauldron to the table.

"What is it?" Finn asked when Robin poured what looked like baby barf into his bowl.

"Turtle soup and fudge." Robin stated, her large teeth staring at Finn menacingly.

The better to eat you with, my dear.

"So, Finn. Have you sex with Noah yet?" Robin inquired.

"Mom." Puck signed, giving her the stare. "Can we talk about something else?"

"No, Ms. Puckerman." Finn squealed.

"Yes you have." Adrian piped, breaking out from what seemed like a pot-induced haze.

"I heard you two last week moaning, groaning, and vibrating all night and-"

"That's where my vibrator went!" Robin shouted, spilling her "soup" on Puck's cat, Isis . "I told you not steal it, Noah! I may not be young, but I still need a good orgasm now and then!"

"Honey!" Marshall exclaimed. "This is not proper table conversation. Perhaps we can talk about global warming or something."

"If my gay son can use my vibrator and I can't, this world isn't worth saving." Robin shouted.

"Mrs. Puckerman, may I please be excused? I have an algebra test tomorrow." Finn interrupted, grabbing Puck's arm and directing him to the front door.

"Oh fuck me! I made this really good cheesecake. Are you sure you can't stay for desert?" Robin pleaded.

"I'm sorry, but I can't. Puck, now!" Finn said, running to the front door.

"Oh my god! I am so sorry that you had to meet those freaks." Puck said once they escaped from his house. He opened the front door of his car, and got in.

"Your family isn't so bad, Noah." Finn responded, stifling a laugh as he got into Puck's car.

"No!!! Don't call me that, Finn!" Puck yelped. "I hate that name! Whenever my mom calls me that, I feel like making an ark."

Let us all say amen.

"So, Finn darling, now that you've met my parents; what do you think?"

Where do I begin…

"I've already told you, Puck. They were fine!" Finn said as they cruised to his house.

"Good, Finnie. I do have a favor to ask you." Puck said as they rounded the corner to Finn's house.

"Anything for you, babe." Finn stated, sending Puck an air kiss.

"Finn?" Puck said, pulling up next to Finn's house. "I need you to tell your mom about us. I know that we agreed that we didn't want anyone in school to know, but come on, she's your mom."

"You're right, Puckie. Wish me, luck." Finn said, kissing Puck before he got out of his car.

___________________

Even though it was five degrees outside, Finn palms were sweaty, making opening his door an Olympic event.

"Honey, how are you?" Finn's mom said when she saw her son come inside.

"Hi, mom. Can you lower down the T.V.? I have something really important to tell you." Finn said, motioning to the T.V. that had America 's Next Top Model on.

"What is it?" Ms. Hudson said as she muted the T.V. "Is it drugs, alcohol, did Quinn have a miscarriage, what?"

"Mom, please promise you won't get mad." Finn said, staring at his mom.

"Ok! What is it? Did you steal something?" Ms. Hudson questioned.

"No, no." Finn sighed. "Mom, I don't know how to tell you this…I'm gay."

"No…you can't be, Finn! You're dating Quinn Fabray. You got her pregnant! You…you play football!" Ms. Hudson cried.

"Mom…I am." Finn cried. "I've been dating Puck for weeks. I'm not confused or anything, I'm gay Mom, gay!"

"Then why does Quinn Fabray call here and say you two are going out?" Ms. Hudson interrogated.

"Because…nobody in school knows. Me and Puck don't want anyone to know so I've been "dating" Quinn to keep it secret." Finn explained.

"But…why Finn? Why don't you want people to know?" Ms. Hudson said, tears running down her cheeks.

"Mom…" Finn randomly laughed. "It's not like I want to wear an "I Heart Cock" t-shirt at school!"

You better not…

"Finn? Are you dating anyone?" Ms. Hudson said.

"Yeah." Finn said, his voice going down an octave. "Puck."

"The football player with the mohawk?" Ms. Hudson questioned. "I thought you had taste!"

Oh, snap.

"So…" Ms. Hudson continued. "Do I have to tell you about the birds and the…birds?"

"No, mom. Me and Puck…I had…I rode his disco stick!" Finn managed.

Lady Gaga would be proud.

"Ok, Finn." Ms. Hudson said, arising from the couch. "I guess this is your life and I can't stop you from loving whoever you want. Here." She said, giving Finn a stack of magazines.

"Thanks…I guess." Finn said, staring at the stack of Playgirl magazines his mother gave him.

Ah…mother-son bonding.

"I never thought I'd have a gay son but, I still love you, Finn." Ms. Hudson said, cuddling with her son.

"I love you too Mom." Finn said, glad that the hard part was over.

"Now get out of here. Tyra's gonna eliminate somebody. I hope it's that skank Saliesha." Ms. Hudson said. Finn got up and walked to the top of the stairs.

"By the way," Ms. Hudson said, winking at Finn. "Don't get those magazines wet."

FINN