Author's Note: This picks up on the night of the break-up. It's just a short bridge chapter.

Chapter 3: Sum of All Fears

"Huuuumphf!" Andy jolted upright with the gasp of a drowning woman, drawing in gulps of air through her constricted lungs, and trying desperately to get the shudders racking her body under control and shake the ugly vestiges of the dream from her head. But the vision of Sam's blazing eyes and sneering lips snarling accusations at her, Jerry's blood, it all refused to fade.

She and Sam were holding hands walking through a field that looked like one of the battle scenes from on of those History Channel WWII shows of his. "You don't have to do this, McNally" … "He's playing us, there never was any Snuffleupagus brother" … "Some day, someone's gonna con you, and it will cost you your life" …

Sam turns angry, grabs her by both arms to shake her… "You over think every little thing, but when something matters, you don't think at all!" … Andy recoils from Sam's hold, trips backward into Jerry, pushing him toward a landmine. Sam lunges around her to try to catch him, but Andy grabs the hem of his shirt, trying desperately to hold him back. "NO! Sam, watch where you're stepping! Don't leave me!" … Sam fails to grab Jerry's arm and pull him back before his foot triggers the mine, blood spills from his abdomen. Sam shakes her off to cradle Jerry's head in his hands…" Jerry! JERRY! Stay with me, brother. JERRY!" …

Sam stands up and looks at her with hatred in his eyes. "Jerry would have been here to make this bust if it wasn't for you" ... "We knew this was trouble, even before we started. I can't do this anymore" … Andy stands frozen in place as the sky opens up into a downpour mixing with her tears. Her mother, father, and Luke lead Sam safely out of the field, her mother turns back to shout at her "Don't wallow, Andy. It is what it is" … "You were always stubborn. Even when you were twelve, there was no changing your mind. You don't make it easy to love you." Andy collapses to her knees in the mud, sobbing. She looks around panicked, not knowing which way to move without setting off another land mine…

Oh God, it really happened. Sam blamed her, and he really ended things tonight. Even if he didn't exactly blame her, he was pushing her away. The dream may have warped things, but she really was living her worst fears. She rocked back and forth trying to calm down, but it was no use. She jumped out of bed and stated pacing in a futile attempt to leave her whirling thoughts behind.

After a half hour of prowling restlessly around her apartment, Andy's mind lands on a desperate train of thought: What if Sam didn't really mean to end it tonight? What if he only went there after she pushed too much for him to talk, and then let her own hurt throw the accusation at him when he resisted her efforts? Was it possible? And even if it was, what should she do? He said he needs space, but doesn't she need to make it clear that the door will be open if he decides he doesn't want it to be over after all?

Finally, Andy couldn't stand it any more. She had to pick up the phone and let him know that if he had just ended things in the heat of the moment, she would be there to try to put things right if or when he wanted to give it a shot. She would call his home number because he still had an old fashioned answering machine on that line (seriously, who else still uses those? Andy didn't even know what they looked like until she went to Sam's place). If he was having as much trouble sleeping as she was, maybe he would hear it. She took a deep breath and punched his speed dial.

"Sam. I know you don't want to hear from me right now, but I just…" She sighed, "I just want you to know that I know you and I need different things at times like this. I did everything wrong today. What I should have said tonight is it's OK if you need space. I won't push you on this, but if there's any chance you weren't sure you want to end things for good… If and when you ever decide you maybe want to talk about whether we can find a way to fix things, I'll listen to what you have to say.

I'll even make it easy for you. We can have a code word. All you have to do is say 'mulligan' and I'll know you're ready to talk. In the meantime, please don't be so hard on yourself. You always put too much on your own shoulders. You once told me there's no one else you'd rather walk through the door with to go after Bergen. I know you were just trying to calm me down. But you really are the one that everyone in the Division would pick as the person that makes them feel most confident and safe. Nothing has changed that. I hope you believe that nothing has changed that. Good night, Sam."

Sam's lip twitched up in the faintest ghost of a smile, but he didn't move a muscle from his position slumped on his couch. And there was only the briefest flicker of reaction from his deadened eyes, which still couldn't quite focus on anything. Maybe he'd try to process what she said at some point, but right now he just couldn't follow it. He couldn't give it more than passing acknowledgement that he should have known she wouldn't be able to leave things alone for even a single night.

Andy tried really hard not to be heartbroken that Sam hadn't said a word about hearing her message, or about anything really, in the following three weeks. But it was getting harder and harder to fool herself. She certainly wasn't fooling anyone else. Her friends and family tried not say the wrong thing, but they couldn't avoid making her feel worse. Her mother finally decided to be more direct and got her a stupid self-help book, as if that would make up for all the missed years of consolation or the fact that things were still too awkward for Andy to ever cry on her shoulder.

To top it all off, when Sam finally did speak to her, he tried this fake cheery buddy tone joking about Frank's stupid back to basics edict. Really? Is he serious with this? For the first time, Andy's misery was overtaken by a flood of aggravation.

"Yes, sir," she snapped back shortly without pausing her stride.

"Hey, hey. Hey, wait. Wait up." Sam called after her, striding around in front of her as she paused on her way toward her squad car.

"Hey, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something," he said awkwardly, not quite able to keep looking her in the eye.

Andy's breath caught. Would he finally say the word? She tried, but failed to keep the hope from shining through her eyes, "Okay," she said cautiously.

After a long pause, Sam finally opened his mouth. Probably it was just her imagination, but she could almost see 'mulligan' forming on his tongue. But he stopped, cleared his throat, and settled on, "Umm…my, my keys. For the truck….It's my only other set. I should probably get those back…"

Unbelievable. Andy felt it like a kick to the gut. "Keys. Yeah, uh…I think they're in my locker. I can go grab them right now for you," she gestured vaguely back to the Barn.

"No! No. Later's fine," Sam said.

Andy shrugged, shifting her weight uncomfortably, "Have a good shift," Andy said.

"You too," Sam said with equal stiffness before turning away, "Diaz, come on, let's go," he shouted.

Andy looked down at the ground, shoulders slumping in defeat, desperately blinking back tears before they could form right there in the open parking lot.

Chris, with whom she'd put up such a brave front on the basketball court this morning, walked by and gave her shoulder a rough friendly shove, "Back to basics, I love it!" she said in his eager puppy dog voice. Andy thought about how jealous Dov would have been of his chance to ride with Sam back in simpler times, before ducking quickly into her squad car in hopes of shielding the worst of her returning misery from the rest of the uniforms pouring out of the station.

Unfortunately, she hadn't quite succeeded in pulling herself together before Nick plopped his bright, shiny rookie face into their squad car. This was going to be a really long day…

AN: That I called you for 6 weeks line in the s3 finale drove me batty, so in my world, Andy only made one call. She basically probably said more of the right things than a truly in character canon Andy would have, but in my version she called once and then left the ball in Sam's court. I just don't buy that she repeatedly called during this break-up period.