A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews/favourites/follows since I posted chapter 2! Hope you enjoy this. Massive, sincere thanks to my wonderful betas, Natural Logarhythm and bookwyrms. Your encouraging and thoughtful feedback helped me enjoy writing this and helped improve the fic so much. :)
Ch. 3
"This I feel now in my body
is like an arrow suddenly
released to its moment."
- Rumi
1.
Tamina stopped short at the entrance to the courtyard at the east end of the Palace, and took in the scene in front of her. In the middle of the sparse courtyard, against the backdrop of the back wall of the stables, Dastan and his soldier friend Bis were engaged in spirited combat using lightweight wooden training swords; the pair darted back and forth around the empty space as their swords clashed loudly.
Since their argument two days ago Tamina had only seen Dastan in jewelled formal robes and turbans. They had spoken very little during the celebrations for the goddess Anahita, but he had been constantly nearby as she had conducted endless ceremonies and speeches. Now, she watched as the morning sun blazed down on his sweat-slicked bronze skin, on the dark leather fabric of the padding on his torso and the straps that criss-crossed his muscular arms and held his wrist-guards in place.
Tok... tok... tok... "Hey!"
As she watched, Dastan plunged his sword forward into Bis' shoulder, and the younger man stopped short and yelped indignantly. Dastan stopped and approached his companion, putting an apologetic hand on his shoulder, and the pair chatted amicably for a few moments. Then Bis noticed Tamina standing in the stone archway and he muttered something to the Prince.
Dastan turned around and Tamina took a slow, steady breath in and out as he made eye contact with her, warmth and apprehension flooding his face. He said a few short words to Bis before handing him his wooden sword and patting him on the shoulder, then Bis walked off in the direction of the stables as Tamina stepped forward out of the shadows. Immediately she felt the sharp morning sun slice through the thin silk of her yellow headscarf.
Tamina spoke to break the fizzing silence as they approached each other.
"Laleh said you were looking for me."
They stopped before each other, Dastan's eyes steadily taking her in.
"Yes, ah-" He looked down and lifted a hand to one wrist-guard, then hesitated and glanced up at her again. "Hold on."
He started to walk over to a bench where a basin of water stood next to some cloth rags, and Tamina followed. She stood silently as he quickly loosened and removed the leather guards from his arms and dipped his hands in the water to clean them. The silent moment stretched into tension until Dastan cleared his throat.
"Ah... Laleh was very apologetic that she didn't know where you were." He glanced at her and his lips quirked tentatively. "I told her it was fine, but she insisted on explaining that you often like to go out by yourself, even though your advisers worry for your safety and wish that you would take a guard with you."
Tamina crossed her arms and huffed quietly as he wiped a damp cloth over his face and neck, brushing strands of slick dark hair away from his glowing skin. "I hope you are not going to argue their case. I can take care of myself."
Dastan put down the cloth and turned to focus on her again with a light shrug and another gentle movement in his lips, the look in his eyes bearing down on her like the sun's heat. "I know you can, Princess."
She considered this for a moment with a creased brow. "Yes... you do know."
Dastan's brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to speak. Feeling her jaw tighten against the attentiveness in his eyes, she quickly pre-empted him.
"Besides, I only went to the High Temple to pray." Tamina paused and Dastan seemed to hesitate, so she continued pointedly. "It's what I do when I am in need of clarity."
"And did you find it, this time?" he asked quietly.
She studied him for a moment, sensing countless conflicting impulses inside herself. "I haven't come here intending to fight with you again, if that's what you're wondering."
Dastan shrugged a little and shook his head once. "It would be fine if you had," he said earnestly.
Tamina furrowed her brow and her mouth opened just enough to give a short exhalation in bemused annoyance, causing Dastan to insist, "I mean it! Your calmness is far more troubling than your anger, Princess..."
She huffed out a breath as the familiar depth of his voice rubbed against her brittle composure. "Oh, well, I apologise, Prince, if you are troubled by my behaviour as I try to come to terms with everything you have told me. I should be more considerate..."
Dastan exhaled frustratedly. "You know that is not what I meant."
She sighed and shook her head, feeling a rush of impatience. "Look... I don't have much time. If this is about the messenger that arrived earlier from your brothers, my advisers have already told me everything."
Dastan nodded warily and sat down on the bench, gesturing for her to do the same. "Actually, I didn't tell them everything," he started.
"What?" Tamina remained standing, her eyes widening as suspicion tightened her chest. "Why not?"
He answered quickly. "Because it's sensitive information, and I needed to tell you first."
She pursed her lips, sat down and looked at him expectantly.
"The letter from Tus said that - they found the lair of the Hassansins." Dastan paused and glanced at Tamina, who took in a sharp breath as her mistrustfulness disappeared and was replaced with apprehension about their enemies. "Tus and his company attacked, and... it was difficult, but they managed to defeat them." He stopped again and looked directly at her, leaning forward urgently. "They killed them all, Princess, and now they are combing the area, to make sure-"
He hesitated and silently watched Tamina as her gaze wandered away from him. She leaned back on the bench heavily, staring into the middle distance.
"Good news," she eventually said in a slow, concerned tone, the tightness in her chest changing and deepening.
He furrowed his brow. "Yes. It is good news..."
With a heavy breath, she stood up and walked a few paces before turning back to him with a troubled expression, her arms held loosely around her middle to try to contain her growing unrest.
"Dastan, even if they defeated them all, or even if some Hassansins escaped but they manage to find those and kill them too - we still don't know if they told anyone else about the dagger! And Priest Shahin-" She raised her arms briefly in frustration and her voice rose as she thought of the Priest who had died by his own hand shortly after the Persian invasion; the Priest that she now knew to have betrayed the Temple to Nizam. "Who else might he have told? Anyone could be plotting against us right now-"
"Well - that's true," Dastan responded quickly, standing up and walking over to her. "But we can defend ourselves against any attack. Tamina..." he took another pace towards her and spoke with conviction. "Between you, me, my family - our armies, our diplomats, our spies - we have the resources to withstand anything."
She gazed up into his blue eyes, her skin prickling from being so close to him for the first time in days. "It's that simple," she said sceptically.
He blinked. "It's not simple, but it's do-able. And besides, what choice do we have?"
She pursed her lips. "That's what I'm trying to work out."
He paused, then nodded slowly, thoughtfully. "What can I do to help?"
She sighed and broke eye contact, lifting a hand to rub her forehead as a bubble of frustration rose within her; Dastan quietly continued. "I know you said you don't want my help... but-"
"-But you're going to keep offering it anyway-" She looked back up at him and could not keep the edge from her voice. "Because you love to help, don't you, Prince?" She huffed out a breath as Dastan's jaw tensed. "You could have helped by telling me everything sooner - then I would have had the chance to think through it all properly by now."
Dastan sighed heavily and dropped his eyes from hers, his expression clouding.
"I know, and I - I'm sorry," he said in a troubled tone. "I know I already said that, but... I've been thinking." He glanced up at Tamina and pushed the hair from his eyes. "You were right, what you said - you did have a right to know. I don't even know any more, why I didn't tell you..." He trailed off and shook his head, huffing a little. "Don't get me wrong, Tamina - I stand by everything else that I did. But I should have told you, much sooner."
She gazed at the earnest steadiness in his eyes and after a beat she nodded with a sigh, the tight yoke around her shoulders slowly loosening.
Dastan continued. "But my father always taught me that taking action to make amends is much more important than simply saying sorry. So-" he reached out to take her hand and squeezed it gently before letting go again. "I don't yet know how I will make amends... but I will."
She continued to look up at him and finally opened her mouth, seeing the tense focus in his eyes as he waited for her to speak.
"...Your father taught you that?"
He paused and then nodded. "Yes, ah... whenever I did anything wrong when I was growing up - or my brothers. It was one of his favourite lessons."
Tamina saw the beginning of a smile on his face and followed the tugging feeling inside her. "Tell me more."
He blinked. "You want to know about that now?"
Tamina paused thoughtfully and nodded once. "I want to know who you are. I want to know who I married..."
Dastan's brow furrowed and then cleared, and he took in a breath. "All right, well..." As he spoke he returned to the bench and sat down and Tamina did the same.
"The first time I remember... it was a few months or a year after I first arrived at the Palace." Dastan paused thoughtfully and Tamina waited with curiosity. She already knew he had been adopted, as the Persian royal family made no secret of it, but until now he had spoken very little of his childhood.
"Garsiv and I used to fight all the time. And I mean, constantly." He glanced at her to emphasise the point, and she smiled slightly before realising she was doing so.
"You surprise me."
Dastan half-smiled. "Well... he was a lot stronger than me, but I was faster than him. And one day I threw something at him, and it split his skin wide open, along his shoulder." He reached around himself to run a fingertip over his entire shoulder blade, and Tamina winced. He nodded.
"And after the wound was stitched up - Father decided that I would be the one in charge of cleaning it and dressing it whenever necessary, until it healed." Dastan looked unseeingly into the middle distance as his face broke into a smile and he shook his head at the recollection. "It forced us to sit quietly together and - we started to talk sometimes. And after that, of course we continued fighting, but... we tolerated each other a little better than before."
Tamina watched as he stared into the distance and smiled again, and a feeling she couldn't name flooded her as she saw in her mind's eye the young man who had turned into the warrior beside her.
"King Sharaman is a wise man," she thought aloud.
He nodded without looking at her. "He is the wisest of men," he responded, his eyes crinkling with warmth, and Tamina saw in that pattern of lines the kind of father that he might be some day.
He broke their separate reveries by turning to face her, his blue eyes clearer and calmer than she was expecting.
"You know who I am, Tamina," he said quietly.
She looked back at him silently for as long as she could bear before looking down and readjusting her headscarf, pulling it forward where it had started to fall away and expose her face and hair to the sun's glare.
"There are people waiting for me in the throne room," she said quietly.
She glanced back at him as she stood but he merely watched her, making no complaint nor saying goodbye. Unable to understand the tightness below her diaphragm, she walked away, quickly seeking the shade of the jasmine trees that bordered the courtyard's archway entrance.
2.
Late that night, the moonlight cast soft silver windowpane shapes onto the dark Palace corridor down which Tamina quietly walked. She pulled her cotton shawl more tightly around her shoulders, stopped in front of a wooden door and forced herself not to hesitate before she knocked softly. Adrenaline pulsed steel through the blood vessels of her rib cage as she inhaled and prepared to wait - but the door opened almost immediately to reveal Dastan's alert face.
"Tamina!" he exclaimed quietly. He opened the door properly and a smile started to raise his lips but then fell away, and his brow creased in concern. "Are you all right?"
"Yes," she said in surprise, seeing that he was still dressed and that several candles were lit around his bedchamber despite the late hour. "You're up..."
"Ah, yes... I couldn't sleep," he said quietly as he stood aside for her to enter.
"More nightmares," Tamina murmured as she walked a few paces into the room, and Dastan closed the door and turned to face her.
"No, those have lessened. But I still haven't been sleeping much."
She nodded, casting her eyes over his face and seeing a tiredness that she had not noticed earlier.
"Me neither," she said quietly. Dastan's gaze bore into her and she tore her eyes away to look around the room. "So this is your chamber."
He copied her and glanced around, then turned back to her quietly, and she finally met his eyes again.
"I wasn't sure when I would see you again," he said softly. "But I certainly did not expect it to be in the middle of the night."
Tamina looked up at him for a moment and the silence stretched.
"You said you wanted to make amends..." she eventually said quietly.
He furrowed his brow in curiosity and nodded once. "Yes...?"
"I want your help with something."
He stepped towards her with eyes eager and focused. "Anything."
She pursed her lips thoughtfully, then turned and walked a few paces away, stopping to look out of the window by his bed, then back at him.
"I have been praying for guidance, and I've made a decision." She took a slow breath in and out, unconsciously lifting her head and setting her shoulders. "We need to take the dagger to the hidden temple in the mountain, and - return it to the gods forever."
Dastan's eyes widened. "What? No."
Tamina blinked in unsurprised frustration. "Dastan-"
"I know what you're saying," he said with immediate agitation as he took a step towards her. "You want to offer yourself as a sacrifice to the gods. If you think I'm letting that happen, Tamina-"
She huffed as her eyelids lowered in annoyance. "First of all, Prince, if that was what I intended to do, you would have no right to stop me." She paused and Dastan exhaled sharply through his nose, his jaw clenching. "Second of all - that is not what I am saying. All that needs to be done is to take the dagger back to the rock from which it came. I will put it inside, and it will be absorbed, and gone forever."
"'The gods must take back the life that they spared.' That's what you said - the other you - when we were at the hidden temple," he said as he took another step towards her, his eyes wide and insistent.
She let him approach and stared back at him with equal force. "And they did - didn't they? They took my life. It is done."
He blinked uncomprehendingly. "What? You're here."
She shook her head once. "That doesn't matter. It still happened. The gods see all, Dastan... that is the sacred teaching." She paused, arching her eyebrows and widening her eyes, trying to make him understand. "A life given, without any expectation of rescue or survival, is a true sacrifice - no matter what. I will be safe this time."
"Are you sure?" he demanded, then stepped towards her again, looking down at her with agitation. "-No - can you be absolutely certain, Tamina?"
She knew that he saw the tension in her jaw and the flicker in her eyes. "I am as certain as I possibly can be-"
He broke eye contact and half-turned away from her in disgust, exhaling sharply. "And that's supposed to be good enough for me?"
"I have faith in my gods, Dastan," she told him levelly. "For mortals, nothing can be completely certain-"
"You're wrong about that," he interrupted sharply, turning to look at her again. "Because I am completely certain that this is madness. It is totally unnecessary - the Hassansins are defeated, the dagger is safe-"
"-But for how long?" she demanded, tension starting to heave against her ribcage. "We do not know what threats may be coming-"
"-Look, I - I can have more of my men guard the Palace. I can train your army," he told her, gesturing urgently with his arms. "I could go and join my brothers, to ensure the Hassansins are truly gone - we can recruit more spies-"
"-And none of that would change my mind, Prince," she told him sharply, her voice shot through with iron. "There are simply too many risks and uncertainties now. After everything you told me - if the dagger were to fall into the wrong hands again, I could never forgive myself. I must do this."
He stared at her helplessly, his eyes wide and his chest heaving. "No. I - I can't accept this, I-"
"-Fine - then I will just do it without you. Is that what you want?"
Dastan's exasperation pushed a growling groan from his throat as he turned his back on her and walked a few steps away. She sighed, working her jaw in frustration as she watched his broad shoulders curve under invisible weight.
"Dastan... you know me. Better than I realised. Better than I know you," she said, fire tracing through her voice. "Do you really think there is anything you could do or say to change my mind?" She paused, breathing slowly to quieten her voice, though the edge remained. "Are you even truly surprised that this is what I want to do?"
He gave her the briefest weary glance as he turned with a ragged sigh and sank down to sit on the edge of the bed. She watched as he looked unseeingly out of the window; there was a silence as he rubbed his cheek, and she could hear the faintest crackling fuzz of stubble underneath his hand. He finally spoke in a voice so faint she almost missed it.
"I can't lose you again, Tamina."
She sighed, stepped over to him and lowered herself to sit close beside him on the bed. "That will not happen."
Dastan dipped his head and another silence stretched. Slowly, Tamina started to notice the view from the window in front of her. Eventually she took pity on her husband's silence.
"The view from your chamber is not nearly as nice as the view from mine," she murmured.
Dastan puffed out a wryly amused breath, lifting his head. "Well, of course..." he muttered. "The Princess of Alamut must have the best view in the house, after all."
Tamina half-smiled as she stood, walked over to the window and looked outside. In one direction there were pretty gardens and beyond them a small orangery; the rest of the palace building stretched away in the other direction, and she muttered a slight "Hmph!" as she noticed something.
"What is it?" Dastan asked, rising and crossing to join her at the window.
She gestured over to the ornate fountain in the middle distance, lit by the torches on the palace walls, its trickling water just audible in the night-time stillness.
"The spot where I accepted your proposal," she murmured, knitting her brow as she remembered that recent moment which already seemed far in the past. "Or rather, the proposal that Tus made on your behalf..."
"Oh, God, don't remind me," Dastan said with a groan that made Tamina turn her head in surprise. He rested his forearms on the window ledge and dropped his head, shaking it slightly. "I thought that I was about to watch you - agree to become his fourth wife," he murmured in a distant, pained tone.
This made her turn to face him fully. "But... didn't you have any idea what he was going to suggest? Surely you said something, to give him the idea..."
"No, I - I would have, if I'd thought of it, but..." he hesitated and sighed without turning to face her. "My mind was racing. Just seeing you all there in front of me - alive..."
He trailed off and pushed the hair from his eyes, and Tamina saw as if for the first time the shadow on his brow, the crinkling of his lower eyelids as he battled his own thoughts.
Her heart clenched and a soft sigh pushed through her lips. Taking a step closer to him, she reached out a hand to the back of his neck and ran her fingers lightly into his hair, her forearm resting gently against his upper back. He turned his head to look at her with cautious curiosity, and she willed herself to meet the pain in his eyes. She let her hand fall warmly down his shoulder and arm and took his hand in her own.
"I'm sorry for everything you had to suffer in that other time..."
Dastan gazed back at her with sad warmth in his shadowed eyes, and exhaled slowly as his hand squeezed hers.
"It was worth it," he said eventually.
Tamina's lips pursed ruefully, a smile just beyond reach. She looked down for a few moments before looking back at up at him with thoughtful eyes.
"Do you know why I accepted your proposal, Dastan?"
His brow furrowed. "What? Well... it was the dagger, wasn't it? You wanted to protect it, and keep Alamut safe," he said quietly.
"That was only part of it," Tamina said thoughtfully. "Certainly, that's what stopped me from laughing you and your brothers out of my Palace immediately. -Persia committed a grave error when it invaded, and I was not under any real obligation to do anything," she said lightly.
He smiled fractionally and nodded once in recognition. "So... what, then?"
She sighed and looked out again at the view, turning to rest her hands on the ledge.
"Ever since I was a teenager - or even earlier..." she eventually started, "men have tended to give me only two kinds of attention. Either they see only my title, and I am the Princess of Alamut, to be feared or admired from a distance, or mocked for my pride and stubbornness..." She paused and her lip curled in displeasure. "Or, they look at me as if I am a piece of meat strung up on a butcher's hook, and they are trying to guess how much I cost."
Dastan puffed a breath out through his nose and looked down with a wry half-smile, hair falling in his face as he stayed silent and continued to listen. She reached out and placed her hand on his forearm, unable to keep the softness from her voice. "But, from the very beginning, you have always looked at me... as if you see me as your equal."
He looked up and met her eyes with warm concentration, and his lips quirked faintly as she raised her hand to stroke her fingers over his cheek.
"I wouldn't dare to do otherwise," he said in a low voice.
She smiled a little and nodded slowly, leaving a careful silence before gathering her wits again.
"I didn't come here to ask for your permission, Dastan. Only your help."
He sighed heavily again and shook his head softly as if to shake off exhaustion, then wiped a hand over his face before looking up to meet her eyes.
"Of course, you will have it," he finally said with sad certainty. "Of course."
She watched him quietly, and relief slowly caused a sincere smile to edge over her face. "Thank you."
He lifted a hand to gently stroke his thumb across each of her cheeks in turn; a loosening flurry of warmth ribboned over her skin, and suddenly she found herself stepping in close to him and slipping her arms around his waist. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and felt him embrace her quickly, one strong arm pulling her waist close to his and the other encircling her shoulders. Tamina closed her eyes and breathed quietly as the solid warmth of his body slowly made the boundaries of her senses feel hazy. She lifted her head only when he mumbled something she could not hear properly.
"Hmm?" she asked, looking up into his blue eyes.
"I would follow you anywhere," he repeated gruffly.
Her tender smile came easily; she tilted her face upwards without thinking and saw his eyes focus quietly before he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. Sweetness spread through her body until she pulled away with the faintest sigh, and Dastan pulled back a little to look at her carefully.
"I-" Tamina hesitated and exhaled, stepping back from him enough to break their embrace. "I need to get some sleep. There are many arrangements to make tomorrow..."
He furrowed his brow. "You're not leaving now, are you? Sleep here." She watched him thoughtfully, and his lips quirked as the warmth in his eyes carved the ache from the distance between them. "I can take the floor. -I'm used to it..."
Tamina gave a faint smile and finally nodded slowly. "You do not need to sleep on the floor, Dastan... but-" She paused and he tipped his head forward a fraction to indicate he was listening. "This time, we really will just sleep."
He exhaled an amused breath and nodded. "I will behave myself, Princess."
She mirrored his half-smile as he stepped away from her and bent to blow out a candle on a side table. "I suppose there is a first time for everything, Prince," she muttered, and he flicked a smirking look back over his shoulder at her.
Shaking her head, Tamina crossed to the bed and got in, quickly removing her shawl and moving to leave plenty of space beside her as Dastan blew out the candles around the chamber. She lay and watched warily as he approached the bed with a familiar warmth in his eyes and at his lips. Then he blew out the final candle and she blinked in the sudden blackness, not moving as she felt the bedcovers lift and the mattress sink beside her.
Dastan made no attempt to touch her. They exchanged a few brief words about the arrangements for the next day, then said goodnight, and a still silence settled.
Tamina lay on her back, staring unseeingly at the ceiling and wondering what to do with the crackling sensation that was tracing up and down the side of her body nearest to her husband, the sensation of being cliff-edge close to the beginning of a thunderstorm. In her mind's eye she saw another version of herself, sleeping on cold desert sand with a Persian warrior nearby, and she wondered if that Tamina had felt the same sensation.
Heaving a sigh, she turned away from Dastan and shifted onto her side. As his breathing slowed and steadied beside her, she closed her eyes and prayed she was right that the gods would let her survive.
-End of ch.3-
A/N: Pleease review! Reviews mean so much to writers, I love to receive anything whether short or long, positive or critical. Chapter 4 will be the final chapter, help me keep motivated to finish it! ;)