What If… Ch.3
I giggled at Jacob's vulnerable expression, amused. He smiled softly, embarrassed, and then suddenly turned serious. Slowly, he leaned in and touched his warm lips to mine. I'd kissed him before, but the contrast between his warm lips and Edward's icy ones still caught me off guard. Jacob's kiss began gently as he hesitantly tested the waters, and soon became a slightly more passionate action. His tongue danced across my lips, asking my permission to enter and surprising me with its fiery temperature. I opened my mouth and allowed my own tongue to explore, tasting the unfamiliar sweetness of his wet tongue. It was so unreal, kissing the man who I once loved but knew I could never be with; exhilarating.
I began to feel feverish, and I wrapped my arms around his strong neck, bringing him closer to me. With a shaky breath Jacob encircled my waist with his muscular arms, giving me the out of place feeling of comfort and protection. I felt him slide his calloused hands from the small of my back to my hips, feeling me, trying to memorize my shape. I
followed suit, caressing the tough muscles of his arms, his chest, his taut nipples.
He moved his lips to my neck, kissing and suckling at the most sensitive areas. I let my head roll back as a wave of hesitant passion filled my body, beginning in my heart and settling in my most private of areas. He then kissed a trail down from my neck to my collar bone, and with his right hand he hesitantly cupped my breast, kneading it gingerly. His breathing became noticeably heavier, as did mine, as the anticipation continued to build not only in my body, but Jacob's. I could actually feel is restless energy. He paused his ministrations, grabbing hold of the hem of my tank top and asking me with his beautiful, chocolate eyes if he could remove it.
"It's okay." I whispered, cupping his cheek in my hands. He smiled shyly.
Jacob clumsily pulled my tank up and over my head and then tossed it onto the floor. The rush of cool air from the room washed over my bare stomach, sending chills down my spine and causing my nipples to peak beneath my bra. Jacob couldn't keep his mouth away from me then, kissing and licking down my chest to linger between my breasts. My hands were tangled in his shaggy black hair as I enjoyed the sensations a little too much.
"Bella…" he mumbled, face still at my breasts. I moaned softly in response and he gazed up at me, eyes heavy with desire. I leaned down to kiss his forehead, my hands caressing his lower abs.
"I love you." He whispered, never breaking eye contact.
"I love you, too." I said without a bit of hesitation.
Jacob then returned his focus to my body, and reached down to fumble with the button on my jeans. I suppressed another giggle, not wanting to hurt his man pride, and assisted him in unbuttoning me. I leaned back on the bed as he stripped me of my jeans. His eyes were appraising me as I lay there in my plain white bra and panties. For moment I whished I'd worn something a little more sexy. Jacob spoke then, as if he'd heard my thoughts.
"You're so beautiful, Bella." He said in a deep, husky voice.
"You don't think I look plain with my ratty old cotton…" I asked. He shook his head.
"I don't think that. This is what I've always imagined you wearing. Sweet and simple Bella. Besides, who needs all that fancy underwear when they've got a body as perfect as yours?" He smiled and touched my cheek. I chuckled and turned serious again, appreciating his compliments when, in my eyes anyway, they were clearly untrue.
I looked at him then, beckoning him with my eyes. He took another shaky breath and leaned over me, resting on his left elbow, and caressed my stomach and then my thighs. Thank goodness I'd remembered to shave that morning, I thought. He kissed my neck again and with timid gentleness, nipped me with his teeth, eliciting a warm throb between my legs and causing my breathing to stagger.
I reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, saving him the trouble, and feeling delight pulse through me as Jacob's pupils dilated with excitement. His breath came with a haggardness as he took my nipple in his mouth and suckled it, a new determination in his demeanor.
"Jake…"
I could feel his erection begin to grow against my right thigh and while he continued to nurse my breasts I glanced down to see its size through his sweat pants. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but considering Jacob's body size and structure it would have to be pretty large; proportionate to his body. The size scared me, its length more than what I was used to. Even though I wasn't a virgin it could hurt terribly. I hoped he would take it easy with me, not be too ravenous.
Jacob then carefully slid my panties down and added them to the forgotten mess of clothes on the floor. He boldly ran his hand over the coarse triangle of hair and then unexpectedly placed a rough finger into my warm folds, caressing my most sensitive of places and not even knowing it. My breath staggered and a quiet groan escaped my lips. Our eyes met and he held my gaze as he began to rub and explore me, delving down into my wetness and, judging by me expressions, discovering what places felt the best to touch. He was very observant and picked up on it quickly.
"You can go inside." I whispered in response to a sudden look of apprehension on his handsome face. He swallowed with difficulty and inserted one finger and then two. It hurt a bit, his fingers were so big, but the feeling of pleasure overrode the pain, the pleasure of having him so close to me, having his warm fingers inside me. I began to pant heatedly as he moved his fingers, in and out with slow and careful intensity and I watched his face as he studied me, taking in my reactions and the parts of a woman he'd never explored before. It made me a bit uncomfortable, so I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at my eyes.
"What should I do?" he asked timidly, biting his lower lip. I'd almost forgotten that he was still a virgin. He reminded me of Edward on our honeymoon, pausing often to ask what to do, as if I knew, and what I wanted. Jacob however, was so innocently ignorant that it was proving difficult to not see him as endearing at the moment. I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his thick hair. He tilted his head toward me, eyes closed, and savored my touch. Then he nuzzled his cheek into my palm, loving on me.
"Do whatever you want." I said.
He pulled his fingers out, rubbing them together to feel their slickness. His demeanor changed rapidly again and I noticed his eyes flash with passion, his body reacting to his desires. He leaned down and kissed me with earnest, breathing more heavily and turning my insides to jell-o. As he attacked me with more kisses, I felt his erection from underneath his sweats graze my thigh, unconsciously humping and rubbing against me. The motion sent shivers into my core, and my body actually ached for that feeling to reside inside of me rather than on my thigh. I felt another thump of desire pulsate within me and I knew I couldn't hold out much longer.
I reached down to the elastic of his waistband and slid my fingers inside, feeling his taut lower abs and his jutting pelvic bones. Jacob sucked in air suddenly with my touch and let out a masculine groan against my lips as I bravely touched his throbbing erection. He was big, I knew now. Instead of the nervous fear of pain coursing through me, I felt nothing but anticipation for what was to come. Edward was a nice size himself, perfectly proportioned to his lean body size, and since he was the only man I'd ever been with, my body wasn't accustomed to anything different. Yet still I felt no apprehension any longer. I was ready.
Jacob paused his shower of kisses to reach down and pull his sweats off, revealing himself: a body made of pure muscle, running on nothing but love and lust. I admired his physique as he nibbled my ear, noticing the sexy trail of black hair that began at his navel and joined in with the bushel of hair surrounding his impressive erection. I saw his thighs, a slightly lighter shade of skin covering the powerful muscles beneath.
The burn in my core that resulted from this vision was hard to control, and so I gave up and allowed myself to lose what little control I still had. As I wrapped my arms around his strong neck I kissed his mouth with such passion that I surprised myself. He tilted his head up so I could suckle his neck instead, breathing huskily, his mouth open slightly with pleasure.
"Gah…"he mumbled, breathless. He dipped his head back down and then positioned himself above me, moving his body in between my legs and opening me to the chill air. I could feel his erection touch my inner thigh again, and then pause at my wet opening. I opened my eyes to find Jake looking straight into them. I'm not certain what I saw behind those eyes. Happiness for finally having me, sorrow for what could have been… His emotions seemed to be mixed, according to his eyes, and so I asked him what he was thinking at that very moment, right before we would come together.
"I'm thinking about how much I still love you; how much I want you…"he said, voice saturated with unashamed desire. I didn't say anything back, just continued to peer into his dark eyes.
"Are you sure about this, Bella?" he said then. "There's no turning back what we are about to do."
I nodded solemnly, remembering what happiness would come from our lovemaking. He let out a nervous breath, placing his arms on either side of my shoulders. His body was trembling just as much as his voice, as adrenaline coursed through his veins.
Slowly, hesitantly, he slid himself into my opening and groaned breathily with pleasure. The sound made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as it excited me further. His size did hurt my small opening as he forced himself deeper into me, stretching the tender walls to the max. Once he reached the barrier he began the instinctive motion, his eyes hooded with need, but I grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Wait." I gasped. I let my body adjust to his large size for a moment, Jacob watching my face intently. After a few seconds I nodded for him to continue, so he began again, slowly this time; passionately as if he were reveling in the knew feeling. I knew I was reveling, absolutely loving the feel of the searing warmth of his penis inside me. I arched my back, lifting my hips to meet him half way, thrusting with just as much slow deliberation.
"Bella…" he breathed into my ear as he nibbled at it. I let out a low moan, panting breathily and feeling him so deep within me, not only completely filling me up physically, but emotionally as well. We were one entity, and during the moments that we were joined, nothing else mattered.
I listened to the sensual sounds he made, loving the deep, ragged breathing and masculine groans. I could smell the woodsy musk of his trembling skin mingling with my own smell, causing my nose to tingle. I could even taste the sweet passion in his mouth as he kissed me deeply. Every sense seemed to be heightened and I was so fully aware of Jacob and his body and of my own, that it was surreal. It was amazing.
In earnest I reached up top cup his firm backside, trying to push him deeper. His thrusts then became faster and more determined, as did mine, and he began to use his whole body to move, not just his hips, jostling my own body with power. Our breathing grew frantic as we climbed closer to our goal, filling the tiny room with desperate gasps of increasing pleasure. I felt him nuzzle his face into the crook of my neck as he worked, and I could feel his moist breath on my throat, sending shivers of goose bumps across my skin.
Jacob reached down to my waist and lifted my hips to receive his pounding thrusts, balancing himself with one hand still at my shoulder. Suddenly the smoldering fire within my core began to come alive and consume my fevered body. My breathing synchronized with his, both of us searching for air that wouldn't come fast enough, and our movements intensified with every passing second. I could feel beads of sweat trickle on my body, mixing with his, making our bodies slip against each other.
Then without warning, the fire exploded within me, coursing from my abdomen to the tips of my fingers and toes and sending my mind miles from everything but Jacob and the feeling that plunged me into ecstasy. I gasped as I rode out the burning wave of flames, feeling as if I'd been tossed into oblivion. My eyes were in contact with Jacob's as he watched my erotic expressions, and I could see that he was marveling at my reaction. I also saw the fire building within him as well, like little flames dancing in his eyes.
He ducked his head back down to my neck, continuing his progress and huffing with effort. I lay there with my arms around his trim waist, recovering from my release, and waited for him to come. My heart was still pounding, my lungs still searching for enough air; I was actually panting. When he did come, it was as if he had been released of an excruciatingly heavy burden. He cried out huskily and slowed his pace, biting the thin skin of my neck and taking in every sensation slowly. I felt his hot cum shoot into me and I lifted my pelvis slightly to receive it, remembering the purpose to our lovemaking. His breath was ragged as he finally slowed his movement to a stop and I could feel the slight jerks as his orgasm shook his massive body.
He was still for a moment, one arm at my shoulder, the other holding my waist, and then he collapsed on top of me, absolutely spent, and knocked out what little air I had in the first place. But he quickly moved aside, breathing with some effort from exertion at my right side. We lay there without a word for a long moment, reflecting on what had just occurred between us. I reached over and touched his sweaty back, caressing and soothing his feverish skin and he sighed deeply in obvious contentment.
"Did I do alright?" he mumbled after a pause, his face half concealed by the pillow. I smiled and rolled over onto my stomach too, our faces only inches apart. The pillow underneath my head smelled like Jacob, and I found such comfort in that that I wondered briefly why that was. Maybe just knowing that it was Jake's smell, a scent of someone who made me happy and would always protect me, filled me with serenity. But I wasn't sure.
"You were perfect." I whispered. He peered into my eyes as if he were checking to see if I were telling the truth. Apparently finding no evidence of a lie, he smiled at me shyly.
"You felt so good…" he said as he readjusted his head to reveal his whole face. I blushed at his compliment and so did he. Jacob was just so sweet and, despite what he'd just done to me, so heartbreakingly adorable. I briefly recalled the way he'd felt inside of me and how his masculinity had done me in. His cute boyishness was instantly replaced with the image of pure sexiness.
"You felt wonderful too." I said boldly. "You were so warm…" He looked at me with a humble expression.
"Am I in league with Edward?" he asked, and then rolled over onto his back, pulling the sheets over his beautifully sculpted body. I caught a fleeting glimpse of his penis, surprised by its flaccid length as well. It was strange to hear Edward's name now, like he were a stranger from my past. I felt guilt wash over me for thinking of him that way, when I knew full well he was the one I loved. Most.
"I'm not going to compare the two of you." I said with a sigh. "Let's just say you're both different and better in your own ways." He chuckled and went silent.
"I'm glad we did this." he said after a moment.
"I am too."
"So this is it." he said.
"I guess so." I replied, rubbing his shoulder.
"I don't want things to be awkward between us." he began, turning to face me. "I still want us to be just Jacob and Bella. No matter what."
"Of course." I said. He sighed again and closed his eyes, arms behind his head, ready for a nap. I wish I could just fall asleep at will like he could.
We lay there for hours, him snoozing somewhere between sleep and consciences, me staring at the ceiling, never saying a word. I knew in my heart that I had conceived, and so would never have to lay with Jacob again. A few hours ago that fact would have satisfied me, but now, as I lay beside the father of my new baby, I was kind of disappointed, and that bothered me. It was wrong. I loved Edward, not Jacob. And yet the knowledge that we would never have this opportunity again ate at my heart. If only I could have both…
A sudden roar sounded from the driveway. I sat up straight, my heart pounding. BILLY! I jumped out of bed and hurried to find my clothes and pull them on. I found one of Jake's old tennis shoes and chucked it at him, hitting him right on the head. He mumbled a curse word and say up, looking at me like I was crazy.
"What the hell was that for?" He said sleepily, rubbing his sore head.
"Billy!" I said, grinding my teeth.
He hurried out of bed, accidentally tripping on the sheets and falling into his dresser. Any other time it would have been funny, but at the moment it made me angry; he was wasting time. I threw his sweats at him then, and they too hit him in the head.
"Stop throwing things at me!" he hollered, picking up a pillow and hurling it in my direction. I glared and pulled my tank top over my head, almost dressed, still searching frantically for my panties. The sound of the creaking front door floated back to Jacob's room, and we both froze. He was dressed now at least, but my bottom was bare.
"Forget the underwear!" he whispered desperately. I grabbed my jeans and crammed them on and had them buttoned just in time for Billy to knock on Jake's door. Jake and I both took a calming breath and spoke in unison.
"Come in." we mumbled, trying to act as natural as was possible. Billy pushed the door open, letting it swing slowly. When he saw me, Billy's eyes lit up briefly. But then he must have noticed something strange about our demeanor, because his face turned accusing.
"What have you two been up to?" he said, mock seriousness on his face. Jake and I laughed stupidly.
"Nothing"
"Just hangin' out."
"We didn't do anything."
Billy's fake serious expression turned real and skeptical, as our answers jumbled together with our nervous chuckles. He looked at Jacob. Jacob raised his eyebrows and lifted his hands, physically asking 'what?'.
"I need to get home." I said then, to break the awkward silence. "Renesmee will be wondering where I've been."
"I'll walk you to the car." Jake muttered. He followed close behind me, neither of us looking at Billy as we passed by. My heart finally began to slow as we headed out to the driveway, feeling like I'd just dodged a bullet.
Once we'd reached my too expensive car, Jacob let out a long stream of air, like he'd been holding his breath the whole time. I looked at him and our eyes met and it was too much. We both burst out with laughter, letting out the nervous energy that had built up within our bodies and celebrating our escape. I laughed so hard that tears spilled over my cheeks. Jacob noticed and wiped them away with a chuckle.
"That was close." He said, subconsciously rubbing his head again. That made me laugh again.
"Sorry about the shoe." I said, playfully punching him in the arm. He shrugged and looked away with a smile.
"I guess you have to go…" he mumbled, obviously disappointed. I sighed and grabbed his warm hand. We stared into each other's eyes for the longest time. I knew he was thinking the exact same thing I was back in his bedroom. That sense of loss, knowing that we'd just fulfilled a mutual want and would never do it again. It was painful.
But I had a family at home. I had a loving husband who I'd chosen. I couldn't change my decision of Edward, didn't want to. I didn't want to give up Jacob either. But I knew it was the right thing to do. He was Renesmee's now, and as soon as she was grown he would never think of me romantically again. That was best. And it was best that I leave our experience here in the driveway, never bring it up again and forget about it. As much as I hated to, and as much as I hated myself for not wanting to, I had to leave it. And so I did.
"I still love you, Bella." Jacob said suddenly.
"I love you too Jake."
"I'll see you tomorrow, then." He said, kicking the dirt under his feet. "Renesmee and I are going to the park. She loves to feed the ducks…"
I nodded. He reached out and gave me one of his bear hugs that I loved so much, and I hugged him back. It felt like I was saying goodbye forever. I got in my car and cranked it, getting ready to leave.
Jake leaned into the window and kissed me deeply one last time. His scent filled my nostrils and I could literally feel my heart breaking in two.