Author's notes: Two chapters on one night, since I feel generous and diligent (wonderful change, by the way). NOW everything's going to get fun. Yes, there are plenty of in-jokes, but some things in here will be easy to get. I actually proofread this one more closely, but if anyone sees any errors, please let me know so I can change it. (This IS written in stream of consciousness, though, which is like bleeding your brain out onto paper...)
Also, since sandwiches were invented by... I think it was the Earl of Sandwich, I'm not sure that "sandwich" was a word way back when. Thus Virion's confusion a ways down.
I'm really tired, so this chapter was typed up and edited with that sentiment in mind. So, I think it has a sincere quality that most thingies I write lack due to circumstance. Enjoy!
Remember when I said we'd starve?
I take it back. We eat well– or rather, Chrom and I eat well. Pyro and Buttons won't touch their food. (Pyro is Frederick; I assigned him that nickname, the most polite for him so far, upon finding that he has a thing for building campfires.) Well, if I weren't so hungry, I'd understand their hesitation.
"That's two meals I owe you now," I eke out between bites.
"You played a crucial role in catching it," Chrom argues.
"Yeah, bait. And I nearly set the damn forest aflame." (Don't even ask how; I'm not sure, myself.) "If you hadn't been around, I'd be bear food by now. One less thorn in his–" I point at Frederick– "side. Actually, I don't just owe you food, I owe you my life now."
"If I saved you, why complain?"
"The only thing worse than being broke is being in debt, money-wise. And I don't even have the means to pay you back. I–"
"Don't worry about it. You don't owe me anything. Good came out of all this, anyways."
I sigh. "If you say so. Two years from now I'll still feel indebted to you, I wager." Everyone laughs at this, for some insane reason. "What? What? What's so funny?"
Lissa is the one who speaks up, bless her. "You'll remember this two whole years from now?"
...
I'm an idiot. Amnesiac with a long memory.
"Godsdamn oxymorons," I groan, lying back and covering my face. "Stupid accidental jokes. We should find whatever village I must be from, I think we'll find they're missing their resident idiot."
More laughter. Hey, I'm funny! I smile and try to think of another joke. ... Darn it, none come to mind. Okay, then, I can live without one.
"Buttons, Badass, Pyro, and Idiot," I list. "What a motley crew. I'm not sure if this is the beginning of a comedy or a tragedy, pray it's the former."
"Did you just give out new nicknames?" Buttons asks.
"Well, all nicknames are tentative, since I come up with tons of them. Except yours. I'm marveling that I managed to coin a polite one for Frederick. Maybe there's hope for me yet." This was a joke meant just for me, so it's ok that only I get it.
"Mind explaining who got which names?" Chrom asks.
"You mean it's not obvious?" I ask back. "Buttons is Lissa, Pyro is Frederick, you're Badass, and I'm Idiot. Or rather, I'm the idiot." I end that with a wink and a smile. "No one is allowed to be dumber than me."
"That's a high standard!" Lissa whines.
I snicker; she pretty much just insulted her intelligence. I don't snark this at her, despite the shockingly wide opening she just made. "You're welcome, Buttons!"
"Thank you, Shanzy! Er, can I call you that?"
Haha, she still doesn't get it. "Sure thing. Now eat your food."
She frowns at the bear meat before her. "No thanks. I don't like meddling with the food chain."
"But humans are on top; we can eat anything. We're not meddling."
"Is "anything" supposed to include meat that smells like old boots? Wait, take that back, boots smell better!"
"Eat your food, Lissa, or you'll starve. For want of a meal, a healer was lost–"
Chrom starts laughing his ass off at this. Why yes, I was paying attention to that big huge tirade earlier! Apparent IQ +20. I like the sound of Chrom laughing, it puts me in a good mood.
"This would be more likely to kill me! It– yuck," Lissa stops short after having tried to put some into her mouth.
"Eat your fish, Buttons–"
"Fish?! Where'd that–"
"Eatyourfisheatyourfisheatyour–"
And then it all devolves into laughter; this is just plain silly. All four of us spend a good while laughing, and gods, it feels good.
"I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard."
"Of course you don't, you have amnesia," Chrom snickers.
"Fish," gags Buttons. "Where'd that come from?"
"I have no idea." I wipe a tear from my eye, of amusement this time. "Something I read once? I don't know, like Badass just said, I'm the amnesiac here." I lie back. "Eat your fish, Frederick."
He freezes up for a split second, then: "I–I... Had a large lunch! Yes, that. I'm not hungry; no need for concern on my behalf." Nervous chuckle. That response sure was quick, wasn't it?
"You're a baaaad liar, it's funny. Okay, if you're fine with starving... Oh, wait, I think I still have that apple core fro–"
"N-no, thank you! I'm not hungry!"
"That's your story, and you're sticking to it? Okay, fine. Good night!" I turn over to sleep.
As it turns out, I suck at sleeping. I lie awake on not-so-hard ground for what I assume to be hours, distracting myself with the faint sound of someone– I think's it's Chrom, but I could be wrong– tending the fire.
Something hits me, then. That little green glint I kept seeing earlier. I examine my left hand.
How pretty, there's a little piece of quartz on a string, tied around my wrist. Stuck to it– I know not how– are two little clear green stones. It really is a nice trinket, though I'm sure the crystal's quality sucks. (I can't see much detail! It's dark.) The little green stones must have caught the light earlier.
I then see a little spark in the quartz, though there's no way it can reflect or refract the dull firelight from here. It's enchanted, I decide. It must be. But I can't for the life of me figure out what it does. Perhaps I ought to ask someone to help me figure out what it– waaaaait a minute.
What if my memories are in this thing? It would make sense– it glowed during moments of clarity in my mind. Yes, yes! It must be that. I close my eyes again and put my hand down. I feel proud of myself. Now, sleepytime?
There are sounds disturbing the silence. Urgh, why? Someone's moving. I open my eyes and roll my head over (nothing too obvious) to have a look. Chrom's up, standing, and alert.
Then I realize why the sounds of his movement bothered me– everything else is totally silent, even the bugs. Trying not to make a sound, I reach for my sword. Are we surrounded? ... No. There's no one else nearby. Just the four of us.
More movement, and I hear Lissa's bouncy footsteps just outside my range of peripheral vision. "What's wrong, big brother?" Naturally, she's whispering, but it's still stark against the utter silence.
"I didn't mean to wake you... Go back to sleep. It's nothing."
I pull out a stage whisper. "Nothing, my wonderfully large coat. Listen, listen carefully."
There's a pause. "There's nothing," she says.
I give a thumbs-up. "Exactly. Isn't that odd? Complete silence in all four directions. The animals being quiet I can understand, but the bugs? Something's up."
"I think I'm going to have a look around," Chrom says, glancing around for a good direction to do so in.
"I'm going with you," Buttons whispers in reply.
"I'm staying, if I wander off, Pyro will get suspicious." I sit up. "Just let me know the direction you go in, in case something ha–... ppens..." There's a really terrible feeling in my gut, and I know that's not the bear meat.
"Shanzira?"
"Go ahead and go," I say. They walk, and I spend a few minutes quietly struggling with this inexplicable sense of dread. I hope it's wrong, but I think my gut feelings are usually right. I stand up. "Pyro! Wake up. Something's wrong."
He's a little slow at first. "Hmm...?" Then he notices Chrom and Lissa gone, and hurriedly scrambles to his feet. "M– Where are–"
I interrupt by pointing in the direction they wandered. "Walked off that way. I haven't heard jack, so I think they're okay, b–"
CRASH.
The first thing I notice is Frederick stumbling and falling– in full plate armor, that's almost as bad as drop kicking a lever in the same, wait where'd that come from– and then I realize why, it's because the damn ground is shaking– FUCK, EARTHQUAKE. Unbidden, a brief vision of being on the toilet during an earthquake comes to mind, along with a hilarious comment that made me giggle, despite my fear of this nasty earthquake oh gods where did that forest fire come from?!
"Get up!" I offer my hand to FUCKING SHIT HE'S HEAVY. I meet the ground clumsily, and getting up again is a challenge, what with the damn shaking. Earthquakes like these actually last a while. I get up again anyways, because I actually think it's fun to stumble about on unstable ground (I know, I'm weird). After about another minute, the ground ceases to heave, and I blurt, "Okay, now let's go."
All the clumsy scrambling is done with; now we're actually running seriously. It's hard to breath, and I wish I had a scarf or something to filter the smoke. I dunno, I'm not about to admit out loud that I have no clue what I'm doing.
There's a clearin– Ah! Found 'em! Buttons and Badass! I speak up to express my relief, but it seems Asshole had the same idea.
"Milord, milady–" "Buttons, you look white–" "–Are you unharmed–?" "–As a sheet! You okay?"
"Um, what?" Lissa asks.
"I asked if you–" "I was merely inquiring–" "–And Badass are okay because–" "–As to your present–" "–Oh, fuck it–" "–Condition, is light of recent events!" (Frederick is the one who finished.)
"Get off my damn script, Asshole!" I yell.
"You two argue like an old married couple," Lissa giggles. At first I blush in embarrassment, then I see Frederick doing the same and I laugh. I laugh hard. I love these guys, they're hilarious. The whole silly factor of this mess hits me all at this time, and I'm doubled over.
"Everyone, keep your wits about you! There are enemies nearby!" I know Chrom's trying to sober us up, but I can't help it, this is–
OW!
Where did that arrow come from?! Ouch, can't move arm without pain, ouch, ouch, fuck, what do, "Buttons, help, oOWW," voice rising far about usual pitch, whimpering like a kid, shit there go the tears, fuck, fuck, "OUCH!" Ah, better. Someone yanked the arrow out, then Buttons healed me. Arm is usable again. Damn, getting shot sobers you up real quick– THEY RUINED MY JACKET!
I wipe my face. Okay, forest is still burning, jacket is still ruined, and I'm pissed as all hell. there are these weird things not too far away, they have the rough shape of humans but look like... zombies, yes, zombies. They're charging at us.
"Frederick, Chrom, in front, now. Buttons, get behind me. I will... Uh... Oh, shit." I might be really angry, but some good it does if my temper doesn't match my physical power. "I'll be on the front lines, too." This is probably the best way to teach myself what I need to learn: A really steep learning curve.
"Are you sure about that?" Chrom asks.
"I... I need to do this." I can't explain it. I twirl my sword (nearly drop it in the process, fail) and make a mental note to find a better weapon– I can't use a sword. Teeth gritted, Chrom and Frederick on either side of me... I should be okay. I'll be okay. Why am I so worried? I shouldn't...
The wave of zombies breaks against us. What the hell even are these things? With these two doing all of the work, I'm actually not very taxed for this. I'm stunning them and knocking them to the sides so the guys can finish them off. These monsters are actually really hard to kill. Wait, shit, one got past Chrom, it's going for Lissa, shit I can't get out–
It collapses the the ground and fades into dark mist. So that's what happens why they die? I can't see. But what killed... an arrow, through the eye, mayhap? There is an arrow lying there now. Where's the arch– Oh, waaait a minute. I hastily pull my cowl over my face, and note that my quartz bracelet is gleaming again. That's right, there's a chucklehead entering the scene now, and he's a–
"My dear lady!" He says in a funny accent. "Are you unharmed?" Yeah, this is that archer. He's got blueish gray hair, wearing this stupid cravat, and I think he's a noble.
Oh, I should mention–
"Huh? So you shot that arrow! You saved me! Thanks!"
"'Twas a trifling matter for the archest of archers, my dear lady–"
"Shut up and fight!" I interrupt, dropping my voice to the loudest pitch I can still shout in.
–This guy likes to hit on anything female. Thus, the cowl. (I thank that weird memory crystal, it must have done something.)
"Yeah, Ruffles!" Enter a redhead on a horse, with a lance and armor matching her hair. Wait, a lance? That gives me an idea! "No time to waste. Captain Chrom! I'm here!"
Captain? Add "Le Capitan" to Chrom's list of nicknames.
"Sully!" (Think of the devil, and the devil shalt speak.) "Excellent timing. Your orders, Shanzira!"
This is a mess, I'm going to have a job clearing it up and getting everyone's names. "Ma'am, whatever your name is–" I actually didn't catch it, even though I'm sure Chrom just shouted it– "On my left flank. Frederick, move to the back and protect Buttons. Chrom, stay on my right. And, uh, you, archer guy, sandwich yourself between the van and the rear, and–"
"Er, sandwich?" He asks.
"Just stay behind me and shoot, dumbass!" What is unclear about the word "sandwich"?!
"Well, I never," he grumbles. He still follows my orders anyways. So, sounds like he doesn't realize I'm a chick. Score.
I return my attention to the foes in front of me. After brushing one enemy over to Chrom, I look to my fellow redhead and ask, "Wanna switch weapons? I can't use a sword."
"You sure? You look like you're pretty handy wi– Er, I take it back. You'd better switch with me." (I just dropped it.) We trade weapons, and I have something viable now. It's heavy, buuuut...
"Heh! Now you're talking!" Red's watching me rock this thing. Oh yeah, I'm awesome– wait FUCK four of these things at once!
"Chrom, with me! Archer, bring down as many as you can, now! Frederick, need you on the left flank; Buttons, RUN!" One zombie falls from an arrow in the eyes, and the other three are about to crash into–"
FIRES! What the hell, was that a flamethrower or something? A stream of fire just rushed out, parallel to our little line of defense, and cooked these guys like chickens. The purple mist is already gone when the fires clear. I look to my right and I see a hooded figure with a red tome.
"A fire mage?" Chrom asks.
"What was that shit?" My voice's pitch rises high.
"Arcfire," answers the hooded one. Very feminine voice.
"Hot damn, that's tough shit. Well, since you're so helpful, mind coming over here? Could use you behind the van–"
She bellows: "I don't take orders from you!" I think I heard tears in that voice. I wanna help, but I figure to keep my distance. I glance back at the battlefield, noting one last zombie, and he looks to be the toughest.
"Do what you want, then," I say to her. I then gesture to the surviving zombie. "Chrom, Frederick, with me." The three of us charge.
Frederick strikes first, dealing a grievous blow. I take a step towards it, then I move back. Yeeahhhh, I don't wanna try that. Chrom notices my hesitation and finishes it off.
"Looks like that's it," I mutter to no one in particular as the zombie turns into mist. I straighten myself out. Now, where's that fire mage? Ah, in the distance. I dash over to her, noting the strength fading from my legs. "Hey," I breathe out.
Though she's still got a hood up, I vaguely see her eyes, but I can't make out the color. She regards me with a defensive posture. "I have nothing to say to you."
"You just did." She turns to leave. "Hey, wait. What did I do to wrong you?"
"You–" She hesitates. "Perhaps I was a little rude. He would tell me to brush up on my manners, no doubt..."
"He?" I inquire. "Ah, never mind. Thanks for saving my ass– Sorry, our asses back there."
"D'you kiss your boyfriend with that mouth?"
"WHAT?!" Oh, gods, I can feel the blush! "I don't HAVE a boyfriend! I– I– where did THAT come from?!"
I can see a smile under that hood. "I see why... Perhaps you should drop the profanity, then!" This bitch is telling me to be polite?!
"Ugh, I don't need to deal with this. Who are you, my mother?"
She gives me a wry smile, and I walk away, frustrated. Hey, everyone else is all gathered around something– someone, sorry, it's some masked dude. So who's this douchebag? I come in next to Chrom. "What'd I miss?" I whisper.
He opens his mouth to answer, but whatever he says is lost on me as I notice this guy is lookin' at me funny. When I say funny, I mean weird. Hrm.. If Chrom is "Mr. Hero", then this guy is "Anti-Hero". They seem to be a matched pair, like twin blades. Oh, wow, that's a really cool thought. But back to reality– this guy's staring at me.
"Um, who are you?"
"I just explained..." (That was Chrom.)
"You," the masked man says. There's cold in his voice, brr. "What are you doing here?"
"Do I know you?" I ask. "Everyone I meet is suddenly giving me the cold shoulder, and I don't even know why..."
"If it comfort you, I can–"
"NO!" Looks like Edgey found out I'm a woman. Godsdamn it, when did that happen? "That's even worse!" The look on his face cheers me up, though. I turn back to the masked guy. "To answer your question in a really vague and annoying way, I'm helping and being helped. Your turn, who are you?"
"I need not repeat myself. I will warn you of this: The world teeters on the brink of calamity; the events of tonight are but the rise of the conductor's baton."
"You just compared an apocalypse to a symphony? If I get your meaning right, that is. So what happens other than zombies and earthquakes and forest fires?"
And then the prick just walks away without clarifying. "That son of a bitch, he's trying to warn people of the end of the world and he half-asses it? Bastard, what the hell?" A few feet ahead, I see him stop and... Is he snickering? What? "Okay, what stupid thing did I say NOW?!"
"If it makes you feel better, Shanzira, I don't know, either." Thanks, Buttons.
"Must be some kind of in-joke," I grumble. This is followed up with a sigh. "Well, I won't begrudge him his humor... Is anyone else sleepy as all get out?"
I'm answered by a yawn from Chrom, of all people. (I didn't think he'd get tired, or even show that he's tired. Well, the more you know.) "Perhaps it would be best if we let this sit for the night..."
"Agreed." I turn to Edgey and Curly (The archer and redhead, respectively). "And you two better tell me your names before I permanently stick you with nicknames. I'm Shanzira."
"It's Sully," answers Curly. I nod, knowing I'll forget it by morning.
"I am the archest of–"
"Abridge it, Ruffles!" I yell. "Or you're stuck with that and "Edgey" for the rest of your life!"
He blinks, obviously startled, and finally cuts the crap. "It's Virion. My name, that is." I make a point to remember it so I don't have to ask him again. The less opportunity he has to talk to me, the better.
"Okay. Now, where'd we leave the camp?" I ask. I rub my fingers against the hole that arrow made in my coat, not even caring about my coat being ruined anymore.
Once we get back, I fall asleep easily due to exhaustion, forgetting everything.