A/N: Wow, I am really just putting these out there like the freaking Energizer Bunny of Fan Fiction!
Wewt.
"All right, in order to this, we have to skip classes and-"
"Skip classes? I think not!" I hissed viciously, and Sirius didn't look surprised. I was very against any idea of skipping classes, at all.
"Do you want to step out there? Meet a girl?" James gave me a genuine smile and I closed my eyes, frustrated.
"Yes. Fine. Let's do this." We all looked at Lily, who looked taken aback, apparently at me.
"I had no idea you wanted to act like, I mean.." She stammered and nodded. "I mean, yes, I'll participate."
"Then let's get started now." And before me and Lily could respond, they were already rushing towards the doors.
"Hey...WAIT!" I was chasing after them, staggering slightly at the stares I had received. but once I had opened the doors and joined my friends, I was panting and the three of them were calmly walking.
"How are we going to go about this?" I gasped for breath.
"Oh. We go by The Guide." He replied as if it were obvious. Me and Lily exchanged confused looks.
"The guide. The leader. La Tourisme!" Sirius exclaimed in a terrible French accent as we approached The Fat Lady.
"Looking marvelous as ever, Lady," Sirius said with a wink. She giggled and swung by without asking for the password.
"You shouldn't have done that," Lily said warningly, but Sirius ignored her and ran up the stairs hurriedly and came back without hesitation, panting before dropping a large book on the table. My jaw dropped at the cover.
The Marauders Guide To Being Dangerously Cool
By James Potter and Sirius Black (Soon Including Remus Lupin[?)
Illustrations by James Potter
Sidenotes by Sirius Black
"Illustrations? Sidenot-"
"We'll get to that later," James interrupted with a blush. I gazed at the cover; the lettering was neat and marvelous, their own calligraphy. I couldn't help but to grin at the "Including Remus Lupin" in smaller print.
Sirius picked up the textbook and hauled it into his lap, flipping to the first page and scanned it quickly. He lowered the book from his face and grinned like a madman, that insane look in his eyes. James and Sirius had gotten that look sometimes, whilst plotting something devious.
"Time to get Moony riled up."
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"Is this really necessary?" We were standing in the middle of the rather large Room of Requirement. There had been nothing but chairs, a table and a fridge. We had discovered Sirius was always wishing for food, so that always appeared.
"A part of confidence is knowing when your bounds have been overstepped. So we know how to antagonize you, Moonsies. And that's what we're going to do." Lily gave his back a flat look, leaning against the wall impatiently.
"You guys could never get me very mad," I said softly. I glanced at the three of them and they all gave me adorning looks.
"And we'd never hate you, Remus," James said with a grin, "However, we came prepared." He opened the book and I blinked, confused. It was indented [I had no idea they could do that spell. and within every indention was a small bottle, the size of a thumb, full of green, gold, brown and silver potions.
Lily stared at the two in horror. "That's not-"
"That it is, love," James said adoringly. Sirius and I snickered as she scowled deeply, deciding to keep quiet.
"Sirius, you're the actor of us four," James smiled. "Do the honors."
Sirius nodded solemnly and took the bottle, the green one, unstopping it with his wand and downing it as he would a goblet of pumpkin juice. He winced, holding his stomach and bent his head, quietly suppressing groans.
My eyes widened. Before the three of us, he was transforming, and rapidly. His hair became longer, hardly noticeable, and a lot more shiny, held together. He grew a few inches, his skin becoming pale and blotchy, but his face was still hidden. Sirius also became thin, not his usual hinted build he had. He tipped his head upward and I staggered back. His once hazelnut eyes were now a deep black, his nose long and hooked.
"Snivellus shouldn't comb his hair so much, strands fly out you know.." James chuckles which Lily gave a menacing stare at his back.
"Whaddaya think?" Sirius grabbed the lapel and spun in a complete circle and the rest of us winced. We really didn't need to see Sirius as Snape do that.
"Great, now get on with it." I looked from James to Sirius wildly. Was Sirius, er, Snape going to hex me? I mentally smiled. I could take him easily, not meaning to brag.
Sirius approached me with a sneer even better than Severus'. "Well, well. Lupin. Shall I call you Lupine?" He gave a low chuckle and my blood turned to ice. He was good.
"I know you're secrets," Sirius hissed. "Going off to the woods? Do you think no one noticed you left on the full moon, every month? You sicken me!" He shouted, and I staggered back.
"You have no friends. Tagging along at those's bloody idiots' side, you've no one but yourself! Cant even catch a sweet eye.." He let out a low chuckle, and the ice soon spread as hellfire.
"From a lady's eye. Not that any girl wants to procreate with a dog! Then again, you're parents thought you were soon a mistake-"
Everything happened very fast then.
My wand was in my hand before I could say anything, then, making a slashing motion, hissed, "Impedimenta!" I heard someone scream, and Snape was knocked off his feet, yet I kept going, my wand slashing in another direction.
"Relashio!" Snape was blown back again, this time colliding with the table. "Tarantallegra!" His legs began to shake furiously. There was more screaming, buy my ears were muffled, blood rushing to my head.
"Stupef-"
"EXPELLIARMUS!" A voice screamed, and my wand flew out of my hand. Then, i turned to see Lily, trembling, looking at me with a harsh, tear streaked face.
"Protego!" She cried, and I could see the outline of a wall between me and Sirius. Sirius...
"Finite!" Sirius' legs stopped moving. She was mopping tears from her eyes with her sleeve as she mumbled, pointing at the broken glass I hadn't noticed, "Reparo."
I felt a rush of guilt fill my heart as I tried to reach out to Sirius and James, who was helping him up.
"Sirius! I'm so sorry, I lost control! I..." I kept stammering, but no words could express how I felt. James stared at me blankly and Sirius, who had a befuddled look on his face grinned unexpectantly.
"Much better results than I thought..." Sirius said thoughtfully, strange since he was changing back. "You passed, Moons." I gaped at him. I had passed some sort of test by attacking my friend?
"And thanks for saving me, Flower Power." Sirius winked and Lily and she gave a watery smile. However happy they were for my anger, the guilt still remained as a cotton lump in my throat.
"One minute you were saying stupid things to me, and then I just..lost it."
"'Tis okay, my Moony..." The shield wore off on Lily's command and I went to Sirius and hugged him as a brother would.
"But, that's not the only guest star today!" Sirius waved a finger and picked up a silver potion. "Mm, this should taste delicious." He downed it quickly before I could react. James still watched, with Lily, on his guard this time.
Slowly, he began to grow shorter...a lot shorter. And his hair was going from a deep black to a silky blonde...my eyes widened. He was changing a lot, his skin was becoming tanned, and he looked up, smiling, his eyes were a blazing ice blue and his hair, straight and wavy locks of blonde.
Then, I glanced at his chest. And, well, let's just say that he had a biggest chest than before.
"Jennifer Strewing, niiiiice..." James wolf-whistled, and Sirius flipped his hair, which made me cringe, considering the fact that she...or he, was still in two-sizes-too-big clothing. I also noticed Lily's narrowed eyes and her coughing.
"Well, Remus..." I was shocked. His voice was just about her's in the flesh when he tried, and it terrified me. She spun her honey hair on her finger and approached me.
She giggled. "Hi, Lupin. What's up?" My face heat up instantly; Sirius should be in an acting league.
"Uhm, nothing much, Strewing. And yourself?" My voice cracked a little at this and I rubbed my hands together.
"Hmm..nothing..just being bad, as usual." She winked and my hands were shoved deep into my pockets. "Can you like, help me on my homework this weekend?"
"Sure." I shrugged, trying to go for a cool look. "I mean...I might have plans, but." I could tell I was blushing hard and my own eyes were trying to meet anywhere but her icy own.
"Oh..well, we don't have to just study." And suddenly, her thin fingertips brushed against the lapel of my Hogwarts uniform, her fingers slipping under the black and going straight for the white. My eyes widened as her long nails began to loosen the buttons.
"I think we can have better things planned.." She purred, and I tried to neglect the fact it was Sirius as her comfortably warm fingertips trailed down my partly exposed upper chest. She kind of..well, leaned into me, and it nearly looked like she was going to kiss me! The moment I'd always been dreaming of!
Wait.
"NO!" I jumped away and stumbled across a chair, causing the three to stare alarmed. "No, no, James, Sirius, this is just too bloody weird! Too bloody weird!" I stared at Jennifer, I mean, Sirius in horror, wondering what could've possibly been going through my mind.
Sirius signed as Jennifer and rolled his eyes. "Remus, you need to find the courage to talk to girls! How else-"
"I talk to Lily!" I interrupted indignantly, but immediately regretted that as Lily's eyes turned from sharp and emotional to fond, and James just looked at me strangely.
"I mean..she's one of us. But the point is," I rushed on quickly. "I can talk to Jennifer just fine!"
James smiled at both me and Sirius, winking at Sirius. Sirius gave a nod and went to me, saying, "Oh, yeah? Can you do this to her?"
In front of Lily, James, Sirius' better half, God, and myself, Sirius kissed me.
I froze. Everything seemed to stop in time and I thought that at that moment, it'd be best to jump.
"MERLIN!" I screamed, falling back into the chair. "What the hell are you doing?!"
"Can you kiss a girl like her? Have you? I mean, who was your first kiss?" I became angry at this assault of questions.
"My best friend, a MAN named Sirius, thank you very much!" I blushed a deep crimson, but looked furious, I imagine.
"Well, sorrrrrrry. But it won't be your last. Besides, it's just role playing. I'm not Sirius. I'm Jennifer."
"How did you know I liked her anyways?" I snapped.
"Oh, please!" Lily snapped back, and everyone froze to look at her. "The way you look at her with this shine in your eyes, the way you try to rush past her all the time and let her off with things like the rest of the mud-headed boys in this school, no wonder-" She stopped, and frowned, blushing and retreating from her tangent.
"Lily.." Her statements were honestly bullets to my heart. And silver ones, at that.
"I'm sorry, Remus.." She admitted woefully, and remained silent, well, until we were interrupted.
We all whipped around to see the door that was once a fireplace blast open, and to our horror, Severus Snape stood, with such a sickening sneer that I almost was sick.
The trouble I was going to be in was going to be worse.
A/N: Not much, a lot, whatever. I write what I can.