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The waiting was awful, Kathryn felt like a child standing in the office waiting for Owen Paris to read through her proposal, she picked at her fingernail just for something to do, and kept glancing at the man in front of her. His eyes were still skimming the pages of words in front of him and he seemed to be purposefully taking forever about it to.
Tom could feel the tension rise in the room, most of it was coming from the petite woman standing next to him, she was fidgeting with her hands and she kept letting out slow deep breaths. It was strange behaviour coming from his normally unflappable companion. Tom was realising just how much this meant to her, how much she wanted to get out of whatever it was she had been doing for the past two years. He took a look down at her while the silence stretched on in the room.
She didn't once look at him, her eyes were moving from his father to her hands and back again. What Tom could tell from his side on view was that she was getting frustrated. Patience had not ever been one of Janeway's strong points but she usually hid that fact well, having dealt and negotiated with many new species over their time in the delta quadrant. Now it seemed her patience had worn thin, cracks were starting to appear in her normal flawless command mask and Tom wondered what had happen to her over the last two years to have caused this.
Almost having to bite on her lip Kathryn took another deep breath in, she knew Tom was watching her but right now she didn't need to feel his anguish as well as her own. Right now it was taking all her control now to just scream at the older Paris just to hurry the hell up.
To her eternal relief admiral Paris finally lowered the Padd and looked at the two people stood in front of him.
"It is a good proposal and under normal circumstances I would have approved it, but you see the Carpathian already has a crew, we assigned them three days ago and she is all ready for launch."
At his words Kathryn's heart sank into her boots, she had failed, not only herself but also the man standing next to her. She had convinced him to come back, promised him as ship and companionship and now that was being snatched away. Unable to stand in that office any longer Kathryn nodded her head curtly at Owen Paris turned on her heel and walked out.
Making sure she kept to a walk until she was out of site Kathryn broke into a jog willing herself not to break into an all out run for fear someone might see her and ask her why she was in such a hurry.
Finally reaching her office she strode passed her sectary and straight into her office, she was normally polite to the young woman who basically ran her life but now the tears were dangerously close to falling and Kathryn Janeway did not doing crying in public.
Tom Paris had no choice but to stay, admiral Nachev congratulated him once more then made her exit as well. Tom turned to face his father, he desperately wanted to go after Janeway and tell her it was all going to be ok, that they would figure something out, but it was obvious that his father had other plans for him.
If Owen Paris had noticed Kathryn's distress and hasty exit he did not show it, he came forward and looked at his son with an approving eye.
"So glad you decided to come back son, I suppose I have Kathryn to thank for this." He said giving his son a warm smile, something Tom had rarely seen from his father, the look somehow looked out of place on him though.
"I guess so, but you know I wouldn't have come back if I didn't want to, she just gave me a shove in the right direction." Tom replied as Owen Paris reached behind him and picked a Padd up from the desk.
"I have your assignment, now I know it wasn't what you had in mind but give it a chance." Owen said as Tom took the Padd from his father's hand. His first inclination was to thank him and then go and find Kathryn, he could read this later.
"Well read it let me know what you think." His father said before Tom could make a move to leave.
Skimming the content he tried to not let his emotion show on his face, it was a good assignment, first officer of the USS Renascence, a six month tour of duty mainly focused on patrolling the Romulan border and information collecting. At any other point over the last two years Tom would have probably accepted this assignment without hesitation but now, now all he could think about was leaving Kathryn behind, when he had her to thank once again for making him take control of his life once more.
"This is a great assignment dad, can I think about it?" He finally replied, it was obvious that Admiral Paris was not pleased with his son's answer but he had no choice but to accept his answer.
"Of course, but don't take too long Tom." The older man said as Tom gave him a small smile and a nod. Receiving a smile in replied was all the invitation Tom needed to take his leave.
Walking out of the office Tom did not know where Kathryn had gone, his only logical choice would be to try her office. At the very least his belongings were there and he had to pick them up.
Walking into the outer room Tom acknowledged Janeway's sectary, he smiled at the young woman who smiled back in return. She was obviously an Ensign on her first posting as she blushed when he smiled at her and she looked away from him almost immediately, with a "Hello Commander." Her only words.
Tom walked over to the small but tidy desk and placed his palms on its shiny surface, getting the woman's attention he sort her eyes before he spoke.
"Have you seen the Admiral, I kind of have my entire wardrobe in her office and I was hoping not to have to sleep in my uniform tonight." Tom said keeping the smile on his face as her cheeks grew in colour as he spoke.
"Yes sir she is currently in her office." She replied in a small yet sure voice and Tom thanked her and turned away.
"You know her bark is far worse than her bite." Tom added before pushing the door open and stepping across the threshold.
Kathryn had been waiting for him to come, she felt awful leaving him there with his father, but at that moment in time if she had stayed she would have done something she regretted.
Not turning to look at him now but keeping her eyes fixed on the view of San Francisco she removed her hands from around her body to her hips. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was and that he was watching her.
She knew those foot steps anywhere; also she had heard his talking to his sectary faintly through the door only moments ago.
The other thing that gave him away was his silence, anyone else would have asked her how she was, if they could get her anything, Tom Paris knew her better, he was behind her now saying nothing and watching her waiting she assumed for her to begin talking.
The problem was she did not know where to start, she had not thought this far ahead, she had no where to go from here except back to where she had been a week ago. Sitting in this office staring at what might have been.
"They gave me an assignment." Tom finally broke the silence and Kathryn tensed her shoulders. She knew that was what he had been doing while she had allowed the tears to slip down her face unseen by the rest of the world. Still not turning to face him she had to ask, "What is it?" She heard him move closer, she knew if she turned around now she would see him right behind her, gazing in the same direction she was, looking but seeing nothing while the silence in the room dragged on.
"OX of the Renascence." Tom replied as he clasped his hands behind his back and stood slightly behind her off her left shoulder. A position he was long ago familiar with.
"That's a good assignment Tom you should take it." Kathryn said genuine happiness in her voice this time and Tom took a chance and looked down at her. She was looking at him this time, her eyes turned up to his, he could tell she had been crying, only because he knew her so well. There was no obvious redness around her eyes, or any tell tale wets streaks on her cheeks, but the slight puffiness of her lids, and the sadness in their depths told him all he needed to know.
"I don't want to take it." He said keeping her gaze as it turned from impassive to a full on Janeway glare.
"What do you mean not going to take it, I doubt you will get anything better." She said not wanting to sound cruel but her current mood was not helping her rein in her anger.
"I know, but I am not going to take this and leave you behind." He said taking hold of her shoulders in both his hands and forcing her to look at him.
"You told me that you were not happy with your life Kathryn, there is no way I am going to let you come in to my life, kick me up the arse to do something about it and then leave you to suffer alone." He said as Kathryn felt the urge to pull away from him and pull her to him all at the same moment.
This man before her was not the same person she had taken out of prison, nor was he the same man that had gotten off of Voyager at Jupiter station on their triumphant return to earth. The two years fatherhood and life had changed him in ways that Kathryn was still unsure were for the better. In this moment he seemed more tainted somehow, like life had really beaten the hell out of him and this time he had not bothered hitting back.
"Tom, I brought you back because I thought we could both help each other, if I managed to help only you that is enough for me, there will be other opportunities." She said deciding to stay right where she was and neither move away nor towards him.
"Like I said I am not leaving you behind, we will think of something else, there is more than one way to skin a cat." He said causing Kathryn to send him a confused frown at the turn of phrase he used.
"It's a, you know what never mind, what do you say to a spot of lunch?" He said, changing the subject abruptly which Kathryn was not about to object to.
Nodding her head curtly at him she turned away from the window fully now, catching sight of the picture of Voyager as she walked the length of her office she closed her eyes for a second and took in a deep breath. The past was the past, trying to recapture that was not something she was going to accomplish, now she had to look to the future, and if that meant convincing Tom to take this commission then that was what she was going to do.
Tom had avoided the topic of work completely sidestepping every question Kathryn had asked him about what he was going to do. He threw her by asking about her family, then moving on to the latest reports on the recovery from the war and then finally on to Harry, who had contacted him last night to congratulate him on getting his commission back.
"You know he is in town next week we will have to have a get together." Tom said wiping tomato soup off his mouth as he reached for his glass of water.
"It would be lovely to see him again." Kathryn agreed as she pushed her own soup away having only eaten half but choosing to ignore Tom's frown as sit was her turn to change the subject.
"Tom when was the last time you saw B'lanna?" She asked knowing that was another subject Tom Paris was not inclined to bring up himself. She watched his face for a reaction and to his credit he didn't give her much.
"About two weeks ago, the Dauntless stopped over for two nights for repairs, they came under some fire getting too close to Romulan territory last time. B'lanna said it was nothing but a slap on the wrist, didn't stop me from worrying though."
Kathryn was almost shocked by his honesty, she had expected him to be vague, or clipped with his answer, but he was neither, choosing to answer her question straight with no hesitancy. Kathryn envied him this, his ability to be honest even through adversity, even when faced with something he did not want to talk about Tom Paris still looked her dead in the eyes and told her the truth.
"I hate my job Tom." Kathryn said knowing it was time, perhaps the only time for her to take a leaf out of his book. Right here outside this small café, which was sparse of customers given the hour, too late for lunch too early for dinner, looking over the clean if not overly fine table cloth, amongst the dirty plates and half filled glasses, the bright sunshine causing Tom's hair to almost glow white Kathryn felt like she had to tell him, had to tell someone that everything she had always dreamed off was not what she wanted at all any more.
"I know." Was all he said pushing his own bowel of soup away and leaning back on the chair. Tom regarded her with a critical eye. It was not something he ever allowed himself to do, it was not something she ever gave him cause to do, well maybe once but he had chosen to put that incident back to the farthest reaches of his memory and leave it there. Now he was looking at Kathryn as the woman who sat before him now, not the Captain he had once known.
Tome had been good to her, she still looked pretty much the same as she had done a couple of years ago, maybe he could see the odd grey hair, but only if he looked hard enough. The lines on her face were more pronounced, but only around her forehead where she had probably been doing far to much frowning. Her eyes still were that slightly off blue which changed colour with her mood, they still held an intelligence in them which he both admired and feared at the same time.
The difference he really saw was her posture, no longer did she sit upright, her head carried defiantly on her slender neck. Her back straight and her legs crossed in a poise which shouted authority. Now she was slightly hunched over at the shoulders, her head bowed slightly downwards staring at hands clenched in front of her. When she looked up and met his eyes she noticed his blatant staring.
"Do I have something on my face Commander." She asked her posture straightening slightly as her gaze hardened. Tom couldn't hold back a smile, Kathryn Janeway was still in there, she had just lost herself for a while.
Tom stood up abruptly and offered Kathryn his hand, she took it with a puzzled look as she pushed her chair away and stood up.
"Come on I think I need to go and find out where I am going to be living, the we need to have a house warming party." This brought a smile to Kathryn's face as she fell into step beside him as they headed back towards headquarters.
As it turned out, Starfleet did not have anything available for three days, Tom was going to have to make a choice. He could either go back to France and commute in to do the paperwork needed to get him fully back on the command track, or he could find a place in the city for a few days to stay.
The decision he found had been made for him as Kathryn walked back into her office after talking with Starfleet command about her up and coming schedule, leaving him alone in her office to basically sit and wait.
"You can stay with me, my apartment is large for one and I have a spare room, no need to wait all your transport credits, not to mention time commuting back and forth." She said placing a stack of Padd's on her desk and basically ignoring them in favour of coffee.
Tom knew this tone of voice it was the once she used when the only cause of action was to do exactly what she said. Not that Tom had a problem with staying with her, it would give him the opportunity to keep an eye on her while he was here, and to start checking around about an idea he was starting to form.
"Ok sounds like a plan, when do you want me to move in." He said as she walked back over to him, placing her full coffee mug on her desk, not on the coaster, and gave him a broad grin.
"Right now."
Hope that was ok, all feed back is much appreciated, I hope the slight twist of their plan failing at the first hurdle was interesting, I love doing twist in the tale stories and I hope I can provide another one in this story too. Thank you for reading XxX