Author's Note: Hello all. I'd like to apologize for the delayed update. Although I don't put much stock in excuses, I do feel like I should give an explanation: it seems I picked a crappy time to start a fic -- my health has gone from bad to worse since I started this, and I've been taking midterms on top of everything else I've had to do. But the good news is I'm here with an update! This chapter is more character driven, but I've finally figured out how I want to end this, and the next chapter is going to jump into the plot even more. :)

Also, I want to thank everyone for the wonderful feedback. It means a lot to me, and I am very grateful :)

There is a review I wanted to respond to, but as it was anonymous and I have no other way of doing so, I may as well respond here. This person raised the issue that they had a problem with Clark referring to himself as 'stupid' in his goodbye speech to Lois. I'd like to clarify: I meant in no way to imply that Clark actually is, or thought himself as, stupid. When I wrote that, I was having him say it more as a joking reference to how bluntly Lois may describe his actions as. And that isn't of course me saying that Lois thinks Clark is stupid either. It was more Clark trying to ease tension. On that same note, this person also voiced their opinion that Clark would never reveal so much like he did when he was saying goodbye to Lois. Honestly? I believe the same. At least with where they are now. But I can always hope, and as much as I believe strongly in keeping things in character and doing justice to Smallville and its characters, this is a fanfic, and I was using my creative license there to verbalize the things that we have not yet seen Clark really acknowledge in-depth. I thank you for your lengthy review though, and for the song suggestions that I will definitely look into. :)

Lois watched as Oliver broke into her balcony doors, pushing them ajar with his free hand. The other was wrapped firmly around her arm, as though he expected her to suddenly make a bid for freedom and run down the street into the night. Part of her entertained that idea for a minute, and then promptly shot it down; where would she go?

"Hope you don't mind the unusual entrance," Oliver said quietly. "I'd walk you to your front door, but…"

He trailed of gesturing at his battered Green Arrow outfit. Lois shrugged. She had left her apartment key in her purse, which now sat abandoned at the Planet, anyway. She hadn't thought to grab it on the way out. This was really the only way they were getting in unless one of them was up to kicking the door down. She stepped inside, but made no move to touch anything. Oliver noticed this and moved past her, flicking on some of the lights around the apartment.

He turned to face her. "Lois…"

The look she gave him quelled any speech he was about to make, and he fell silent.

After a few minutes, she managed to find her voice enough to say, "You can go. I know you guys have things you have to do."

Her voice cracked, and she tried not to wince at how weak it sounded. Oliver shook his head.

"Lois, I'm –"

"Don't," she said, cutting him off. "Don't say you're sorry. Please."

"He was my friend too."

She didn't answer, fixing her gaze on the floor. Yes, she supposed they had probably been better friends than she had first thought; they both shared the burden that came with the double life of a hero. A life she hadn't even been aware existed with Clark.

"…take care of everything, Lois," Oliver was saying. "You don't have to worry about it. Just try to get some rest, and I'll pick you up in a few hours."

"Take care of everything?" she repeated flatly.

Oliver nodded. "I'll make the calls and all that…"

Lois' eyes widened as she imagined sweet Martha Kent all alone in Washington receiving the news that her only son, the one she adored above everything else and the only family she had left, was dead. She suddenly couldn't breath.

"Lois!" Oliver rushed to her side when she sank down on the couch and held her head between her knees, gasping for air. She batted him away.

"I'm fine," she gasped. "I'm fine."

"You aren't fine, Lois. Just –"

"Don't call her Ollie," Lois talked over him, raising her head slowly. "I…I'll do it. It's better that way."

Oliver nodded slowly. "If you're sure. On one condition, though; don't call her tonight."

"What? Why?" It wasn't that she looked forward to the call, but she couldn't imagine not letting Martha know right away. Clark was…had been…her son.

Oliver shifted, uncomfortable. "We have to get a story straight first."

Lois rose to her feet. "We are not lying to her."

He rose too. "No, of course we're not lying to her. I just meant she's going to have to tell people something about what happened. And we're going to have to have a story about why he's gone too. None of us can exactly come out and say that he was battling some monster with his superpowers."

Lois' eyes sparked. "Then make up a damn story! Say he was killed during the rampage or whatever the hell you have to say, but I'm calling her! She needs to know!"

"Lois." Oliver's voice was worn thin. "Please just trust me. Just wait until tomorrow, okay?"

He took her silence as a confirmation and turned back to the balcony to leave.

"He died a hero." Her voice was quiet and she stared at the floor, even though she knew that it was useless; he could see her tears anyway.

Oliver turned back. "He did."

"And we're just going to make up a story about how he died. No one will ever know what he did for them. No one will ever know what he sacrificed," she continued, allowing the words to spell out exactly how wrong it all seemed.

"Clark never really wanted the glory," Oliver said softly. "He was never looking for any credit."

"I know," she whispered, staring down at her crossed arms. "He was never that kind of person. He just genuinely…"

"Cared about people," he finished. "I know, Lois."

When she didn't speak again, her throat too tight and sore, he crossed the room, pulling her into a brief hug.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Yeah," she managed to croak out, her voice tinged with bitterness. "So am I."

Oliver pulled back. He opened his mouth again to speak, but seemed to think better of it. He crossed the room and within seconds, he was gone.

Lois stood in silence for a minute before she closed her eyes and sank to the couch, collapsing on her side. She stayed that way for the next hour before she cried herself to sleep.

Lois ran the brush through her hair, deftly avoiding the eyes in the mirror. She had no desire to see the stranger looking back at her, having had a terrible confrontation with the face in the mirror the night before.

At some point in the early morning she had woken up to a stiff neck and throbbing muscles. Mechanically, she had slipped off her couch and walked to the bathroom in a sleepy daze. When she had flipped on the light from her position in front of the mirror, she had been treated to the sight of a pale version of herself; wild haired, wide eyed, and covered head to toe in Clark's blood.

That was the first time she'd been sick.

Somehow, she had managed to struggle out of the clothes and get herself into the shower, letting the scalding water burn everything away. She had hunted down some clean clothes from her drawers, slipping them on in the dark. Until she had realized the shirt she had pulled on was a familiar oversized red and gold flannel. She'd torn it off so quick it might as well have been in flames. That was the second time she had been sick.

Once she had rid herself of all the blood, she'd given herself a quick once-over. It turned out that none of the blood was hers except the patches smeared on her feet. Evidently, she had worn her high heels the day before. She hadn't even noticed any pain, but the shoes must have sliced up her feet on her run downtown. She bandaged herself up haphazardly, barely even wincing at the sting of the rubbing alcohol. It felt good to be focused on something else, no matter how trivial.

She tried going back to sleep a few times, but was interrupted by jumbled nightmares filled with horrible creatures, swirling red blood, and her own screams and tears. When sleep became no longer an option she noticed the clock approaching five thirty a.m. and the sky starting to lighten from its indigo blue in the distance. She was going stir crazy alone in her apartment with the silence. After having stared at her ceiling fan for a good hour or two, she had come to the conclusion that she wanted to leave, and was even more surprised when she discovered where she wanted to go.

Lois put down her brush, and risked a glance at the mirror. Saying that she looked terrible was an understatement, she knew. The dark half-moons under her eyes stood out glaringly, ratting her out about her lack of sleep. Turning away, she grabbed a coat and pair of sneakers – the only thing she suspected she could actually fit her now slightly swollen feet into – and snatched her car keys. Oliver was going to be livid if he discovered she had left, but she failed to care. If she could cross a three star general, what harm was a billionaire ex-boyfriend?

The streets were almost completely empty; a shocking sight in Metropolis even at five in the morning. Normally traffic was so bad that a five minute drive could stretch into thirty. She navigated her way through the streets and out of the city, passing only a few other vehicles on the way. Most of the city was staying in the safety of their own homes for the time being, waiting for the mess left behind from the previous day to be cleared and the streets to be once again declared safe. Or as safe as a city like Metropolis could possibly get.

Bothered by the silence, she flipped on the radio, forgoing her usual classic rock station for news radio.

"Metropolis emergency response units are continuing to sort through some of the wreckage from yesterday's shocking scene of destruction," the woman was saying. "Although the extent of the damage is still unknown, rough estimates place the cost of the damage in the millions." There was a somber pause before the woman continued. "Rescue teams are still searching for the hundreds that have been reported missing since yesterday's events and Metropolis General has had to transfer many patients over to nearby hospitals in response to the overwhelming number of patients flooding in through its doors.

"On a higher note, among those survivors to come through the hospital's doors many report tales of miraculous saves – something already being attributed to Metropolis' mysterious hero, dubbed 'The Red Blue Blur' –"

Lois' hands slipped slightly on the steering wheel. She swallowed hard.

"Good job, Smallville," she whispered, readjusting her grip. She shook her head as if to clear it and pressed down harder on the gas pedal.

Oliver Queen stared down hard at his coffee table, a muscle in his jaw working furiously. He hadn't slept all night, trying to work on the clean-up of Metropolis with the rest of the team. It was rare that they were all able to get together on a job. Usually, it was a cause for slight celebration. They would tease, joke, and ultimately, kick ass. So it was strange to be together, barely speaking a word. Even Bart, normally annoying opinionated, had been next to silent.

Oliver exhaled sharply. He wasn't unaccustomed to death. Not in the slightest. But this was different. With slight chagrin, he remembered being jealous of Clark and his abilities in the beginning. He had bitterly thought that it would be nice, to have all those powers and not worry about the physical consequence of playing the hero. But he now realized the truth: the stronger the abilities, the bigger the responsibility and, inevitably, the harder the fall. Clark hadn't been as invulnerable as they had all liked to believe.

Dinah Lance shifted in the corner of the room, breaking Oliver's reverie. She was taking a quick break from her work as her alter ego, crashing on his couch for a while. She wasn't sleeping like he had suggested, instead staring at the floor with a far away expression. He didn't think she had moved since she'd come back. Dinah, he knew, hadn't really known Clark very well, having only met him a handful of times. But their lack of interaction didn't seem to stop her from looking as worn out and solemn as the rest of them. Oliver supposed it was due to what he had long since recognized as the 'Clark effect'; Clark was – had been, Oliver mentally corrected – the kind of guy people couldn't help but like. Friendly, sincere, and polite, he had always seemed to be able to charm people easily, so that even by the end of the first meeting, you couldn't help but feel like Clark Kent was your friend.

He opened his mouth to ask Dinah a question when the door flew open, revealing Bart, Victor, and AC. All three were covered head to toe in dirt and grime, each wearing identical looks of exhaustion.

"Did you find it?" Oliver asked, his hands gripping the table in front of him as he cut right to the chase.

Bart shook his head, and Victor supplied, "We still can't find the body. It's possible that it got buried somewhere when some of the buildings collapsed after the battle. We'll keep searching."

"But it's also possible that it's still alive," AC pointed out quietly.

There was a silence. It went as an unspoken agreement; no one liked the thought of Clark's death having been for nothing.

Oliver walked across the room and reached into a small mini fridge, normally reserved for just water, pulling out a few bottles of beer. He tossed them to each of his friends, who caught them with surprise. They stared at him with curious looks.

"I thought I'd address the red and blue elephant in the room," Oliver shrugged, clearing his throat. He held up his bottle. "To Clark."

The others nodded and murmured their assent, raising a toast to their friend.

"To Clark."

Lois steered her car off the highway onto the bumpy dirt road, slowing as she neared the yellow farmhouse – the one that just yesterday she'd sworn she wouldn't return to. Cursing her paper-thin resolve and unsnapping her seat belt, she slid out of the car and took a few steps forward, glancing around the empty farm. The sun was peeking up over the horizon, casting a pale glow over the whole area. It looked beautiful – and very out of place. She had almost expected the place to be dismal and gray, a more appropriate setting for today. But with the cheery sunrise, it looked like the beginning of any other day she had spent here. She half expected Clark to round the corner at any minute with Shelby in tow, causing her to sneeze and Clark to laugh.

As if on cue, Shelby came bounding around the corner, barking excitedly. He bounded towards her, burying his nose against her leg and whining slightly. Lois scratched behind his ears – his favorite spot – absently.

"Hey Shelby," she whispered, staring down at the friendly retriever. She was tempted to add 'where's the farmboy today?' like she always did. Instead she glanced at the barn, her teeth pulling gently at her bottom lip. She sighed. "What am I doing here Shelby? I'm not really a masochist."

Shelby whimpered again.

Lois nodded. "That pretty much sums things up." Lois sighed again, her eyes drawn back to place she had nicknamed so many things; Clark's brooding place, his grown man's clubhouse... "Well if I'm going to destroy what's left of my emotional stability, I might as well do a thorough job."

Removing her hand from the faithful dog she made her way over to the barn, slipping inside. A few tools lay on a nearby bench, as though Clark had been trying to fix something before he had left the farm.

Probably the damn tractor, Lois thought with a wry smile. She didn't think Clark had stopped fixing that thing since she'd met him almost five years ago.

Five years, Lois thought with surprise. Wow.

Lois thought of that night all those years ago, swerving off the road and into that field to find an amnesiac Clark. She had loved teasing Clark about their first meeting.

"Stop pretending I wasn't the most interesting person you'd ever met, Lois," he had told her.

"Well, you were definitely the most naked," she had teased him. His blush made it all worth it. Not that he really had anything to be embarrassed about – she had after all seen, well, everything that night in the field, and there was definitely nothing to be ashamed of – but the pink cheeks and awkward expression was something that she'd come to love inducing.

Lois laughed at the thought. She stopped abruptly.

What is wrong with me? she wondered. I'm standing here, not even a day after he's gone, and I'm laughing?

Placing a hand on the railing, she made her way up to the loft, reflecting quietly on all the times she had done so before. Again, she found herself half expecting to see Clark at the window, staring up at the sky as she had often caught him doing. The loft was empty, of course, but there was something about this place that felt like Clark. Crossing the room over to the telescope by the window, she lowered her gaze to it, peeking through to see what he had last been looking at. A fading star stood out among the lightening sky. A familiar memory flooded into her mind.

"I thought you said that telescopes were for geeks and stalkers."

She chuckled. They were.

"Yeah well, as was proven over the last few days, I can seriously misjudge people. You know, if you've come to kick me off the farm, I completely understand."

She would have too; she had never come to expect stability or leniency from the people in her life. It was never something she had had growing up. The events of that particular day in her memory proved that: a disappointing brush with her sister Lucy had only added to the pile of times she'd been left in the dust and let down by someone she cared about. Why not her little sister too?

"I don't think Lucy's all that bad."

"You're amazing, Smallville. You always look for the best in people even when they walk all over you."

Well that was at least one thing she'd had pegged about him from the beginning.

"I guess that explains why we're friends."

"Oh we're friends now?"

"Well, I mean, I won't tell anyone if you don't."

Lois smiled slightly as the memory faded. "You were my friend Smallville. I mean, I may have wanted to throw you off a building half the time, but you were always my friend. My best friend."

Sinking onto the couch she leaned back, blowing her bangs out of her eyes. "I'm not even sure why I'm here. Your brooding nest is just … Well, brooding was always your thing – I've always preferred to take out my depressions on my two friends Ben and Jerry."

Lois was silent for a minute, staring at a patch of sunlight on the floor in front of her. Normally, she wasn't one to discuss her feelings. She wasn't very good at it. All her life, she'd depended on the very simple decision process of fight or flight. With most confrontations – physical, mental – fight was always her first instinct. But with anything involving her emotions, flight had been the only option she saw fit to take.

But Clark was gone. There wasn't anything or anyone to run from. Lois had lost her window to tell him…everything. Lois was a strong believer in the truth, yet she had lied to him so much over the past few months, hiding the feelings she had been so desperate to forget and deny in hopes to protect herself from getting her heart crushed again. She had been down that road enough times to know that giving someone that power, the power to break you, usually meant that eventually, they would. And after so many times, the risk stopped being worth it.

But with Clark, Lois bit her lip, it was different.

It was true. It wasn't as though he hadn't hurt her, because he had – more than once. In some ways, he had hurt her worse than Ollie had. But there was a part of her that had always thought that maybe, Clark would have been worth the risk. He hadn't been the first or only guy she had ever fallen for, but with Clark it seemed bigger. Better. More real. And in that same venue, more terrifying.

She paused. "I've lost people I've cared about before. But when it's happened before…I've always had something to do, someone to look after. Some reason not to break down. When my mom died, I had to take care of Lucy. I let her sleep in my bed, I beat up anyone who bullied her, and I taught her about make-up and boys. Then there was the general who, although he's still around barking out orders, let me and Lucy practically raise ourselves, so he might as well have been gone. But I don't think that I ever really had him anyway, so I guess that that's not much of a loss... When we all thought Chloe died, I focused on hunting down the person responsible, running halfway across the country for the sole purpose of making things right. When Mr. Kent died, I looked out for you and Mrs. Kent."

She released a slow breath. "And now you're gone too. You're gone and I haven't heard from Chloe or anyone else, and thanks to Oliver I have nothing, absolutely no way to take my mind off anything. There's no bad guy I can hunt down this time. Though apparently," she laughed slightly through her threatening tears, "hunting down bad guys was not something that only I did."

Her expression sobered a bit.

"I would have understood, you know. About the Blur thing. Meteor infected or not, you still would have been Smallville. You know, I always had you pegged for a hero complex anyway. You always were the kind of guy who was there for people, believing they could be saved - even from themselves. You trusted people, just because. I sort of envied you for that. And here you were, saving people everyday. Saving me too…

"Look, I just want to say thanks. I, um, I owe a lot to you…and I just –" Lois broke off, unable to say more. She wished that she could have the chance to say all this in person, to thank him for all he had done for her over the past few years. He had unwittingly given her the first place she ever felt at home. He had been her reminder that there were still genuine, honestly good people out there. He had been her best friend, the person closest to her, the man she had come to love. And she had never really told him that.

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket suddenly. Lois reached into her jeans, surprised. She hadn't realized that she had taken her cell phone with her. The sight of the small sleek phone was a reminder that the world was still spinning and people were still going about their business. The world hadn't stopped, not even for Clark Kent. Lois' face settled into a more determined expression. The phone had also reminded her that there were things she needed to do, people she needed to call and take care of. She was relieved suddenly at the renewed sense of purpose. She had something to work at, something to distract her from grief.

Lois rose to her feet as the phone stopped vibrating. She cast a quick look around the loft of the barn and stopped, her eyes on his small desk. Usually, the only thing that occupied the top of the desk other than his neatly organized belongings was a big framed photo of Lana Lang, a picture that had laid claim to that spot for as long as Lois could remember. But there was another framed photo there now, blocking the raven haired girl from view. Lois bent down slightly, surprised. When she saw the picture, she froze, pleasantly surprised.

It was Clark's first day working at the Planet. She knew from the dark blue button up he was wearing that was covered in smoke and ash, mementos from the bus that had exploded outside the building that day. Jimmy had snapped this picture, she remembered, when he had heard that Clark had officially joined the Daily Planet team and came down to congratulate him. In the picture, she was standing across from Clark, her arms crossed and a look of annoyance plainly evident on her face, betrayed only slightly by a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. Clark himself had a look of distinct smugness on his face that made him look adorably like a little boy who was pleased about managing to get his way. Lois couldn't remember what exactly was happening in the picture that made them that way, but she smiled anyway. It was a picture of the two of them doing what they did best.

Annoying the hell out of each other, she thought. And enjoying every second of it.

Lois straightened up to leave, knowing that whoever had called – more than likely Oliver, or maybe Chloe – was bound to call back. But before she did she picked up the frame, clutching it under her arm. She doubted Clark would begrudge her this. Lifting her head, she looked around the loft once more and gave it a small, sad smile.

"Goodbye, Smallville."

With nothing left to say, she left the barn, making her way back towards her car as Shelby trotted along after her. She contemplated taking Shelby with her; the poor dog was going to need someone to feed him, and she supposed if she downed enough allergy pills –

The phone buzzed against her hip again, annoying and insistent. She was positive it was Ollie calling to berate her about leaving her apartment. She dug the phone out of her pocket.

"Look Ollie," she said as she brought the phone up to her ear, "I don't care what you said. Just because you –"

She stopped short.

"Jimmy? I haven't had my cell with me that's why I – Jimmy, what's wrong?"

There was a long pause on Lois' end as her stomach writhed uncomfortably. Before –

"Oh my God."

And for the third time that day, Lois Lane was sick.

As Lois raced her way back towards Metropolis,she left her grief and dwelling feelings temporarily behind, unaware of anything other than her urgency to get back to the city.

Because of this, she remained unaware of the heartbeat miles away, steadily growing stronger and quicker with each beat, or of the sharp breaths suddenly being greedily sucked in.

Or of the pair of blue eyes flying open in shock, adjusting to the world once again.

Emotional!Lois, I know, but I needed to get it out of the way. The next chapter is where I'll delve into the rest of the plot, and more of your questions will be answered :) The angst will lessen a bit too.

Oh, and a note to all those who enjoy reading my fics: expect something fluffy/funny/romantic from me after this story. Writing this has been quite draining emotionally, and I'm itching to do something upbeat next. And Happy Easter tomorrow to all those who celebrate. If not, Happy April 12!

Songs used:

Save Us - Cartel

The Blues - Switchfoot

Comes And Goes (In Waves) - Greg Laswell

Review would be lovely! :) I'm off to review the fics that have been pilling up alerts in my inbox.