I own nothing. Chuck, Bill and WB own all. Wil Wheaton remains a national treasure.

The Nice One Paradox

When Amy and Bernadette went to dinner that night, they were feeling pretty confident in their ability to start a controlled, localized Zombie Apocalypse. They really couldn't wait to lay it out for the boys and Penny.

Graphically. After they started eating, of course. Because the biologists were still pissed off that they had to do this, and the rest of the posse would pay. Oh, yes, they would pay.

"So you sent the science draft to Wheaton?" Penny asked eagerly.

"At 5 am this morning. But I owe a lot of thanks to Bernadette." Amy said nudging her little buddy affectionately.

Howard beamed proudly, "It's too bad you can both be the science consultant…"

Amy's eyes went wide, "What a wonderful idea! I hate to take all the credit for providing a blue print to the partial end of days… You should definitely be my co-pilot."

Bernadette glared at her husband and her friend for a moment, "That's okay." She said too loudly. "Don't want to steal Amy's thunder…"

"Damn right you don't!" Sheldon hissed from the kitchen, "This is Amy's job! You are not allowed to take advantage of her generous nature!"

"Wait a second," Howard got to his feet, "It was Amy's idea to share credit. Obviously, there is credit to share. And Bernadette's nature is just as generous! She was on the phone with Amy until midnight. "

"Oh," Amy whispered to Bernadette, "Interesting turn of events. Huh? Listen, take the offer. Wheaton hates me and if has the ability to fire me, he will. If you are the fall back then Penny will keep the gig regardless. You have to. For Penny."

"God Damnit," Bernadette hissed. "What about Sheldon's defense of your honor."

Amy plastered on a stern face and dragged Sheldon back to his room. "Quit it." She said.

"But she is trying to take your sci-fi writing job!" he protested.

"It doesn't diminish the amazing accomplishment that I have achieved as the scientific consultant on a pilot that will never air. It just means that when Wil decides to fire me, Penny can keep her job." Amy said, smiling.

"You and Wil are friends now!"

Amy couldn't contain her Bitch. Please. expression. "No we aren't. That isn't going to happen."

"Why?" he looked so sad, it made her want to reconsider her feelings.

Screw it, she was writing a zombie movie for because she loved him, the last thing she owed any one was to be friends with Wil Wheaton.

"I can't." She punted, "I have the correct number of friends. Another one would throw of my social equilibrium."

"I can't argue with that. Your logic is irrefutable." Sheldon looked dejected, "What if you aren't friends with Raj?" he asked hopefully.

Amy shook her head.

When the returned to the living room, Sheldon said that for the sake of Penny's tenuous grasp on her role, he wouldn't oppose Bernadette joining the team to support Amy.

Bernadette, Howard and Amy all started to say something when Leonard interjected a warning. "Take it. That is the best you are going to get. Let's eat."

After dinner, Amy's phone buzzed. "Great. It is Wil." She headed into Sheldon's room. "Ensign."

"I've read over the science. Would you mind meeting with me to explain it?" Wil asked.

"Not surprising. I supposed you could meet me. Also, you should know that I'll be splitting my fee with Bernadette, Howard's wife. She helped me refine the theorems. So she should be there too."

"What her creditentials?" he asked, a frown in his voice.

"A PhD in microbiology, access to weaponized syphilis…" Amy listed. "Is that enough or did you need me to says something scarier?"

"Gotcha. Can you meet me for drinks tonight?" he asked. "Maybe in Hollywood?"

"No, you should come over to Sheldon and Leonard's." Amy said.

"Why? I mean, couldn't we meet half way?"

"Is it a lot of trouble for you to get out to Pasadena?" she asked.

"Yeah, it is. I am in Rancho Palos Verdes." Wil said.

"Wow. You should get driving if want to get here in time to talk to me." Amy held the phone in front of her mouth. "Bye!"

Two hour later a disgruntled Wil Wheaton showed up, "She better be here."

"Hi, Wil," Sheldon, greeted him, "The girls are across the hall at Penny's. I have to warn you about Bernadette."

"Great. What do I need to know?"

"She can be emotionally volatile."

"Really."

"Like a tiny little Klingon."

But Wil didn't listen.

Even though he'd been told.

Penny agreed to leave the biologists alone with her producer, yeah that's right… Penny has a producer! So there Mom!

"Don't you think that the creation of the Zombies might be a little complicated. And sexually inappropriate."

"I am sorry," Bernadette said sweetly, "Amy said you wanted science. Did I misunderstand?"

"I do but, this is complicated." Wil clarified.

"Yeah, this is biology. There is not one component of biology that is not complicated and disgusting." Bernadette said, the snarling beast within glinting in her angelic blue eyes.

"What it is complicated about it?" Amy asked.

"The whole thing is complicated."

"First, you weaken the genetic structure through gene enhancement, then you increase aggression through abusing Testosterone treatments then you add two kinds of toxins, i.e. synthetic monkey semen applied to the penis and then give the poor bastard an illegal flu shot… and Voila! Zombies." Amy said, "What is the problem?"

Wil looked ashen, "would that work?" then he whispered, "Is there such a thing as synthetic monkey semen?"

Bernadette smiled at Wil, then glanced at Amy, "Not yet. That is why we keep our Amy happy. If she goes super villainess on us, the ways she can destroy mankind are only limited by the number of hours in the day."

"And my access to funding," Amy clarified. "Can't build an army of murderous apes without a blank check from a lunatic billionaire."

"Yeah, those can be hard to find." Wil felt better.

"No they aren't. No they are not." Amy smiled, serenely. "But don't sell Bernie short… no pun intended…" Bernadette rolled her eyes, "She is developing some really terrible viriuses." The small blond blushed and gave Amy the universal gesture of "oh, stop. You are embarrassing me"

"What kind of viriuses? Wil was getting creeped out.

"Oh," Bernadette sighed, "Oh nothing. Nothing at all. Still have a problem with the science?" She asked sharply.

"No, ma'am."

"Run along then." Bernadette dismissed him. Amy rose to her feet and opened the door.

"Bye now." She slammed it behind him. It literally did hit him on the ass on the way out.

He rushed across the hall and Leonard opened the door. Wil saw the smirk on Leonard's face and he knew he was in trouble. "Is that the secret? Amy is the nice one? Is that it?"

"All three have good points and bad points. But if you piss off one of them… they'll swarm on your ass like bees."

Great.

A/N: Bernadette is in the house! And she doesn't want to be there! This can't end well.