"You turned me into a frog! Now how will I ever own a restaurant!? Who's going to want to buy meat buns from a frog!?" Kougaiji roared as Goku backed away slowly, cowering.
"Wait… 'buy meat buns'? But why would a princess need to sell meat buns? Unless…You're not a princess! You lied to me!" Goku gasped.
"Of course I'm not a princess! I'm a man!" Kougaiji sighed, exasperated.
"Well, then it's your fault you're a frog. Only a princess can break the spell, everyone knows that. Even me and everyone thinks I'm just a stupid monkey." Goku frowned.
"But look at me! I'm all….slimy!" Kougaiji cringed.
"Actually, that's mucus." Goku grinned sheepishly. Kougaiji had had it. This was the last straw! He tackled Goku, sending them both flying over the balcony and into the crowd, falling down the back of Lirin's dress.
"EWWWWW! SLIMY!" Lirin shrieked. The Goku who was dancing with her went pale as a ghost and tried to grab the two frogs, but they escaped and hopped across the food table. "DADDY! THOSE FROGS ARE RUINING EVERYTHING!" Lirin squealed. Sanzo, remembering that 'daddy' meant him in this story, leapt into action!...when it was convenient for him. By which time the frogs had escaped into the swamp and a silver haired man in a harlequin costume stepped out of the party with a sneer. This would certainly muck up his plans. It was time to have a talk with Gojyo and possibly more seriously, with his friends on the other side.
Meanwhile, Kougaiji and Goku ended up in a bayou. "Great. Now we're going to have to worry about crocodiles." Kougaiji frowned, looking around the water for the tell-tale moving logs.
"Those tiny things that live in the Yangtze River? They're not more than two or three feet long! Why worry?" Goku laughed, kicking back on a lily-pad and putting his feet up.
"This may have escaped your notice due to your tiny monkey brain, but this isn't the Yangtze River, this is a fucking bayou in Louisiana. The reptiles here are much bigger and meaner and they will drop you like a bitch and eat you." Kougaiji hissed, trying to keep quiet so the gators and crocs would hear them and come barreling towards them.
"Why are you being all quiet and stuff? I didn't hear a word you just said and you're so negative! You're never gonna have any fun in life if you're always so negative!" Goku grinned.
"SHUT UP! THEY'LL HEAR YOU!" Kougaiji roared.
"Hey, I heard that! You sound delicious, I can't wait to eat you both, I love frog's legs!" An alligator sneered, swimming towards them. For the sake of Rikudo getting a part because everyone else seems to have one, we'll say the alligator's body was covered in talismans and it was a cursed alligator.
"See? That was all you; he's here because you're so negative." Goku said, completely deadpan.
"Shut up and run for your life!" Kougaiji growled, hopping towards a hollow tree with a hole in it far beyond the Rikudogator's reach. After much struggling and fighting, Goku and Kougaiji were finally safe out of Rikudogator's reach and Kougaiji was forced to stay up keeping watch all night while Goku dicked around making a string instrument and dreaming about food.
Meanwhile, at Sanzo's fancy estate, Lirin was having tea in the gazebo with 'Goku', whose eyes were rapidly turning from yellow to red and whose hair was growing almost as fast as his body.
"Um…Weren't you shorter five seconds ago?" Lirin commented.
"Oh, don't worry, babe, I'm just going through a…..a….growth spurt! Yeah! A growth spurt!" He lied.
"And where did you get those scars?" Lirin pointed to the twin scars now running up the sides of his cheeks.
"Oh, those damn mosquitoes! They got me really bad, didn't they? Um…anyway, wanna get hitched?" He said quickly, wanting to get his part of this stage of the plan done with fast so he wouldn't blow his cover.
"OH! MONKEY-KINS! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" Lirin propelled herself at him and nearly crushed his ribs. "LET'S HAVE A MARDI GRAS WEDDING!"
"Yes, well, wonderful! But I have to go now, later!" He shouted, pulling free and jetting off into his room at the house.
"Charmin' performance, Mr. Gojyo, but would y'all mind explainin' ta me how y'all let one teeny li'l frog get loose an' fuck up our entire plan!?" Hazel's voice went from a coy purr to a threatening boom in no time flat as he skulked out of the shadows.
"Sorry, man! Take it easy, it's not like it's that hard to catch a frog!" Gojyo replied.
"YA DAMN FOOL! I mean ta say…bless yer li'l heart, y'all don't seem to know any better 'bout th' powers that be, do y'all?" Hazel calmed himself into the most dangerous, terrifying calm Gojyo had ever seen, even living with Hakkai. If Hazel came any closer with that deadly calm voice, Gojyo was sure to shit bricks. "Now, y'all are lucky voodoo don't work on oneself or else y'all'd be gator grub an' I'd be doin' this myself. Fortunately for y'all, I need ya as voodoo don't work on th' caster." Hazel explained. "Unfortunately for me, I'm gonna have ta make an offer ta my friends on the other side ta get our little green friend back." If looks could kill, Gojyo would be a stain on the carpet right about now. "Now, I gotta go make 'em an offer. Heaven help y'all if I'm interrupted." Hazel walked off towards the door, heading back to his voodoo shop.
"So, you want my help, do you, little angel?" Ukoku mask smirked.
"Yeah, sorry our plan went ta shit, but that half-breed left Goku's cage open an' he up an' hopped away on us! Last time I leave people I'm usin' fer advancement unsupervised while I use th' restroom." Hazel frowned.
"Well, we'll help you, but it won't come cheap." Ukoku mask thought it over.
"I'll give y'all free reign of New Orleans when I'm runnin' it so y'all can have all the wayward souls ya want." Hazel offered.
"That's a good start, but you know what we creatures of the shadows REALLY want from those who summon us." Ukoku smirked again.
"I had always thought it was just wayward souls…"Hazel frowned.
"This may be a Disney parody, little angel, but you know what the slash fans want to see. If you want us to help you with your plan, you better put out." Ukoku replied.
"Put out fer a mask? I'm not sure I follow y'all." Hazel raised an eyebrow.
"No, I mean I take on a humanoid form, we head into the back and…"Ukoku trailed off.
"Oh, I get it…hmm…Well, I'll lose a lot of dignity bein' y'all's bitch, but…I suppose it'll all be worth it when I'm runnin' New Orleans an' everyone has to respect me now matter what I do…" Hazel thought aloud. "Alright, take on yer humanoid form an' let's get this over with."
"Perfect!" Ukoku smirked, transforming into his humanoid form, which was pretty much just his usual self in black robes. He pulled Hazel close and led him to the back room of the voodoo shop. Sorry to be a complete asshole, but the chapter's over, nothing to see here, move along. Join us tomorrow when we get back to what Goku and Kougaiji are doing, which I'm sure is just as exciting as Ukoku stuffing Hazel like a Thanksgiving turkey bent over a chair in the back room of his own Voodoo shop. Totally.