A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. Glad so many of you are enjoying this and are along for this crazy ride. Cheers to Em for kicking my muse as always, and to Stayce for some great suggestions.
Janet turned up on my doorstep about five minutes after I got back from work. She had a cheery grin on her face, and was carrying a six-pack of beer.
"Hey there Joseph," she said as I let her in to my house. She dropped down on the couch, kicked her shoes off and popped a beer, taking a long pull.
"What a day," she mumbled as she took another long drink.
"Problems?" I quizzed. I knew by the late hour of her arrival that she must have seen the others before she came over to see me. Despite her initial smile, the cop in me was screaming that there was more to her emotions tonight than met the eye. Had Manoso been giving her a hard time?
"Not everyone plays the game as well as you do, Joe," Janet said with a sigh. "I've had a hard time of it tonight so far. Ranger is getting edgy and Stephanie seems very bitter of late. I think you need to make some moves in the right direction very soon, or things could get out of control."
"Right," I mused. "So maybe I should ask her to move in with me, or I could always propose again..."
"Joe!" Janet snapped. "I'm trying to hand you this on a plate, and you're making a mess of things. You need to woo Stephanie. Take her out for dinner, buy her the right flowers. Your 'boys missing her' and yellow roses are just not cutting it. I only have so much control over you guys and if you don't shape up, Stephanie will start looking elsewhere. Do you want her in Ranger's bed?"
"Hell no," I growled. "I promise I'll try harder to make a good impression on her. I won't let you down, Janet."
"Good," she said with a nod. "Look, I'll leave you with a list of tips on how to make a woman feel special, and we'll give that a try for the next book. She's destined for you Joe, you're my number one guy, you're just going to have to work for it a bit more than I thought you would."
"You think I can't keep Steph in my bed?" I yelled in sudden outrage. "I'm more of a man than Manoso will ever be."
Janet gave me a pained look and looked away hurriedly.
"What?" I growled. "Oh, no way, no how. Please tell me mine his bigger than his. I'm a good six and a half inches I'll have you know."
Janet cast what looked like a suspicious glance at my groin and slowly met my angry glare. "You know it's not size, it's what you do with it that's important, Joe. Don't worry about it. I'm sure Stephanie is happy with your...erm... equipment"
How the hell was I supposed to not worry, when I'd just found out that the Bounty Hunter with an impressive package had a bigger package than me. I guess I should have seen the warning signs a mile off. Grandma Mazur never called me that 'Cute cop with the impressive package'. Shit, damn, fuck. Well, there goes my evening.
I wonder how big it is... I could do with knowing about the size of the competition. I looked back at Janet and she shook her head.
"Oh, no way, Joe," Janet snapped. "I am not giving out details like that. If you want to know, ask Stephanie."
"She's seen his dick!" I bellowed in rage. "When did she see his dick?" I demanded.
Janet coughed, mumbled something and looked away. "Book eight," she muttered finally.
Great, just fucking great. "How well acquainted with his package is my sometimes girlfriend?" I spat.
Janet blushed. "I don't know... I never wrote beyond the oral sex. I've just heard rumours."
"Oral sex?" I screeched. Oh man, this day's getting worse by the minute. He went down on her before they even had sex? I thought men like that were myths. I was in so much trouble, my 'boys' didn't usually waste time with oral sex, they just got right down to the good stuff.
"I think I better go," Janet muttered. "I'll leave you the rest of the beer, I think you need it more than I do right now."
"Yeah, fine..." I whispered.
The front door clicked shut softly and I popped a beer open. It had been a long day and I had a feeling that I wasn't going to sleep well tonight. I briefly considered calling Steph, but quickly changed my mind. I also considered calling in a few favors to find out how big Manoso's package was, but I knew damn well that information like that was classified.