Chapter 3

As Jackie hugged her daughter, she didn't want to let her go.

But she did let go, because Rose didn't look right, she didn't sound right, she was shaking and tearful and talking about how she hoped the ones responsible for the bomb had died for what they had done.

It was then Jackie placed her hands on the shoulders of her daughter's torn and dusty top and as she felt her shake to her bones, and as she looked into her eyes she knew at once Rose was in shock. She was still processing all that she had been through, and it would take a while for her to get back to anything like the girl she knew as her daughter.

"Rose," she said, speaking as calmly and softly as she could, "Stop this! You're okay, it's over. I know it must have been frightening, of course it was - but you were lucky, you got out unharmed! And the Doctor, he got out -"

She stopped, seeing the look in her daughter's eyes.

"Oh god no," Jackie said, and Rose looked at her with tear filled eyes.

"The bomb went off. We were thrown to the ground. The floor above was collapsing. The Doctor threw himself on top of me. The ceiling came down. He saved me, mum. And then..." Rose paused, thinking hard.

No... it wouldn't do to mention aliens. That was the last thing her mum needed to hear...

"They got us out. But no one can help him. The Doctor's in a coma. So I brought him back here, because they said he'll never wake up again."

As Jackie stared at her daughter as they both stood in the hallway where they had been since Jackie had stepped through the door, and she wondered for a moment if her daughter had gone mad.

"Rose," she said, pausing to run her hand over her daughter's hair and brush off some dust from the explosion, "You can't do that. He should be in hospital -"

"No, you don't understand. He's sort of...shut down. He just looks like he's sleeping. And he needs me, because I know he's going to wake up."

Then Rose looked up the hallway.

"We put him in your room. We thought it would be better because I need to be with him, you don't mind having my room, do you mum? It might not be for long."

"Who's we?" she asked her.

"Me and Missy – she's a nurse. She said she's coming to look in on him tomorrow...she's nice, she helped me..." Rose sounded utterly lost.

Jackie wanted to hug her daughter and talk to her and tell her again that she would be okay, but now was not the time.

"I think you're in a state of shock, love," she said to her, "And maybe you got it wrong. Maybe you didn't quite hear what was being said to you. He's probably just got concussion or something...shall we go and see him? He might be awake now."

Rose looked at her with sadness shading her eyes.

"He won't be," she said quietly, "And I didn't hear it wrong, mum."

"Let's take a look at him," Jackie said, and she went up the hallway and into the bedroom and walked over to the bed, where the Doctor was lying on his back, under the covers and completely still.

"Doctor?" she said cautiously, "It's Jackie...can you hear me?"

And Rose watched as her mother gave his hand a squeeze and spoke to him again, and the Doctor gave no response.

Jackie looked at him, lying there motionless save for regular breathing, and then she turned back to Rose.

"If nothing is going to change yet, you should at least get cleaned up, love. Go and have a bath, get rid of those clothes, you're covered with memories of the explosion. Get rid of it all. Go and get some rest. I'll keep an eye on him for now."

She saw a flash of fear in her eyes as she looked to the Doctor.

"I can't leave him, he might -"

"Rose, you have to look after yourself if you want to look after him properly," she reminded her, "Now go and get cleaned up, and then get some rest."

Her daughter's eyes were filled with anxiety and her face was still pale as she slowly nodded.

"Okay mum, I'll do that...I won't be long."

"Take your time," Jackie said quietly as her daughter left the room, and then she looked down at the Doctor, he gave a sigh and turned his head slightly and she leaned a little closer.

"You have to wake up, Doctor. Rose is in a right state over this! Did you hear me? Please, wake up..."

He took another breath as if in a deep sleep, and Jackie wondered if he had heard her. But looking at him, he seemed deeply unconscious.

She wasn't going to keep on giving Rose false hope, but now was not the time to tell her deeply shocked daughter that the man she loved seemed to be already gone, and perhaps it was only a matter of time before she lost him completely.

"I'm going to sit with you for a while," she said to him, "I'll keep you company until Rose gets back."

And then she heard the water running in the bathroom, and she hoped when Rose got out of there she would manage to grab some sleep, because she needed it, she needed to get over what had happened, and knowing she was taking her advice came as a relief, at least it gave her hope that Rose was young and strong enough to get over this eventually...

After taking a bath and then going back to her room, Rose slept until dawn.

Jackie stayed at the Doctor's bedside and woke up there hours later, stiff and aching, and as she looked at him, she saw at once there was no change. He was still unresponsive, still deeply unconscious. In fact, he seemed almost frozen in time, as if in a sleep that could never be broken.

"I'm going to fetch Rose," she said to him, and he continued to sleep, giving no response. Then as Jackie got up, she paused for a moment, recalling something that needed to be said. Even though she didn't know if he could hear her, it mattered to her that she said it:

"That was a brave thing you did for Rose," she told him, "You saved her. You did keep her safe, just like you said you would. And I'm sorry Doctor, I was wrong when I said Earth was a safe place. You was right, no where is safe any more. I'm just glad you was there for her."

And she leant over him and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for saving her life," she said, and then she straightened up, turned from his beside and left the room.

An hour later Rose was up and dressed and her first thought had been for the Doctor, and after telling her there was no change, Jackie had sat her down, persuaded her to eat, and then announced she was off to bed, because she was tired from being up half the night.

Rose had watched as her exhausted mother had gone into her smaller bedroom, where she would have to get used to seeping now, and felt a deep wave of sorrow pass through her. Then she went through to the main bedroom,where the Doctor was still unresponsive, and she sat down beside him on the bed and gently stroked his hair as she spoke to him.

"I woke up this morning not thinking of anything. Not for the first five minutes. And then it all came back to me... my head's been all over the place, but I'm okay now. I'm going to look after you. I'm going to do everything how you would want me to do it, Doctor. And I'm going to stop hating the people who planted the bomb. There's no point in it, is there? I mean, it's happened. What matters is we get through this, and we will. I'm going to get you through this."

The Doctor breathed a heavy sigh and turned his head towards her.

"Doctor?"

Rose felt her heart begin to race as she caught a spark of hope.

"Can you hear me?"

He gave another sigh and continued to sleep.

"I think you did hear me," she said, "I need to hold on to that hope."

And then her phone rang.

She answered it at once, and Missy began to speak.

"Rose!" she said brightly, "How is the Doctor this morning?"

"No change," Rose replied, "But he did move...like he could hear me. But he still can't wake up."

"And he most likely never will - sorry to be blunt. Put the kettle on, I'd love some tea. I'm on my way over."

"Okay," she said, deciding against having a go at her for the way she had spoken - clearly, she didn't have a great bedside manner - but she was a nurse, so it was a relief to think someone with medical knowledge was coming over.

"I'll check him over as soon as I get there," Missy added, "See you soon, Rose."

Then she ended the call.

Rose looked to the Doctor, wishing he would just open his eyes, but she was getting used to this now – at least, as much as she could.

"It's going to be okay," she promised him, "Missy's coming over. She's a nurse from the Judoon ship. She's going to help."

Jackie was fast asleep in her daughter's room with the door closed, and she didn't wake when the doorbell rang and Rose opened up the door to find Missy on the doorstep, and since yesterday, there had been a big change in her appearance:

She now wore a floral print dress that fitted her well, it came down to her knees and her shoes were high heeled and complimented her dress. Her dark hair was swept back and she smiled warmly at Rose as she stepped inside carrying a silver case.

"You're looking brighter."

Rose closed the front door.

"I don't feel it...I'm worried about the Doctor."

"And I'll go and check him over right now. Did you make the tea?"

Rose shook her head.

"Well run along!" Missy urged her, "You make the tea while I do my nurse thing...and then we can sit down and have a nice chat."

A nice chat was the last thing on her mind as she thought of the Doctor, locked in a coma.

"I'll put the kettle on," she said quietly.

Missy's smile faded.

"Good girl," she said in a low voice as Rose went into the kitchen, "I need you out of the way..."

And then she went down the hallway and into the main bedroom and closed the door behind her.

As she placed the case on the floor and left it there, Missy looked down at the Doctor. The covers were down to his waist, he was on his back and his eyes were closed.

Missy's gaze wandered over his slender, firm body and she gave a sigh.

"Oh, regeneration does hold surprises...Here I was thinking a female form would be the ultimate disguise - and instead I find all these brand new feelings coming out of me...so many new attractions..."

And she placed her hand lightly on his chest, running her fingers through the dark hair that covered it as she leant closer and inhaled the masculine scent of him.

Then she paused, placing her palm flat on one side of his chest, and then on the other.

"Two strong heart beats," she remarked, "Not so much a coma as a restorative sleep to repair your wounds... Shame Rose doesn't know that, she thinks you're dying...But I won't tell her otherwise, you can explain when you wake up... Why did I never realise what an attractive man you were in your Tenth life? Probably because I was a man too back then...Let's take a look at the rest of you..."

And she took hold of the covers and lifted them, catching her breath at the sight of the rest of his body.

"Very nice..." she murmured, "It almost makes me sad to think we have to be enemies...maybe we don't... I mean, you don't know me at all, do you, Doctor? Not here and now in this lifetime..."

And she put the covers back to his waist and straightened them, then she paused to place a hand on his cheek as she looked at his sleeping face.

"You are a handsome devil..." she murmured.

And the door opened and Rose came in.

Missy switched her hand from his cheek to his brow and then straightened his covers again.

"Yes, I can confirm there's no change," she said quickly, "He's certainly stable but he's still in the coma. He always will be, most likely scenario is, he'll be like this for years and years and slowly slip away. He won't know anything about it, but at least you can hold him while he dies in your arms. Where's my tea?" And she smiled sweetly.

"In the front room," Rose stated as she stared at Missy and wondered if she knew how cruel she had just sounded.

"Thank you," Missy said warmly, and she picked up her case and left the room. Rose looked to the Doctor, who slept on, and then she left the room too, closing the door softly behind her.

As Rose sat on the sofa and Missy sat beside her, she was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

At first, when she had accepted her offer of help, Rose had thought, in her shocked state following the explosion, that perhaps Missy just wasn't very...sensitive to the feelings of others, that had to be why she spoke as harshly as she did...

But now as she looked at her, she began to wonder.

The shock of the explosion had put her thoughts and judgement all over the place. Now the shock was starting to settle, and although she felt like crying, she was able to hold it back and find some room to think – mainly about the Doctor:

It wasn't going to be easy, but she would find a way to cope, because she had to for his sake...

And that was the only thought that made sense as she looked at Missy and wondered why she hadn't noticed that look in her eyes before - like she was hiding something...

"So how long did you work on board the ship?" she asked.

Missy sipped her tea and set it down.

"Oh, I'm not here talk about me," she said, dismissing her question with a wave of her hand, "I came to talk about you."

"About me? But I'm not your patient, the Doctor is."

Missy set her tea aside and placed the silver case on the table. She turned a dial and it snapped open, and then she raised the lid.

"I wanted to show you this."

Rose looked at the inside of the metal case:

The sides were lined with metallic compartments, and in the middle there was a sealed box filled with blue powder. The compartments joined together in the middle of the back of the case where there was a button to activate a release mechanism attached to something that resembled a tap.

"What is it?" Rose asked.

"It's a machine that replicates a substance known as Blue Ice. It's a natural substance, made from plant extract. And it would be perfect to take off the edge for you at this difficult time."

Rose shook her head.

"No thanks, I'm not stupid,Missy! I'd never get into drugs."

"Drugs?" Missy laughed, "It's a non addictive herbal remedy for stress! I use it all the time. And that's why I want to leave it with you, because I'm off for a while and I want to know you will be able to cope. Honestly, it's perfectly safe to use. Let me show you."

And she pressed the button, there was a low hum and then the compartment below the tap opened up, and she took out a small glass bottle of blue liquid.

"It's harmless," she said again, took off the cap and gave it a quick sniff.

"See?" she said with a smile, "Harmless. But it does make you feel very, very uplifted. Just what you need at a time like this."

And she passed it to her.

Rose looked at the bottle and then to Missy, who smiled warmly.

"Scared?" she teased.

"Just not sure," Rose replied as she cast her a wary glance.

But Missy seemed unaffected by the stuff, she just sat there looking absolutely fine as she watched her thoughtfully.

"This would help you," she told her, "It would help you get over the trauma of the explosion and everything else that has happened..."she took hold of her hand and looked at her kindly, "And everything that will happen, when you lose him...You need something harmless and safe to get you through this, Rose. I'm trying to protect you from the terrible depression that could hit you when he dies."

Rose looked down at the liquid in the bottle. Missy's mention of the Doctor dying had hit her hard.

"Just inhale a tiny bit," Missy said to her, "See what a difference it makes."

"Okay...just a little bit, and then I'm stopping," Rose replied, "I don't care if it's natural or harmless, I don't trust it. I don't like the idea of it."

"You will," Missy promised her, and then she watched as Rose brought the uncapped bottle to her nose and gave a brief sniff.

"Better?" Missy asked.

Rose put the cap on the bottle and blinked, feeling something of a mild buzz as the world turned blue and then the blue faded out , leaving her with a warm and uplifted feeling that made her want to smile.

"Wow," she said, "You're right about this stuff... But it is harmless?"

"Of course!"

Then Missy shifted closer to her.

"It's safe and harmless and will help to take the edge off. I want you to get through this, Rose. I know it can't be easy. And all you have to do is keep pushing the button to release a bottle. The bag in the middle is fixed to the replicator and it draws out a tiny substance once a year to keep the machine going. There's enough in there to work for five hundred years. "

As Rose looked at her, she could feel the stuff working. She felt warm and upbeat and full of energy and her mood had brightened, too. She smiled as she looked to her new friend.

"You're really kind, Missy."

And Missy smiled.

"I know. And I should be leaving soon. How about a little kiss goodbye?"

Rose smiled warmly as she slipped the bottle into her pocket and closed the case.

"Thanks for your help,Missy, "she said, and kissed her cheek.

The two women exchanged a look and as amusement danced in Missy's eyes, Rose giggled.

"What?"she asked her.

All trace of warmth that had been in Missy's eyes was gone now, and it was alarming, even in her mellow state, to see that happen so abruptly. It was unnerving...

"I was just thinking how that stuff you just took is rather weak to my constitution, as I'm not human," she replied, "That's why I'd need to take a lot of it to really enjoy myself. But I won't do that, Id hate to spoil the fun for you. Now, how about a proper one?"

And she turned to her and shifted closer.

"A proper what?" said Rose.

Missy's eyes danced with merriment.

"A kiss! Come on, how about a proper kissy for Missy?"

She leaned closer.

Rose got up sharply from the sofa.

"I can't believe you just said that! The man I love could be dying and you're...coming on to me? How could you do a thing like that?"

Missy jumped up from the sofa.

Rose backed away. Then as her back hit the wall, Missy stood in front of her, placing her hand on the wall just above her shoulder, trapping her as she smiled playfully.

"Oh come on Rose, don't be shy...Can you blame me for getting all hot and bothered after feasting my eyes on your lovely TimeLord boyfriend? And I did, you know...I had a good look at him while you were out of the room."

Anger blazed in her eyes.

"GET OUT!" Rose said sharply, but Missy leaned in closer still.

"If it makes you feel any better about this, I used to be a man -"

"Get out!" she said again, ducking under her arm to break free of her as she grabbed at the door and wrenched it open. Rose had her hand screwed up in a fist now, and Missy still wore a bemused expression.

"I'm going," she said to her, walking quickly through the open door and heading up the hallway.

"If I ever see you again ," Rose warned, but didn't get the chance to finish.

"You won't see me again," Missy told her, "And by the way – if your boyfriend wakes up, you can be sure he'll have a lot more on his mind than saving the planet from hostile attacks, with a junkie girlfriend to look out for. "

Rose looked at her in horror.

Missy smiled again, and her gaze was pure ice.

"That's right," she said, I didn't inhale, not really. But you didn't notice that. Blue Ice is highly addictive. I wouldn't ever try it. Not even once, because once is enough!"

"What have you done to me?" Rose said as fear began to tug at her insides, managing to break through the warm and mellow feeling that refused to let up even though she wanted to go after her and demand answers.

"I got you hooked," Missy replied, "And it was so easy. Bye now, must dash!"

And then she was gone and the front door closed.

That stuff refused to wear off.

Rose felt caught between dealing with it calmly and accepting it because the drug was pressing her to do so, or to fight it all the way.

"Rose? I heard shouting..."Her mum looked out of the doorway of her bedroom, and she looked tired.

"It's okay," she said, "Just people outside...They've gone now. Go back to sleep..."

As the door closed again, and Rose looked back towards the room where the Doctor was resting, she tried to fight a wave of panic as she wondered how much had been lies and how much had been truth:

She wouldn't know until the drug wore off.

And what then?

How could she take care of the Doctor if she was hooked on an alien substance not from this world, maybe it was from a place very far away indeed..

It was alien...that thought was lingering.

She knew that could mean there was no antidote here on Earth and...Oh no, if he did wake up, there was no way she could tell the Doctor about the terrible mistake she had just made...

Rose was sure she ought to be far more scared than she was, but the drug wouldn't let her feel it properly. So instead she made her way back to the front room, picked up the case and then took it back to the bedroom where the Doctor was still unconscious, and she slid the case under the bed.

At least the buzz from this stuff was taking the edge off her sadness, Missy hadn't lied about everything...

"It's going to be okay," Rose promised as she sat beside him and took hold of his hand, "I can handle this, I've got it under control... at least, I think I have..."

And she looked to the Doctor, whose face was turned to the softness of the pillow as he breathed slowly and steadily and his eyes stayed shut.

"What ever happens,"Rose whispered, "I won't let you down, even if I've messed up myself, I'll still take care of you, forever if I have to."

And then she stroked his hair, watching as he slept on and as she reflected on how scary a prospect the word forever had now become, now she dreaded the drug wearing off and wondered what would happen when it did: A lifetime of addiction was the last thing she needed, but if it happened, she only had herself to blame, and she knew it, too...