Authors Note: This is my longer story about James Bond and Alec Trevelyan. Green Eyes, Golden Heart. The title is to reflect the name of the movie, but also how so many women seems to like Alec's green eyes. This is partially based on my one shots, or rather they provide a background for this, and so, many things that are just mentioned briefly here, is written in full in them.
Very big thanks goes to Earendil Eldar for beta work.
Disclaimer: I do not own James Bond, Alec Trevelyan or any other James Bond related item or person. I have only borrowed the characters and will return them. Not even making any serious attempt at kidnapping Alec, and as I have gotten some special glue form Q, he shall appear utterly unharmed. O'Moore however is mine, please do not steal without permission.
Chapter 3, So Easy…
Waking up, Alec hated waking up. The way his head and his body felt he would have preferred not waking up, at least not for a very long time.
A year or two, he was certain that the headache would have disappeared by then. Again he tried to estimate his situation. They had cut off the rope, and the gag was gone, so he guessed that the blindfold was as well, that made sense. Then there would be nothing but his word to say that he was ever attacked, and his word was not exactly the most trust inspiring for the moment.
He could only open his eyes a crack, but he guessed that it was due to dried blood, there was something on his face that could very well be dried blood, and when he moved something wet seeped down his face from his temple.
He strove to climb to his feet but fell back again with a groan, they had known where to kick to inflict maximum amount of damage, and it was not a comforting thought in his situation.
James was walking through one of the passages where no one ever went. He wanted to be alone to think, and he did not want to encounter anyone.
He had never encountered anyone here before, not since there had been an Alec who would deliberately go after him whenever he was in a foul mood. Alec would search him out, and would not give up until he had dragged everything out of him.
James uttered a curse, that was precisely what he did not want to think about, Alec, the traitor.
Alec heard the curse as from over a distance, but not being able to think of anyone who would help him he feared that it was his tormentors coming back. Perhaps they had decided that they had not had their fun yet.
He could not help but groan in the anticipation of more kicks.
The muffled groan he heard shattered James thoughts. No one ever came here, was that not what he had just decided.
Then he smirked as he decided that some Don Juan must have snared a sweet little bit and dragged her here for privacy. That was what he would have done, what he had done many times.
He decided to sneak close enough to see who it was, there was still a few females that he had yet to work his charm on, and it never hurt to know who was easily convinced.
He came into view of a dark corner, and it did not make sense.
There was the huddled shape of a man there. No women, just the man.
What was worse, he knew the shape by heart, he knew that blond hair that was now tinged rust red with drying blood, Alec.
It was Alec lying there, and he looked to be in a bad shape, he was trying to push to his feet, but he was not able to, he only managed a few inches before he fell back again, groaning with pain, and yet he tried again.
Alec did not give up because the pain was tearing at him.
He was the traitor that James hated for having betrayed him. Here he was suffering as James had told himself was just right.
Alec had no idea that James was there, he could turn and walk around, leave Alec to suffer as he should. As every traitor should suffer.
Or he could stand and watch Alec in pain, as he had been in pain after the betrayal.
Why did he have to remember the times that Alec had gone after him, why did he have to think of all the times Alec would never give up until he knew that James would be all right?
For as he recalled that he could not leave.
Alec would never have known, it would have been so easy to leave and he would not have to bother about Alec, he could simply forget what he had seen, but he could not forget how Alec had been there for him so many times.
He moved over to the figure.
"Alec." He said quietly, with a softness in his voice that surprised even himself.
"James." Alec coughed, and the blood that slipped out of his mouth alarmed James.
"What happened Alec." James knelt to turn him over so he would be able to see the extent of the damage.
"You're not the only one who hates a traitor, James." Alec murmured. There was a lot of blood on his face. A lot of blood. "It should not be surprising." Alec stopped speaking to cough and more blood streamed from his mouth. "You hate me James."
"So easy James." Alec went on, even if it made him cough up a little more blood after every few words. "No one would blame you for leaving me here, no one would know. I would not blame you. It's so easy James."
To hear his thoughts spoken by Alec made James blood freeze. Alec knew that if James left he might not be able to get himself out of there. If he was lucky he would make it, but Alec could not know for certain if he would be that lucky, and yet he offered James the choice to leave.
"No Alec." James said, while his brain still debated what to do, his brain was still trying to come to a decision, but his heart had already acted. "It would be too easy." He said as he did not want to admit his real reason for helping, not even to himself.
"I will get you out of here, I will get you help." He was not doing it for England this time, for you Alec, he thought as he gathered him close to lift him. This he was doing because he remembered the Alec that had once been his friend.
He uttered a curse as he lifted him. He had lifted Alec many times in the past, but he had never been this light or thin. He should not be so thin, there should be more flesh to him, more weight to struggle with.
Alec groaned as he was jostled. It was obviously painful, James had thought that he would not care whatever Alec was in pain or not, so why was he now taking care not to jostle him more than necessary. Why did he care whether Alec was in pain or not?
He asked the same question one more time when he again stood outside a door, looking in on the prone form in the bed through a glass window in the door. Just as when Alec had first been brought back.
Déjà vu, James thought with a dry smile as he saw O'Moore approach form the opposite direction. It seemed that someone wanted it to be like the last time.
Alec was in bad shape, he would survive, none of the injuries were life threatening, but he was in bad shape. He was in much pain, and he would be so for some time.
Agent Double-oh-three, O'Moore came up to James, he looked very serious with his gritted teeth, he was clearly angry. "Who did this to him?" He demanded.
"You will have to ask Alec that." James said. "I found him like that." Surely O'Moore could not believe he had done that to Alec, then James realised that he had been thinking of leaving him like he had found him, and that was not much better if one thought about it.
"Thank you for bringing him back." O'Moore said, and there was no mistaking the anger in his voice. He was furious over what had been done to Alec. "I know you would never do that to him, but I would like to know who did it."
"So would I." James surprised himself by saying. "I do not like the thought of anyone here capable of such petty revenge." He hurried to say to cover up his lapse.
"Can you understand that he needs you now?" O'Moore asked ruefully. "Someone who cares enough to go looking for him, what if you had not passed by? He would not have gotten any help then, he would have been left there."
James was on the verge of pointing out that he, O'Moore seemed to care enough to go looking for him, and that it seemed to go for Q as well, but then he realized that there was a difference.
If Alec went off to seek solitude, then James was the only one who knew him well enough to know where he should look for him. The others could only guess where he would be, James would know.
There was also one other thing that he did not really want to consider, the fact that Alec seemed to trust him for some reason. He should not trust James after the way James had treated him, and yet, for some reason he did.
When James had brought him to the medical staff Alec had slipped into shock, or very close, and he had clung on to James in desperation and fear.
He had clung to the one who had denied him water when he brought him back, who had not raised a hand to help him when he was in pain that time.
Yet now he still clung to him. Alec was not fully recovered from the last ordeal yet, and that was why he was in such a dire state now. Because he had still been weak.
It had made James feel ashamed, when he realized that Alec was still able to trust him like that, and had he betrayed that trust? Probably he had, for he was out in the corridor, watching his former friend through a glass window in the door, when he could have been inside the room, sitting by the bed.
He saw his own thoughts portrayed in O'Moores eyes, he would have expected to see some accusation there as well, but there was nothing like that there. Only compassion and regret.
O'Moore had been there when James came, and even later when Alec came. James had not been overly found of the idea of a partner, especially not a cocky young such, who thought that he could work his charm on the female sex. He had thought that Alec was too cocky, too witty for his own good.
It had taken them some time to get to know each other, and there had been a few fiery explosions along the way. Yet they had grown closer, even without them really noticing it, suddenly it had just been natural to go out for a pint together. It had just been natural that they were friends.
The competition of saying something wittier than the other could come up with turned into friendly banter. They became protective of each other, and they sought to protect each other. That was why Alec's betrayal had hurt so much that he had nearly left him there, like he had once before…
James broke the strain of thought with an audible gasp of surprise, one that O'Moore pretended that he had not heard.
James had never left Alec at his mercy, he had always gotten him out of each and every scrap so why had he been thinking that. He had dragged him out a few times, with both their lives hanging by a thread, but he had never left him, never, only once. Back there when he had seen Alec fall senseless to the ground. When he had thought that the bullet had killed Alec. He could have taken steps to ascertain whatever he was truly dead, or if he had just been unconscious. If he had done that then Alec would have been with his friends when he suffered from the amnesia.
He would never have been at the mercy of those who had used him so cruelly. James had not done all he could to save him that time, and as a result Alec had been turned into the enemy by the enemy.
Had Alec ever cursed James for leaving him as he was now cursing Alec? Had Alec ever blamed James for all of it, he had blamed Alec, but had Alec really blamed him?
He was not cursing James, nor blaming him, he was blaming himself. Why was he blaming himself when he could so easily be blaming James, and thus transfer all the guilt and shame to him?
Because when it came to some things, not everything, but some certain things, Alec had not been lying, he really was better than James.
"It took you long enough to come to that conclusion." O'Moore said quietly, as if he had been reading James thoughts. There was no need for such drastic measures, James thoughts was plain on his face as the realisation struck him.
"I left him there." James choked. "I never tried to save him." He shook his head. "I was certain he was dead, but I still left him there. He must have felt as betrayed as I did."
"Alec knows a lot about betrayal." O'Moore stated. "He was orphaned because of betrayal, and he has been betrayed since then. Perhaps you should ask him about betrayal."
O'Moore thought that James had indeed betrayed Alec to some extent, but not by leaving him, he could not have known that Alec was still alive.
No the betrayal was after that, when he could have listened, when he could have tried to understand, but refused because he himself felt hurt. That had been a betrayal. O'Moore had been informed that Alec suffered amnesia, and after that he could not hold any grudge against the younger man. Yet James who had been the one closest to him would not even listen, well, he seemed to be ready to listen now, and O'Moore would make sure that he did listen.
"Maybe you should talk to him about that James." O'Moore said slowly, he did not want to place any blame over onto James, but he wanted James to understand that Alec had suffered as well.
James should do that, he should not be standing outside in a corridor and look in on Alec when the younger man was in pain. It was not the right thing to do. Slowly James pushed the door open and stepped inside.
Alec was lying still in the bed, so very still, too still. He did not move the slightest, there was hardly even a rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. The left side of his face was disfigured by a swollen mass of bruises, one of the savage kicks would have taken him in the face then to leave bruises so bad. The bruises continued down his throat, as did the swelling, and his breathing was ragged and shallow because he had to draw breath through a swollen throat.
The right hand that rested on the cover was covered with angry scratches that made even the purple and green bruises fade, not to mention how the swelling had disfigured it.
He had seen Alec look much like it before, after missions gone awry, even a few times when there had been no missions, just his and Alec's uncanny knack for getting themselves into trouble.
Every time it froze his heart, he had believed that his heart had been hardened against Alec forever, but it had not, if it had he would not feel so sick now.
"Seems I am a disgrace to our training once more." Alec rasped in a horse voice, one who betrayed how much speaking hurt his tortured throat. "Should have been able to get myself out of that scrape."
"Don't speak Alec." James did not want him to be talking when it was obvious how much it hurt.
"I'm sorry James." Alec's voice cracked and he coughed, it brought tears of pain to his eyes. "I know you do not want to hear me, but it would not be fair not to let you know that I was awake, so you could leave if you wished." Alec looked at him, and James thought of that picture of the young child that he had tucked away. Because Alec looked so small and afraid.
How could he look so afraid and hurt, and still offer James to leave him?
"I intend to stay this time." James mumbled. To cover up how uncomfortable he felt he took the water glass from the table beside the bed and held the straw in it to Alec's lips. "Drink, it will make you feel better."
There was something in Alec's eyes then, a glint of surprise and James recalled how Alec had been begging for water and James had denied him it. Maybe by offering it to him freely now he could begin paying of the debt he owed Alec for having denied it to him even once.
"I do not want you to speak because I do not want you to suffer needlessly."
Just like Alec was trying to pay off a little on the debt he owed for having trusted the wrong people.
"Some things are worth the pain James." Alec offered a small grin, a lopsided one that would tear as little as possible at the bruises.
"Some things are worth the pain." James agreed, what was? Just how much pain could something be worth? How much pain was Alec worth?
Alec had fallen asleep again. The medical staff had given him some kind of pain repressing drug, and it had knocked him out as fast as any car James had ever driven.
At some point over the years, when Alec had ceased to be just his partner, and had also become a friend, and even a little brother, then James had thought that Alec was worth the world. That there was nothing he would not do for Alec should the younger one need it. He had believed that Alec was worth anything, no matter how painful or difficult it would be.
Now he stood where he had to give up just that, the most difficult thing he had ever done, it was time to do it for Alec.
James had to forgive him, and he was not sure if he could do that. Yet he had to.
"For you, Alec." He mumbled to the sleeping figure. "For you."
When Alec woke up he could sense that he was not alone, and that was about all. He could not focus through the drug haze that had once been referred to as his brain, no doubt by someone very optimistic as it certainly did not resemble anything remotely close to a brain for the moment.
He had experienced times before when everything seemed to swim in and out of focus. That could however not be used to describe his current state. There was not enough focus for things to swim in and out of.
Not even the sense that he was not alone, for that one was evading all attempts he made at approaching it. He could not even get a grasp on it that was strong enough to determine whatever he was really sensing it or not.
Even worse than that, there was not focus enough for him to be a hundred percent certain that he was really he, as unfocused and disorienting as everything was he might very well be a she without him being aware of it.
That thought startled him into some order of awareness. Mostly because his mind fled in panic from the stray thought, and just happened to flee in the direction where his reasoning was hiding behind something.
He was he, he was not some she.
At least that was something to be grateful for, now if he only knew which he, he was. There was something vaguely familiar about not knowing exactly which him he was. So perhaps that was as it should be. After all that could be information he was not cleared for.
About there the string of something that could be compared to thoughts had they been just a little more related to any kind of brain functioning stopped making sense even to him.
It also served to jolt him into a slightly higher level of awareness from sheer fright of what the object that could now almost be likened to a brain had come up with.
He now had brain functions enough at his disposal to realize two things, the first that he was not alone, and the second that he was already aware of the first one.
Alec groaned as he feared that it would start all over again, and was there a more frightening thought than that?
"Alec." The voice cut through the haze, it was able to cut through the haze because Alec loved the sound of that voice so much.
"M'here." Alec murmured. Stupid thing to say really, if that was James he was hearing, then James already knew where Alec was, probably better than Alec himself knew. At least James had clarified that he was indeed Alec, and if he was Alec, and that was James, then surely everything would be all right again.
"I know Alec, don't worry, you are safe now." James voice was soft, without the anger and hatred that had been there recently. It was a beautiful voice when there was no hatred in it.
Alec forced his eyes open to look at James, he wanted to make certain that there was no hatred lingering in his eyes when he regarded Alec. He wanted to be certain that James no longer wished him dead above all other things.
All he could see was concern.
"I am sorry James, for everything." He croaked. "I am sorry for what you had to go through."
"I am sorry to Alec, for not understanding how much you suffered the whole time." James closed his eyes for a moment.
"Some things are very hard to believe James." Alec murmured. "Even when the evidence for it is right there in front of you."
At first James believed that Alec spoke of the way James had refused to see Alec as anything but the master mind of evil, but then Alec continued.
"Maybe I could have found out that it was lies they were telling me, but I was to afraid to look. Because those lies were the only thing I had. If I found out they were indeed lies, then I would be back to not knowing anything, not my own name, nothing. So I was to afraid too look."
It was Alec's experiences, but it was also James. For he had been too afraid to look to see whatever Alec was guilty or not. He had wanted to blame someone, and he had wanted it to be Alec. If not, he was afraid that there would be no one to blame.
"I never thought about how terrifying it would be not being able to remember anything." James admitted. "I never allowed myself to, because I knew that if I did I would not be able to hate you for trusting them anymore, and I wanted to do that. I was a coward Alec, and you suffered for that. I am sorry."
"A pair of fools we are it appears." Alec was hoarse from speaking and coughed, it hurt a lot, but it was worth it to be able to talk with James again. "No wonder everyone always claimed that we were the perfect couple."
James chuckled. "You should not speak so much Alec, it will only hurt you more. Just rest, I am here, I will make sure you are all right."
Alec was grateful for the offer, weariness was dragging him off towards sleep again, and he had to admit that he feared the loneliness of lying alone and hurt in a room. He feared feeling so vulnerable as he did when he knew he could not defend himself, and when he really was alone and it felt like the room was such a vast empty space.
Then he felt that he was not alone, for James had taken his hand and held it loosely. When he had that touch to latch onto he knew that he was not alone in the vastness, and that there was nothing in it that could hurt him either.
Alec allowed himself to drift of into the land of dreams.
When Alec returned from the dream land there was a new voice there, one that began talking soothingly to him after he had groaned, and Alec realised alarmed that it was not James voice. It was another one.
Startled he forced his eyes open to see who was there.
"Easy Alec." His eyes refused to focus properly, but at least he was awake enough to recognize the voice. O'Moore was there.
"James?" Alec croaked. Had it all been a drug dream, of James finally talking with him, James holding his hand. If that had only been a dream, then Alec would go hunting down the sandman and make him pay for the deception.
"He is here Alec." Came the soft voice of O'Moore. "He has been here the whole time you were asleep." There was a faint grin that Alec could detect now that his eyes finally focused. "You have slept very long and he fell asleep himself, but he is here."
The sandman was safe then, Alec reflected. There was no need to hunt down and kill him.
"I do not think he hates me anymore." He mumbled.
"Who did this to you, Alec?" Now O'Moore looked grim and angry.
"Don't know." Alec mumbled, twisting his head so that he could see James. "Doesn't matter."
"It matters Alec." O'Moore stated firmly. "It matters to me, and it matters to James. Do you know who it was?"
"No." Alec did not understand how it could matter so much, it was a nice feeling to know that O'Moore cared about him, but it did not really matter. James no longer hated him, compared to that, what did it matter if they had even beaten him half to death. Alec did not reflect upon the fact that he had been beaten half to death.
How could anything matter beside the fact that James no longer wanted to beat him half to death, or all the way there. That was what was important.
"We will find out who it was Alec." O'Moore said matter of factly.
"Doesn't matter." Alec mumbled again. "They just hated a traitor, can't blame them."
"I can blame them." O'Moore said grimly. "We claim to be better than that Alec. We claim that we are against such evil. You would never do such a thing Alec, and I know that. James would never do it, and no one should have done it." He shook his head ruefully. "I fear for you now Alec, if they have attacked you once, they might again, and I will not have that. Do you understand that Alec, I do not want to find out that you have been beaten again. I want to keep you safe."
Alec understood, not why he should be worth it, but he understood. O'Moore had always been there, prepared to give the rookies the advice that might keep them alive. O'Moore had also always been there for the two orphaned agents that had no other families.
"I never needed any other father." He mumbled as he looked up at the man. O'Moore had stepped into that role before he himself had even realised it. Alec had always been out to prove that he could do just as well without any family, and then suddenly he had both a father and a brother.
"I never needed any other son." O'Moore smiled sadly as he stroked the blond hair. It was true, all too true, thought he would have preferred if his so called son had been in a safer occupation. One where one did not have to worry if you would see him alive again every time that he went on a mission. Then again, had Alec not chosen that, then he would never have met him, and that would have been worse.
"We will get through this mess." O'Moore said softly as he continued to stroke his hair, he would have taken his hand, but James still held on to it and did not seem to be about to let go. Alec's other hand was too swollen, if he took it he would only hurt him. "We will keep you safe from now on Alec."
O'Moore wondered how they were about to do that. Alec could not be allowed to wander around alone, that much was certain, but how would he take it if there was always someone with him. Would he think that they did not trust him? How could they always be close enough to protect him? He was not sure, he only knew that he would not let anyone harm him again, they would have to deal with him if they were about to, and as it stood O'Moore intended to have a word with M about Alec's safety.
"Sleep now Alec." He urged, it would be better for him to sleep. James would still be there and he could go and speak with M.
"Would prefer not to, don't really trust the sandman." Alec murmured.
O'Moore looked at him with a look of utter confusion, now where had that come from? Not trust the sandman, it sounded to him as if the medical staff had used some drugs that were just a little too powerful. Why else would Alec be claiming that the sandman could not be trusted. He would speak with the medical staff to make sure they were not pumping him full of some drug that he really did not need.
"You do not have to be afraid Alec, James will still be here, I just need to go away a little." He promised, thinking of waking James up so that he could keep better watch, but he really wanted to find out what the medical staff had given him.
"I think the sandman was after James." Alec mumbled, half asleep and not really on the right side of anything coherent. "Seemed like it before."
"What sandman Alec?" Perhaps he had misunderstood, it could after all be a code name for some one they had once fought, and now in his weakened state Alec could be having nightmares about it.
"The one in that dream land, don't trust the dream land either." Alec yawned. "It's a scary place. I think the sandman lives there, he is scary too."
O'Moore decided that he defiantly needed to know what they had given him.
When Alec had closed his eyes O'Moore touched James shoulder, James immediately came awake.
"Can you keep an eye on him?" O'Moore asked. "I think that he has been having some very bad nightmares. He said that he did not want to sleep because he did not trust the sandman."
"What kind of drugs have they given him?" James demanded, suddenly feeling very concerned.
"That is what I intend to find out." O'Moore stated. "And we need to find a way to protect him as well. We can no let him be harmed in such a way again."
James nodded a silent agreement, he would make sure that Alec was safe.
To Be Continued
This is the end of chapter one, I will respond to all signed reviews with the new feature. Thank you, all of you for reading.