Sorry for the delay on this. I was feverishly writing another fic which was time sensitive - it needed to be out before the season premiere. It's called 'We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year' if you fancy it. Anyway, thanks for the follows and faves. Here's the next bit...
Jeff jogged into camp early in the morning having just completed a lengthy run. As he made his way to the rudimentary wash block he was intercepted by Chang stepping into his path. Jeff made an effort to be civil to Chang, having thrown him out of his apartment only a week or so ago.
"Chang, I'm on my way to have a wash and I don't need any help from you."
"What you up to Winger? Disappearing into the woods and coming back all sweaty? Anyone would think you're up to something," said Chang, stroking his invisible beard.
"I went for a run. Like I did every morning when you were crashing at my apartment. Just cos we're in the middle of nowhere I'm not gonna let this perfect body fall by the wayside."
"Hmmm. Very well, carry on. But I've got my eyes on you Winger."
"Whatever," Jeff rolled his eyes as Chang stepped out of his path, waving him past imperiously.
The women's camp was having a relaxing morning. Other than those allocated to housekeeping tasks by Shirley the group were enjoying a bonding session. Currently they were bonding over Britta's continued absence.
"I think we should probably try to find her," said Britta's former groupie, Alison. "She didn't eat anything and she was gone all night. She might be lost."
Behind her Annie's eye swelled to Disney proportions and she nodded vigorously, silently beseeching Shirley to agree.
"Lord knows, if anyone was gonna get lost on this trip, it's gonna be Britta. Or maybe Pierce. Or Starburns. Hmmm. Actually, maybe guard duty wasn't such a bad idea..." Shirley mumbled thoughtfully, before asking brightly, "Ok, so who wants to vol-un-te-er for a search party? I'd go but in my current condition I'd just slow y'all down." Shirley stared around the group. Strangely enough everyone who met her gaze found their hand inexplicably raising. "Oh, that's nice! Ok, well maybe, Ali-son, you could lead one group, Tra-cy, you can lead another. Meet back here about midday, unless of course you find Britta first."
"So you're telling me that there are people in the world who have never even seen Star Wars? Man we gotta do something, set up some sort of government programme or something. There's gotta be charities for this sort of thing." Troy's brow wrinkled at the enormity of this new discovery. Jeff gave him an amused smirk. Without the girls around and what with Abed darting about the camp 'observing' everything he and Troy were spending an unprecedented amount of time together. Surprisingly they were getting on really well. Without his phone to distract him Jeff was having to take conversation to an actual level, and Troy was just about the easiest person in the work to talk to. He'd literally talk about anything. By which Jeff meant that he would talk about something and Troy would latch onto just one word or phrase and follow the tangent through to it's conclusion. But it was easy conversation, and it beat the hell out of Pierce's repeated invitations to go sit in his Chief's Tent. Throughout the day a number of the other men had joined them so that now about half of the men lounged lazily around the campfire, making idle chit chat and laughing loudly at each others jokes.
In his tent Pierce sat on his throne, attended to by Chang, who was currently fanning him with a pine branch.
"Listen to them? Why aren't they in here laughing with me? What have I done to alienate myself from them?"
"You want to know why they're out there? Two words: Jeff Winger. I bet even now he's planning a coup. He wants to be the leader - didn't you see his face when Duncan said you were the chief? Oh man, he looked Changry."
"Why do they keep laughing? Are they laughing at me? They think I'm just some doddering old schluck, don't they? Ah, who am I kidding, They don't want to hang out with me when there are Jeff Winger's in the world. I just wish I could be cool again."
"Hey man, you are cool. I'm hanging out with you, aren't I? Those kids are just following Jeff because he thinks he's so much better than everyone else. You know he actually has one of those machines to do ab-crunches in his doorway. Loooo-ser! You just gotta put Jeff Winger in his place before he decides it's time he takes your place. Make the first move, man. Strike the iron while it's still warming up! Let's show him that Pierce Hawthorne isn't just a sad old man with a bald patch that grows daily and a pot belly."
"Hey!"
"Those were Jeff's thoughts. You know, we lived together (until he threw me out like some worthless...)"
"Jeff thinks that? Hmmm, maybe I should put him down a peg or two. Show him that he can't just lord it around like he's better than me. Tell me what we should do."
While the search parties were out Shirley started to prepare a stew for the camp's dinner. Knowing that some of the girls were vegetarian she thoughtfully divided it into two vessels, one with meat, one without. She was enjoying herself. While she was a little worried about Britta, she couldn't help but think that she was probably a better leader. If it had been down to Britta they would all be eating pine cones by now. A sudden movement distracted her, as out of the bushes, looking pretty dishevelled and bug eyed, stumbled Britta. Immediately Shirley approached her.
"Brit-ta, honey, are you okay? We were worried about you."
Britta blinked at her distractedly. "Shirley? Are you my spirit guide?"
"No, sweetie. Here, have some stew. You seem a little out of sorts..."
Shirkey sat her down with a bowl of the casserole and absently teased bits of foliage from Britta's wayward hair. Britta ate the stew in silence before standing and returning the bowl to Shirley. She started to walk away, before Shirley calledvto her, "Er, Britta, where are you going sweetie?"
Britta turned back and looked deep into Shirley's eyes. "It's out there. I know it. I have to find it." she said simply, before walking from the camp.
"I hope she's talking about the Lord," Shirley muttered, watching her with some concern.
That evening the men sat around the campfire having just eaten what could probably called a meal. Having discovered a variety of foods, each of them had picked a preferred choice, only to discover that there weren't enough cooking pots. Pierce's solution had been to stick everyones meal into one pot and cook up a mix of rice and pasta in the other. He had directed Starburns to do the actual cooking, forgetting that he had officially made recreational drugs legal in an attempt to win over the hippy vote. Starburns had celebrated by mixing more than his usual share of highs with his friends and so the food was forgotten about. The result was a molten mess accompanied by a starchy mush.
"Well, that was great," moaned Jeff. He was in a particularly bad mood because the stew, or whatever it was, was so bad that he'd been forced to eat some of the carby mush, thereby putting his exquisite body as risk of unsightly bulges. "Next time, Pierce, why don't you just shovel some dirt down our throats."
"Hey, I delegated the responsibility of preparing dinner to Starburns. If you want to blame someone, blame him."
"Hah! Spoken like the true leader you are Pierce. Well done. I'm going to do some crunches before that gloop settles for good. And then I'm going to bed. Goodnight, gentlemen."
As Jeff stalked away a number of the younger men also made moves to leave.
"Where are you going? We haven't even begun our sausage fest yet?" asked Pierce.
"Bed," "Sleep," and "To catch the news," were just some of the mumbled replies Pierce caught as the group broke apart. Soon the only people around the fire were Pierce, Chang, a trio of Jocks and Starburns and his hippy friends, though possibly they were only there by default of having passed out before getting anywhere else. Pierce poked the fire viciously until Chang leaned in towards him and started speaking in a low voice. In response Pierce raised his eyebrows and grinned mirthlessly.
In the girls camp the evening meal had been much more successful. Shirley had called off the search for Britta in light of her afternoon visit. She felt reassured that she had been able to feed Britta the stew - at least she knew she wouldn't starve. And she obviously knew where the camp was, so all in all maybe it was just best to leave her to figure out whatever it was she was trying to resolve.
As the women prepared themselves for sleep, Annie went over her notes. She had been present when Shirley briefed the group about Britta's visit, and Annie was sure that the motherly woman had been addressing her directly when she said that she thought that Britta was best left to her own devices. Somewhat reassured by this Annie had busied herself chronicling the interactions of the group. However, when volunteering she hadn't realised how isolated she would feel. She supposed that technically she could interact with the group, but what if her grade depended on her remaining completely impartial? It wasn't something she could risk.
Sighing, Annie put her clothes into her enormous purple case. It turned out the case was pretty impractical. Not only did it contain barely anything other than books, most of which turned out to be irrelevant (and thank goodness it was unseasonably warm at the minute - Jeff had been right about the lack of extra clothing), but it was also so big she couldn't stow it anywhere. She had to make do with laying it down beside her camp bed rather than stowing it underneath as everyone else has done with their backpacks. The untidiness annoyed her but without any alternative all she could do was grin and bear it. She would definitely be investing in a backpack before the next field trip...
"Winnnng-er. Winng-er. WINGER!"
Jeff started awake. He had been deeply asleep and was puzzled by the rude awakening. Blearily he opened his eyes, only to screw them shut again as someone shone a torch directly into his face.
"Urgh! What-?" he mumbled, before being prodded by what felt like a foot in the side.
"Get up Winger! You're wanted."
"Chang? What the hell? What time is it?" Jeff raised his hand to block the glaring torchlight and could just about make out the silhouette of the little man holding it. Behind lurked a couple of others, though Jeff couldn't make out their features enough to recognise them.
"Up Jeff! The big man wants to see you. And he don't like to be kept waiting, nah-ah."
"Seriously? Tell Pierce I'll see him in the morning, at a civilised hour."
"What's going on?" asked Neil sleepily from one of the other beds.
"Nothing for you to stick your fat nose in!" snapped Chang. "Winger, I am not asking. GET UP!"
"Ugh, fine. Clearly none of us are gonna get any sleep until Pierce has had his games." Jeff threw aside his covers, revealing his bare chest. Despite the fact he was wearing only thin cotton pajama pants, the warmth of the night caused his well sculpted pecs to glisten slightly in the torchlight. Slipping on his shoes he moved to follow Chang from the tent. Chang's two cohorts - Jeff could see now they were a couple of the jocks - fell in behind him. Brad and Chad was what he christened them in his head. It might even have been their names. All Jeff knew about them is that they were the sort of bone-headed douche balls he made an effort to avoid.
Jeff rolled his eyes as he entered Pierce's tent. The lights had been set such that Pierce's face was sinisterly highlighted, but deep shadow hid his eyes. Still, it did pretty amazing things for Jeff's naked torso too, so there was some merit to be had. Abed was discretely tucked into a corner, camera glued to his eye. Chang crossed the floor to stand by Pierce in his chair while Brad and Chad flanked Jeff. Jeff crossed his arms and glared at the older man, raising one eyebrow questioningly.
"Jeffrey. I thought it only fair to give you one last opportunity to join me. You know, we really could be something together, with my brains and charisma, and your, well... we could really make this society great. Join me Jeffrey, and we'll rule the world together."
"I imagine that sounded less creepy and insane in your head. Thanks Pierce, but no. I don't care about your silly schemes for domination of this "world". All I'm here for is the easy credit for anthro. And frankly this is soo not worth the effort. So if it's all the same to you I'm going to go back to my bed and pretend this ludicrous escapade never happened."
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that Jeffrey. You see, you and I both know what happens next. You swan about the camp with your gaggle of followers and then you think, "Hey, why should Pierce have all the glory? Why should he be the awesome dude who gets to run things? Why shouldn't I be chief?" Because we both know that you can't stand to see me in charge. You think I don't hear you joking about me with those other guys? I heard you laughing Jeff! And I will not allow you or anyone else to usurp me! Grab him!"
Suddenly Jeff's armed were seized tightly by Brad and Chad. Unfortunately, the fact they were bone-headed douche balls didn't change the fact they were both extremely fit, with arms that dwarfed even Jeff's.
"Pierce! Are you on pills again? I'm not trying to usurp you! Why would I want to be in charge? That would be way more effort than I'm willing to put into anything, especially some crappy field trip. And we weren't laughing at you. Abed, tell him."
"Sorry Jeff. I'm just a fly on the wall. I can neither affect or be affected by the situation."
"Gee, thanks Radar," muttered Jeff, pulling futilely against Brad and Chad's iron like grip.
"Face it Winger, you blew this one," chuckled Chang. "Take him to the Traitor's Hole. We'll make sure no one else has any ideas about superiority. Prepare to be made an example of, Winger!"
The Traitor's Hole turned out to be the now empty bedding store. Jeff was firmly held by the two enormous jocks as Chang tied his hands behind him, and then secured him to the shelving racks that lined the wall.
"Chang, this is insane, even by your standards. What are you hoping to achieve? Or is this about me kicking you out? News flash! Anyone would have kicked you out. In fact, I don't even know why I let you stay as long as I did. And you repay me by tying me in a shed? Way to show gratitude, Ben." spat Jeff angrily.
"Jeff, you still don't get it do you? I am loco-coco. And if I want to hold a grudge then, man! You better be prepared for the grudgiest grudge holding ever! I am El Tigre Chino baby! And you are mine."
With that Chang and the douche balls exited the shed, shutting and bolting the door behind them. The last thing Jeff saw before being cloaked in darkness was the moonlight flare on Abed's camera lense as the door closed.