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Chapter 3

Dinner

Renesme and Jacob lived in Charlie's old house. Sue and Charlie had married and had a wonderful, strong marriage for almost thirty years. I would never be able to thank her for the joy, love and happiness she showed my father. When she died, a part of him did as well, and Renesme and Jacob moved in with him to help take care of him. Charlie would never admit it, but I knew no matter how much he loved his only daughter, it was his granddaughter that completely owned his heart.

When he died, just four years after Sue, Renesme was crushed. Carlisle had been monitoring Charlie's health through phone conferences, but his steady decline worried us all. Edward and I had been gone from Forks for more than thirty years, but we both risked coming back to be with Renesme. It was the only thing she had ever asked of us, and nothing was going to keep us away. What we did not expect was our extended family feeling the same way, and all of us – Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice – in heavy makeup, dark clothing and false accents, to descend back to Forks for a second, private funeral.

I replayed every moment of that funeral trip as Edward and I pulled into the familiar driveway. I missed Charlie, of course, but to wish him back with us was a kind of selfishness I didn't have in me. I vowed to visit his gravestone tomorrow, and steeled myself to push my sadness down and enjoy a family evening. Edward, sensing my mood, squeezed my hand from the driver's seat. I smiled, acknowledging the gesture with a squeeze of my own, and walked hand in hand at human speed into the house.

I heard Renesme calling to Jacob as Edward used his left hand to knock. Both yelled for us to come in at the same time and Edward smiled at me, opening the door. I smelled butter cooking in a pan and bread in the oven as Edward took my coat. He hung it on the same hooks he had used in Charlie's house since we first met. I could tell he was feeling as nostalgic as I. Jacob came running down the stairs, dressed in a dress shirt, pants, and had two small pieces of tissues attached to his face where he tried to stop the bleeding from shaving. He was in thin dress socks and nearly lost his footing on the last step.

"Since when are you clumsy?" I asked him before any greeting. He looked up at me sheepishly and I was a little shocked at the familiar expression.

"Sorry. Sorry. Nessie wanted me to look nice tonight and shave and I do it so rarely I am out of practice. The stupid dress socks are slippery. And don't worry, I am not out to claim your title for the clumsiest Cullen. " His eyes twinkled at the last part, and I punched him in the arm. Jacob had adopted the Cullen last name when he was getting too old to keep his original last name. I was deeply touched when Edward had asked Carlisle's permission, and it had been given so freely.

I reminded Jacob that I had not been clumsy in a long time and we moved into the kitchen to see his wife, arms wrapped around each comfortably. Edward sat across from me at the new kitchen table as we listened to Renesme bark orders at Jacob as she struggled to get the last of the food out and on the table. She would be offended if I offered to help, and I knew that, so I sat on my hands to remind myself to stay out of her way.

"Darling, you do realize that only you and Jacob eat?" I said, trying to ease her from her dark mood.

Renesme glanced at me and shook her head, not responding. Edward smirked at her unspoken response. I glared back, trying to signal him for help with my eyes. He nodded a no, and I knew I was on my own.

I tried to draw a conversation out of her. Asking what she was making, and why Jacob was getting dressed up. She responded with half answers, and I decided to leave her to her mood and take in the renovations to Charlie's house.

The yellow cabinets, once faded and dated, had been refinished and updated to a sleek, modern design, still hinting at the original yellow but now with large nickel hardware. The vinyl had been replaced by her Dad and Uncle Emmett with a beautiful wood floor and all the appliances were new. I was impressed with Renesme's quiet refusal of help from her Aunt Rosalie and Grandmother. She wanted all the work to be done by the family, and had paid for all of the renovations from her and Jacob's personal accounts.

She closed the oven door with a flourish, and I took that as the signal that we were ready to sit down to dinner. Edward and I sat in front of our daughter's beautiful china place settings, and oohed and ahhed appropriately as our host and hostess served the dinner. We did not have to pretend to be interested in the food, but we knew she appreciated the acknowledgement of her culinary skills.

Renesme sat down across from me, while the men headed the table. I was just about to ask her why the leaf was in the table and there were additional place settings when the doorbell rang again. I had been so focused on Renesme that I had almost missed the first confused, then shocked, then blissful expression on Edward's face. Before I could ask if we were expecting additional guests, Renesme flashed through the door to open it for her grandparents.

Esme was spinning Renesme around, clucking words of love and appreciation at her. Carlisle moved past the whirlwind to hug Jacob, and when he stepped out of the doorframe, Emmett's booming voice came from behind.

"Hey, hey. Now we can get this party started!"

Renesme giggled at her uncle from over her grandmother's shoulder, and waved at him and Rosalie. I glanced at Edward, who was still sitting at the dining room table. His face still didn't seem to match the scene in front of me. At that moment I realized why. Emmett was so big in the doorway, that he blocked Alice and Jasper from sight.

It was my turn to nod and wave at Emmett and Rosalie, and quickly pushed past them to get my hands on Alice and Jasper.

I sputtered in her spiky hair, "Alice. Oh, Alice. And Jasper. I have missed you. What are you doing here?" I reached around to hold Jasper's hand behind her.

"It's no party without us, you know." Alice replied quietly. She seemed a bit distant, but I was so happy to see them both I let it pass. She was probably mentally drained from the long journey from Africa.

Jasper held my hand tightly and then pulled us both into a hug. He took a deep, unnecessary breath, and my joy seemed to deepen immediately. I wasn't sure if it was Jasper being Jasper, or just that same weight I felt when we landed finally being removed completely.

Alice let go, and I did the same, Edward murmuring hellos and Jacob asking everyone to come in and be comfortable. I was dimly aware that we were probably making a scene on the front stoop of this quiet street, but at the moment I didn't care.

The rest of the family joined us at the table, and Renesme and Jacob ate their delicious dinner. While Renesme would only drink blood as a child, she had developed a taste for both as she got older. Carlisle speculated that Jacob had a lot to do with her omnivore nature, not to mention being able to avoid the social pressures of never eating, but I believed it was equally due to the fact that Renesme was an amazing cook. I had always hoped she would one day open a restaurant of her own, but she never felt like she needed the hassles of her own business. Instead, she cooked for the local diner and when she wasn't cooking, she was serving.

Edward was staring at Alice and Jasper, as if not believing they were really here. Alice's fatigue lifted and talked animatedly about their latest trek across the continent and Jasper added in the appropriate nods, gestures, and confirmations whenever Alice needed them. Rosalie took turns sneering at Edward, obviously still mad about their day at the office, Alice, for swooping into the center of attention, and Jacob, who had forgotten to take the tissues off his face from his shaving mishaps. Emmett, noticing her mood, did something to her under that table that made her first jump, and then give him a dirty look. He whispered for her to loosen up. She just stared him down.

As I listened to Alice, I started to get the feeling that there was more to this evening. Rosalie seemed tense, and while that was not unusual, Renesme and Jacob were unusually quiet. Jacob was especially withdrawn and when I really watched my daughter she seemed almost nervous. When I looked at her again, feigning a casual stretch, she motioned me into the kitchen with her eyes.

When I got there, having waited a minute to not set off the others, she was holding onto the side of the kitchen sink, crying. I rushed to her, scooping her up like I had when she was a toddler.

"I can't do this, Mom. I can't do this. How can anyone expect me to do this?"

"Hummingbird? What is it?" I asked calmly, steeling me for the reply I was sure was coming.

"Jacob. I. Cannot. Live. Without. Jacob…. " She started crying in earnest now, soundless, tearless sobs that broke my heart.

I shushed her and hummed at her, rocking her body against mine. She was trying to get a hold of herself, but just when I thought the onslaught was over, she would start again. She gave up, and instead touched my face to tell me all the things that her body would not let her speak.

My daughter was anguished. She flashed through the images first in chronological order. She started with her birth, growing up, special events, graduations, holidays, her wedding, other family member's re-weddings, Charlie's funeral, and scenes from everyday life – thousands of images, moments, and feelings forever cataloged in her mind. Then she showed me what she was imagining, those same moments without Jacob there with her. When she came back to Charlie's funeral, her mind replayed the vision but as Jacob's funeral and the sobbing started again.

I shook the stained images from my mind when her hand went limp. She was still sobbing when I saw Jacob come into the kitchen. I started to pull back from her so she could see he was there too, but he shook his head no and instead pulled us both into a hug.

Renesme put her hand to Jacob's face and I felt like an intruder in their private moment. Whatever she was showing Jacob made his own eyes tear up and hold us tighter. Jacob looked at Renesme, with an expression I had never seen before in my Jacob. It was a look that seemed both tense and relieved, scared and triumphant, and above all with more love than any one heart should be able to hold. With that look he whispered "Ok" and pulled her away from me and into his arms.

I stood there, still feeling as though I was witnessing something I should not be, when Edward burst into the small room, staring at Jacob. I had not seen Edward so upset in such a long time, especially at his cherished son, that I barely recognized it. Edward pulled Jacob and Renesme apart and started Jacob down, his hand trembling. Renesme started to speak to Edward but Jacob silenced her with a squeeze on the arm. I will handle this, he mumbled to her.

Edward finally spoke, grasping at control. "You can't handle it that way, Jacob. I won't allow it."

"It is not your decision, Dad." Jacob's tone was level, measured, but he raised himself to his full height as he spoke.

"She is my wife" Edward hissed. "It is too much to ask, and you know it. Deep down, Jacob, you have to know this."

I shook my head in confusion, another human habit I had not given up. What was going on? And what did I have to do with it? I looked at Renesme and she was looking at the wood floor, not meeting our eyes.

"Renesme," Edward breathed her name, "You can't... You can't ask this. This is not right. It's selfish. It's not how things should be. You have to understand, it's the one thing we cannot give you."

At this it was our daughter that straightened and stepped away from Jacob. The too small kitchen seemed to be bursting and she looked her beloved father straight in the eyes.

"Cannot give? Will not give…And I might be selfish, but no one should understand that more that you. As it is, Dad," she said his name with hatred, "I am not asking you, I am asking Mom. And if you forbid her, then I will go ask them." With that, she pointed to the rest of the family now sitting silently at the dining room table.

Edward sucked in a breath, as if the wind had been knocked out of him, and slid to the floor, hiding his face in his hands. I was so confused. I didn't know who first to console, my distraught husband? My sobbing and now angry children? I froze, and Renesme and Jacob walked past me, back to the dining room, never meeting my face. I took Edward in my arms and willed myself to be quiet with him instead of shouting – WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

I don't know how long I sat there with Edward. I could not see his eyes behind his hands, but his chest was heaving strangely and he started to speak several times, but couldn't seem to form words. I thought back to the stroke that killed my mother and recoiled at the reminders of the similarities of the two. I was ready to call to Carlisle when I realized no one in the family had come into the kitchen. Either they were completely unaware or….Or….I was the one not aware. It is possible everyone else in the house now knows what is going on except me?

"Carlisle." I whispered, knowing he could hear me, and trying to call to him without disturbing Edward.

He was next to me in an instant. "I am so sorry, Bella. I did not realize the evening would turn out this way." As he spoke, he pulled Edward's hands from his eyes. I had not seen the darkness in Edward's eyes since my complications during pregnancy. I would deal with my emotions of confusion later. Right now, I was just scared.

"Edward." Carlisle was calm, in full doctor mode. "Please nod that you can hear me."

Edward's head moved a flick right and then left. Had I still be human, I would not have seen the movement at all.

Carlisle continued. "Good. Now are you hurt?"

Edward came alive and looked directly at Carlisle. At the look Carlisle clarified, "Physically?"

"No….They are all waiting for us. Let's get this over with." Edward did not look directly at me as he rose, his eyes instead boring into Carlisle. I searched his face for answers, seeing only the darkness. He turned to me, his face inches from mine, and surprised me with an emotional kiss. I was dazzled, and knew the kiss to be a diversion.

"These are not my secrets to tell. We need to join the rest of the family." Edward glanced at Carlisle, and motioned for him to join us in the other room.