Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me. They belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
For 2 years I have dedicated my time and love to Edward. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him. It wasn't that I wouldn't have sex with him, it's that I wasn't ready emotionally. I couldn't imagine any girl he chose saying no to him. He had beautiful hair that was just long enough to style, his eyes seemed to pierce through my soul every time I'd stare into them. His smile was like no other. His skin was pale, but it looked good against my own. He was without a doubt, pretty.
Over the past 2 years, I'd find myself frequently looking at pictures of us at night. No matter how much time passed or how confident I was in our relationship, I still never felt content with how I looked beside him. He had perfect posture, with a nice build. He wasn't extremely muscular, but he was just big enough for a quarterback.
No matter how hard I tried, I looked awkward in every picture. I wasn't sure if it was my lack of ability to be photogenic or because I knew that when I saw the picture, I'd feel inadequate in comparison to the god standing next to me.
There were numerous times I questioned his love for me because I couldn't believe such a beautiful, seemingly perfect guy picked me, normal and boring Isabella Swan. I always believed I must've done something right in a previous life to be so lucky. Now that I know who he really is, I regret every moment of it.
Every moment I spent planning our futures together, each year that was now wasted. Every "I love you," all the efforts made to convince my parents he was a great guy, everything I had known for the past 2 years was pretty much a lie, it felt like one anyway.
Thinking back to what Angela had said about Ben, I wasn't as attracted to him physically as I was emotionally. Sure, he was every girls dream but I didn't get so turned on that I jumped on him. I never had the urge to. My thoughts were always filled with doubts and would scream at me to stop him from going too far.
Honestly, he had only been able to really get me off once. Every time I gave him a hand job he came within minutes while I wasn't even that interested.
It really doesn't add up. I yearn to feel the way Angela does about Ben. Finding someone you're so attracted to you have the urges to do things that would without a doubt make me blush instantly. I want to experience sex and have my first orgasm, but with the right person.
Like anyone else, I could probably ask any guy in my school and they'd jump at the opportunity, but that wouldn't feel right to me.
It needed to be someone I couldn't take my eyes off of, someone who was able to turn me on as I looked at them. Someone I feel completely and irrevocably in love with.
With that train of thought, I finally realized it had to of been a half hour since I ran out of the gym. Whoever's arms I ran into must be getting tired of holding me. My makeup was probably all over his tux. How pathetic did I look?
I made myself stop crying enough to speak. "I-I'm sorry. I've probably made you miss half the dance. If I've ruined your tux, I apologize. I'll pay for it I promise."
I knew I should pull away and urge him to continue his night, his date was probably looking for him as well but I didn't want to. The comfort he was giving me was like nothing I'd had before.
"Shh, don't worry about it. Are you okay sweetheart?" he asked, pushing me away from him enough so he could grab onto my chin and raise my face up to look up at his own.
Of all the people I could embarrass myself in front of, I'd managed to run into the arms of Jacob Black. It was ironic to think about, just hours before in the limo my thoughts had drifted off to what it would feel like to be with a guy like that sexually.
Jacob has inky black hair which frames his breathtaking face. It's cut short on the sides while the top is spiky and pointed in different directions. He's extremely tall with a powerful, lean muscular body. While his eyes narrow slightly, they're a beautiful brown. Nonetheless, he is savagely gorgeous.
As I looked into his eyes and tried to find the words to respond, my knees felt weak. His touch sent an electrified feeling throughout my entire body.
"Y-yes. I'll be fine. Thank you again." I replied, trying to find the strength to stand on my own.
He grabbed my hands, holding them with his own. "Would you like to dance? I'm sure there's still a song or two left to be played."
I wanted nothing more than to be at home in my bed, curled up in a ball as I cried until there were no tears left to be shed. My entire world had pretty much just crumbled around me. I had made Edward such a huge important part of my life, I wasn't sure what I was going to do without him.
Forgiving him wasn't an option, not that I thought he even wanted me anymore. I just needed to push him out of my mind by any means necessary. If dancing with Jacob helped make that happen, I was sure as hell going to try it. Besides, who wouldn't want to dance with the perfect man that stood in front of me? He may be younger than Edward, but he was more of a man than he could ever be.
I wiped the remaining tears from my face and forced a smile. "I'd love to dance with you."
His face lit up as the words left my mouth with a smile that took my breath away. It's as if he sensed I didn't think I could walk on my own yet, he wrapped one of his arms around my waist as we walked back into the gym.
He was right, there were still couples all over the dance floor locked in a loving embrace as their bodies swayed to the music.
Jacob led me into an open space close to the dj's booth. As he wrapped both of his arms around me and placed his hands on my hips, I wrapped my own around his neck and rested my head against his chest. Staring into his eyes made me nervous. A familiar song began to play as our bodies moved perfectly together.
When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky or a beautiful sunrise, there's so much they hold and just like them old stars I see that you've come so far to be right where you are. How old is your soul?
A part of me screamed he could be trouble while another part of me knew he could be exactly what I needed. I knew the feeling of trouble stemmed from the way he made me feel. The electrified feeling remained as long as he was touching me in some way.
Here I was contemplating whether or not I'd want to date Jacob Black when he hadn't even asked me out. I needed to stop being so self centered. Here I was in this gorgeous mans arms who had been more than willing to comfort me when he didn't even know what for.
I decided I'd try to make the rest of the dance tolerable for him. No more crying. I looked up at him to see what the expression on his face was to get an idea of if he was enjoying himself. He met my gaze and was still smiling, as if I had made his night.
"Thanks for being there for me. We've never really been close friends so I didn't really expect it. I'll have to pay you back somehow." I wanted him to know I appreciated everything without giving the wrong impression.
"Don't worry about it Bells, I'm sure you will." He chuckled.
As I went to place my head against his chest again, I felt someone grab me and pull me away.
"What do you think you're doing with my girlfriend Jacob?! Did your date finally ditch you for someone better?" Edward had such a revolting cockiness in his voice. No doubt it came from his ability to have fooled me for so long while he fucked Lauren behind my back.
I pulled my hand free from his grip and took my place besides Jacob, putting my arm around his in an effort to keep him from killing Edward with his own two hands.
"Edward the better question is what are you doing? First of all, don't ever touch me again and second, where's your girlfriend?" I yelled, causing everyone else who wasn't already paying attention to us to stare.
"Is this some kind of joke Bella? Come on, we're leaving, I'm bored of this." He commanded, holding out his hand.
I couldn't help but do the last thing I expected to, I laughed. Even Jacob was surprised. He just stared at me with a confused look on his face.
"You're the last person I'd ever go anywhere with after tonight. Actually, Jacob and I are leaving. I'm sure your slut is still waiting for you somewhere. After all, she's always available to spread her legs for you the minute I'm not around."
The entire gym full of people were definitely surprised. I'm not sure if it was because of what I had just said, or because I've never really spoken up before. Either way, it felt so damn good.
I intertwined my fingers with Jacobs and led him out of the gym, leaving Edward with a pissed off look on his face.
Our limo was waiting in the parking lot to take us all home. We all piled in with the exception of Edward. The ride home was pretty silent and when we got to my house, Jake got out with me.
As he walked me to my door, my thoughts were filled with what it'd be like to kiss him. I expected he'd try to kiss me, and I really wanted him to.
I had pulled Katherine aside earlier at the dance and asked her if they were dating. She told me they had hooked up a few times, but they were only friends with benefits over the summer and had planned to go to homecoming together before it ended. She bragged about how skilled he was sexually which didn't help my thoughts much at all.
When we reached my doorstep, I moved closer to him in hopes he'd take the hint and kiss me.
Instead, he increased the distance between us.
"Thank you for the dance, Bells. I'm sorry the rest of your night wasn't so great." He was apologizing for Edward's behavior. I felt confused and rejected.
"Anytime. You saved it from being a total disaster." I assured him, putting my arms around his neck in an effort to bring us closer together.
"Look, Bella.." He grabbed my arms and removed them from his neck, placing them down at my sides. "I do like you, you're the most beautiful girl at our school in my eyes, but this isn't right."
I was infuriated. It was like he was making the decision for me as to whether or not I wanted to be with him. As far as men were concerned, I wanted to kill every one of them after tonight.
"Seriously? What does every guy in our school know I wouldn't have sex with Edward? Is that why "this isn't right" Jake? Because you don't think you'll get anything out of it? I guess I deserved to have him cheat on me." I spoke so spitefully, pushing him away.
"That's not it at all! This all just happened not even an hour ago. You need time to process and get over everything that's happened." I could tell he was sincere, but my anger was overpowering my body.
"Whatever Jacob. Just leave me alone." I rolled my eyes and turned away.
As quickly as I opened my door and went inside, I slammed it in his face.
I was lucky it was a Friday night which meant Charlie and Elena were in La Push. They had a habit of going there on the weekends to spend the night partying with their friends. They wouldn't be back until 3 in the morning at least so I was able to sulk and cry as loudly as I pleased, no questions asked.
It was 1am and it was physically impossible for me to cry anymore. Tonight had been so emotionally traumatizing that I was ready to swear off of men and relationships for awhile.
I took a quick shower in efforts to hide the past hour I had spent crying.
After dressing into my pjs, I collapsed onto my bed, my knees pushed up against my chest with my arms wrapped around them.
Now that I had taken the time to fully calm down, I felt horrible. Jacob had basically kept me from shattering earlier. The pain I was feeling from catching Edward subsided when Jake held me. I was pretty sure it had to do with the electrified feeling he sent coursing through my body at the slightest bit of contact, but the truth was I had basically slapped him in the face when he was trying to do the right thing.
I'm sure he felt like I was using him as a rebound or maybe that I was just plain crazy. Either way, I was disappointed in my actions. I'd have to apologize, the only problem with that was I didn't know if he'd want to hear it. Most guys aren't looking to date a psychotic hormonal cheerleader.
I reached over and grabbed my phone from the nightstand and clicked the Face book icon. As I scrolled down my news feed I saw pictures from tonight along with statuses about what had taken place between Edward and I. Of course neither of our names were specifically used. Quickly, I locked my phone and placed it back on my nightstand. I wasn't ready to face all of that yet.