Author's Note: See chapter 1 for disclaimers, etc…also, this section contains one of my favorite parts of our parody…though I am not saying which part it is, because then if other's don't find it funny, I won't feel stupid :)

Erid'Lor—Lol, nope, same two authors :) We go back and forth on the sections, too, so I could tell you who wrote what, but that would be complicated :) It's okay, though… sometimes we are funnier than others. My sister's actually the one of our pair that can write comedy better, I would say…I like my dark psychological writings :) Haha, you get two chapters since I probably won't get to update next week because of break! Enjoy

The Nazgul ran into the room, screaming at the top of their lungs and stabbing at anything that moved. Which included themselves…

Then they noticed the signs on the beds in which the hobbits were supposed to be sleeping peacefully. The sign read: "Ha, ha, the joke's on you." The Nazgul pondered this for a couple of seconds before running out of the room, screaming and stabbing at each other once more.

Across in the other building, Aragorn sat laughing. "We fooled them, stupid trick-or-treaters! Never again will they steal my candy!"

"What candy?" Pippin asked, but no one answered the poor hobbit's question.

"What are they?" Sam inquired, spooked.

"They ride here and there, they say, as kids dressed up…then they kill people for their candy. So, in other words, they are the Nazgul, Ringwraiths, Men who are…well, majorly deformed. To put it nicely," Aragorn answered, proud he remembered his history lessons from Glorfindel's "classes." "But really, we should be going to Rivendell. Come on; let's go!"

"It's only two o'clock in the morning," Merry complained.

"So? Let's go; MARCH!" Aragorn barked.

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"Weird, funky-smelling, gnome-looking things…we do not stop until nightfall, in which I stop, but you have to carry me so we still cover ground." Aragorn frowned at the hobbits, who had pulled out pans to cook.

"But what about breakfast?!?!?!?" Pippin screeched, on the verge of tears.

"We…already…had…it," Aragorn haltingly stated, flipping his greasy, mud caked "hair" over his "shoulder"…

"Did you just stutter?" Frodo asked.

"I WILL EAT YOU ALIVE!!!" Aragorn roared. "NOW HAUL ASS!!"

"But breakfast!"

"WE HAD IT!"

"We had one, yes," Pippin agreed sincerely, flashing his cute-as-a-puppy-dog eyes at the Ranger. "But what about second breakfast?"

Aragorn blinked.

"You know, second breakfast!" Pippin quickly became hysterical. "Third breakfast, brunch, lunch, desert, 1 o'clock meal, afternoon tea, nibblies at 3:21, crackers at 4, dinner, supper, more desert, twenty-first meal, hold-over meal till 9, 9 o'clock snack, poptarts, midnight snack…you know about those, right???"

Aragorn blinked. "I live off fresh air and determination. I used to eat food. Then Elrond tried to poison me. Bloody elf. Let's go."

Pippin turned to Merry. "What were we talking about?"

From the direction they walked from, an apple flew through the air and smacked Pippin in the back of the head. He fell over, and Merry shrugged and dragged him off after Aragorn.

Nightfall fell…due to the "fall" part…and the group reached Weathertop.

…And now for a short intermission at Imladris…

"My lord, the Ring-bearer will arrive soon. I will ride out to greet them." Glorfindel walked beside Lord Elrond down the hallway.

"Arwen wants to steal Asfaloth and save her hairy boyfriend," Elrond returned in an equally quiet voice.

Glorfindel frowned. "We will just have to see about that. But, my lord, what of the twins?"

"Well, we have a problem," Elrond returned grimly. "PJ didn't put them into the movie. Therefore, we must keep them away, lest confusion occurs."

"What do you propose?"

"Well…I'll simply brew a deadly poison and bake it into chocolate. That should solve the problem completely." Elrond nodded in satisfaction.

Shocked, Glorfindel gasped, "Surely you don't mean that!"

"Sure, I do. Damn brats and their pranks and laughter and fun! I'll show them!"

"…By killing them?"

"Sure. They'll finally shut up. Maybe. They'll probably talk in death, the punks," Elrond mused.

"My lord?" Glorfindel blinked.

"Oh, relax, Glorfy." Elrond patted his shoulder and went to the door of his study.

"So…you were…joking about murdering your sons in cold blood?"

"Oh, no. Don't worry…I've done it before."

"…Before," Glorfindel repeated flatly.

"Yep. See anymore running around? No? That's because they're dead." As an afterthought, Elrond added, "I tried it with Aragorn. Punk simply grinned and said, 'Nice try.'"

Glorfindel slowly backed away.

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So, the group reached Weathertop, not to be confused with Imladris. Aragorn decided to prance around, out of view. Actually, he remembered seeing a particularly sweet mud hole a while back, and he was in need of a bath, of the Ranger variety. He left the hobbits all alone, with a few pointy objects. Apparently, he thought that was a good idea, what with the Ringwraiths hot on the hobbits' tails and all.

Frodo promptly fell asleep, and the other three sat down and lamented their "empty" stomachs. Someone (probably Pippin) got the bright-as-Aragorn's-hair idea to make a fire to cook some food. Frodo awoke to the smell of bacon roasting.

"NOOOOOO!" Frodo shot up and flung himself at the fire. "YOU MUST NOT READ FROM THE ---erm, MAKE A FIRE!!"

"Make a fire?" Merry repeated.

"DON'T MAKE A FIRE!"

"Sorry!" Sam yelled, smacking ashes over the fire.

"OH, SAM!"

"Sh," Merry hissed. "You'll attract the Ringwraiths." 'Valor, am I the only one with half a brain?' he wondered.

A creepy shrieking sounded from two inches from their heads. "Ahh!" the hobbits screamed in unison as they ran away.

"Where's the hairy guy?" Sam shrieked. Aragorn was nowhere in sight as the Ringwraiths cornered the hobbits on the top of Weathertop. Frodo, brilliant per usual, dropped his only means of protection and fell down. Magically, The RingTM slipped onto his finger, and Frodo was thrown into a scary world of blurring black and white. He found out that the Ringwraiths were actually 900 year old men. The thing leaned over him and in a monotone voice said, "Die, Ring-bearer, die," and he proceeded to stab Frodo in the shoulder.

Frodo screamed dramatically and flailed about, wrenching off The Ring. Out of nowhere, Aragorn lunged onto the landing, flashing a torch. The Ringwraiths went running toward the Ranger, intent on killing him. But Aragorn went medieval on them, and several wraiths fell off the top, on fire. Alas, Frodo was on the ground, gasping for life.

"Oh, damn, Ada will try harder to kill me if I don't get him to Imladris alive!" Aragorn grabbed Frodo and leaped off the mountain, the rest following him. Once they were in the woods, Aragorn grabbed Sam by the throat and hauled him to eye level. "Do you know Kingsfoil? Yeah, get some now!"

"Hey, my status as a gardener just came in handy!" Excited, Sam rushed off to scrounge in the weeds.

Suddenly, two horses came barreling into the area. One was white and grand, the other a brown horse that was poorly painted white. Arwen sat atop the "painted" horse, trying to beat Glorfindel and Asfaloth. Arwen, a dirty player like her father, grabbed Glorfy's prized, glittering, long-ass silver/golden hair.

"YEOW!" He started crying and rode away, leaving Arwen victorious to help her snuggle-hug-muffin by saving the poisoned hobbit.

"I'm obviously better than you, so I'll take Frodo." Arwen threw Frodo onto her horse and rode toward Rivendell, leaving Aragorn and the three hobbits to choke on the dust. A moment later, the remaining Ringwraiths fell into position behind her. A race-announcer talked overhead, keeping everyone updated.

Then Arwen reached the river and galloped to the other side. She whipped around to face her enemies, holding a freaky-eyed, turning moldy-puke-green Frodo. The showdown began. Closing her eyes, she uttered the "magickal" elf words that translated:

Hah! Take that and shmoke it, old decrepit Balrog-Slayer! I stole your part because I'm obviously prettier! Mwhahaha!

A flood came barreling through and blocked the Nazgul. Everyone paused as a dead body drifted by. Frodo roused himself to see why the attention was not focused on him. He saw the body. "Uncle?"

Arwen squinted. "Are those chocolate smudges on his cheeks?"

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Frodo awoke to a very scary face. He was in such terror that he could only muster two words: "Oh, Sam."

"SAM?" Lord Elrond roared. "I am your Queen…er, King! BOW TO ME!"

Gandalf whacked Elrond in the back of the head. There was a loud crack, but Elrond only smiled. He hadn't felt a thing, thanks to the nice, new drugs he had made while he was bored.

Glorfindel rushed into the room, holding his cloak out behind him like a cape. "I'll save you!" He lunged at Gandalf but missed and slammed into Elrond.

"Ew, Glorfindel, I am married! Get off of me!" Elrond yelled.

"Oh, my lord Elrond, have you been working out?"

"NOW!" Elrond screamed, his face turning red…but out of anger?...

"Fine," Glorfindel huffed, getting up. He never got to have any fun.

Frodo looked up at Gandalf. "Where have you been? We waited for you."

"I was…busy. Yes, that's it. Busy," Gandalf said, his eyes shifting. "Oh, I confess: Actually, I got drunk, got lost, somehow ended up in the deepest part of the ocean, and you don't want to know the rest." Gandalf stopped, and Frodo blinked once, then twice.

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Frodo came upon Sam packing his things on the balcony. "Oh, Sam," he stated, and then he looked into the waterfall below.

Sam pointed down. "Hey, what's that?" he asked, and the corpse of a chocolate covered Bilbo floated by.

"Bilbo!" Frodo shouted and started to dive over the edge, but Elrond came out of nowhere and grabbed him

"No, he's dead…it's too late for him!" he cried. "Save yourself!"

"You heard him!" Sam called. "Save yourself, Mr. Frodo!" Sam launched himself over the edge.

"Oh, Sam," Frodo sighed. "What are we running from?"

"Eat chocolate. Nice hobbit," Elrond crooned, holding Frodo in a headlock. Frodo screamed like a girly-girl as Elrond shoved chocolate down his throat.

Frodo licked his lips. "Yum, this is good," he said.

"No, he's immune!" Elrond said angrily, running away.

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"When do you think Ada will let us out?" Elladan asked.

"Hopefully before he sails. I don't want to be stuck here until some mortal finds us," Elrohir replied, and for the 1,252nd time, he tried to open the door to the closet in which they were stuck. There was no luck in opening it.

"Well, it's your turn to try and open it," Elrohir told Elladan.

"Just because we are immune to his stupid chocolate," Elladan growled, trying to open the doorknob without any luck. "Your turn, Elrohir."

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