DISCLAIMER: I OBVIOUSLY DONT OWN ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS STORY; CHARACTERS OR OTHERWISE -THIS IS A RE-IMAGINATION OF AN EXISTING WORLD - EVERYTHING BELONGS TO A MRS STEPHENIE MEYER

***this is my very first fan fiction story and also my very first attempt at creative writing. I am in every sense an amateur and all comments, guidance and constructive criticism are welcome***

I knew the possibilities of finding Edward out there were better than the alternative so I thought I better come up with a decent excuse. Nightmare….I just needed some air seemed good enough. Besides, sitting on my back porch wasn't exactly deemed suspicious activity…by most people anyways. I walked down the back steps and looked carefully into the black forest. I didn't know what I was looking for but I was making myself known to anyone who may be hiding in the darkness . I heard a rustling in the bushes my eyes darted around trying to locate the sound's source, but after a few moments I just blamed it on the wind or a nocturnal creature of some sort. I turned around and walked back up the steps towards a worn down set of patio furniture. I pulled the chronically damp cushion off the chair and curled up on the bare metal frame. It was a surprisingly nice night, the sky was as dream Jacob promised…clear which probably meant a nice day tomorrow. Maybe Edward wouldn't be at school tomorrow maybe…. a noise in the bushed broke my train of thought.

Something moving out of the trees slowly and gracefully. My heart was racing I recognized the figure at once his dark muscles reflecting the moonlight. But something was different; his eyes were down, shoulders slouched, feet heavy. Jacob's movements were liquid but It was clear something was wrong. I got up and started walking toward him. It took all my will power not to run to him and leap into his arms, but I knew this wasn't the time. As I saw him walking out of the brush my heart broke. He had been behind my house, he was the rustle in the bush, he was watching my house. How often had he come here? My heart ached for him I felt terrible, here I thought he was moving on but those thoughts suddenly seemed a bit naïve. Before I had hoped that by some divine miracle he would be out here but now that was a reality and it was one of the most miserable things I'd ever seen. When I reached him I realized no words could tell him how horrible I felt. I reached out to him and gently grabbed his forearms.

"Jacob... I'm so sorry" I spoke softly and cautiously

Our eyes finally met. They weren't the eyes I remembered from the dream. Tonight they looked empty and blank. The corners of his mouth pulled down slightly I couldn't bear to see his face like that. I pulled him in close wrapping my arms around him. He didn't hug me back but we stood like that for a while. Nothing was said but I felt like I could say more like this than I could ever with words. He felt familiar, his smell reminded me of laughter, and long talks, of feeling comfortable and safe. I took it all in, all our memories together. Eventually he stepped back.

"I'm not here every night if you were wondering…just sometimes when I'm missing you or I.."

He drifted off without completing the thought. He tilted his head to the side and reached his arm over his head to rub the back of his neck I could tell he was embarrassed but I was gald he came to me.

"Oh" I replied. A little relieved that he wasn't making a habit of this, it killed me to know he saw Edward climb into my window night after night "Well I'm glad you chose tonight because I really needed to see you"

"Bells I want you to know I feel really horrible about the bike, I hated myself for it..i…"

"Jacob.." I whispered softly cutting him off "I don't care about the bike that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"Oh" He looked up looking a little less gloomy and a little more interested. "Did you get my letter?" he added

I reached into my front pouch of my hoodie and grabbed the folded piece of paper. And waved it once then replaced it in the pouch. "Why did you write me a letter? Why didn't you just come and talk to me?"

There was a silence Jacob didn't look like he was going to respond he just became suddenly amused by a pine cone and started moving it about with his toe.

"Wasn't there something you wanted to say?" he asked completely avoiding my question.

"Well it's not anything in particular…I just .. well I just." I looked directly into his eyes "Jake I just miss you." I sighed letting all pretence disappear into the cool night air.

Not much about his expression changed but his eyes were different they weren't the shadows of his eyes I saw before. His mouth didn't so much pull into a frown now. He just looked uneasy but still stoic. I had forgotten how handsome he was. His sleek hair was jet black and effortlessly haphazard. His defined chest was rising and falling with long deep breaths. His feet bare and firmly planted on the ground supporting his immense stature so impeccably sculpted yet so soft and warm to the touch. Then I looked in his eyes again. They defied all else. There was such intensity yet they were kind and forgiving. His eyes looked out-of-place with the rest of his body but if he would only smile, it would all fall into place. It was probably a safe bet that I wouldn't be seeing that smile tonight.

Jacob fidgeted he put his hands in his jean pockets. "Bella I miss you too...like you wouldn't believe but that doesn't change things."

"Why I don't get it. Why does it have to change things we're still friends. We can still have fun together it's not like…"

"No." he stopped me "it is like… Bells its bad enough that your boyfriend is a…well vampire." he half whispered looking up towards my house

"But even that I can handle. What I can't handle is who you chose to be when you're with him. I don't like the cautious obedient, compliant Bella, I don't like the one who leaves Charlie after Harry dies, or the Bella who's too afraid of what her boyfriend thinks to come and spend some time with the people who helped you when you needed it most! I don't know how to explain it to you other than I miss my Bella!" he finished pointing at himself his hands beginning to tremble. I took a few steps back. His eyes were intense, piercing. I felt as though he could see far more than I was willing to let on, as if he was seeing the thoughts running through my head. He struck a chord, and he knew it. He held me in his gaze. It startled me that he was able mirror such an intense emotion right back at me. I knew exactly how he felt, but I didn't feel capable of making a person feel that way. Not when I knew how much it hurt to see my Jacob morph into Sam's Jacob. It angered me that our conversation had taken this turn.

"What do you know about Edward and I or who I am when I am around him!" I replied angrily my voice shaking suddenly feeling the need to defend myself.

He stood up straight and threw his shoulders back as if he'd been waiting for this question.

"Hmmm… I don't know Bella if you've missed me so much why haven't you made any ventures out to La Push lately? And don't say it's because you're grounded cause you and I both know Charlie would have no problem making the exception"

My cheeks flushed I knew he was right but I wanted to retort, the heated discussion felt good, there was a charge between us. I liked arguing with Jacob. It felt cathartic.

"Okay fine Jake..fine" I threw my hands up in the air " You're right it is because of Edward but it's not because I'm some alter ego that belongs to him. It's because I love him and I know he's just trying to look out for me!"

"Ooooh" Jacob laughed maniacally "is that what it is?!" he threw his head back and rolled his eyes cynically "Bella you used to tell me you loved me, was that just so I'd hold your hand, and hug you and pick up the broken pieces until that ol' vamp came back and you two could go back to your perfect love and your eternal "life" together. Well guess what? I fell for it, I fell for you and I risked a lot for you...for the pack! Now I really see how much you appreciated it. But please don't let me get in your way I wouldn't want to be a nuisance. Heaven forbid Edward might feel a little uncomfortable…better write me off completely" He turned on his heels heading back towards the forest. Looking entirely different from when he emerged.

I was in shock. I was too upset to even cry I was still processing everything that had just been exchanged. No! This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this wasn't the direction I wanted our conversation to take. But I had nothing to counter with, everything he had said was justified. That realization finally triggered the tears.

"Jake…No!" I sobbed out to him shaking my head and bounding forward.

I saw him hesitate. He cussed to himself then rocked on the balls of his feet for a second then turned back around. In a few short strides he was back in front of me. He took both my hands in his swallowing mine completely.

"Bella I'm sorry I shouldn't have gone off like that its just…I feel trapped. You know how I feel about you, and I know you feel something too or we wouldn't be standing here now. I just wish I could get you to see things the way I see them, I wish you would give me a chance. I could make you forget all about him. We fit so well together it's so simple when I'm with you. You make me laugh, you make me think, you're so unbelievably beautiful and I trust you. I just want you to experience life. I want you to do whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy, and I wanna be there with you. I'd do anything to get you to see that... but I'm running out of options. What you need to understand is if you chose him and you… decide to spend your… eternity with him"

Pain was building up behind his eyes I could sense how hard it was for him to say all this. "I'm gone...there's no compromise gone… forever. Do you get that Bella? It would be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do and it would break me but it's necessary…its self-defence." he paused his hand on his chest "I won't live my whole life with a broken heart. I can't go on living like…like.. this" He gestured towards my window and the spot where he had emerged from in the bushes. "it's just sad, it's not me. I'm not this person who just mopes around waiting for life to happen."

Then he pulled me in close and held me so tight I thought I might break, but I don't mind, he knew I wouldn't break. Then the familiar pang of guilt washed over me, what if Edward was around? What if he could see what was taking place? I wanted a moment like the one in the dream, I wanted to feel at peace, I wanted it to just be me and Jake, no fault no guilt. Then he reached down grabbed my chin tilted it up toward him, I knew what he was going to do but I did nothing to prevent it, I was frozen. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would kill me and I knew he could hear it. He bent down and looked deep into my eyes like he was looking for something in particular. Then he pressed his hot lips on mine, he was firm and deliberate. It was like every cell in my body was on fire. He held it for a moment and then stepped back his eyes lingered on me for a few seconds as he bit his bottom lip suppressing a smirk, then he held out his palms as if to give me a good look at him and then he was gone. I stood there stunned. My jaw hanging my arms limp I couldn't move. My lips were tingling from the contrast of his hot mouth and the cool air as a gust of wind shook me from my daze I brought a hand up to rest on my mouth.

I loved Jacob Black.