Steve let himself be nudged aside and into the background by the nurses, Bucky had to be dragged back. The doctors knew what they were doing, they could help Tony better than he could, they could save him. Steve kept telling himself that, repeating it over and over in his head like a mantra as the wail of Tony's heart monitor filled the room. Steve grabbed onto Bucky, holding him against his chest so the man wouldn't run back to that hospital bed and disturb the doctors.
"He's gonna be fine, they're gonna save him." Steve whispered into Bucky's ear. He repeated the sentence over and over until he saw Tony's body jerk slightly.
Steve froze. Tony was moving, his body moved quickly and violently but he was still moving. He hoped that meant he was waking up, that everything would be okay and they could go home. If Tony was moving that meant he was still in there.
"He's seizing!" One of the nurses shouted. Steve's heart sank as the numerous doctors and nurses tried to hold him down, stop his body from moving too much.
Eventually the loud roar of the heart monitor died down and returned to its slow beeping, Tony stopped moving and went back to being far too still and quiet. He didn't wake up. The doctors and nurses started to slowly leave the room to return to their duties.
Bucky went straight back up to Tony's bed, leaning over slightly to look him over carefully. He stayed out of the way of the nurses who checked on Tony, stepping back when they needed him to, but always went right back to Tony's side.
The rest of the nurses left, one of doctors walked back into the room with a small, sad frown. "He had a seizure. It's not uncommon for patients with head injuries, but he also has a spinal injury so we want him moving as little as possible. We may have to restrain him in case it happens again." She said calmly. "We'll also schedule another CT scan and MRI to make sure he hasn't damaged anything further."
Steve's mind wandered, his eyes locking on Tony where he lay in his hospital bed, his mind starting to drown out whatever the doctor was saying with a barrage of thoughts. He's alive, he's safe, he's just not awake. Steve wasn't entirely sure how long he could keep this up, how many weeks he could sit in this small room praying that Tony would wake up, how long Bucky would be willing to wait here with him, how long before it's too late and Tony's gone forever.
Bucky was kneeling next to Tony, his metal hand gripping the railing tightly and his flesh hand was gently brushing back the dark hair off of Tony's forehead. Something had to happen soon, or all three of them wouldn't be able to make it. The longer Tony slept the less hopeful Steve was that he would wake up. If he didn't wake up then it would probably be the end of the Avengers, or at least Steve's part in it. He hardly trusted himself to order Bucky back to the tower to rest, fearful that once again it would be the wrong call and something horrible would happen.
It was going to destroy Bucky as well. He and Tony were friends. Steve sometimes caught them in the middle of the night swapping stories and making jokes. The two of them could spend hours, sometimes all night if the two of them aren't sleeping well, locked away in his lab and then come out with new technology to revolutionize society and a fully upgraded prosthetic that was lighter and moved smoother. Steve had taken one of Bucky's few friends from him. It was hard enough for him to talk to people, get attached to them. Steve was surprised when he and Tony got on so great and now look at what he did.
"I'm sorry, Buck." Steve whispered as the doctor left.
Bucky glanced over to him before looking back at Tony. "It's not your fault, Steve."
"No, it is." Steve said. "He was your friend, I know you cared about him. I sent him in there and look at what happened."
Bucky stood up quickly and was at Steve's side in an instant, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head on Steve's shoulder. "You're an idiot, Rogers. 's not your fault. Stop crying." He said softly. Steve's hand shot up to wipe at his face, sure enough it was wet. "You didn't know it was a trap. You thought you were saving civilians. You did the right thing."
"No, I didn't. I nearly got Stark killed." Steve whispered. "He might not wake up. I shouldn't have sent him in there. I did this."
Bucky pulled back and took Steve's face in his hands. Steve forced a small smile and closed his eyes as he felt Bucky's lips gently brushed against his cheeks. The kisses were so soft and filled with so much love and affection that Steve wanted the floor to open him and swallow him whole. He didn't deserve this. Not now, not after what he's done, and certainly not with Tony unconscious less than five feet away from them.
He pulled back and Bucky's hands dropped from his face. "I'm sorry Bucky."
Bucky's face dropped, his shoulders drooped, and the heartbroken expression he had almost made Steve think someone had kicked a puppy right in front of him. Steve hadn't seen that look since the helicarrier, when the world was burning and falling apart around them and Steve just managed to get through to him. That look on Bucky's face, a hint of recognition surrounded by horror, pain, and fear. Steve hated that look.
"Alright. He's going to be fine though." Bucky said firmly. "He's survived worse, he'll survive this."
"Even so, I did this. If he wakes up it'll be a miracle, amazing and wonderful and I hope it happens." Steve said quickly. He reached out and laid his hands on Bucky's shoulders. "But I still did this to him. I sent him in there and he got hurt. How am I supposed to make up for that? Get him a fruit basket?"
"He's probably not even going to be upset. He adores you." Bucky said, smiling slightly. Steve sighed and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, maybe adore isn't the right word. But he highly respects you, cares about you. He thinks of you as a friend. And Tony doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. If he thought it was necessary to go into that building then he would have went regardless. It's not your fault."
But it was. No matter what anyone else believed it was his fault. He was captain of the team, he was in charge, he gave the orders. Regardless of what will happen from now on this is all on him. If Tony dies in here, or never wakes up, it's his fault. If Tony does wake up there is a very real chance he'll be paralyzed or too injured to function the way he used to, that would be because of the decisions he made in the field. If Tony wakes up and makes a full recovery and everything goes back to normal, then Steve will thank whatever god or angle out there gave him that second chance and he will do better. Something like this will never happen again.
"Come on." Bucky whispered. He reached out slowly and took Steve's hands in his. "It's late."
A quick glance at the clock confirmed it. Half past eleven at night. Thor will be here as soon as visiting hours started at nine in the morning, the rest of the team will stop by at different times throughout the day. That's usually how it had gone for the past week.
Steve let himself be dragged over to the couch, Bucky laid down first and then Steve curled up on top of him. His head fit perfectly just under Bucky's chin and when those large arms curled around him he felt so warm and safe that he started to consider that maybe, just maybe, things might be okay. That everyone could be right and Tony could pull through.
Bucky ran a hand lightly through Steve's hair, humming the same song Steve had hummed earlier. It still felt familiar, like a memory thinly buried inside his head. It wasn't important. He could fell the steady beating of Bucky's heart, hear the slow beeping of Tony's heart monitor, and was content with the knowledge that they were both, at the moment, alive.
His eyes were growing heavy. The past week of too little sleep was quickly catching up with him now that he was in the familiar comfort of Bucky's arms. He could worry more in the morning.
When he opened his eyes again he knew something was different, wrong almost. Bucky was still breathing calmly under him, Tony's heart monitor was still beeping, but it seemed like something had changed. Bucky's arms weren't around him anymore but hanging limply at his sides. Steve glanced up to look at him, his head was dangling off the edge of the couch with his mouth open and his eyes were closed and slightly scrunched up. Steve smiled, Bucky looked like a dork when he slept. He glanced over to Tony, freezing completely when he saw the figure standing over him.
"Wanda?" Steve whispered. He was careful to pull himself off of Bucky, not wanting to wake him, and walked over to the bed. "What are you doing?"
She raised a finger to her lips but didn't look up. She stared intently at Tony. It made him uncomfortable. It wasn't that he didn't trust her, she had helped them save the world. It was just that he was well aware of the hostility she and her brother had for Stark. Wanda hadn't come to visit him yet so she was here for a reason.
"Maximoff?" Steve said slowly.
Wanda shushed him again, this time a bit louder. "He's dreaming." She said quietly.
Steve relaxed and looked down at Tony. He looked the same as he had been the past week. He was pale, had a relaxed expression that almost made the lines of his face disappear, his mouth was slightly open with a tube sticking out of it, and his dark hair stuck up in an unstyled mess. The only difference today was that there were now several thick, soft straps holding him down to stop him from moving too much in case of another seizure.
"What's he dreaming about?" Steve asked. If Tony was dreaming then that meant he was still in there. He was still alive and able to come back. There was hope.
"He's really small and an older man is singing to him while he cries." She said simply. "I think he's scared."
"Is he alright?" Steve said. He looked down at Tony, who looked so small and so fragile that Steve was suddenly afraid to even touch him. "Is he going to wake up?"
Wanda hummed softly. "Maybe."
That wasn't the answer Steve wanted. He wanted a definitive 'yes' that Tony was alright and that he was going to wake up soon. She was the Scarlet Witch, she knew these things. If anyone could tell him that Tony would wake up and be alright it was her.
He frowned as he looked back at her. "Why are you here?" He said quickly. "You don't like Tony."
"No. I don't." Wanda said, shrugging. "He built the very weapon that killed my family and terrified my brother and I for days. There is no forgiving that."
Steve didn't do anything. Wanda wasn't acting threateningly, she had showed no interest in hurting Stark in the past few weeks, and she was their teammate. Worst case scenario, she tried to kill Stark while he was down and maybe he could fight her off.
"I'm not here to hurt him." Wanda said, glancing up to him with a small smile. "I haven't forgiven him for making those weapons, but I do understand he's trying to change. Be better man or something."
"Yes, he's a good man. I didn't know him before he became Iron Man, but I'm sure he put all that behind him and is trying to make amends." Steve said. Wanda's small smile grew slightly as she nodded. "Now, why are you here?"
She shrugged again. "Something's changing." She said. "I'm not sure what."
Steve paused, glancing down at Tony and then back at Bucky. They were both still asleep. "Is it a good change or a bad change?" He asked slowly. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.
With a shake of her head she started backing away towards the door. "I guess we'll have to find out." She said as she turned and left.
That made no sense. How was he supposed to know how much he should worry if she didn't specify what was changing and if it was for the better? Sometimes his teammates didn't tell him things, but he really wished they would share the important bits of information.
He didn't feel tired anymore. A few hours of sleep should be enough. He'll just tell Bucky he slept and then woke up before he did. It wasn't technically a lie and it'll stop him from worrying. Also, he didn't want to risk waking him up by crawling back onto him. Bucky needed sleep more than he did. He was looking exhausted.
Steve sat down in the vacant seat between Tony's bed and the door. He had been sitting in that uncomfortable plastic chair for a whole week and it never did get any more comfortable, but he got to stay close to Tony, waiting for change.
Hopefully it came soon. Wanda said something was changing. Maybe that meant Tony was getting ready to wake up. Steve could hope, but Tony still looked trapped in a deep sleep. His long lashes didn't flutter against his cheek like they usually did when Steve found him napping in his lab. His cheeks were too pale, not flushed pink like they were when Tony stumbled into the kitchen in the mornings, half asleep and not entirely aware of anything. His breathing was mechanical, the ventilator next to the bed keeping it steady and rhythmic. Usually when Tony slept his breathes were long and deep, characterized by faint, nasally snores.
Steve reached out slowly, his fingertips barely brushing against Tony's bruised cheekbone as if he were made of paper and the slightest bit of pressure would rip him in half. He started humming again. The song was so familiar it was starting to bother him now. It was an important song, something he was sure he had heard dozens of times.
"I see the moon and the moon sees me." He sung softly. That was it. Suddenly the memory was back. His mother used to sing it to him when he was young and was too sick to get up out of bed. It was one of his favorite lullabies, he couldn't believe he had forgotten it.
"Shining through the leaves of the old oak tree. Oh, let the light that shines on me…" Steve sung softly. His hand dropped from Tony's face and went to hold his hand. If Tony really was dreaming of someone singing to him while he was young and afraid then maybe this song will sneak into his dream and make him feel better, just like it always did when his mother sang it to him. "shine on the one I love."
He was about to sing the next verse, all the lyrics very clear in his head, when he heard Bucky move over on the couch. Steve glanced over and automatically froze when he saw Bucky. He looked panicked, uncomfortable, hurt. Perhaps Bucky had a nightmare, they weren't uncommon.
"Buck, are you alright?" Steve asked as he stood and took a step around the bed and in his direction.
Bucky jumped up from the couch and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." He said quickly. Steve took another step towards him and Bucky took an identical step back. Steve stopped. Bucky didn't want him to come close. Something was wrong, very wrong. Steve could feel his heart start to pick up. "It's just… It's my turn to make breakfast at the tower. Those idiots can barely crack an egg so if they're going to eat right I have to get back."
"You're going back to the tower?" Steve asked slowly. Bucky nodded. "I thought you wanted to stay."
"Yeah, and I did. It was great but hospitals are rather boring." Bucky said. His voice was a bit too quick, too strained to put Steve at ease. "I'll see you back at the tower."
Bucky started walking then, quickly trying to make his escape and rushing towards the door. Steve stepped forward to stop him. Something was very wrong. Bucky was distressed and Steve couldn't let him leave without figuring out what triggered it. He had to make sure Bucky was alright.
"Buck, baby, what's wrong?" Steve asked softly, reaching out to lay his hands on Bucky's shoulders.
"Nothing." He said sharply. "I just have to get back."
"It's the middle of the night." Steve said. Bucky shrugged, causing Steve's hands to fall from his shoulders. "Do you want me to go back with you?"
"No!" Buck said quickly, shaking his head. "You stay here with Tony. You have to be here. He needs you more than I do."
"What are you talking about?" Steve said quickly. Nothing was making any sense today. "You're the most important thing in the world to me."
Bucky shook his head and glanced over to Tony. "You love him. That's alright." He said softly. Steve jerked back as if he had been slapped. "Don't worry. I understand. He's quite the catch, might have been falling for him a bit myself. I never would have done anything though, but you need him. He needs you. I'll be alright."
With that he went for the door and left. Steve stood completely still, his feet stuck in place. He didn't know what he should do, should he run after Bucky and make sure he's alright and dispel Bucky's fears, that he loved him more than anything, more than Tony, or stay in case something happened. It was true. He did love Tony, a seed of affection had been planted somewhere deep inside since the man had opened up his home and all of his resources for him and the team, but Tony was his friend, one of his best friends, so of course Steve felt love for him. That was before Bucky had come back. Bucky had been the one who stuck by him no matter what, life threatening illness or world wars. He loved Bucky first and always.
He took an aborted step towards the door, yelling Bucky's name. He was captain of the team, they were his responsibility. Tony was badly injured, he had had a seizure just a few hours ago. Steve couldn't just abandon him, leave him to wake up or die alone. But Bucky was his lover, his oldest friend. How could he be expected to just stand by when he was obviously hurt and panicked over something?
He was halfway out the door when he looked back to check on Tony, struggling to find an answer, a decision. Steve stopped when he saw Tony, his hazed, droopy, but open brown eyes were staring back at him.