A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Life happened all at once and sort of tried to kick my ass (read: it did) and well, I'm getting back on top of things. For those of you following my HP story, I'm working on the next chapter and I'm forcing myself to finish it soon.
As usual, this is for my girls: W, V and M. Because they make everything better.
Disclaimer: So not mine. Like you didn't know that.
Mine to Love Again
Chapter 2: Planning
Kyla's POV
I hung up on Spencer, which I know is kind of rude, but seriously, these two are driving me insane and have been for the past four years! I mean, either get the fuck over each other or find a way to be get back together. I personally vote for the later because there doesn't seem to be anyone else for either of them. I know Ashley has tried to move on, but never even made it on a date because she would cancel it last minute. She just couldn't do it.
I'm not saying she's been celibate this long, but there have only been two girls in the past four years. She only did it to scratch an itch and to try to forget Spencer, but neither worked. It seems like the itch can only be scratched by Spencer and no girl can compare to the blonde beauty. Both times it happened, Ashley cried for days afterwards because of the guilt, the sense of loss and her unwavering love for Spencer. So for the past year, she has been celibate. Now, for a girl like Ashley, who is used to having women throwing themselves at her, this is unheard of, but I guess once she found her other half, the rest of the women ceased to exist for her.
I know Spencer hasn't slept around an awful lot, but she has had more partners than Ashley in the last four years. It's been the same for her as well, however. She can't seem to find anyone she can be truly happy with because Ashley's shadow is always there. No girl has lasted more than four months because they get tired of Spencer holding back a part of herself. Not everyone is willing to be number two and that is all they can ever be in her life.
Believe me; we have tried to get them back together. Chelsea works mostly on Spencer and I work mostly on Ashley while Madison works on both. So far, nothing has come out of it because Spencer is too stubborn for her own damn good. Ashley finally caved in two years ago and sent her a birthday card. Surprising the hell out of all of us, Spencer sent her one when it was hers. Then came Christmas cards, both of which were sent without prior prompting, so we all thought things would finally take a turn for the better.
Did they?
Hell, no!
Because Spencer is more stubborn than a damn mule and she has refused to see Ashley all this time. Ashley was willing to do it; she was actually excited at the possibility, so the girls and I started planning and plotting. Ms. Carlin, however, said no to every single meeting opportunity we came up with. Fed up with it, Ashley finally snapped and decided to do this stupid show and force Spencer's hand.
So that's where we are at the present.
It's Thursday night now and the show is tomorrow morning. We've been setting up nonstop for it and it's going to be amazing if things go as planned. I don't know how she's done it, but Spencer has avoided all contact with Ashley, even earlier today when we went by the studio to set up the stage where she will perform two songs from the new CD she is releasing on said show. She even did a run through with her band and the orchestra that participated on several songs on the CD and Spencer managed to be out of the studio in a meeting while it happened.
Now an anxious Ashley will have to wait until after the show to actually see Spencer, and it might be night time before the actual meeting takes place. Ashley wasn't too thrilled when I told her how Spencer wanted to do things, but once I reminded her that they would be alone for the first time in years at the loft, that Spencer would cook for her and that they would finally be able to talk about things, she went from upset to nervous.
I know my sister and I know how much this meeting means to her. I know the two songs she picked to sing are meant for Spencer's ears alone and I wonder if she will realize that when she hears them for the first time. Sasha Jourdan has been nothing but nice and a professional, and Ashley feels good about the questions she will be asking through the entire hour of the show. She's never dedicated an entire show to just one act, so she's a little nervous about that. I provided Spencer with tons of pictures of Ashley in concerts, signings and private time. These will be shown throughout the interview as well. I gave her some of Ashley in high school, where all of us are hanging together, but no decision had been made as to whether to show them or not for obvious reasons.
If things don't work out tomorrow, I'm giving up on them. Spencer needs to pull her head out of her ass long enough to realize that keeping their status quo is ridiculous at this point. Ashley is willing to work with her on this. She is willing to just be friends. Spencer is the one putting road blocks along the way and acting like Ashley has some kind of contagious disease when in reality, she still has feeling for Ash and we all know about it.
I pop a couple of painkillers in my mouth and wash them down with water as I watch Ashley finish her set. Even Sasha is sitting close by watching with a smile on her face. When Ashley is done, I see her get up and walk over to her. I move closer as well in case I'm needed and that's when I hear the invitation and shake my head. It's like the entire fucking universe is plotting against us in trying to bring Spence and Ash back together!
"Tomorrow night?" Ashley asks with a small frown on her face.
"Yeah, around eight. There won't be many people there, so don't worry about that. It's just some other artists, a few producers, the show's executive producer and some of her crew, and you and whoever you wish to bring," Sasha finishes with a smile.
Ashley looks at me for help.
"We'd be delighted to come over, Ms. Jourdan. It would be us plus two of our closest friends if you don't mind," I answer for her.
"That's no problem. I'll give you directions to my place tomorrow when the show is over."
Ashley is looking at me like I've gone crazy but smiles politely at Sasha. "We'll be there."
"The songs you're going to sing tomorrow are amazing, by the way. If the entire CD is like that, I can tell you it's going to be a huge hit. I'd say even bigger than the previous ones."
"Speaking of the new CD," I say as I pull one out of my purse. "Here's a copy of it for you. I figured you'd like to listen to it before the show tomorrow."
"That's great. Thanks so much! I promise not to let anyone listen to it before then. I have to run now. I'll see you both bright an early tomorrow!"
We say our goodbyes and the minute she is out of earshot Ashley rounds on me.
"Why did we say yes?"
"Because it would be impolite to do so. She's dedicating an entire show to you, Ash. Who does that anymore? And she is playing by your rules, so it won't kill you to make an appearance at her place for an hour."
"But what about the dinner with Spencer? Do you have any idea how much I was looking forward to that?"
"I know, babe, but she is also going to be at this gathering, so there will be no dinner unless you go out to eat after it's done. Maybe you can find a moment while we're there and talk to her for a bit."
Ashley sighed resignedly. "I guess you're right. Do we need to be here any longer? I want to go to bed early tonight if we have to be here at five in the morning."
"Yeah, let's call it a night."
0-0
Ashley's POV
This has been one hell of a week. I mean, I tried everything I could to see Spencer at the studio for the past couple of days, but that is one stubborn woman. I can't remember her being this bad when we were together. All I want to do is talk things out and see if we can manage to be friends again.
I won't pretend I don't love her still. She is the love of my life and the past four years have only served to prove that to me. I've never been able to find that connection with anyone before or after her, so for me, she is it. I love her so damn much that I would be willing to settle for just friendship at this point. I just need her in my life in any way she is willing to be.
I've been soaking in my bathtub for the last hour and I finally feel relaxed enough to go to sleep. Lavender and a nice glass of wine will do the trick every time. I've done my part, now all I can do is wait and see if the songs I choose for the show will mean anything to her. I can't keep doing this to myself as Kyla said on our way home.
If this attempt doesn't work, I have to find a way to move on with my life without Spencer Carlin. As bleak as that future sounds, I can't force her to love me, no matter how much I love her in return.
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Spencer's POV
The show is due to go live in one hour and where am I? Outside the studio hiding, drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. I don't usually smoke, haven't in a long time, but this situation calls for it. I know it's bad for me, but I couldn't help it. My hands have been shaking so much that people started to notice in the control booth, so I took a break. My assistant is doing last minute sound checks with the musicians and Kyla while Sasha and Ashley are both in the makeup room.
I took one final drag of my cigarette, finished my coffee, put a piece of gum in my mouth and decide to go back to the control booth.
It's organized chaos as we get closer to show time. I'm usually down on the floor by now, issuing orders and checking last minute details, but today I'm staying put up here where I have a bird's eye view of the entire set underneath me. I can see everything from this point and I want to make sure this show goes off without a hitch because Ashley deserves the best. I might be acting like a pussy when it comes to seeing her face to face, but I want her to always be successful in anything she does and this is my chance to make sure it happens.
I grab a studio headset and put it on my head. Crossing my arms as I stand in front of the glass wall, I check in with all of my camera and lights crew, ask my assistant if we're good to go and listen closely as they all report back to me. Sasha walks into the studio and one of the guys helps her with her microphone while she's handed some index cards, a cup of fresh coffee and the makeup assistant dabs one last time at her face. She sits on one of the comfortable chairs in her interview area, which consists of a love seat, a coffee table and her chair. It's on an elevated platform and covered in a rich cream carpet.
She looks up towards my booth and motions to her ear, which means for me to close out all communication with the entire crew and talk to her privately. I turned towards Peter, my main sound tech.
"Pete, give me and Ms. Jourdan some private time."
"Sure thing, boss."
"Hey, Sasha, we're good to go."
"How come you're up there?"
Gotta love my boss. She doesn't beat around the bush much.
"I want to keep my eye on things and this affords me a better view."
"Right. Are you sure you're not hiding up there?"
"I'm not, Sasha. I've made sure to put in extra hours and this is one of the best shows we'll ever air, I promise you that."
"You're coming tonight, right? I won't allow you to chicken out of that as well. It's bad enough your assistant and Ms. Woods had to handle most of this with Ms. Davies."
"Ashley knows why."
"So it's Ashley now, eh? Will I ever know why it had to be done this way? This is so unlike you, Carlin."
"I promised you I would fill you in, but you're a smart woman. You'll have most of it figured out by the time the show is over."
"I think I already do, Spence, and if something goes wrong because you didn't meet with Ms. Davies personally, I'll have your hide."
"I know that, Sasha. Please relax and trust me on this. We have ten minutes to show time, so I'm opening the lines back up. You ready?"
"Always, darling. Let's wow this audience and Ms. Davies."
I signal to Peter to open the lines back up and call everyone's attention to me.
"We go on in ten, make sure everyone is where they need to be. Make me proud, people."
As much as I want to issue some more orders and check on last minute things, I become quiet when I see the musicians taking their places and Ashley's band come onto the makeshift stage. We had decided the show would start with her singing one of her songs. I mute my mike when I see her walk onstage and my breath catches at the beautiful sight.
She is wearing a pair of designer jeans that ride low on her hips and seem to be tailor made for her perfect legs, black Jimmy Choo strappy sandals and a figure hugging, sheer, black shirt with only the two middle buttons done. Underneath it you can see a red lace bra. Her toenails are painted a matching red and you can even see her new belly ring. Black leather cuffs adorn her wrists. Her curls are loose and shinning and her eyes seem bright and excited. My mouth literally waters at how incredibly beautiful she looks.
The audience started clapping and whistling the moment she walks on stage and some even call out her name. She looks up, waves and smiles at them and then takes her place behind a baby grand piano. I think my heart stopped for a second when I saw her smile.
Who have I been trying to kid? The sight of her alone makes me weak in the knees, makes my breath catch, my heartbeat to speed up. No matter who I date, no one can even come close to her, to what we had.
I take a shaky breath and close my eyes as I lean my head on the cool glass wall in front of me. I have to make it through this hour somehow and then find the courage to talk to her face to face. I've been avoiding her for too long and there really isn't a need to anymore.
"Boss?" I hear Peter call and I lift my head.
"Yeah?"
"Ready when you are."
I nod and turn back towards the set and turn my mike back on. "Sasha, are we ready to roll here?"
"Ready."
"Count it out, Wendy," I call out to my assistant.
I see her hand go up, the lights dim completely on the band side and a spotlight illuminates Sasha as she smiles at the camera. Wendy counts backwards from five and the show is on.
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! We have a special show planned for you today and a very special guest with us. I give you the one and only, America's rock princess, Ashley Davies!" Sasha says and points with her hand to the side.
The audience goes crazy when a single spotlight illuminates Ashley, who leans towards the mike in front of her.
"I hope you know this is for you, Indie," she whispers into the mike before she starts playing softly and my heart constricts when I hear the one nickname she had for me and no one else knew about.
Ah… I don't know where to find you All of these nights without you I close my eyes and I find a way If you know where to find me Oh… Don't let this light fade away
I don't know how to reach you
I hear your voice in the wind
I feel you under my skin
Within my heart and my soul
I'll wait for you
Adagio
All of my dreams surround you
I see and I touch your face
I fall into your embrace
When the time is right, I know
You'll be in my arms
Adagio
No need for me to pray
I've walked so far
I've fought so hard
Nothing more to explain
I know all that remains
Is a piano that plays
If you know how to reach me
Before this light fades away
Before I run out of faith
Be the only woman to say
That you'll hear my heart
That you'll give your life
Forever you'll stay…
No, no, no, no, no, no
Don't let me run out of faith
Be the only woman to say
That you believe, make me believe
You won't let go
Adagio…
When she is done, with that small catch in her voice, I am torn. I don't know if to run down there and tell her I still love her or stay here and hide. There are tears running down my cheeks. I can't help them. I give the order to go into a commercial break by a mere miracle. I ask Wendy to take over for the next few minutes and I walk out of the control booth and practically run into the bathroom.
I quickly splash my face with cold water and come back since I don't want to miss a single thing on this show, especially nothing she says. I'm past pretending not to care. That song was about us and she is telling me something with it.
Do I have what it takes to make this work again? What about my current girlfriend? What is Ashley after?
I don't have time to answer any of the questions since we are back from break and Sasha is standing up waiting to greet Ashley as she walks towards her. As if sensing my presence, she looks up towards the glass wall and our eyes meet.
Without thinking about my actions and not knowing what possessed me to do so, I kiss the palm of my hand and blow the kiss at her. She lifts her hand as if catching the kiss and presses it to her heart and in return gives me that nose-crinkling smile of hers. Sasha tilts her head to the side and I can tell she's looking my way as well, but plays it cool.
She greets Ashley with a hug and a kiss and the show is underway.
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The song used in this chapter is Adagio by Lara Fabian. I would encourage you to look it up and listen to it. It is amazingly beautiful.