Part III: In which the Mischief is managed.
About another hour had passed as they finished their trap and configured Remus' grand finale. Tonks had to admit it was going to be a blast looking on as the Weasley boys got a taste of their own medicine. Perhaps she had even been a little too eager to play her part. She watched as Sirius made a few more minor adjustments to their set up and pull back extremely pleased with himself. He threw a look her way and once again her suspicion flared.
"I think this is some fine marauder craftsmanship," he announced.
"No too bad for fourteen years of rust," Remus agreed.
"We need a good vantage point," Sirius suggested. "I want a front seat to this action."
"We could disillusion ourselves?" Tonks suggested.
Sirius shook his head, "We shouldn't risk being out in the open. Even invisible."
Remus walked over to the broom cupboard.
"I wonder if we could fit in here," he said. Tonks followed to investigate with him. He opened the door and frowned.
"No. This won't - bah!"
"Wha!"
Remus didn't finish his sentence as Sirius shoved him into the closet, a surprised Tonks being thrown in behind him.
They were tangled together in the dark. Sirius' barking laughter resounded in the tiny room and the bolt on the door clicked into place.
"This is a fine mess," Tonks said.
Sirius announced that he would make sure Fred and George got to the kitchen first and bounded out of the kitchen laughing like a madman. The fact that both she and Remus had left their wands resting on the kitchen counter meant that they were stuck until Sirius saw fit to let them out. At least they had a good view of the kitchen.
They shifted the best they could to be comfortable. In his attempt to be gentlemanly and put a few inches between them, Remus ended up hunched over. His back was against the wall and his head leaned over her shoulder. He had apologized, as if their situation was his fault, and she was distressed that in the darkness all she was able to picture were those damned pyjama bottoms.
"Remind me to give your cousin a good thunk on the skull when we get out of here," Remus said. His breath was on her neck, and under different circumstances she would have been enjoying herself immensely.
"Don't worry," she muttered. "You'll remember because you'll be in line behind me." What the hell was he playing at sticking her with Remus like this? Did he actually want her to die from humiliation? "Y'know it's not too late to collect the reward on him." Her fury made the idea rather appealing.
"Crosses my mind everyday," Remus responded. "I think we'd end up missing him though."
"I'd count my galleons until the feeling passed."
She could feel the rumble of his chest as he chuckled, the closet was suddenly feeling much warmer. "I certainly wouldn't mind a new flat. Then again, Dumbledore would probably make us feel guilty," he reasoned.
"You're right," she nodded, though her positioning meant her head bumped into his shoulder. "We'd only end up having to break him out of Azkaban again."
"Though in a week the dementors would probably be ready to just give him back to us. It's been a long standing theory of mine that they willingly let him go the first time so they didn't have to listen to another fifty years of muggle pub songs."
She let out an unlady like snort as they heard the front door open.
"Shh," Remus whispered. "It's show time."
They couldn't quite make out what was being said in the entry hall, but they pressed their eyes into the cracks in the door's paneling. Remus was quite close. If she turned her head ever so slightly– Fred and George bounded into the kitchen.
"Pie!" George pointed out without hesitation.
"Fantastic," Fred agreed. "Quick, before we end up sharing." The boys sat down and summoned a couple of plates and forks.
"So far so good," Remus whispered in her ear. Despite the heat she was feeling she shivered slightly
George sliced into the pie. "Rhubarb. Brilliant."
Suddenly Fred grabbed his arm, "Wait!"
"S'matter?"
Fred leaned over and sniffed the pie. "Dear brother, don't you find it rather strange that after a day out we come back to find our favorite pie lying freshly baked and unattended?"
George blinked in realization. "Mom was with us all day."
"Which means that either Sirius or our resident professor baked this beauty," Fred deduced. He pulled a tiny bit of the crust off and put it on his tongue. He immediately burped.
"Belch powder!" George said scandalized. "This pie is tainted!"
Fred waved his wand checking for any other spells in the kitchen. "No hover charms."
George mimicked him. "No latent engorgement charms."
"No sticking spells either. Or transfigurations."
"So it's just the pie?" George asked.
Fred nodded. "How evil."
"Downright diabolical," George countered.
"Truly sinful."
"A wicked plot if there ever was."
"Amateurs!" They both concluded.
They stood up and moved to the trash bin. Tonks again felt the rumble of Remus' body as he bit back his premature laughter.
"Sorry Sirius," George called, "but you'll need to do much better than that!"
Fred stepped on the pedal that flipped open the lid of the rubbish bin and quickly pitched the pie in. Several things then happened in quick succession.
The belch powder in the pie completed the reaction of the cold potion in the bin. This caused a neon red sludge to shoot out and coat everything in the kitchen.
At the same time, the bin lid yanked on the invisible buckets and shifted it from its net of disillusioned fishing line. It began dumping bright green pine needles over the boys. The needles clung to the rubbery sludge causing the pair to look like a couple of prickly Christmas monsters.
The looks on their faces was utterly priceless. They stood in stunned silence as the last of the sludge emptied onto the room. They were snapped from their shock as the finishing touch fluttered into the room. Pigwidgeon landed on a small part of the counter not covered in slime, holding a bright red envelope in his talons.
"Adding insult to injury!" Fred snatched the Howler from the bird. "Traitor," he muttered to the animal as it hooted away.
"Get it over with," George said, trying in vain to wipe the sludge off of him.
Fred tore open the envelope and his face fell at the sound. Rather than the shouting gloats of Sirius or Remus, his own voice called out, "MUM! MUM! QUICK! COME LOOK AT WHAT WE'VE DONE!"
Instantly, Fred and George's faces fell. Their shock and frustration replaced with utter terror. They pointed their wands, trying to quickly vanish the substance coating the kitchen but only succeeding in making the puddles of goo deeper.
The howler envelope exploded into streaks of silent fireworks which formed "Brought to you by Messrs Padfoot and Moony" before vanishing into the air.
"No way," George breathed.
"Sirius and Professor Lupin?" Fred gasped.
"Padfoot and Moony?!" They gaped in unison.
The question was left to hang in the air as a very disgruntled Molly Weasley burst into the kitchen.
Tonks had to bite her knuckle to keep from laughing as the boys spluttered out a half-hearted explanation of what happened. They seemed to know full well Molly wouldn't believe them. A good ten minutes later, when her shouting was over, they shuffled off to find Kreacher and floor cleaner. It was then that a shiningly happy Sirius came to get them out of the cupboard. They all slinked into the safety of the living room.
Remus and Tonks were so pleased things had gone according to plan that they actually did forgot about clobbering Sirius.