Chapter 3, you know? Parent's sure are annoying sometimes, they always nag nag nag nag nag, I mean seriously, don't they have something better to do? I mean, they're like, "OMG YOU WASTE SO MUCH TIME" but in reality, they're the ones wasting my time because they're the ones who are telling me to wash the dishes and by just saying "OMG YOU WASTE SO MUCH TIME" they themselves are wasting time, so in essence, they're contradicting themselves. They're... what's the word? Pressistic? Pryocrite? Thanks google, hypocrite! They're being hypocrites you know what I'm saying? Then they start to nag nag nag about whatever else and complain, and complaaaain, and coomplaain you know what I mean? Don't you hate people who complain a lot? I mean seriously, I- What? Who? Me? I don't- Oh. Ohhhh. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

"Breakfast is ready!"

Kagura set the small bowl on the table. It was filled to the rim with something Gintoki was unable to identify. Something deadly. Something rotten. Something that belonged in an occult.

"Kagura-chan..." Gintoki deadpanned, "Why do I feel an atrocious aura coming from your breakfast? It's so black it's tainting my pure innocent heart, Kagura-chan."

"It's scrambled eggs."

"No, I'm pretty sure it's s**-"

CRUNCH SPLAT

"Wooow, how d-d-delicioussssss," Gintoki groaned, mouth full of death, a pair of chopsticks embedded his head with a waterfall of blood spurting out, "It really takes me back to that time I almost d-died in the battlefield~ How n-nostalgic~~"

"Hurry up and finish Gin-chan~!" Kagura said happily, "Then we can go for a walk!"

"EEhh? What am I, a dog? I don't need to go on a-"

BAM

"Gin-chan you sure are slow," Kagura sang, pulling on Gintoki's kimono as a guide.

"Ugh, don't mind me Kagura-chan, I just have a headache..." Gintoki mumbled, tenderly holding his bandaged head.

"EEEH? From what could it possibly be from?"

"...I will kill you."

Gintoki yawned and tiredly rubbed his un-seeing eyes. The bastards had kept him up all night, fussing and fretting over him, which was one of the reasons he really didn't want to tell them. It was just blindness, no biggee!

Now, if only he'd believe that himself.

"Kagura-chan, over here!"

Ah, it's the female bunsen burner, Gintoki thought, and almost tripped when Kagura surged forwards with a burst of speed towards the source of the sickly sweet voice.

"Anego!" Kagura sang, "Gin-chan was being sloww! He took forever just to leave home!"

"Heeh? That's weird huh? Weren't you the one who took your sweet time finishing off the last bit of food left in the fridge?" Gintoki deadpanned, and was almost kicked in the face.

"Now now, Kagura-chan's a growing girl isn't she?" Otae consoled, "It'll take a while for Shin-chan to arrive, so why don't we sit down and taste some of the sunny-side up eggs I cooked?"

Immediately, a cold atmosphere surrounded the group, and Gintoki could feel the goosebumps on his skin, "Haha, ha... haha! No thanks, really! YOU'RE TOO KIND! But Kagura-chan here has already kindly made me breakfast and, as you can see, haha, I'm already full!"

"Oh? You have Kagura-chan? Did you use the techniques I taught you?"

"Yep! And they worked perfectly Anego!" Kagura nodded, "The eggs look amazing!"

Amazing alright, Gintoki thought, Amazingly burnt and revolutionized as a new organism of death and destruction.

KERPOW!

"WHY?!" Gintoki demanded, rubbing his sore cheek as he found himself back to back with the green green grass beneath him.

"I'm sorry," Otae giggled darkly, "For some reason I felt like you were thinking badly of me..."

She's an esp now?! "Of cooouuurse not! Why in the world would I think that?"

He shivered a bit, as he heard the grass rustle with movement. She was turning and picking something up. Something that was box-like. An sour, wretched odor spilled from the box's half-opened lid and it almost made him gag. Oh no. It couldn't be.

"Why do you look so pale Gin-san?" Otae asked sweetly, her calm, menacing demeanor strengthening his inner turmoil, "that's unhealthy, please, do eat."

No...

"Oh right, you're blind right? I guess I'll have to feed you. Goodness, you're more useless than ever now aren't you?"

No... No... Nooo...

"Would you like some Kagura-chan?"

KAGURA DISTRACT HERRR! HELPS ME HELPS MEE! I'M GOING TO DIE A VERY HORRIBLE AND AGONIZING DEATH, KAGURA-CHAAAAAAN!

"Ulp... no thanks anego!"

"Alright, since you're such a strong, healthy girl."

K-K-K-K-KAGURA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN!

"Say 'aaaaaaaaahhh'!"

He could smell it. Sweat poured down his forehead, and he was trembling hard from the undeniably cold air that wrapped around him like snakes. There was no way to avoid it, that steaming, gurgling, lump of black s*** that sat innocently on that spoon, inching close and closer to his mouth. The stench hit him hard, and he stiffened.

Gintoki luckily passed out before the spoon got to him, and he was spared from the nauseating taste of a death god's diarrhea.