Hey all, I'm back with another chapter today. I needed to get this one out because honestly I knew if I didn't I wouldn't be able to sleep or concentrate at work in the morning. I hope you enjoy. As always please leave me a review. It helps better understand if I am on the right track.
I own nothing except my laptop.
It's been a little over a week since Maura went out with Detective's Korsak and Frost. At first things had been a little better. She let Angela make her breakfast the next morning. They talked and just enjoyed each other's company. But after Angela left all she could think about was Jane. She sat alone in her kitchen with a picture of the raven haired detective on the counter. She did what had become normal. She talked to Jane, she told her everything that had been going on. Told her how much she missed her, how she sees her at every turn. How she missed being able to relax on the couch and watch a movie and waking up to Jane brushing her hair out of her face as the movie ends after she fell asleep. The longer she talked to Jane the more she couldn't think about life without her.
It's a quarter to eight on Friday night, Maura stayed late doing a favor for a senator whose brother passed away at home. It's routine that anyone passing without a physician present will need an autopsy. There was nothing to find other than the man had stage 4 lung cancer. She was doing the Senator a favor by getting the autopsy done as quickly as possible so he could take is brother home to Arizona for burial. She called the funeral home letting them know the body will be available for pickup first thing tomorrow morning.
Friday nights were always ladies night for Maura and Jane. Take out and a movie and snuggling a little too close on the couch for just friends. Neither one of them had ever been brave enough to broach the subject. So Maura decided to call it a night and head home. She'd need to stop off at the store and pick up some more wine but all she cared about now was getting home. She made her way to the store she picked up two bottles of Chateau Margaux and before you the doctor knew it she was in the cold beer section grabbing a six pack of Blue Moon.
When Maura got home she unlocked the door and headed inside. She opened up one bottle of wine and left it on the counter to breathe. She turned back to the counter and her eyes filled with tears when she noticed the six pack sitting there. How did this get here. Did I really just buy this? The doctor didn't even remember pick them up, she remembers the wine and thinking she should probably get a few groceries for the house since the fridge is bare apart from the two old bottle of Blue Moon Jane never had the chance to drink. Just as she was about to fall apart Angela walked through the back door.
"Maura, I saw you drive up and wanted to check on you. Maybe make you some dinner? You have gotten awfully thin. And when I was here yesterday I was going to make myself some toast and found the fridge and pantry empty. You have to eat, please let me make you something?" Angela looks at the doctor with a smile.
"I'm really not that hungry but if you insist I will gladly let you make something for yourself and I can put the rest up for later." Maura give the older woman the best smile she can muster
"Maura, sweetie?" Angela moves around the kitchen. She had brought a bag of groceries needed to make some lasagna.
"Angela?" Maura had been sitting at the island staring at the six pack she has yet to put up.
"Can I put those up for you? I know you don't drink beer and neither do I. But you have been sitting there staring a hole in them since before I walked in." The older woman leans over the counter to look at the doctor.
"I, I don't even know why I bought them. I was at the store and when I got home they were just her. Their Jane's." Maura was cut off by Angela raising her hand.
"I get it, it's Friday night. You two had a standing date night. It was bound to happen at some point. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. You have to try and move forward." The Rizzoli matriarch's arch convey all the sadness she is feeling for her other daughter.
"I'm trying, I really am. It's just really hard. I just keep replaying that last day." Maura's voice cracks. The time dings signaling dinner is ready. Angela grabs a plate for herself but knows the doctor isn't there yet so she moves to the dining room table.
"Come sit with me, if you won't eat that's fine but at least come and sit with me and tell me what's going on." Angela pulls out a seat before taking one herself. "Talk."
Maura tops off her wine before she does as instructed and takes the seat next to Angela.
"Did you talk to Jane right before she left?" Maura asks.
"I talked to her a few hours before, everything happened really quickly. When Jane got the call they needed her to go then and now. She only had about three hours before her flight to New York." Angela looks over at Maura with a questioning look.
"Well, I was probably the last person to see her before she left then." Maura just shakes her head.
"I already know this. But what I don't know is why you seem so upset about it. What happened?" Angela pushes her plate back when she realizes she is missing something. "How about I clean up and we move to the couch. I can see I don't know everything that happened. I talked to Jane a few times after she went under. But it was always quick we never got into anything too deep. She never said anything about what happened between you two before she left."
"Something did happened. I killed Jane." Maura blurts out the words she has been trying to stuff down for the last seven weeks.
"Don't say that. Go get on the couch and I will be right there and I will let you explain." As Angela clears the table she shakes her head. It's all starting to make sense now. How Maura took the news so hard. So much harder than she thought she would have. And why the doctor has completely cut everyone off. Why she can't move on and Angela was bound and determined to prove to Maura she is not responsible for what happened to her daughter. Angela takes a seat next to Maura and waits for her to start when she is ready. The doctor takes a deep breath trying to calm her emotions.
"Okay, so I was at home because it was so slow at work we hadn't had a case in nearly a week. Jane text me and said she needed to talk to me and she was on her way over." Maura stops because her emotions are already getting too her. Her body is shaking so bad she can barely hold her glass so she puts it back down as not to spill on her dress or her couch.
"I kinda figured all that Maura. I knew she came over here but how does her coming over here and telling you in person mean you had something to do with what happend?" Angela's voice is soft and understanding. She is missing something but she doesn't want to push the doctor too far out of fear she may shut down completely.
"She came over over and she was pacing kitchen I asked her if she wanted a beer. That she seemed tense and anxious. I asked her what was wrong. That's when she told me she was going undercover. She said she couldn't tell me where exactly she was going or what she was doing but she would be gone for a good bit of time." Maura rubs her shaking palms on her thighs.
"You don't have to tell me. I can see you are not ready for this." Angela says.
"No, I need to tell you. You have a right to know why your daughter died." The last word comes out strangled.
"Maura." Before Angela can say anything the doctor cuts her off.
"No, it's the truth. I killed Jane, I am the reason your daughter and my best friend is dead. She said she couldn't drink because when she got off the plane she had to go right under. I told her not to go, I had such a bad feeling about. The second she told me I got this sick feeling in my stomach and I have had it ever since. She said she had to go that she was they only detective that had been trained to go undercover that was available to go. At first I pleaded, I begged her to stay. I told her, god, I told her I felt it in my bones something wasn't right. She just stood there at the island and told me this is what she does. It's her job. And I know that I really do. But I didn't want to let her go. My mind kept going back to every time there was a close call. When she shot herself to save Frankie and myself, when she jumped off that damn bridge. Each and every close call it broke me a little further. But each time Jane was okay, if I wasn't so analytical I would swear she had some sort of good luck charm stashed away somewhere. And every time she came back to me even a little battered but she still came back, alive. But I knew at some point she wouldn't" Maura reaches for another tissue and Angela rubs her back softly.
"I had no idea, I am so sorry." Angela says.
"I tried the begging thing, the bartering thing, everything under the sun I could think of to get her to stay. And then I got angry. I couldn't help myself I told her she was being selfish. I told her all she cared about was her career. That she didn't care about her family and least of all about me. She told me that it wasn't true, that this case was huge and they needed someone with experience. She tried to calm me down but I wasn't hearing it. I couldn't hear it, all I could think about was myself. The one that was selfish was me, I couldn't bare the thought of losing Jane. She was everything to me and I couldn't look past my own selfish wants and needs. I told her I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't keep watching her walk away and not know that she is safe. I know it was so wrong. That I should never ever had dumped all of that on her before she had to go off to work and risk..her life. She tried to talk to, tried to get me to see reason. I wasn't hearing it. She tried to hug me before she left and.." Maura's voice is thick with emotion. "And I pushed her away. I told her if she really truly cared about me she wouldn't go. She said she was so sorry but she had to head to the airport." Maura covers her mouth with her trembling hand over her mouth.
"Sweetie." Angela tries to pull Maura into a hug but Maura shifts back so she is out of reach.
"No, don't I killed your daughter. As she walked to the door I told her she needed to come back and quickly because I didn't know how long I could sit here and wait for a phone call telling me something had happened. Or for her to just walk there my door at work with that big cocky grin to prove me wrong. What I said, that's the reason Jane is dead. That's the reason the one person I truly wholeheartedly love is gone. I did that, it's all on me. Nothing I do can take that back, I can't fix it. And the worst part for me is that Jane had called me after she left. I sent it to voicemail and after two days I listened to it. I still have it, I have listened that message a dozen times a day since she died. And when I finally decided to get my act together and call her back. It was too late. I don't even know if she ever heard my message, I asked, I asked Lieutenant Cavanaugh if he could get her phone, so I could see if she had listened to the message. He said there was nothing he could do. I asked Frost if he could see if he could tell and he tried but the message was sent but there was no way of knowing if she had heard it or not. I don't know if she knew I wasn't mad anymore. She said in her message she missed me and couldn't wait to get back home. I don't, I don't know if she knew everything with us was okay. I don't know if she was doing risky things to try and get home faster to fix things. She said it multiple times in the message that she was going to make it home and prove to me that she does care. And all I can think about now is that I..I killed her. I am so sorry Angela. I took your daughter away from you. This is all my fault." Maura slumps against the couch.
"Oh my god, Maura." Angela wraps the small doctor up in her arms and kisses the side of your head. "None of this is your fault. Janie loved her job and she loved you. I don't know if she heard your message. But I know she knows you love her. You have to believe me when I say this isn't your fault. Even after you told me everything I still don't see how you think you caused this to happen."
"Because, if I hadn't of told her she needed to get back to me fast or I was going to leave. She wouldn't have been reckless, she wouldn't have died. Excuse me I need to go. I just have to go." Maura gets up and heads towards the door.
"You can go upstairs but I am sitting here waiting for you. I will give you half an hour. I want to see you and know you are okay before I leave for the night. I know you just unloaded a lot and need time to process and are going to want to be alone. You are my family too, I will make sure you are okay before I leave tonight." Angela watches the doctor head upstairs. Her phone rings about twenty minutes after Maura went upstairs she answers and starts walking around the kitchen with talking.
"Yes, I understand. Okay. Yeah. Goodbye." Angela finishes with her call as Maura comes downstairs in Jane's Red Sox jersey.
"Who was that so late, is everything okay?" Maura stands at the edge of the island.
"Oh, that was..Frankie telling me that he has to work an extra shift tomorrow and he was canceling dinner with me. You doing a little better?" The older woman walks up to the doctor and gives her another hug.
"I don't know. Saying it out loud, makes it that much more real. I think I am going to go lay down. Thank you for dinner and listen to me. And being so kind." Maura says softly.
"I am always going to be here for you. Go get some sleep. I'll come by again tomorrow." With one more kiss to the head Angela heads back to the guest house.
Maura had been laying in her bed for about three hours when she saw lights flash in her windows. She looks at the clock, three in the morning. Maybe someone was just turning around in her driveway. Before she could even settle back down against her pillows she heard a knock at her door. What the hell? Right now she keeps thinking about how Jane always told her she should keep a baseball bat or mace in the house just in case. She gets up and pads her way to the front door. She flips on the porch light and opens the door.
"Jane?" Maura's was barely audible. Her nostrils flare and she reaches back and punches the raven haired detective square in the nose.
Jeez please don't hate me for the cliffhanger. I am sure you all figured out this will be a Rizzles story. Hope you all enjoy.