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In Name Only

Chapter 3

Katniss found it hard to sleep in her new home, especially after she noticed that the bookshelf was filled with classic books. There were volumes of Dickens, Twain, and countless others. One book in particular that caught her attention was Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. Peeta had recommended the book to her a while ago, but she'd not had time to read it. Working had consumed every waking hour for the last year, and she would not allow herself the luxury of burning a kerosene lamp just to indulge in an unproductive past time. She found herself enthralled by the narrative and fell asleep with the light on after about fifty pages.

The next morning she walked Prim to school and told her not to say anything about the previous day's events unless she was asked. Prim was visibly disappointed, and Katniss could tell that Prim was itching to tell everyone about their new home and her brother-in-law.

"Oh, Katniss, aren't you happy to be married to Peeta?" Prim asked with a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"Yes," Katniss replied automatically, not wanting Prim to think that she was unhappy. Am I happy? Well I'm certainly not upset about it. The fact that she was now Peeta's wife had not sunk in yet. Since everything had happened so fast she was still in survival mode, struggling to make sense of it all.

"Katniss, just think about it," Prim happily exclaimed,"we get to eat sweets everyday!"

After dropping Prim off, she walked to the bakery and entered the back door. Peeta's employee, Thom, a boy she used to go to school with, gave her a surprised look and a hasty greeting of, "Hello, Mrs. Mellark, congratulations on your marriage. Mr. Mellark will be up shortly." He then left her alone, and a little bewildered, waiting for Peeta. It was all still so new, and it took her a few seconds to realize that Thom was referring to her – she was Mrs. Mellark now. Moments later Peeta arrived carrying a large sack of flour on his shoulder, demonstrating how strong he still was despite his past injury.

"Good morning, Katniss. I see you made it." He greeted her warmly, sat the bag down on the counter and motioned for her to sit on her usual bench. "I didn't know if you'd come or not."

"I almost didn't make it," Katniss joked. "I'd still be trying to figure your fancy kitchen out. Thankfully, Mrs. Seeder came by to check on me before she went to her other job. She's a very nice woman."

"Yes, she is. She started to work for my family while I was in the Army, after my mother died," Peeta explained. "She comes in the afternoon and keeps house and cooks my dinner."

"Maybe she can teach me how to cook," Katniss teased. "My mother gave up on me years ago. I was always better at helping Papa."

"Yes, he always said he was prouder of you than any father could be of a son," Peeta reminisced as he poured her a cup of tea, before sitting it in front of her. "He loved you and your sister very much." Katniss just nodded in reply, and Peeta took the hint that her father was something she was not yet ready to talk about so he switched topics. "So, I was thinking that we should go to the general store later and you could pick out some material for new dresses for you and Prim. Annie gave me the name of her seamstress."

"Peeta, I don't expect anything more from you," Katniss pleaded. "You've done so much already. I can't accept anything more."

"Yes, you can," his words were immediate and kind. "How many dresses do you own?"

"Three," Katniss begrudgingly admitted.

"And, just how long have you owned the one you're wearing now?"

Katniss looked down at her calico print dress and tallied the years in her head. "Four years."

"Now, what would people think of me if I didn't provide my blushing bride with some new clothes and you ran around in those patched up overalls?" Peeta questioned, his tone a mixture of seriousness and teasing. "I would be considered stingy. So, let me do this for you and Prim. Besides, you look like you're twelve in that dress. People are already going to be talking about our difference in age to begin with, I don't want it to look any more obvious than it already is. I feel like William Randolph Hearst with Marion Davies when I stand next to you."

Katniss nearly spit out her tea giggling. "Believe me, you are a hundred times more handsome, far more desirable, and our ages are much more compatible than that." Suddenly she felt shy and turned away so Peeta could not see her blushing.

Peeta looked at her with a taken aback expression on his face for a fraction of a second before playfully replying, "Well, I'm glad I've got something on a seventy-year old man".

"You're nowhere near old, Peeta. You've got a lot of life ahead of you yet," Katniss said warmly.

"I don't know about that. There are days I feel like Methuselah," Peeta sighed.

"Well, don't feel special. I've felt like that for the past year," she commiserated.

Peeta looked at her for a moment, his expression soft. "Katniss, I do have a request when you go to pick out your clothes."

"Alright, what's that?" Katniss inquired.

"Have Portia make you a couple of pairs of trousers to wear around the house," Peeta grinned and gave her a wink. "You know, to make up for the overalls. I know that you prefer them anyway."

The only reply Katniss could give him was a smile. He knew her so well. As she sipped her tea and reflected on this, she realized how little she really knew about him.

Church that first Sunday was interesting, to say the least. Katniss had never felt so nervous in her entire life. Miss Portia happened to have some dresses on hand that she'd made for another client who wasn't able to pay and gave them to Katniss at a good price. Her brand new grey, plaited skirt and matching coat was the nicest outfit that she'd ever owned. Peeta had even surprised her with a new, narrow brimmed, black felt hat. While Pastor Templesmith preached, Katniss could feel people watching her and Peeta, and not the Pastor. She held his hand for many reasons; one was to still her shaking hand, another was because she didn't want to let on that their marriage wasn't real. The biggest reason, though, was that Peeta could make her feel calm as no one else could. Peeta was charming; he beamed and responded to all the congratulations that were offered. The men slapped him on the back with a wink. Most of the women gave Katniss calculating looks, out of shock, jealousy, or judgment Katniss didn't know – and she was sure it was not worth trying to figure out. The fact that they had gone to the Justice of The Peace and didn't have a church wedding caused a bit of a scandal. Katniss could tell everyone was looking at her, trying to judge if she was with child. She wanted to tell all of them that if her belly looked bigger it was only because she'd gorged herself on Peeta's delicious pancakes and maple syrup before church.

The rest of Sunday was spent with Peeta helping Katniss in the kitchen as Prim played with Buttercup. After they ate dinner, they sat in contented peace listening to the radio. Peeta brought out his sketch book and Katniss watched him draw a picture of Prim and her cat. Katniss had known that Peeta could draw, he had some water color landscapes hanging in the bakery, but she had never gotten to see him work and was amazed by his talent. Her new husband had impressed her yet again, and she found that she enjoyed learning about the things that she hadn't known about him.

The days passed and their little, unexpected family fell into a routine. Peeta went to work well before dawn, and Katniss made breakfast and packed lunch for Prim when they woke. After walking her sister to school, she would go to the bakery and have a cup of tea with her husband. This was the one part of her life that had not changed - her half-an-hour with Peeta was often the highlight of her day. When Peeta returned to his duties, she would go to the lonely house. She ached for something to do, but Mrs. Seeder kept the house tidy so there was little to clean. This didn't stop her from trying though, and Katniss would try to find things to dust and mop out of sheer boredom. Peeta would sometimes come home for lunch and she would try to cook for him, but more often than not he would do the cooking because he was used to doing it and much better at it. Mrs. Seeder came in the afternoon and showed Katniss how to keep the house and demonstrated how to prepare meals. She was a patient woman, but Katniss knew her presence was wearing on her nerves when she suggested to Katniss that she start calling on other wives in the afternoons. Peeta came home, often walking with Prim on her way home from school. The three of them would all eat dinner together, then listen to the radio. Prim had found a copy of Anne of Green Gables and Peeta would read her a chapter every night. It warmed Katniss's heart to watch them, and they looked like a picture-perfect family in an advertisement. Lastly, Katniss would tuck Prim into her bed and Peeta would wish them both a good night.

The only days that were not like this were Fridays. Peeta would leave in the early afternoon, stating that he had "business," and he would not return until late at night. Katniss wondered what he was doing, but did not feel it her place to ask.

It was about three weeks into the marriage when Prim asked one night, "Why don't you sleep in the same room as Peeta?"

The question caught Katniss off guard. "I-uh…"

"I asked Peeta earlier, he said it was because he snores so loud," Prim continued sleepily, "but I think he was joshing me. I like him Katniss, he's nice. I'm glad he never got married before you. I want you to have a baby soon so I can play with it. I like babies. I hope it has pretty hair like him and big blue eyes…" Prim's rambling slowed as she yawned.

"Come on little duck, say your prayers, and let's get some sleep," Katniss told her sister, who was obedient enough to comply and drop the subject.

Katniss walked to her room and thought about what Prim had said. She'd been a married woman for three weeks and had yet to be properly kissed. Do I want him? Does he want me? Was the "marriage in name only" to protect her or him? I may be naïve, but even I know that it would be nearly impossible for a man to keep away from his eighteen-year-old bride. She measured the things she knew about Peeta; he was a war vet and he had once been nearly engaged, although he had never spoken to her personally about those things. She knew that he was affectionate with both her and Prim, although differently. With Prim he was fatherly, patting her on the head and occasionally wrapping his arm around her while she sat next to him reading aloud. With Katniss he would brush the stray hairs behind her ear, they would hold hands more often than just taking his arm, when she was in his way he would move her by lightly gripping her around the waist and lingering longer than necessary. He would hug her several times throughout the day, and slowly his kisses had migrated from the top of her head, down to her cheek and now were coming dangerously close to her mouth. A few times, Katniss had to fight the urge to turn her head slightly, for she didn't know if it would be welcomed or not. After all, Peeta seemed to be the one setting the boundaries in their relationship.

All of these conflicting feelings were not being helped by fact that she'd just finished Jane Eyre. Although the sweet and kind Peeta was nothing like the moody Mr. Rochester, Katniss could not help but to compare her situation to that of Jane. A lonely, eighteen-year-old girl is thrown into a house with an older man whose past is mysterious, yet she is drawn to him. A man who treats her as an equal, like she's someone to be cherished; well, Peeta treated her like that most of the time. At other times he treated her like a child, almost as if he was sheltering her and keeping her at arm's length.

That night Katniss found that sleep was eluding her and she spent quite some time staring at the ceiling when she heard a commotion from the room beneath hers. She put on a robe and quickly descended the stairs. She could hear Peeta's muffled voice and it sounded full of pain, so she knocked and called his name several times before finally opening the door. Peeta lay on his bed, very much asleep but visibly agitated and calling out names that she didn't recognize. "Mitchell! Boggs! Leeg! Wake up! Get out of here– go, there's a bomb!"

Katniss rushed to him, turned on his bedside lamp, and kneeled on the bed to try and shake him awake. "Peeta, wake up, Pe-"

Peeta's eyes shot open and he grabbed her by the shoulders and quickly rolled himself on top of her. Katniss gasped, shocked by the sudden action and position they were in. His face was full of anguish, but Katniss could tell that he couldn't see her, as he was elsewhere in his nightmare. "Mitchell, don't," he sobbed, "please don't die!"

"Peeta, please, it's Katniss," she gasped as his large frame crushed hers, "your wife! Wake up!"

Finally, Peeta's eyes cleared and he became aware of the petite body that lay under his. He released her and sat up, pulling her into a sitting position as well. "Katniss, what are you doing in here?" he asked, his sleep-muddled brain confused to find her in his room.

"I couldn't sleep. Then, I heard you and I tried to wake you up," she shakily replied.

"I'm so sorry, Katniss," he whispered as he pulled her close and embraced her. She returned the hug, wanting to comfort him as much as he wanted to comfort her. "I usually don't wake up during my nightmares. I'm sorry, that one was really bad."

"Shhh, it's alright, I wanted to wake you up," she soothed. "I know when I dream of Papa's accident I just want someone to get me out of it. I can't stand to relive it."

"Thank you," he said and released her from the hug and rested his forehead on hers. Katniss leaned into him, enjoying the moment of closeness. Suddenly, he pulled away. "Oh Kitty, excuse me, I apologize."

Katniss didn't know what he had to be sorry about until he reached for his shirt off the nightstand – he had been shirtless the whole time, and she hadn't noticed. She tried not to look at him, but could not help but peek. Katniss admired the broadness of his shoulders and the trail of fair, coarse hair that disappeared into his pajama pants. He caught her staring and blushed, "Well, I suppose that you should try to go get some sleep."

"Alright," Katniss agreed softly and got up. She felt a bit dejected, but she didn't know why. When she was nearly to the door she turned and said, "Peeta, you can tell me about it if you like. It might help if you told someone."

"Thank you, Katniss, but I can't burden you with that," he said with a bittersweet smile.

"Can I at least stay with you until you fall back asleep, then?" Katniss asked, surprising even herself.

"Why do you want to stay?" he inquired, clearly confused.

"Because I can't leave you alone to fight in the dark," she confessed. "Please, to use you words, it will do my heart good."

Peeta looked her up and down with an expression on his face that she'd never seen before. He seemed to be having an internal conflict. Finally he smiled slightly, "Okay," he said and patted the side of the double bed, "if you insist."

Katniss took off her robe, turned off the lamp, and crawled into the bed. This was the first time she had shared a bed with anyone other than Prim, yet she wasn't nervous. They both lay on their sides facing each other, neither one knowing what to do next. Katniss reached out and took his hand and interlaced their fingers. Sleep came quickly afterwards for both. She had slept so soundly that she did not even stir when he left in the morning. When she finally did open her eyes, she found a note lying on his pillow, which smelled so wonderful – vanilla, cinnamon, and a manly combination of his aftershave and soap. It was the scent she always associated with Peeta.

Thank you for not leaving me alone in the dark. –Peeta

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