AAAHHHH I FINALLY UPDATED! I'm really haveinf separation anxiety from free! ending so I pushed myself and I finally finished! I would've been done a while back but I kept thinking and rethinking it over and over to try and make everything perfect. Siiighhh, I hope I did a good job TUT! Happy reading!
Chapter 3: Awakening
Haruka's mind ran a hundred miles per hour, neurons simultaneously firing off inside his skull as he was wondering how this redhead could just casually throw him for a loop so many times in a single hour and how he could get out of the current situation that escalated far too quickly for his liking. He'd only come here to test this homosexual thing out, not to feel a different hand crawl down the front of his pants. Had he wanted to get jerked off, he was sure he could've just asked his wife-or even better to do it himself.
It was alarming to feel those long, foreign fingers brush the sensitive skin just above his boxers and he didn't want things to go any further than they'd already gone. But, when he tried to get a word out, the slightly taller male wormed his hand down even lower to his actual cock, those warm fingers enclosing around his rounded head without hesitation—like he'd done this a million times. A thought like that made him lose all will to proceed further with this interaction, seeing as not only had this man lied to his face but he took advantage of him as well.
The raven wasn't really the type to get upset at such matters, people used people all the time; it was how life worked. But… this man he thought… no he'd deceived himself into thinking that this one was different. That he was the exception to all those greedy hands reaching for his pockets or for his dick, he really should have known better than to place such expectations on a stranger, though it was unlike him to have thoughts like that to begin with. If it was anyone's fault , it was his.
With that solemn thought in mind, he shivered deeply, taking the strange churning in his gut as a sign of displeasure—which was no surprise, seeing as he'd already known he wasn't gay to begin with, but this was the answer he was looking for. Or rather, the excuse he needed to leave the premises without too much of a hassle. At least this Neko-chan had helped him get back to his song faster and without even having to endure life's little irritations known as small talk.
Somehow Haruka couldn't help being confused. Why did Neko-chan put up such resistance if this was what he wanted to do to begin with… wouldn't he be like any of the other people who flocked around him. True intentions eventually show—so perhaps he was just trying to catch his attention... His memory flickered back to that wondrous moment when the other's pink top lip furled lightly in disgust as he profusely declared not wanting anything to do with the idol. The rebelliousness continued even to say that he would lose his job so as to hold true to his beliefs, as flimsy as they seemed presently.
Another chilling shudder wracked through his lean frame, his hips squirming in discomfort to escape the other's grip. Haruka decided when he felt his attacker run his fingers up the underside of his cock that that line of thought was better left till later—if he wanted to leave without being further assaulted.
Rin sighed, almost bored at the systematic way his dexterous fingers slipped Nanase-san's belt off almost seamlessly. He didn't count but if he estimated, this was probably around the three hundredth belt he'd slipped off since he'd been in his business. He used to despise when his suitors wore belts, seeing as there was always that awkward pressure of having them push his head toward their erection before he'd even gotten the belt buckle undone. It was awkward enough as it was to even suck the guy off; he didn't need them rushing him. But after a while he'd not only gotten better at taking belts off but other things as well. Depending on his suitors' interests or, Kami-sama forbid, they actually preorder their kinks… well let's just say Rin knew how to do a lot of interesting things because of some perverted rich boys.
That's what they all were right? Just perverted boys who see another ass who could potentially provide some enjoyment and ease their boredom. He was as good as a toy truck to them, the intimacy and closeness taken out of their interaction. But Nanase-san… he was still as death, as if he'd just received the shock of his life as Rin undid his zipper and slipped his hand inside easily. His hand had been clenching uneasily at the hand which fisted his cock and not a noise slipped from the famous person's lips. What was he being such a tight-ass for? He was the one who'd bought his services for the night, surely he knew what that entailed… maybe he liked being on the bottom…? That's certainly unexpected.
Though seriously he should be beyond placing expectations beyond Nanase-san who just as quickly trampled all over them as uncaringly as when they first met and he asked for a host. Wasn't this just a cheeky situation altogether? His sister's husband who he'd previously been in love with turned to be an unfaithful lover who cheated on her with not only men but his prostitute brother-in-law of which he had no recollection. If this wasn't some Lifetime shit he was living right here...
There was a sting of satisfaction in this transaction of money for sex with the coveted Nanase Haruka. It was satisfying in the context that he, the suitor who was discarded even before he knew there was not chance, would be the one to be with Nanase-san tonight. He would be the one to finally engulf himself in the furious passion of lovemaking with a lost love... it sounded good like that didn't it?
But, those beautiful, sparkling words didn't properly describe this situation as the sting did. The sting of previous rejection and conflict whirled in his mind—it was his sister's husband. Sure he'd been the one to stare across the college campus like the embarrassing schoolboy he was and blush furiously when those oceanic eyes even took a glimpse at his direction, but it was Gou who had been the one to talk to him. It was Gou who entranced him with her charmingly powerful demeanor and her brilliant grin and it was he who was left with a weak, trembling constitution as he watched the back of their interlocked hands.
No matter how he thought about it, this was criminal. How dare he attempt to steal what wasn't his? By feeling this way, wasn't Rin disgusting as a brother? How dare Nanase-san? His righteous stomach flipped guiltily and he'd tried to reason that his job rested on this. She was a casualty in this emotionless transaction. He didn't mean to hurt Gou and Gou would probably never even find out... I can't keep thinking about this. There's absolutely nothing I can do now except put this to the side and finish what I started in pleasing Nanase-san. It's just business, just business; it doesn't concern me when Nanase-san leaves. I need this job now. Just don't think about it...
Yeah, you're good at not thinking about it.
In the midst of increasing the speed of his hand which passed over softened flesh, curiosity surfaced in Rin's purposefully blank mind. Normally a suitor would've already been hard and leaking, ready to forcefully move to the next step whether Rin liked it or not yet… the cock in his hand was unsettlingly soft. Even if many guys who come here to fuck him proclaimed their innocence of being gay, Rin must've thought there was a proverb somewhere that said "a hand is a hand, man or woman". But Nanase-san was completely soft and his back was stiff as if there were rods digging perpetually into his spine. Was it nerves? Truthfully it didn't matter what it was, Nanase-san in particular couldn't leave dissatisfied with him. His boss was just waiting for the minute he screwed up to can him, "Oi… are you ner—whoa!"
The scenery before his eyes intriguingly blended into each other, colors bled into one another as his balance was shifted from under his feet and his senses were assailed by the scent of flora coming from the bed beneath him. Pried open from shock, crimson eyes stared up into Nanase-san's only to feel the disconcerting sensation of cold water running down his back. He was tempted to look around for the culprit though he knew it had nothing to do with water more than the icy stare he was getting from the smaller man above him. The new life's mission of his heart seemed to be to thump hard enough to crack a rib or two when he was faced with a stare like that. In this industry a stare like that could only mean that you seriously fucked up or you were seriously going to get fucked up. He'd gotten a lot of those stares a few years ago but it was mostly for his inexperience or willfulness… this time he was sure he had gone about procedures in the general way suitors liked it…
So why was he receiving this look which seemed to be specifically crafted to psychologically ruin him? All of a sudden all thoughts about clients and jobs flew out the window, the fire burning inside his body to defend himself as his fingertips turned clammy and his heart rushed through his ears. There was no time to play nice in situations like this. Letting his face sink into the most menacing scowl his face could muster without permanently scarring himself, he let the words he practiced roll off his tongue; he could only hope it was free of the embarrassing trembling feature he felt seep into the rest of his limbs, "What the fuck are you doing?"
Haruka stared idly down at the man he had pinned underneath his body, those hostile words completely ineffective towards him yet they served to confuse him yet again. Would a person who wanted to fuck someone talk to them like that? Why when he suddenly defended himself did his attacker spare a fleeting look of terror? Thin, sinewy muscle held down the larger body beneath him yet he was unprepared for when his own vision took a page from a washing machine as he was launched off the other quickly, landing in the same position he once held the other in. The violent treatment made his vision momentarily swim and confusion racked his brain when he hears a gentle swish in the distance. Painstakingly focusing on the man above, he grew irate when his confusion was cured by seeing the man shirtless and on top of him. Didn't he get the message to stop? He didn't want this; he didn't want sex—especially from another guy! No, don't go for your belt! Stop… stop! "Stop."
The demand escaping his lips was satisfyingly firm, to the point where he was actually able to halt the other's movements above him as he unzipped his pants to disturbingly reveal the lack of underwear underneath it all. A sigh of relief exited his system as he closed his eyes, knowing that the other won't do much more besides this. Silence expanded in the room, awkward for both but the raven relished in the silence. It was that kind of silence where it felt almost criminal to break yet the situation was so repulsive they both wanted to get what they're thinking off their chests.
Haruka though, figured he could salvage the silence by pushing the other off his lap. There was nothing to say, so he thought. Clearly he broke all misconceptions of romance that the other male thought they conceived so there was nothing that needed to be addressed right? He just wanted to go back to his house and get back to his song… except… what was that strange shaking on his chest. No, not large enough to be shaking… it felt more like the childish trembling one experiences after a nightmare. Trembling… azure eyes revealed themselves from behind pale lids as he looked above him to see the male looking back with not an angry face…. Not even a frustrated face.
The kind of face one would call not stormy, but rainy. So full of emotion, it looked ready to burst but the quivering of the other's lip as he tried hard not to express such feelings... he tried hard not to cry. His knuckles transformed into a shocking white while they gripped Haruka's shirt and a deadly sharp incisor gnawed on his lower lip, "W...Why...? Why are you being so difficult? It's already hard enough to do this, why save me if you're going to get me fired again?" His rough voice was thick with emotion, quaking in anger and confusion as he glared at him accusingly with those crystalline ruby eyes, "Nanase-san, is this some sort of game to you? What do you want from me?"
As storm clouds brewed overhead, Haruka casually stared at the sky and met its gaze with a calm stare of his own. Confusion was whirring in his head as he tried to connect piece by piece what this situation even was. A strange pit had started to gnaw at his chest when he looked at the other's sulking face... it was warm. The raven concluded that it was embarrassment most likely, seeing as there was another man crying unabashedly overhead. But, even that was unsure as uncertainty clouded the air now. As sure as he was before that Neko-chan had suddenly flipped the switch on him and chose to take advantage of him, he was just as sure now that this was not the case.
That he'd been under some misconception, that there was one vital piece of knowledge missing from this equation. Haruka heard the quivering in his voice as he forced with questions out and he figured Neko-chan must be just as confused as he was. There was something they both didn't know... the only answer Haruka could think of was to tell the truth himself.
"It isn't... a game. This is a host club right? I wanted to talk to someone," Haruka explained, "I came here to be charmed not fucked okay?" Red eyes froze and widened atop him as he looked at his serious expression. His red head cocked to the side in utter confusion and he frowned, unclenching his hands slowly and sitting up. Haruka felt a pull when he saw the motion, unsure of what he was exactly being pulled toward. He allowed himself to sit up as well to carefully watch the young man's next move.
"E...Eh? You wanted t-to talk?" there was shock in the man's voice; he was in total disbelief that he'd just wanted a conversation this entire time. Then... even more interestingly, the redhead's face seemed to burn a soft red as he sputtered in his defense, "Th...Then why did you buy this super expensive private room that nobody rents out unless they're... well unless they're going to fuck?" A tone of complete awe of his ignorance in his voice that somehow grated on Haruka's nerves.
"Well, I didn't want everyone to try to listen in on the conversation, so I thought to buy a private room. I'm also not picking up this tab so I thought: why not buy the most expensive room?" Neko-chan gaped at him in amazement and much to the irritation of the raven man, a light snort came from above and he witness the upsetting sight of Neko-chan's shoulders shaking in amusement though the prominent expression on his face was more likely to be that of relief. Sagging shoulders, a small smile... but the one thing he could see the most change in was definitely his eyes. The way those reddened lenses softened combined with the remnants of his glistening tears... he almost looked like a new person. Feeling a need to rebuff the sudden onslaught of surprise, Haruka took a note of irritation, "Oi, don't laugh. Nothing's funny as far as I can tell."
A cough escaped Rin as he attempted to disguise his clear amusement over the situation. He couldn't help it with all the things that had been running through his mind, Nanase-san only wanted to have a conversation. Though it still wasn't clear why he couldn't have said conversation with his sister, he clearly didn't have those intentions toward him. How fortunate for his aching body and mind that he would get actual rest for today. Exhaling the humor and sheer relief from his body, Rin lifted himself off Nanase-san—he had to be uncomfortable by now right? After all another man was on his lap; he just had to ignore the rush of cold air suddenly felt in places that used to be warm. It wasn't that he was comfortable; he had been trying to push the other down and ride him before so this was a total step up… absolutely…
Rin bit his lip as his now cold body said otherwise and he coughed as if he could dislodge the uncomfortable feeling in his chest with those methods, "A-Ah... no need to be uptight about it, I get it. You clearly don't know what Tokyo Ai really is huh. Pulled in by the ads saying it was a successful host club, right? Great conversations that really simulate real relationships and whatnot, I totally get it. Um..." Shit now he was prattling, get ahold of yourself Rin! This is definitely not the first time you've just talked to someone! Well, civilly talked to someone... it's been awhile...
At this realization, he stopped talking completely like his unbounded words had suddenly decided to ricochet back into his tightening throat. He would start pacing, but he's actually pretty sore and that would really make him look weird; so he did the next best thing and washed out a few glasses in the convenient kitchen sink this room had. There was chilled wine here to make what was looking to be a fucking uncomfortable conversation go faster, "Well, it's not really. It's more like a whorehouse to be honest. When you buy these rooms, it's expected that you go in and do... well the do."
"Whorehouse… then… you're a prostitute?" The stream of wine he was pouring for himself shook as his eyes shot up to look at the other man's bland expression—he looked as if it wasn't him that called out the giant elephant in the room. What the hell? Doesn't he have any kind of filter?! His cheeks burned bright red while he turned his attention back to his glass to have just enough time to stop it from overflowing. He was actually quite lucky the tight grip of his didn't shatter the delicate glassware altogether. He placed the bottle back in the ice on the side table—not that he was going to bother pouring that asshole a glass—before he took his own glass and downed the dark, smooth liquid. The bitter taste of it was somehow refreshing, fitting to this bitter event, and the dull sweetness spread warmly on his taste buds.
After drinking to one of the most uncomfortable silences he's ever experienced in his entire life, Rin answered truthfully. Seeing as he was never going to see Nanase-san after this, he saw no real reason to lie. He couldn't even tell Gou seeing as he had no idea that they were even related, "Yeah, I fuck for money so I'm probably a prostitute." A small laugh escaped from him as he couldn't believe he was even humoring him at all. Sitting beside the other man on the bed, he turned an inquisitive look to him, "What about you? Whether you were looking for a prostitute or not, you still ordered a host. A good-looking guy like you could have anyone you want. Yet you're walking around single?"
He mentally gave himself a high-five for sounding so authentic in his lack of knowledge on the man. Well, he couldn't deny that he didn't know if he was still married to his sister or not, which was actually the main point of him asking in the first place, but he certainly couldn't let him know that he actually knew who he was. Staring down the older man, Rin took a deeper drag of his wine and never took his eyes off him. He actually had the decency to look a bit self-conscious, staring down at the crisp yet fluffy, white sheets. Slender fingers picked apart an guiltless rose petal and he said, "I came here because of my friends."
Haruka's could feel the tell-tale signs of embarrassment ticking his senses, the light heat on his ears, the way he felt he shouldn't stop fidgeting so obviously no matter what… he cursed his friends for getting him into such a predicament. Now he had a prostitute, who had already attempted to sexually assault him, stare him down while casually draining his wine glass while asking about his romantic life. Luckily he knew he was stone-faced enough that even that slight embarrassment wouldn't show in the dimness of the room. Though he probably was a bit rude when he asked if the other was a prostitute… Haruka had yet to look back at the redhead beside him even though what he said wasn't really embarrassing. It was the truth at that… so why was there silence? He knew he didn't mind it but it was clear for the man who had to take a drink each time there was a gap in the conversation, silence bothered him.
"Your friends thought you needed to go to a whorehouse?" The skeptical tone echoed around the room, that smooth tenor just on the boarder of amused grated his nerves. What did he know? Does a prostitute really have a place to judge him? Sounds of splashing liquid against a fine glass filled the room—Haruka wondered if this Neko-chan was looking to get drunk while he was apparently off duty. But, before he even had much more time to contemplate that theory, Haruka's shoulder was taken by a firm hold and he was forced back into a laying position.
Instinctively, Haruka sent a harsh look to the redhead holding him down. Said redhead had a mild dusting of a blush along his face, probably due to the alcohol running through his system. Was he really going to try and fuck him again? "Whoa, whoa hold your horses there with your glare. I'm not doing anything but you're going to have to relax if you want to manage to talk to anyone. You're tensing up with just a few questions, how are you going to manage a conversation?"
"Oh, and suddenly now you're the knowledgeable conversationalist? What should I do, follow your example on getting drunk before you can really listen?" Inwardly, Haruka frowned at the way he was talking to him. Oh, he wasn't guilty. Far from it. But he mourned the loss of his competent, controlled voice as he replied saucily to Neko-chan. This wasn't… like him at all… Usually if he were irritated or upset, he just wouldn't speak to who was upsetting him. Why make more conversation with someone who's stressing you out already? But to this man, before he realizes he's fueling the fire, he's already shot back at him. It was annoying to say the least.
"Tsk, for your information this alcohol is because you're so damn awkward it's agonizing trying to pull words from you, but I'm listening just fine…" The raven's attention snapped back to the man who was lying next to him on his stomach. He was surprised as he looked to see Neko-chan's full attention on him… well actually now that he thought about it he had been looking at him for a while now. He stared at him from underneath his dark lashes, a warm, gentle look on his face that clashed with the reluctant tone he was taking. Relaxed and focused on him, it was as if he wouldn't dare turn his attention away, "Talk as long as you want. I'll listen." It was a familiar look… almost motherly.
So swiftly that he heard the blood swishing through his ears, he turned away from Neko-chan. What the hell am I thinking? Motherly? He's a prostitute—a very male prostitute. He just happens to be a mellow drunk, I guess. No reason to let him unsettle me, I'm getting upset for nothing. His jaw twitched and he reached forward, grabbing the prostitute's glass and downing the rest of the wine with no regard to where his mouth might have been. The bitterness stung but it allowed for a wonderful deterrent from his idiotic thoughts. Being an idol meant a lot of unnecessary partying, of course there was alcohol running for days so he felt he'd built a strong tolerance for it. However, the initial rush of alcohol to his brain did make to loosen the tight lock on his thoughts and for the first time tonight he thought that redhead might've been onto something.
"I… I think there might… be something wrong with me," he said slowly, glancing at his empty glass while spinning with the delicate stem. From above, the young man expertly poured a nice helping of wine into his glass. His silence was somewhat comforting as Haruka took another sip—this one better than the first, "I don't think there's anything wrong with being gay… but I don't think I'm gay. Despite this, somehow because of my behavior, that's what my friends are under the impression of." Just the remembrance of the uncomfortable ordeal was enough to make him take a sizable gulp.
"Why would they think that?" There was nothing in the tone of his voice that indicated this, but somehow Haruka thought Neko-chan to be on his side. Well, his side is the more rational side, at least he thought so. "Though an even better question would be to ask, why do you think there's something wrong with you?" He exhaled strongly, closing his eyes as he drained the rest of his glass. He felt grateful for the warmth running down his body; it really took the edge off the powerful reality he had to face sooner or later. Though what reality he'd be facing, he didn't know.
The impressionable pause in between this question and his answered was swiftly ended by his voice, "I have a wife and two beautiful children. I make a large living off of my career as an idol and I can live comfortably, my coworkers are the best friends I've ever had. To me it feels almost strange to have a complaint about my life, but much to the concern of my friends… my wife is currently cheating on me." The jolt in the bed most definitely wasn't by him told him Neko-chan's reaction to the problem. The walls bent inward through the sight of the drained glass and the rejected drops of darkened red eased their way down the clear walls to the gulf of the cup. It was a fascinating sight for one who wasn't looking to see the pitying look that surely must've been on his face.
Whoever he told had that same reaction-albeit he'd only told his closest friends. There was always that shock, initial anger, then pity as if looking at him as if he were an entirely different person altogether. His feelings and thoughts about the situation were written off as excuses to hide the agony that must be wrought within the person being cheated on. His carrying on like usual was considered to be a coping mechanism to cover his newly born insecurities, no one listened truthfully. Not even Makoto, who knew him inside and out. The real issue dwelled within him, not Gou. It didn't lie in whether he was being cheated on or not, what he was worried really was about—
"Oi, Nanase-san! What's really the matter with you?" The glass nearly slipped out of Haruka's hands as his slightly widened eyes moved swiftly to face the flushed redhead who looked almost skeptical of whether he was actually being cheated on or not. How could he so blatantly disregard an obvious troublesome issue like that, he knew he didn't particularly look like the victim of a scandal but Haruka was just starting to believe that this Neko-chan was just being difficult to be difficult. How was he supposed to know that wasn't the real issue? Even more than people who lie, he hated those who were contrary to try and be falsely deep.
"I'm not lying, I'm actually being cheated on. Don't you think it's a bit contradictory to just dismiss someone's issue when you're the one who asked to hear them?" Haruka asked a bit defensively. He had no idea what he could've been getting defensive about—the scandal? The judgment coming from the prostitute? Who knew, but suddenly the issue about cheating which previously had been more of a surface issue was threatening to be penetrated. The mole-like self-doubt growing beneath it all was flowing like magma under a volcano that everyone assumed to be dormant. The ambiguity created an off-balance feeling inside of him yet the words that wanted to speak were caught, stuck in his throat forcefully. Why should he tell him what the issue was? He was a stranger; he probably wouldn't believe him either. He would probably try to "fix" him.
"Tch, I never said that wasn't true but... look if that were the issue then why are you here with another guy testing to see if you're gay? A man who is hurt or angry over something-especially their partner-isn't going to do this. This points to a different issue altogether," Rin stared at the hard-faced man who stared emptily through his glass. Someone who was getting cheated on wouldn't just want to talk. Someone who was betrayed would be angry, passionate! They strive to dominate their next partner and crush them under their weight without room for escape. They cried out their lost partner's name, they wept, they ruined, they felt something. Rin got the strange feeling that Nanase-san didn't care much at all that his sister cheated on him.
He watched those pink lips purse once more, as if debating with himself. He probably was thinking about whether he should tell him—a complete stranger—his underlying problems that weren't so obvious. He could never be too sure however with his icy face that never yielded. Trying to decipher what he was thinking was a trial in itself like trying to balance yourself on black ice. Though finally, the barest sigh pierced the thickened air and he turned to Rin, whose heart proceeded to leap into his throat at the sight.
It's nearly identical to that night... no, no this isn't that. This is the present, Nanase-san and I are not... we aren't the same, this situation isn't the same! Just because his impossibly blue eyes just barely quivered in that way they rarely did, just because the moonlight spilled over the bed to his rose covered form, catching in his hair... his skin…
"Neko-chan... I'm not entirely sure what's wrong..." he said softly, snapping him out of his daze enough for him to slap himself back into attention. He bit his lip sharply and wondered if the other male in the bed could feel his trembling heart. But it wasn't like that. He was a listening ear, if he had any pride in his feeling, in his heart, he had to stop his feeling. It was disgusting. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled in an effort to suffocate any of the butterflies which had been romping carelessly through his stomach and focused on the man before him who ran a hand through his hair, "You're the first person to actually catch this, the first person to actually listen without assumptions."
There was pure silence for the smallest moment as he took in a breath, "I just... I love my wife. She's... she's done so much for me and tolerated me... I want to see her happy. That's why I can't... I can't say anything. She looks so happy when she's with me but she also is just as happy leaving at any time of the day. And no matter what anyone says, any condolences, any hatred on my behalf... I can't just say I didn't see it coming. I know I'm not satisfying her and I know when she stares at me some days, she wants to ask but she knows I just..." Suddenly Haruka sat straight up, words lodging in his throat so tightly that he wanted to cough to clear it once more. It was probably the fact that saying it out loud-at least to him-would solidify the fact that he was different. That this would just be one other thing that would take him even farther away from being ordinary again...
"Nanase-san," the smooth tenor of the man beside him took his attention and he was shocked to see his lips turned upward in a small shaky smile that looked like it hadn't been used in so long, the other had almost forgotten it. He held up the nearly half-empty bottle of wine and he gratefully held his glass out to drink even more. He would really need some time to recuperate tomorrow after this hangover took place. His presence, like the wine, was warm and relaxing whether he liked it or not. That small, tentative smile which stared at him oozed with a subtle sweetness that he knew nothing of. And also, like the smooth liquid passing down his throat, there was belatedness to his flavor. Bittersweet.
"I don't really enjoy sex too much. Doing erotic things... fucking her... my body would behave normally but I'm never really too interested. It's... boring. It always has been. I've never looked at anyone and felt that sexual attraction that might separate marriage from friendship. To think of it now, I thought it was a miracle that I even ended up with children and a wife..." his voice dimmed toward the end into a mutter, as if he'd exhaled the admission from his body, "It's nice to hold her and kiss her but that obviously doesn't satisfy her as much as it does me. And I'm just never as passionate as she is when we do it. I feel like I do her a disservice by having her stay with me. So my friends say I just might be attracted to men instead, but I doubt it. I just don't know what's wrong with me... I've never thought about it."
Rin sickened himself with the way his heart simultaneously soared and crashed with this information that Nanase-san wasn't happy in his marriage. There was nothing to get his hopes up for, he didn't even like women too much and doubted his liking men. But... when he saw the flushed cheeks of the other... the downcast intense blue eyes... his interest stirred like it hadn't in a while. It was because of his old crush he was sure. The preserved memory of him encased in his mind prevented him from freeing his emotions, there was no way he actually liked him. He was just getting stupidly caught up in his feelings like he always did. Nevertheless with this information, he couldn't help asking the raven, "Then... why did you marry her?"
A slow blink was his response and Nanase-san's serious expression stared at the skylight in the ceiling in a picturesque way, "Because... it was easiest. I always felt like if I would marry anyone, it would be her."
Rin gulped harshly, the small smile that was once on his lips evaporating as if it were never there to begin with. Those crimson red eyes dimmed like blood exposed to air but he couldn't bring himself to say that he thought he had a chance to begin with. Rin knew it was nothing of the sort; he had just been waiting this entire time for this moment. For Nanase-san to crush him once and for all so he could move on with his life. Though he wasn't sure if closure was supposed to feel this sour, if it was supposed to make it feel like he had swallowed a handful of rocks, he couldn't leave the other like this... Rin would suffer but he couldn't let the other struggle with something like this. Finally his services might be used for good.
"Well... I see... if you still wanted to test it out, we could do something light," At the flat look that the azure-eyed man gave him, Rin stiffened and blushed as if he hadn't done those things the other was thinking of before, "I... Idiot, I don't mean that way! Like... something like cuddling. If you kind of like cuddling with a guy then there's a chance you might lean that way, but if it's uncomfortable and weird then you still have your answer. Hmph, there's more ways to test it than just sex pervert."
"According to the blush on your face, you were probably thinking the same thing I was," Haruka said, finding a strange enjoyment in the way the other's cheeks reddened more and he got closer to him, glaring defensively.
"I... I... w-was not. I'm not even blushing it's the alcohol! Your cheeks are red too!" Settling back, he crossed his arms seriously and stared at him so intensely it felt like he was getting burned in that particular area, "So... which do you prefer? Big spoon or little spoon?" An arched eyebrow lifted and Haruka at least had the decency to look unimpressed at such an offer even as he contemplated it. Neko-chan was just about the same height as him though Haruka was thinking he might've been the slightest bit taller than the redhead. He looked younger than him but he had a lot of strength built in his muscled body. Then there was also his physic; Neko-chan was actually quite well-developed, having strong peck muscles and sturdy shoulders. But even though he slimmed out near the waist while his hips flared out ever so slightly as was apparent from the way his pants slipped further down his waist... theoretically he thought Rin might fit better behind him.
Suddenly a surge of indignation ran through him, negating his earlier analysis. It surprised him since not only had it come so abruptly but it was unexpected. Haruka thought that it was probably his pride as a man welling up, seeing as despite his passive personality, he despised submitting to anyone. Instantly he turned to Neko-chan, seeing him squirm in a strange way that reminded him of nervousness. Though he couldn't imagine a prostitute actually getting nervous over something like this when just before he was getting ready to let him fuck him.
He shook his head at the irony and leaned forward to the other, "Lay down, I'm the big spoon." Those flighty eyes which looked at anywhere other than him turned to focus on his form, widening momentarily only to swiftly turn away from him and lay on his side. Haruka would've said he was eager had it not been for the burning red ears he could see.
Slowly, he lay down beside him and briefly was unsure of what to do. He thought of pretending that Neko-chan was Gou to make it easier on him but then he knew that would just negate the purpose of even trying to see if he liked guys. Besides, Rin was far too muscular to be similar to Gou's small, lithe body. But holding someone was the same either way wasn't it?
Reaching out, the raven placed a soft hand on the other's side. He jolted at his touch, surprisingly sensitive for someone who not even a few hours ago was jerking him off. There was a brief concern for his wellbeing but he soon dismissed it while sliding his hand over his abdomen, feeling the muscles quiver under his touch... that was familiar. He recognized the peculiar sensation but feeling it himself almost put things into perspective. There he was, behind a man, easing his pelvis up to cradle another man's ass as he ran his fingers gently up his abs. Neko-chan was human; a human male. Not just a prostitute. And even so this was a first for him.
"Hey... are you alright?" The words were quiet and barely breathed out as his arms encircled the other from behind, his back coming in contact with his chest. He felt slightly awkward because even though he was the slightest bit taller, Neko-chan was about the same height. His face was met with darkened red locks, the other's spine touched his torso, and the other wasn't girly in the slightest... but it was warm. And certain parts of the man were actually soft...
Not only that, but there was a brilliant scent suddenly passing through his senses. The longish hair that turned a peculiar shade of magenta when the moonlight struck it tickled his nose, filling it with... flowers. He smelled like a strong scent of spring, like when he took his kids out to the Sakura tree festival and they were surrounded by the falling, pink leaves of blossoms. So sweet but not sickeningly so. He always hated it when Gou wore scented things as it overwhelmed his sensitive nose and eventually gave him a headache. He always said that he preferred her natural scent to anything else she wore... but he could never say that she smelled like this. Gou had a spicy scent but the smell of Neko-chan's hair made him inhale deeper.
"Tch, of-of course I'm alright. Th-The question is really i-if you're alright... after all you're the least experience one here. Is... is it awkward?" he asked, a cocky edge to his unsure voice that Haruka huffed a small laugh at. His thumb drew a small line directly above Neko-chan's navel, slightly marveling at the way the other's skin felt. Guys didn't normally have skin that felt like this right? Was his skin that soft? It was ridiculously smooth with not a hint of hair. Haruka blinked, realizing that the other had actually asked him something just then.
"It's... different. I guess it's not so bad though; your shampoo smells sweet," that caused the redhead's shoulders to tense and lift while he turned to Haruka. He looked confused at that comment and equally as embarrassed.
"You... you're embarrassing. You know that?" Rin couldn't believe how much of a mistake he'd just made. He... he hated this. He felt so awkward and stiff in front of Nanase-san. He hadn't even wanted him to be close enough to feel body heat and how he was in his arms. Shirtless at that. Regardless of whether he actually liked Nanase-san or not, he was still a gay man! This man was potentially straight and had a wife! Regardless of how he felt about her, Rin could still feel the cool metal of the ring embedding himself in his abdomen. It was as if it was reminding him not to get too comfortable, not to melt into the other's cool hands at his waist, not to shudder at the small puffs of warm breath he felt against his neck... because at the end of it all, he had a wife.
Because in the end he was a prostitute.
This wasn't theirs... it was nothing.
"Hm... Neko-chan," Ah, that's right. Nanase-san didn't even have his actual name. He reluctantly answered to the name which served as yet another barrier. Though he wasn't trying to fuck him, he couldn't believe he still had to be reminded of the fact that he is indeed a suitor. He would never even call out his real name, just the name he was given in the passion of the night. He had no name here, "You... what do you like to do?"
Automatically, Rin's response—surprised and involuntary as his assumption—was, "E-Eh?! Nanase-san I thought you were straight!" He felt stiffening behind him and turned to take a glance at him to see the flat face of the raven staring back at him. He sighed, pursing his lips in that habit that Rin was noting was probably from annoyance.
"No, baka, just what would I ask you that for? I'm talking to you about hobbies," Just hearing that sentence sounded foreign to him. The turnout of things truly surprised Rin. Hobbies? Why would he ask him something like that? Just what did he want to hear? 'My hobby is pleasing you?' 'Master, my hobby is being spanked?' there were a variety of answers over the years that he had accumulated but for once not one of them would be useful in such a situation. It was a shock for certain, the fact that this man was asking him what his honest hobbies were. Wasn't this a breach in some agreement of another? Suitors didn't just ask hosts what they liked to do.
But unsure of what else to do, Rin reluctantly let a single word slip from his lips and realized he hadn't drank enough to take the sobriety off of this, "M…Music. I-I like music." The answer echoed within the darkened room and suddenly Rin felt just the slightest bit ashamed. It was disappointingly light in the room by the moonlight shining upon them; he wanted the red of his body to be muted. He wasn't used to telling people things he liked to do—well at least not without a negative response. He hadn't confided confidently in someone about things he enjoyed since he was in grade school, and as far as he could remember that was the last time he confided in anyone at all.
"Really? You like music?" There was an ecstatic voice speaking behind and above him. Well it wasn't so much ecstatic as it was slightly pitched-though for Nanase-san he could probably say such inflection on his voice was something amazing. Was he also into music...? Rin's eyes widened slightly as he questioned himself, because no later than when he did his mind seemed to catapult him into a shaky, grainy fragment of the past.
The sweet sound of piano keys danced through the afternoon, a nostalgic tone to the piece which made the muscle in Rin's chest squeeze. He remembered peering from behind the wall of the music room which was in the college his sister attended and staring at him. That's right, how could he have forgotten? The azure eyed boy had always had an affinity for music. He always went around telling everyone that music had a soul and each song was its own person. Foolishly, if anyone flirtatiously asked him for musical advice, the only thing he had to say was "feel it for yourself, if you let your heart hear the music that's all you'll ever need".
As sappy and romantic as Rin thought it had been at the time, he'd also been thoroughly convinced the boy was a nutcase. The way he got so passionate when playing a certain piece, the way his face remained calm even as he caressed the keys into a gentle crescendo... certainly he shouldn't be surprised that he was excited over this topic. The words that escaped him were tragically gentle, annoying him in the sense that he sounded shy and timid, "Y...Yeah... I would like to major in it actually... eventually..."
Haruka's eyes narrowed in curiosity then. He liked music so much that he wanted to major in it... there was nothing to him that suggested he had such tastes. There was nothing in his job choice that said he liked it either. Haruka usually just said the things that were on his mind, the words spilling out sometimes before he even has time to reconsider what he says. The only redeemable thing he could take from that trait was the fact that he at least tended not to lie. It was seldom that he even talked but when he did, he was actually described as being brash. He couldn't deny that when he asked the prostitute this question, that he was undoubtedly being more of a social misfit than necessary, "You like music... then why are you here?"
There was a deafening hush in response to that, screaming into both of their ears that talking must've been the biggest mistake they've ever made. Even the steel-nerved Haruka couldn't help feeling prickly with guilt after what he just asked. His arms unconsciously pulled the other a bit more snug to his body as if he were physically trying to ask for forgiveness for something he knew he did wrong. Disappointment hooked strongly within him when he felt the other stiffen violently within his hold. Surely he must've been offended... he also couldn't help feeling upset at his own feelings. The raven usually didn't experience too much guilt, seeing as he said what he meant and nearly always meant what he said. He just got the feeling that if he wasn't talking to the redhead, who curled defenselessly into himself, he wouldn't feel a thing.
Yet, as the night flashed through his eyes on his supportive stare, sharing a drink and his secrets and fears... he'd been so warm even through this misunderstanding. Even when he snapped at him occasionally, he'd still been very comforting only for Haruka to say that to him. He was a dick.
Nervous energy built up inside Rin. He was itching in his discomfort from the innocent enough question that Nanase-san had asked. He felt like he should be offended; he probably should but... It wasn't as if it wasn't valid; after all why was he—someone who enjoyed writing songs—a prostitute? And for so long at that? Why couldn't he find another job to support himself? Why whenever he even thought about quitting, did the opportunity become impossible to him? What was his purpose? Did he... on some deep psychological level like getting fucked? No! It's definitely not that!
The men that come in to this establishment are disgusting perverts. He would never like to submit to the likes of them! But he couldn't reject the facts, even if it made his stomach pitch with fear... with abhorrence of the possibility itself. He wanted to curl up and clutch his head to keep the thoughts from spreading, to stop the poisonous silence from deluding him into taking the other man's words more into account than he should. He's... he's a lunatic who says you should feel the music, Rin shouldn't take him seriously at all! He... He...
A smooth baritone spoke to him in his ear, the warm breath that ghosted over it made him shiver in the warmth that seemed to engulf his entire body. It startled him, making his body jolt in surprise yet he listened attentively. It was only then that he registered the fact that he was gasping for breath and that his body shuddered in the literal revulsion he felt. He just wanted to climb out of his own skin. Naturally, as if it was in his genetics to soak in the words said by this man, he couldn't help listening to the comforting murmur, "I'm sorry. You don't need to say anymore."
He had to apologize, as easy as it was to say the insult it was just as natural to let an apology slip through his lips. To accommodate the other's distance, he curled around him—not trying to let him get too small. Every time he inched closer to himself, Haruka felt the distance cooling him unpleasantly. Neko-chan was warm... like a pet you didn't want to let go of just yet. However, strangely he thought he must've made the other uncomfortable in some way. The other just kept squirming and shuddering in his hold like he was trying to break free all while contemplating what he just said to him. His ass ground back into him involuntarily, burrowing into the crevice of his hips. The sensation however... wasn't nauseating. It felt familiar, but this feeling had never come from cuddling with Gou before.
A tingling at the pit of his stomach started out with each small twitch of the other's hips. He wasn't quite sure what it was... it gave him a feeling of something he knew yet had so little relevance that he'd forgotten the sensation. Silence dragged on after his abrupt apology and the little motions continued. Had he been doing that all this time? What about that nagging feeling that was tugging deep within his lower belly. It felt as if someone were playing with a string connected to his navel. Deep within his thoughts on the strange feeling bubbling in his gut, Haruka felt surprise when he received a small, tentative nod in response to the apology.
It was only with another slight fidget that the epiphany rose on the young man who froze along with the male he was holding. If the man in his arms had been squirming before, he was as still as a painting now. So still Haruka wondered if he actually felt what he thought he was feeling... but the red flush that seemed to taint the other's skin down to the third ridge in his spine told him exactly what he suspected was true. "T...T...Teme… what the hell? You're hard, you fucking pervert!" The furious face of the prostitute was what he saw as a reaction the erection snuggled firmly on the seam of the redhead's slacks.
"Why am I a pervert? You were the one who was squirming on me! I... I'm just as surprised as you, it usually doesn't take so little..." the shock reflected in his voice as he stared wide-eyed at the other, clueless as to what to do in such a situation. And with the other moving around so much, rubbing himself there, he couldn't stop the natural reaction! The surprise must've confirmed to the red-eyed male his innocence in the reaction taking place because while he was still glaring, a flush seemed to bloom on his cheeks and his eyes softened towards him. It was as if he was trying very hard to be angry with him yet couldn't find it in him.
"Hmph, then you... you want to try s-something else? Is that it?" he asked as if Haruka had been the one to stake the proposal himself though all he got in response was an empty look from the other. "I mean like something else light but... this time... s-s-sexual..." Man, for a prostitute he was sure shy around the word sex. The proposal in itself shocked the idol, not expecting the other male to be so forward. Neko-chan seemed like the type to be too shy to come straight for you in such matters but this was so direct even Haruka was off-put. He hadn't really known the right words to say at that point because even while he wasn't really interested in sex... he did have a boner and it raised all kinds of unanswered questions.
Before he knew it, it was like first entering the room again. Neko-chan had rolled on top of him and swiftly taken off the t-shirt he'd been wearing, leaving him bare on a bed full of roses, and another half-naked man. He felt the warmth of the other's bare skin for the first time scorching into his skin in a way he would love to say he didn't want more of. Neko-chan's eyes roamed curiously down his lean chest and stopped at the erection that was now uncomfortably straining against his jeans, tingling like the redhead was actually touching him. A certain pang of indecision hit him, pushing instinctively against these sensations until he wasn't even sure of what he wanted himself. Fuck, why the hell was he so hard?
"U-Um, Neko-chan, I don't think I—" Rin heard the other's protests but couldn't find it in himself to actually concentrate past the sound of blood rushing through his own ears, flowing down to his member in a strange way he hadn't felt in a long time. All sound was muffled as his eyes soaked in the ravenous sight of the music-obsessed man below him; tanned skin turned an iridescent white underneath the rays of the night. Hard yet lean muscle bunched with the slightest breath, revealing those shameless abs and strong, sharp hipbones that made Rin swallow thickly, clenching his sore body in immediate response. The racing heart thudding in his chest impaired all judgment and the dryness of his lips propelled him to lick them—though he still was unsure of whether that as was the singular reason for such a decision or if his predatory situation had any influence. He just couldn't get over it when he looked at the source of this entire situation, which stood proudly in the other's jeans. It was like it was pointing accusingly to reason it was erect.
As tasteless as it was, the knowledge that it was him that caused the handsome man to harden… the knowledge that the raven ironically was responding this way to him of all people made him undeniably happy. Staring at it, his body moved before he could monitor and regulate his instincts and he palmed the other's prominent bulge. The sharp intake of breath heard—from both parties—immediately afterwards was enough incentive to continue his assail, fingers barely fumbling with the zipper before he lowered it and his boxers to his thighs as he was too eager to expose the other to do things efficiently. His breath nearly became tangible, dense with arousal and heat, and he really wondered whether he would make it out of this without getting a beating, much less a restraining order.
The idol couldn't help being surprised with his own situation, this scenario was entirely the same yet completely different from the first time this happened. The same because the lecherous man above him was leisurely palming and rubbing him without a care to his protests yet different because his body responded past his mind's rejections. His limbs felt almost as if they were melting and he was unable to move his flimsy joints any further than weakly grabbing the hand that was dragging his pants off. Why was he so weak now? He felt as if he were made of lead so heavy that it made moving a complete inconvenience… was he drugged? What was in that wine?
"Hah, s…stop..." Breathiness stifled the serious message laden beneath his words and deep frustration began to bubble within him. The deep security his voice once inately owned was shattered just by a few strokes. Even he was having trouble thinking if he really wanted to stop.
The oblivious panting of the dunce above him was the only response he recieved, yet it was apparent when his disrobed body felt the cool chill of air what his reply was. Bared and defenseless, Haruka felt a certain sense of privicy as well as civility strip itself from him as his decency was stolen to leave only the bare facts uncovered. That this flushed, engorged penis that twitched from the slightest gust of wind belonged to him and that in that single fact indulged both shame and another feeling he couldn't-or wouldn't-identify. It felt entirely different than when he got like this on his own or with a partner, there was no passiveness in this exchange, no thought or sense when he felt the first soft touch of unbearably soft lips to the thin skin of his hip. His skin was raw under his caress.
Why? The repetetive perception of "getting off" was long ago claimed purposeless by him, he knew sex was boring but his body was rebelling, pulsing in need for something only the redhead could give. This was insanity, to do the same thing and get different results is an impossibility! The notion that he was gay was laughable to him when he'd lived in the same quarters with three of the world-claimed sexiest men in Tokyo and never once had his body responded. When he got the most graphic fan letters from males yet he'd just as easily dismissed it because he-wasn't-interested. The cotton fabric beneath him served as an intense foothold to anchor himself when that devil licked the first long, wet stripe up his cock like he was a popscicle, shaking those thoughts from his mind.
His arms shook entirely too much to be normal; he'd actually been under the belief that the violent shuddering racking through his body was the fault of an earthquake when he sat up. All his effort served towards making sure his face was as stoic as possible. "N...Neko-chan…" he grunted his name, cursing the stutter that slipped along with it as he tried to build up enough strength to push him off—he disliked how with his head there, his entire world seemed to be crumbling in on itself. The redhead swatted his hand away as if it were an annoying fly.
"Tch, Nanase-san…. J-Just relax," Just who was he talking to? Him or himself? He glared at him with as much venom as he couold muster, watching as that too-long hair brushed the inside of his thigh, painting his skin with red. The frankly hypnotic sway of his hair-that Haruka swore needed to be cut for the sake of society-guided his eyes to the full lips that had reddened and were slick with saliva. They pressed strangely on the side of his erection and a harsh breath forced it's way out when he felt the other's soft tongue lick kittenishly at it.
His tongue clicked the inside of his teeth with disapproval, that imbecil's stroking tongue was weird just like the rest of him. It made his temperature rise just to see it peeking between his soft lips but he knew that this was wrong. Everything was out of order now; when would he get bored of the other repeatedly dragging his tongue over his dick? Just like it had with everyone else. He wasn't supposed to clench his stomach when those stupidly red eyes peered up at him while an idiotic flush built on his cheeks. What was he blushing for? He was the one, unabashedly, running his tongue up that too-sensitive vein on the underside, certainly he was in no way bashful.
But a better question would probably be to himself: why are you watching him?
Rin felt a painful sense of both familiarity and foreignness in this act. While he was used to opening his mouth too wide and taking in the sordidly salty taste of loose skin covering hardened flesh, this was… different. Haruka had a fine taste even masked by the strong wine clinging to his taste buds. By that he meant, there was the taste of nothing on his lips. His skin tasted as if he'd just taken a shower yet the slight saltiness on his tongue could tell him that he was at least sweating.
Either way as he suckled his way down to the heavy balls below, he shivered at the taste… the smell of him was in no way faint and he found himself taking even deeper breaths to engulf his senses of him… Even though he was aware he was doing this, he felt a dreadful sense of filthiness coat his skin with every lick. No, today he wasn't numb from head to toe, he wasn't going through the motions of pleasing someone else, he was the one initiating and controlling it because it felt… good.
Desirous thoughts struck him now where they never had before, things that he couldn't say aloud because he was far too afraid the thoughts even materialized in his mind. Even as he rolled the other's balls between his lips, lapping at them with his tongue, he still wanted more. There was the selfish desire he had to possess, to swallow and lick him before just giving him enough reprieve time to come back for more. Just the thought made him gasp and pulse with need—the need to make the other need him. Just before he was dreading the thought of even having to see him, he should've kept his too quick judgments of him. He shouldn't have asked him why he was there or stopped him from leaving, because now he knew that this man was the exact same as he was all those years ago. No, he was even better. Because now…
The controlled numbness that he treasured had evaporated in the face of this heady drug called want.
The choked off sound that escaped him when the redhead's mouth slid excruciatingly slowly down and around him was disgraceful but he couldn't repress it as Neko-chan looked at him with those senseless, thoughtless eyes that were so wide and so red while he sank down even further. Shit… shit! The deviant mixture of this tortuous pleasure he wanted no part in needed to be stopped. His sinful tongue wrapping around his pulsating head was so utterly insane and he understood nothing, nor could he with the other robbing his focus so easily. His tongue was thick in his throat and as wave after wave of shocks impacted him, washing up his body as pressure built. He was feeling it whether he wanted to or not.
It didn't make it better to be surrounded by the soft, slick sounds of his mouth consuming him or Neko-chan's tongue curling around his shaft while his slit unbearably hit the back of his throat. Oh... oh kami-sama is he swallo-fuck! How was that even possible with his tongue? His head lolled back while he used all his strength to keep his control with him, rational thought had to circulate through his idiocy. His pleasure was under his control, not a prostitute's, if he needed to use force to get that through the other's head then so be it.
"Na'ase-sa'... (Nanase-san...)" Haruka felt more than heard the muffled sound of his name called from around his cock and he could barely restrain himself from moaning all too loudly at the vibrations. Panting harshly, he glared down at Neko-chan with a disapproving look only to see the other staring insecurely up at him while he tried to take him even deeper.
"W...What?" he hissed lowly, scowling when the other suddenly released him from the trap of his mouth and manually worked the underside with his tongue. His breathing grew heavier he tried to focus on the other, on his displeasure of doing this at all as well as with a man. It would've worked, at least that's what he thought, had it not been for the idiot that was sucking with such a concentrated, focused expression before looking to him with worried eyes.
"I..Ish ih good? D-Do 'ou wike ih? (I...Is it good? D-Do you like it?)" Was he kidding? Don't tell him that this brat didn't know what the hell he was doing to him! If he was hard like this... why did he have to ask him that? It wasn't like he particularly wanted to think about this either! He didn't want to talk about how he was only clinging to reality by the thin bedsheets below because of his tongue...
He sighed at the other, who persistently suckled on him, trying to please him the only way he seemed to know how. He thought somewhat that it couldn't be helped, "I-It's good enough. Keep g-going..."
His hips arched to meet the other, rolling until he could feel the other's nose nuzzle into the base. Muted whimpers escaped the other man's lips and he let his mouth be violated, let him stretch his throat in ways that he'd never do to Gou. He couldn't even think of Gou right now as another strangled curse escaped him and he reached out to hold onto something, anything as the other swallowed him so intensely that the raven had trouble breathing. He stopped moving his head yet with this he couldn't help feeling better about it, even if nothing had changed. Now he was the one pulling the strings.
The crystalline blue of his irises clashed with the other's impossible red for the first time with clear sobriety when he heard the other beneath him, "Ngh... mn..."
Shut up, you're making it worse. Dammit, this isn't fair. Haruka thought while the whimpers and moans vibrated around his pulsating hardness and nearly made him roll his eyes back. It felt so... damn... had a tongue licking him always felt like that? His hand finally came in touch with something soft, silky almost with a water-like consistency. Even as he stared at himself doing it, it seemed almost as if it wasn't him. Haruka witnessed the sight of his own flushed cock disappearing in between the plush, reddened lips, saliva spilling from the unsealed corner of his lip. The redhead's glistened wetly in the dim lighting and the flush on his cheeks had gotten even worse as Haruka literally fucked into his mouth.
Neko-chan looked as if he... liked this. No... he... just before he'd been so casual about it all, if not at least more experienced than him. Don't tell me, Neko-chan enjoys getting his mouth fucked... somehow, he felt his erection pulse dangerously, sending jerks up to his brain for a warning sign. Ironically, even though he wanted to go faster, to pump in and out of the other's hot, steaming tightness, his hips slowed.
The other's shaky hand gripped his thigh when he slowed down, moaning almost in distress while looking up at him. Haruka watched his back muscles flex as he tried to dive back for more only to have his hair pulled by him to stop. He had to stop, he had to, he... he felt like he'd explode if he didn't. He needed the other to stop before it was too late. He was on the brink and couldn't think of much with his lust-addled mind until that sneaky little prick decided to swallow around him and play with his soaking head viciously with his devilish tongue. The reaction to that was instantaneous, covering his vision in white.
Rin's breath shortened into steamy puffs that gave him not even half the air he knew he could get going up. He couldn't control his breathing as a lightheaded giddiness overtook him with every slide of Nanase-san's heavy cock over his tongue. Even his precum—as sparse as it was—wasn't thick and salty as he expected. It tasted more like water than anything and it amused him to think that by sucking him, Rin might get water instead of cum. There was also a strange tang to it that reminded him of mackerel for whatever reason. But that was a fleeting thought until Rin felt Nanase-san's fingers curling through his hair, he thought he might've moaned but he was too concentrated on the orgasmic sensation of him there. If he grabbed him the right way, if he gripped the right place, he'd render Rin unable to move at all—somehow giving him a heady feeling and forcing his hips to buck forward into air.
His throat received a stretch as the other's thick head sank into it, making Rin's body feel as if it were going to fall apart from the full feeling. It was all too hot and he was getting fruitlessly, annoyingly needy with every lick of the other's cock. He finally knew what the meaning of hot and bothered was when his hand couldn't stop himself from palming the tenting front of his slacks, thrusting into his hand. This is filthy; I'm not usually like this... he wanted to stop, only imagining how demeaning he looked sucking desperately on a cock and... masturbating like a dog. But the friction against his now startlingly sensitive skin made the drag of his hand addictive and even more so the indignity quickly bubbling in his gut made the pleasurable glide all the sweeter.
There it was, the final halting grip of his hand that made him boil higher and higher while his hand continued to stroke heavily over his arousal—unable to control it when he freed it from its soaked, crème prison. He's never felt like this before but he couldn't stop. His body was trembling at the other man's knees for more. More of his thickness... more friction to ignite his nerves... more—
His eyes snapped open when he felt the first intense jerks of the other's cock as creamy liquid erupted from the tip. He swallowed; it was in the contract he signed that if the other was allowed to cum in his mouth, Rin was to swallow. But the scary thing was that he didn't know whether it was really because of his job that he devoured the sticky cream coming from Nanase-san or... or... he didn't even want to think such a thing. That when he looked up to see the strain in the other male's expression, the way his lips went slack and the way his eyelashes cast shadows over his face when his eyes fluttered closed and his neck tensed, he coveted that. He felt gratified almost.
There were only a few shots to swallow and Rin could've sworn he should have come, yet even as the raven man softened in his mouth Rin couldn't reach his peak. It seemed so dangerously close it was ridiculous that he couldn't go over the edge. So he pumped himself harder, hoping to burst before Nanase-san saw him in one of his rawest moments with a cock in his mouth, jerking himself off.
Heavy breaths heaved from his body while the last shudders rocked through him as the aftershock of what had been one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever experienced. His heart pounded against his ribs as it struggled to get his blood flow to regulate itself; he'd never realized how much strain orgasms up on the body before. Not that he could think about that as his mind, high on endorphins and the pleasure of sensation, free floated through space as though he were on a drug. He could sort of see now why people would waste their time and energy on this now.
But even more than that, he couldn't doubt he felt inexplicable relief pour through his body. Even though he thought he should be furious after being sexually assaulted again, he somehow couldn't rein in the soft feeling in his chest that reminded him of the soft motion the other's eyes made when they fluttered closed or the myrad of pink hues that colored his cheeks in. He'd really tried hard even though he knew Haruka would never go for him. With that thought abrupt tightness bloomed in his chest and he attempted to exhale—he assumed it was probably belated annoyance from the other. Or maybe it was guilt.
When he opened his eyes, he couldn't quite remember closing them in the first place. Really the last thing he could register was the fascinating way Neko-chan's bright red hair swished along his twitching thighs while he took him in deeper, his whines echoing in his ears. He groaned lowly and sat up slowly only to recognize the fact that there was heavy breath puffing over his way too sensitive cock and the fact that red still spilled over the tan of his skin wildly. His brow knotted in concern as he glanced down at the flushed face hidden by thick bangs, lying on his hip.
"Neko…chan?" he looked down and stilled when he saw exactly what was going on. The stiffness of the other's shoulders and flexing muscle in his arm gave him away as he grabbed the other's hair again to signal him to look up. When he did, Haruka almost found himself blushing at the way the other looked at him. His face was bright pink, contrasting greatly against his skin; his hair fell messily in his face while he bit his lip harshly in desperation for his release, but then once more it was Neko-chan's eyes that took his focus. They were blown out until only a thin layer of red lay around the pupil and by the way they shimmered in the light below a frustrated brow, the other looked about ready to cry.
A shiver went down his spine as he wondered how this man could bear to look so wanton, so… lustful. It was only when he watched as lust faded from the other's expression that he noticed how pale the other was and the look of horror gazing at him, that he realized the other might be embarrassed by what he just did. Then again, he once more didn't understand the reasoning behind a prostitute getting embarrassed about something as small as masturbating. The young man looked as if Haruka had caught him doing something abominable, "T…Teme! Don't just l-l-look! Why are y-you staring? You're absolutely p-perv—" Before the other could continue his overture of frustrated humiliation as he covered his own hardness, the raven wordlessly put an end to the senseless vitriol spewed at him.
Without much thought about what he was actually doing, he continued where Neko-chan had abruptly ended, in favor of anxiously wiping the evidence on the white sheets and covering himself as much as he could. Haruka hadn't known what he'd been expecting to feel when his palm curved around the hard organ protruding from the other's body, even as his hand showed no sign of trepidation in his actions. He thought it would be the same as when he jerked himself off—the affair passive and familiar to him since it was as simple as pulling a few times to get the expected result.
Yet it was almost shocking to feel just how hot and wet the other was there, the head weeping excessively while Neko-chan gasped and collapsed on his chest. Once more he was under the realization that he certainly was different than him, Neko-chan was not passive in nature. He felt alive to him, he could feel the blood thrumming in his veins, his body shivering with any minute movement of his hand. He filled with an eagerness that made Haruka's heart thud in his chest, "W…What a-ahh… are you, nng, d-doing N-Nanase-san?"
His hand adjusted itself for a smoother glide up the other's hardened, twitching flesh and Neko-chan arched his back while biting his lip in an attempt to stifle the sounds coming from him. It naturally failed, seeing as the raven could still hear the small needy whimpers emanating from inside his throat, "I'm giving you a hand, you seemed frustrated," he answered smoothly even though he was actually surprised he could move correctly so soon. The devious idea of revenge was too sweet to resist, the intention of it gripping his mind and forcing his hand to accelerate over the other's hardness. The loud, reacting cry sealed the deal as he loomed over him with a glint in his eyes, "Why don't I do something light for you too? I'm in a good mood for some reason."
"Tch, when you're in a good mood, you like sucking prostitutes off?" Neko-chan snapped, making Haruka's eyes darken with annoyance and grind his thumb against the other's soaking slit just to make his squirm. Oh and squirm he did when his head flew back and a loud moan left his lips; somehow Haruka got a high just by being in this position above him and playing him like a familiar instrument. Able to shut the other up with just a flick of his wrist would turn out to be quite advantageous. Contorting muscle and nervous hands running over the bed filled his vision and he wondered what else he could make this proud man do.
"No, I only do it to those who can't even get themselves off," Rin stiffened at the obvious push at his buttons, both figuratively and literally. He would've thought that he would immediately say yes to what Nanase-san was suggesting, having that pretty mouth around his cock, seeing him try to make Rin feel good seemed like a dream come true for the night. But he also could feel the smoothness of the golden band around Nanase-san's ring finger pressing into his sensitive cock, both making him curl his toes in utter ecstasy and shiver with disgust at the fact that it was a constant reminder that Nanase-san was not his. There were one too many men who engraved ring marks into his skin as they pounded painfully into his ass to relieve themselves—assuring that they still loved their partners but they were just far too busy or tired to provide these services that they could easily buy. Those were the men who made him feel the dirtiest, like a walking toilet someone just had to bend over to use.
The only security he had in having to fuck men like that was the fact that he couldn't and wouldn't get aroused. When he felt the harsh grind of the ring against his hipbone as the client fucked him and called out his wife's name, all he wanted was for the man to hurry up and cum already so he could take a burning shower to maybe disinfect himself—his flaccid cock went unnoticed by the other.
As time went on, if became harder and harder to do so and equally as hard to be a pretend girl. But as he looked up to see the sight of the idol looming over him with lustful eyes… the sight he'd been wanting to see for years, it was as if his body had slingshot back into the real world, rising from the coma it had been in. Every touch burned his skin and he never knew such pleasure was attainable, enough that he was hard and leaking regardless of his marital status. The knowledge of that made his insides quiver in terror of himself. He didn't want Nanase Haruka to touch him, to hold him, to make him cum.
He would have no control of himself.
He refused to look at Nanase-san, knowing if he did he would only convince himself that it was a once in a lifetime chance that he'd never get back, "N…No… no, hah, hah, y-you don't h…have, mn, to do th-that. I-I'm fine… j-just let me—ngh!" His back arched violently and he tossed his head to the side when he felt a cool yet warm tongue lick the head of his erection. Dammit… if that was how he reacted to even just one touch, he couldn't imagine how it would feel if he actually took him in his mouth and licked him everywhere. Rin could just imagine the comical scene where he virtually combusts on the bed from all the fire pooling in his cheeks and he knew he couldn't go on with his wimpy whines easing from his throat. They had to stop now; Rin was… he was scared. Suitors didn't suck him off, they only took what they wanted and paid him. There was no reciprocation in the agreement they had nor was there even a remote interest in such things, Nanase-san shouldn't be doing something so vile, "P…Please… no more, ah, ah! No, s-stop it Nanase-san!"
It was out of mere curiosity that Haruka had even decided to lick the other's head, the feel and weight of it in his hand was foreign to anything he's ever felt before. Not only that but the way there was so much proof in the attachment of the organ in his hand to the quivering redhead awed him. He had never imagined getting such an erotic response just from one lick. Neko-chan reacts just like a virgin yet from his job description it was assumed that his body was experienced in having a man, but now he was so sensitive and desperate just after a few licks and he was just so fucking wet. He never thought he'd say that about a guy. Ever.
It was this response, this keening, gasping response, that encouraged him to ignore the pleads coming from above—after all Neko-chan ignored him when he was telling him to stop—and slowly sink his mouth down on the other's shaft. Bracing his arm against the redhead's hips, he securely held him down as he saw the other was impulsive. With just one lick, Neko-chan had nearly bucked himself off the bed and he knew such thrashing could be the difference between humiliation and the success at this feat. He absolutely didn't want to choke.
Rin could feel himself trembling as he was held down, forcibly feeling the other's slick and inexperienced tongue curl luckily around just the good spots. The slipperiness of the organ prodding at the throbbing vein and grazing the too-sensitive spot beneath his stole his breath and left no protests. His breath was so heavy there was probably steam in front of him and his skin jolted when he felt the other man stroke the back of his thighs. Shit, it was so good, it was so good, did he really want to stop? Nanase-san was so slow-agonizingly so-when he devoured him inch by aching inch. He had the fair thought that he might even be going insane because he could've swore he could even feel the raven's saliva edging slowly around the soft skin and providing enough lubricant for the experience to drive him to stupidity. He couldn't restrict the humiliating moans building in his chest from how good he felt around him, clumsily licking and randomly sucking with such a strange pattern that every grind of his mouth was a shock. The conflicting feelings welled within him and his senses were on the losing side, sinking deeper with every thrust of the other's head. Base need was overwhelming his logic and he wanted-he wanted... M…More…
Tch, of course you want more you fucking faggot.
Red, red eyes snapped open and stared around the perimeter with paranoia crawling up his back only to see nothing but the overly romantic atmosphere shadowing every corner. What the hell was that? That… voice… It made the barest parts of his soul chill in fear, goosebumps rising on his skin. But fear warred with the equally intense pleasure that came with Nanase-san accidentally brushing his teeth on the vein on the underside. He wanted to cum so badly, he could just feel it tingling in his lower stomach while Nanase-san improved with every pass of his mouth on his cock. He could feel himself jerking on the other's tongue because that asshole decided to press the flat of it to the vein.
The fear that had spiked within his heart and made his skin prickly with over awareness seemed to fade with the surrealness of the other on his cock. The other did just as he pleased and cared not if he liked it or not because either way he would be forced to endure it. Shit, no don't touch there, it feels too—
Hmph, a fag like you is probably only fit for sucking dicks. You suck that other fag's cock that you're always hanging with?
"N…No… that's not it!" He responded before he could think any differently. His breathing turned heavier with the stress of hearing that voice and having this done to him simultaneously. It felt like a dream almost, one of those dreams where the it seemed as if it wasn't you looking at yourself from an objective point but one where you blurred the lines between what was reality and not. Nanase-san sucking him off while he listens to him... just meeting one was enough to make this feel like an impossible day by he hadn't had to hear this voice in so long... In all actuality this seems more like a nightmare than anything else… was this a nightmare?
Whether in nightmares or dreams, there was no pain involved but was there pleasure? What were the limits of intensity that he could feel? If he was numb to pain and pleasure, then why did he feel so good but his chest hurt so bad? Why was it so hard to breathe; to take a simple in and out breathe was almost impossible. His chest felt as if it were in the process of crushing itself inward, folding itself hotdog style.
Would he get smaller that way? "Ah! Ah! S…Stop d-don't just suck th-there! I-It's—"
Haruka couldn't say he particularly thought too much of sucking someone off, although it was his first time. It wasn't great but he wouldn't lie and say it was bad either; being down here, Haruka found himself in the company of the amazing smell of sakura blossoms. It was an arbitrary thought when the raven was tenderly licking at the other's hot flesh, but he wondered if he used a type of soap for such a beautiful scent. He didn't even taste that bad-of course Haruka didn't really think he was the type to get off to sucking someone off-but then again, he probably expected it to taste like urine or something. Neko-chan just tasted of salty skin and something dimly sweet.
Really, sucking a cock wasn't all that great; he didn't see why Gou liked to do it to him so often. After a while his jaw was even starting to hurt and he wanted to stop to just work him over with his hand, though it was strange. He almost felt as if in doing that he was losing a nonverbal battle he was having with the redhead. What with his whining for him to stop his sucking, Haruka would expect for him to have bit his dick off. It was a good thing that his body was way more honest than his mouth would ever be.
Well not to say that his mouth wasn't honest at times as well, when his name was being gasped and uncontrollable groans were rolling thickly from his constricting throat he could hear nothing but the truth.
The only thing left unanswered would most likely be the questioning reason behind the outbursts he had every once in a while that had absolutely nothing to do with the current situation at hand. Not only that but when he had them, he sounded scared. It was a different kind of scared than the pitched voice he gave him when he told him that he was just fine, that he would be fine with his own hand even though he clearly was getting nowhere. It was different because this fear shook the other's body, making him tremble in trepidation. He felt cold sweat rise on the other's once heated skin and he thought the acceleration of the other's breath had nothing to do with his persistent mouth.
It almost felt like this fear, the same as his arousal, was a living, breathing thing. Like it was a part of the man below him; unconsciously his thumb ran circles on the other's hip and his mouth became a bit more enthusiastic to please the other. Yet he knew nothing of the turmoil that seemed to be running amuck through the other's mind.
Don't you like getting your ass fucked? You roll that way don't you?
You're probably going to be a fag's whore when you grow up.
"No! No, I'm not! I'm not! Please n-no! Hah, hah, ahhn, s-stop please…" he whimpered desperately, shivering in Nanase-san's hands while he tried and failed to monitor the other's movements, the tortuous pleasure so overwhelming with that booming voice in his ears. He could practically feel the rough grip encircle his forearm and the violent heat of his breath over his face. It was so loud, he found it hard to say if this was really happening or not and he just didn't know anymore. If you asked him, he couldn't even tell you what up and down was probably. He despised it yet he knew this high was problematically addictive even with the sensory distress.
He wanted to stop; he wanted to cum, he was just desperate for something, anything to happen so he couldn't be here anymore. His numbness wasn't working and everything was so vivid he thought he was experiencing sensory overload. He could only plead for the other to stop and call out his name in the frustrating tango of his thoughts. He wanted his reality back! Stop it… please… Nanase-san, please no more… I don't know if I can take much more…
As if hearing his thoughts, Haruka's mouth stopped moving and he let the other fall from his lips to bob back on his stomach while he looked up at Neko-chan. It was like hearing an off-key note on his favorite piano, the shock of seeing the other on his back, trembling entirely too hard to be just from the aftershocks of his treatment as unseen tears rolled from his eyes—hidden behind an arm. Why… why was it always like this with this man?
He was frustrating and forceful, pushing to have things done his way and inconveniencing him in inconceivable ways. Those sharp teeth were always glinting when he snapped at him or grinned smugly, but now they were hidden behind those quivering lips—unless they were biting down on them instead. He always put on this cocky look and argues but when someone attacks back he starts to cry, unable to take it. He was just like his namesake, a kitten really, and sensitive in more ways than one.
Haruka leaned back and stared down at the other with a soft concern in his eyes, unknown to even him. He knew even though he didn't know why this happened, somehow he could be sure that the catalyst was definitely his ignoring him. He ignored the anxiety pitching his voice and the way his eyes begged to be let go now that he was captured. It was utterly unfair to demand that since he forced him to cum but Haruka couldn't do the same even though he was obviously having trouble with it. And even though in any other circumstances, he would've left immediately in frustration but he stayed rooted—his body even wanted him to take responsibility for frightening the other like this. He just had to fix things, though he wasn't too sure how.
Thinking to first stop the other's crying, he tried to analyze the best way to comfort him. It was quite difficult since they had just met today, but if he'd learned anything about the other tonight, it was that he was impulsive. Something planned and calculated would fall short and separate at the seams from his unpredictable behavior and he might make the other even more upset.
Then what was he to do with the blubbering man beneath him… should he be impulsive too?
That was an idea; impulsiveness, impulsive comfort… With reasonable consideration, Haruka decided what his plan of action should be and he approached the other's weeping face with caution. Too far gone and dedicated to hiding his embarrassment via limbs, Neko-chan was oblivious to his attack, couldn't feel the light breeze of his breath upon his lips even as he felt the shuddering puffs upon his. Closer now, he had to do this right, closer until he could swear he felt the thrum of blood through the other's lips and could barely feel the scrape of his teeth. It was completely natural when his lips descended the last millimeter or so until he caught his lips with his own.
The other's quiet sobs and whimpers halted abruptly as he realized just what the hell the other was doing. And he wanted to cry or scream at him to stop messing with him and just leave him alone because he obviously had more problems than either of them wanted to deal with but that… that ass just kissed him. He moved his lips gently against his, almost like they were as delicate as flower petals. His heart quavered in pure, unadulterated surprise and he swiftly moved his hands from his eyes to press them against Nanase-san's shoulders. It was so hot, too hot as he held his breath to abstain from that idiot going even further than necessary. Even this was unnecessary! This was the one thing that was absolutely forbidden though it was usually unsaid. No kissing.
Kissing was sinful in this industry if you wanted to keep yourself from going insane. It was one of the things prostitutes just didn't do because kissing was said to be one of the simplest gestures to initiate closeness. They were not in the closeness industry; they devalued the intimacy of sex to use for profit. In the midst of sweat, gasps, and release not a kiss is supposed to be exchanged. It was like becoming friends with your local bus driver after one meeting—there was no guarantee that you would ever see this person ever again, your relationship was only to pay them for their use. To be naked and dripping underneath this man was one thing, but this was a different exposure altogether.
Rin cursed just how long Nanase-san could hold his breath because even as he attempted to push him off, he knew he wouldn't be able to. He violently turned his head to disconnect himself but just as quickly as he did so, the other's hand quickly gripped the strands at the sensitive base of his head to stop him. Fuck how did he know to do that? He usually hated when that was done to him but when those long pianist fingers gripped him, he submitted as if that were the plan all along. Breathless, he attempted to suck in as much breath as he could to stop this but in mid-breath when the other dove back for another kiss, licking all too deeply into his mouth.
"Mmph! Hm, Nana-ngh! S'op! W'ah are 'ou 'oin-hmph!" His objections were cut off by an even deeper attack to his mouth as Nanase-san fell easily into the gap between his legs, making him groan from the other's stomach rubbing against him. Jolts ran up his body, making his cock twitch painfully as he tried harder to push the other off. His tongue slid wetly against the other's and he was melting, trying his hardest to stop him as he felt a cool hand wrap around him, "Ah! M-Mnn, Nanase-san! Don't!" The raven removed himself from his lips, letting him take a heaving breath as he looked down Rin.
"Neko-chan, it's alright... nothing bad is going to happen... don't cry..." he ran his hand tenderly up and down his cock, feeling the smooth skin that trembled when he touched just the right place. He watched as the redhead's face draw up with pleasure, those red eyes glistening with unshed tears as his lower lips trembled behind suppressed moans. He kissed him again, virtually unaware of it as his fingers went faster over the other's erection. Neko-chan gasped and curled his toes when he brutally teased the other's head while kissing down his neck. He released the other's hair to gently brush away the streaking tears going down his face.
Neko-chan threw his head back, squeezing his thighs to his hips while he fucked himself into the other's hand. The sight of the other's flawless skin, stretched out before him in an endless sheen of white did things to him. Enough things that he couldn't help lowering his kisses to the other's sharp jawline, his adam's apple, his collarbone... The other's skin was addicting, so soft, so sweet and smooth. His hand went faster and faster while unexplainable heat lit his body from the inside out as he felt the other's frenzied attempt to remain in control. Neko-chan's grip grew tight on his shoulders and he moved his hips faster into his hand. His head lowered and he looked blearily at the Haruka.
"Nana...se...san, hah, hah, I-I... feels t-too..." he could barely even get two words out before it was cut off by his own moan of pleasure. He couldn't even think anymore with the other all over him, touching his cock until his head spun and he could say nothing more than an unintelligible litany of the other's name and senseless pleas. And he was moaning so loudly, lewdly rolling his hips into his hand that it was humiliating. When the other touched him, his stomach clenched and he mindlessly tightened over nothing, animalistic urges making him desire things he would never even think about.
His legs to be lifted in just the right angle to hand perfectly over the other's shoulders, the delicious spread of his wet thighs for the other to spread him, to penetrate him. He wanted him to pin him down, he wanted to be dominated. He could already feel it bubbling in the back of his head, as he straddled the end of lucidity and orgasmic bliss where he just knew anything goes. He wanted him to fuck him, he would love to get fucked by Nanase-san, and he would go insane if he didn't. Nanase-san... he wanted it in him, he wanted his fingers, his tongue...
You know, soon you'll be moaning like a little whore for your hole to be filled. Real men like pussy. I bet you wish you had one.
Only a single, broken sob escaped him just as he found sweet release from the last flick of the other's wrist and his mouth was covered by the other's lips, invaded by his tongue. He gave into it and wrapped his arms around the other's neck so he could properly arch into him. The other whispered to him as he milked him until he was oversensitive and fisting his hair, "Neko-chan... there's a lot... it felt good?"
"Sh...shut u-up," he panted, dropping his arms from the other's neck so he could turn away. "A-Are you gonna give me money now? I wanna sleep..." he slurred with drowsy eyes, trying his best to forget that his ever happened. It would just feel so nice to sink into the cushioned white below and just ignore everything until tomorrow. Where he'd have to get up once more and brush himself off; alone. That coldness could wait as he succumbed to the warmth of drowsiness, allowing his anesthesia to wear off a bit.
Haruka felt a lighthearted feeling blossom in his chest when he looked at the senseless redhead who was blinking longer and longer. Wordlessly, he got up from the bed to nakedly trail to the bathroom where he knew there would be the basic cleaning supplies. He found a washcloth and rinsed himself clean the other's orgasm before he came back to see the other in the exact same place where he left him. In reality it wasn't that big of a deal but to see the other so still with a skylight above him on a bed of roses… he couldn't help to take a closer look at him. Haruka had always had a certain fondness for art. Haruka from afar glanced at the other's body, spent with exhaustion and sinking into the bed.
He couldn't deny that the other was quite attractive, his body was lax with tiredness, abs coated with the evidence of his pleasure. His face was a light pink and his eyes were closed, signifying the fact that he was asleep. He was... Haruka's face flushed slightly with his thoughts. He was more confused now than before he came, about his situation with his wife and just life in general all because of the stupid redhead sleeping in the bed as if he'd done nothing to the raven. Innocuous, as though he hadn't just shaken every though he'd ever had about sex. Yet as he watched his sleeping face, Haruka couldn't help but think it wasn't so bad, the other man seemed to find peace as well as he slept—there wasn't a wrinkle of discomfort on his face even though there were tear tracts.
Calmly, he took the damp towel and gently wiped at his flushed skin of his cheek, watching the other's breath hitch in his sleep with pure fascination. The tender way he washed over the other's soiled skin lowered gradually but he only briefly skimmed the other's cock since he wasn't trying to do much else tonight other than go home. His bones even felt hollow with satisfaction and he felt as if the air had no density to it. Was this the after-sex glow everyone talked about?
Haruka took the covers and pulled it up to the other's shoulder in an attempt to preserve the childlike warmth the other seemed to emanate. For a moment, he stared and there was a brief sense of emptiness in the place he thought never existed in his heart and he could only wonder why as he gazed at the sleeping man just a while longer. I can't just stay here, the other made a perfectly good point when he asked for payment since he clearly had gone above and beyond customer service tonight to the point where he was exhausted. Haruka thought he should definitely give him a tip for doing all that. Haruka had even made him cry.
Looking around the large room, he tried to locate where the other's belongings were or at least his pants. Somehow he just didn't feel comfortable giving that lady the tip for him, he knew a conniving woman when he saw one after all. Only a moment later, Haruka spotted a black pouch sitting on the countertop and could only assume in its bland, misplaced appearance in this room that it belonged to Neko-chan.
The raven also found his boxers and tugged them on as well as his pants. While what he wore to the establishment was rather downplayed, he still kept quite a bit of money on him—it was a habit he'd received from Gou who would spend all of her money in one go if he didn't have a significant amount of money with him for her love of shopping.
He took the wad of hundreds out and unzipped his bag to put it inside as a tip from him, well he tried but he seemed to run into some resistance in the form of a piece of paper. With a curious tilt to his head, Haurka slid the paper out and on it were words... No, wait, when he looked further into it there seemed to almost be a rhythm behind those word. And the way this paper was structure, though it was only brief it was obvious what this was. Lyrics. He scanned over them with immediate interest, not even thinking about how he might've been breaching someone else's privacy, and his eyes widened in amazement.
Kisetsu wa peeji wo mekuru you ni
Megutte iku tabiji
Kyou wa naitatte ashita waraeba
Atarashii hi ga kimi wo terasu
Tsukareta nara kata no ni wo oroshite
Ima dake wa iu yo oyasumi
There were only six lines on the paper, yet Haruka was completely captivated by the song. The word flow had no specific pattern but it was beautiful, overcoming him with such a nostalgic and warm feeling he had yet to feel by listening to a song. He discovered that he didn't know this song, which was shocking to him seeing as he listened to a lot of music. But this style even of sentimentality was alien to him. It was the same style he used to write his songs but completely different.
Fascinating.
He further scanned the page for a name, a title, an author... something to identify this song he didn't recognize. He needed to hear more, the rest of the song. The rest of the story dangled on a cliffhanger and he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw in the corner of the page what must've been the name of a woman.
A soft exhale escaped his lips and he read and reread the fragmented lyrics over and over. That glint of passionate and determined blue had once more reached his gaze, "Rin... huh..."
Usually here I would respond to reviews but I reallllly wanna get this update out there! And I'm running late for something as I type this so I gotta go! Leave reviews please, I'm a real dick author but I hope you'll tolerate me until I finish my story! I've got goals you know! ^_^