Hello my pretties. It's been a few weeks.

Edward's chapter this time. They're relativly short because he's a brief guy and doesn't like explaining things just yet. Bare with him, it's a hard life for him.

What if I wanted to break?

Fingers moved across the white keys with precision and unending need. I watched as my own hands found the right key as if it was finding its home. The notes that were produced swirled like smoke, coming together as one to make something so beautiful and yet so haunting. It pushed many away, signaling that I wasn't sane enough for mundane conversations. The music filled the room, surrounding me and filling up the void slightly in my chest. It was cold as it touched my heart, making myself feel even number.

I laughed viciously to myself, knowing that this was exactly how I felt. Cold, numb, and unwelcoming.

A knock echoed off the wood of the door and my hands slammed down on the precious keys. I spun around on the bench I was sitting atop off and glared at the door. My mind screamed at them, telling them to go away, but my voice mumbled, "Come in."

Esme stepped through the door with an apologetic smile. In her hands she carried a plate filled to the brim with food. She held it up and said, "I thought you'd be hungry."

I shook my head. "No. I'm not."

She sighed and placed the plate on the nearest table she was standing by. Her hands fisted on her hips as she stared down at me, her anger rising.

Esme was a kind, loving mother, but whenever you did something she didn't like, you knew it. She would verbally tell you the shit you've done wrong and make you feel like an asshole for days about it. It's one of the favorite pastimes we share, seeing as how I'm a downright asshole a hundred percent of the time.

"And why not?" she asked with a calm, collected voice. She used this voice first because she knew I was fragile.

"Because I'm just not, Mom," I replied with a groan. My head fell into my hands. "Can we not do this now?"

She grew silent for a moment before whispering, "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm just worried about you."

I sighed into my fingers and rubbed at my temple. A headache was building there already, knowing that another sleepless night was on its way. It's been like this for months on end.

All because of you… Why did you do this to me?

A sob erupted from my chest and Esme rushed over to where I was, her hands gripping my shoulders tightly as she held me close to her chest. Her fingers massaged my scalp as she ran them through the strands of my hair. It was the one thing she knew that would actually calm me down completely. She let me cry to her, grasp and pull her clothes until they were askew, and listened to me when I cursed and thrashed out about the pain I was feeling.

I looked up at my mother and sighed loudly. She used the pad of her thumbs to wipe away any visible tears on my cheeks as she whispered, "Oh, Edward… It'll get better. I promise you, it will."

A laugh bubbled up and out of my lips. There was no humor laced within it, just pure coldness.

"I don't think so," I whispered back, my words mixing together to sound like a hiss. "She's torn me apart, leaving me broken and unfixable."

Esme shook her head, her own tears spilling from her beautiful hazel eyes. She hugged me closer to her and let her fingers play in my hair again.

"You don't believe that," she said to me sternly. "You're better than that. You're better than her."

"No," I breathed. "I'm not."

Esme stood up and glared down at me. I shrank down in my seat, feeling young and worthless as she looked down on me. I knew she meant business, but I really didn't want to deal with anything right now.

I didn't want to be reminded.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, you are too. You are young and you are my son. I know you better than you think I do." She sighed and ran a hand through her long, luscious hair. "Why can't you see that? Why can't you get back on your feet? What happened to your confidence?"

"I-"

"What happened to my son?" she whispered. Her hazel eyes found mine and all I could see in hers was sadness and disappointment. The shame that washed over me was unbearable.

I bowed me head. I had nothing left to say about this. I was spent on the conversation.

Esme's heels clicked on the floor as she made her exit. The door closed silently behind her, closing me off from civilization again. I rose up my head and gazed out of the window, my thoughts completely drowned in the misery she had brought onto me.

My mother was right – who am I now? I barely could recognize myself, let alone figure out how I was supposed to gain back my trust and confidence when the only one I truly loved and cared for burned it all down to the ground, taking me down with it.

And it's been a year since she left, why can't I get over her? I knew that our love was blind and innocent, but I didn't know her. She completely changed when we finally got together. I thought I knew her so well, and she goes and changes her looks, personality, and friends. I was the only one mixed in with her life that knew the real her. Everyone else saw a fake smile and girl.

She hid away so well…

We made it work though. After everything, I'll still remember that about us. We could make it work again. She just needs to come back to me, that's all.

Are you even sure you want her again? My mind retorted, bringing on another wave of uncertainty and pain.

I've been battling with myself like this the whole year she's been gone. It doesn't get any easier. I don't think it ever will…

I drew in a deep breath and stood, taking a glance around my disorganized room. There was no trace of her being in here, but I knew. I could feel her presence as if she was standing right beside me, her hand moving to grasp mine. Her cool fingers intertwined with mine and gave them a squeeze. My eyes gazed to my left and met soft caramel eyes that looked so sad that it made me want to cry for her.

"I'll come back to you," she whispered in her sweet melody voice. Her eyes swirled with love and need. "I'll always come back to you, Edward."

My bottom lip trembled as I continued to gaze at the ghost of the only girl I've ever loved. Her cool fingers begin to slide away from mine, and I tried my best to grasp onto them again. She shook her head at me, her strawberry blonde curls swaying with the motion.

"We can't," she said. She let her head fall and her hair fell past her shoulders, blocking her face from me. "Not yet. If we do, it'll only get worse for you."

"Tanya…" I breathed out, reaching out to her again. Her figure took a step back and shook her head again.

"No. Wait for me. I'll come back. I promise you that."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and let my hands fall back down to my sides. My tongue slid out between my lips and wetted them, feeling the rough, chapped skin. My heart shattered as I watched her begin to fade, her features mixing together as one shadow. I desperately wanted to touch her again; to try and make her real, but I stopped myself with one question.

"When will you?"

Her caramel eyes found mine as she looked back up towards me. Her smile was as breathtaking as I remembered it, and I lost the air in my lungs from it. It's been months since I've seen her smile like that.

"Soon, I promise," she replied with the smile still playing with her lips.

I nodded and moved towards her, only stopping myself when I saw that her figure was nearly gone. She frowned at me and shrugged, a single tear sliding down her cheek. Only I would know that was her I-really-hate-this stance.

"I love you," she whispered. "I always will."

And then she was gone.

I couldn't process the amount of time it took me to finally make myself move. I only knew that the sky turned from gray to black. The wind had picked up as rain began to splatter against the clear glass of the window. My feet moved me closer to it before I sat down in front of it, just like I had when I was little. My eyes looked out for something – anything – to take my mind off Tanya. I watched as headlights wound their way up the long driveway before stopping in front of the garage. Alice hopped out of the driver's side as Bella got out of the other side.

I watched with mild curiosity as she moved, calculating her every move. She walked with a sense of shyness around her. She was always on guard, for what I didn't know. Whenever Alice would come into close contact with her, I noticed that she would stiffen before realizing her mistake. She'd soften as Alice weaved her arm in with Bella's, pulling her along with her up the front steps to the door. I caught her soft brown eyes as they flickered up towards the window.

Caught you.

She blinked furiously as she moved her eyes away from the window. She let a hand wave through her hair as she walked, completely oblivious to the fact that Alice had saw the entire thing. Alice looked up to me and rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. She winked at me, signaling that we would talk later on tonight.

I stood up and walked back over to my piano. I let my fingers run over the smooth ivory keys as I sat down. They found their home again as I started the familiar song I had wrote the first time I had met Tanya. It chilled the air around me as I turned it into something more brooding and sad. It resembled exactly how I felt.

For the rest of the night I stayed locked away in my room, my only confident being my piano as I let the sorrow consume me completely.

And now we understand him a little better. He's a troubled guy.

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