Jirokichi Suzuki stroked his walrus mustache and let out a hearty bark of laughter. The poor reporter who was currently interviewing him could only wince slightly and continue the interview.

"S-so, Mr. Suzuki- do you care to explain what you plan to capture the Kaitou KID with this time?"

"Certainly," he boomed. "Using a massive sum of money, I have managed to obtain the largest Sapphire from the headdress that once belonged to the Crown Prince of Bengal: The Bluebird's Star. So- KAITOU KID!" He pointed dramatically at the camera. "Once again- I challenge you to steal this gem! I will definitely catch you this time and-

Click.

Kaito lowered the remote control, yawning slightly. So the old man was at it again? It was a good thing that gemstones were right up Kaito's alley of "Things he Needed to Steal". Plus, it was much too fun giving him a heart attack every time his "master plan" failed.

Digressing from the topic, it appeared that the poor reporter had been scared stiff by Suzuki's loudmouthed rant. He generally had that effect on most people.

"Except me, of course," Kaito mused thoughtfully, staring down at the thick piece of paper he was clutching in his gloved hand (it wouldn't do to leave fingerprints). With his other hand, he picked up a pen and began to write his heist note.

"When Saturn next smiles upon us, and the Iron Maiden has her hands raised to the heavens, I will steal the Bluebird's Star from its nest.

3- Kaitou KID."

Kaito could not help but let out a Chesire Cat grin as he hid behind his newspaper. "Phantom Thief KID accepts Suzuki challenge" was emblazed on the front of the paper in dramatic, bold text. The rest of the article (which took up the first 3 pages of the newspaper) went on to interview Jirokichi about his top-secret plans to catch the Kaitou, as well as a quick history of the gem itself and a description, of course, of the internationally wanted criminal.

However, the thing that had caught Kaito's eye was a short blurb on the return of his favorite detective to the investigation team.

In fact, said detective had already cracked his note, as stated in an interview with him on page 2.

"Saturn, who was the Roman god of Agriculture, is also the namesake for Saturday, and the Iron Maiden is a clock: her hands to the heavens means that it is 12. However, it is said that Saturn governed the very first hour of Saturday, so the 12'oclock would be 12AM, not PM."

Ah, how he had missed the sharp prowess and straight to the point personality of his nemesis. Kaito sighed in contentment and happiness at the challenge he might actually face on Saturday.

Saguru Hakuba, on the other hand, was still being extremely nervous and jumpy for no apparent reason.

"There has to be a reason for this," Kaito thought to himself.

And thought.

And thought.

And then the truth hit him with the force of a lightning bolt as something in his mind clicked together.

He had stumbled upon reality the last time he had been teasing Hakuba, which explained why Hakuba had ended up so completely flustered.

Because Hakuba was actually in love with somebody.

And that somebody was Aoko.

Yes. That was the only possible explanation. Which left him- the overprotective, sister-complex figure in Aoko's life- to protect her from that scheming British bastard. Already, convoluted plans were sprouting in his mind.

Almost in agreement, the bell chose this moment to let out a piercing ring, signifying the beginning of class.

Hakuba couldn't take in anymore.

He was currently standing outside Kuroba Kaito's house, trying to find the courage inside himself to knock. Hakuba had spent the entire week trying to stick with his indifferent, gentlemanly attitude, but he really couldn't ignore his feelings anymore.

Just as he was trying (and succeeding) to not think about Kuroba and his last heist, the stupid thief had to go and do something that made it impossible to ignore him.

He had sent a flock of stalker pigeons after Hakuba.

The first one he could probably have brushed off as a coincidence, but as the week wore on, the number of pigeons grew and grew, and the things they did got worse and worse.

The first one had simply been a nuisance, pecking at his head and clothes. But then, they started-

stealing his food, shredding his homework, ruining his possessions, throwing smoke bombs at him randomly throughout the day and now this-

this was too much.

Those stupid birds had -and he didn't know how this was even possible- taken Sir Stinky.

That's right. Somehow, a flock of magical pigeons had stolen Hakuba's stuffed elephant. So now here he was at Kaito's house to get Sir Stinky back.

And to demand an explanation.

But mostly to get Sir Stinky back.

Taking a deep breath, Hakuba lifted his hand and knocked precisely 3 times.

"Hello?" The door opened and a woman, probably Kuroba's mom, peered out cautiously. "Who's there?"

"Good afternoon, 'mam," Hakuba smiled politely, trying to keep his nerves and anger at bay. "May I please speak with Kuroba-kun?"

"Of course!" The woman disappeared into the house. Hakuba could hear a muffled "KAITO! Someone's here to see you!" as well as the response of "Coming, mom," issue from the house. A few thumps and then Kaito was standing at the door.

"What do you want?" He asked, a tad coldly.

Now, we must remember that Hakuba had recently suffered the great loss of one of his most prized possessions, and had also spent the last several days under severe mental torture, and therefore cannot be responsible for his actions upon seeing the source of all his pain.

The normally composed Hakuba screamed something utterly incomprehensible- something about "Call of those bloody pigeons before I shoot and cook them!" combined with "SIR STINKY! Where is he? GIVE ME BACK SIR STINKY!"

Unfortunately, he also made the grave error of grabbing Kuroba's collar as well as jumping at him at the same time, ultimately stumbling and tripping. The momentum from his jump succeeded in knocking both of them over, and they ended up in a less-than-innocent position.

To put it mildly.

The two ill-fated members of this unwanted embrace stared at each other for a few shell-struck seconds- then, with a cry of surprise, simultaneously drew back from their awkward situation.

"..what?" Kaito intoned, silently thanking the gods for his uncrackable poker face.

Feeling extremely embarrassed but too far in to pull back now, Hakuba continued on his mission of retribution.

"Give me back Sir Stinky!"

"Sir ...what?"

"The elephant!" Hakuba screeched, trying to stop himself from strangling Kaito to death. "The elephant that your stupid birds took! WHY DID YOU SET BIRDS ON ME ANYWAYS?"

Hakuba was highly entertaining when his composition was cracked, Kaito noted dryly.

"Hakuba, you do realize that you sound like a girl when agitated, right?"

Whatever Hakuba had been on the verge of yelling died on his lips in a splutter of indignation. Kaito took this as a sign to continue talking.

"Who names their elephant Sir Stinky, anyways?"

"He was... a present from when I was very young." Hakuba was blushing furiously again, both red faced from anger and discomfort. "Can I please have him back?"

"Sorry. Don't have it." Kaito said dismissively.

"What? But you have to! You were the ones that sent the stupid birds!" Hakuba sounded highly...upset.

"Yeah. I sent the birds-"

"Why did you do that, anyways?"

Kaito sighed. "To keep you away from Aoko."

3..2...1...

"WHAT?" The British detective gave him a look best described as incredulous shock.

"I'm not stupid, you know." Kaito tapped the side of his head for emphasis. "You've been acting weird all week, and I know it's because you like Aoko. Well, just to warn you, I won't let you have her without a fight! She's my best friend in the whole world and you'll have to go through me first!"

"....Let me get this straight." Hakuba gritted his teeth. "You sent a flock of demonic pigeons to make my life miserable, stole Sir Stinky-"

"Did not!"

"-JUST to keep me away from Aoko because YOU SODDING THINK I LIKE HER WHICH I BLOODY DON'T?"

Hakuba generally only spoke with a British accent when he was angry. And he was definitely pissed right now.

"You... you... I swear tomorrow I'm going to bloody catch you at the bloody heist you bloody... THIEF!"

Hakuba turned on his heels and stormed dramatically out of the house, slamming the door behind him and leaving a very bemused Kaito.

"Dear, is everything alright?" Kaito's mom called from the kitchen.

" Yeah, everything's fine," he called back as he began to walk back to his room. Opening the door, Kaito was surprised by the return of his flock of pigeons.

Which were pecking and clawing at a rumpled-looking grey elephant in the middle of his floor.

"Oh no..." Kaito hastily shooed the birds away. He knelt down and picked the stuffed animal up.

No doubt about it, this was the Sir Stinky that Hakuba had been so adamant about the return of.

"Hakuba was so upset..." Kaito thought aloud to himself. "Do you think this elephant was very important to him?"

He smoothed out the elephant's ears. One of its button-eyes had been nearly pulled off and there was an extremely large rip on its left leg, but the damage looked fixable.

Kaito didn't even know why, but he felt like he owed Hakuba at least this much.

Sorry~ I was being distracted by Durarara!! for the last several weeks. Anyways, the heist- and coherent plot- will begin next chapter, which is good, because seriously? This is shaping up to be so crack-filled and it shouldn't be.

asfsdfd so maybe it will get a little more serious.

Or your know, it could end up being even more ridiculous and random.

Reviews=updates da?

Gosho Aoyama owns Magic Kaito. Think of the things I could do if I owned it.... *stares dreamily off into space*