Hi, guys!
I know that has probably nothing to do with my fic, buuut…God…that wonderful Adele mash up…God…I'm still without words…it was the best performance ever…ever…the choreography, the dresses, the arrangement, but specially Naya fuckin' killed it Rivera…epic episode…epic mash up…epic Naya…
Okey…sorry for my comment that has nothing to do with my fic, but…God…that Naya has always to do with everything! ;)
Good reading!
the old phib
Chapter three: Kill me
4th January of one year before
"San…"
"Come here. C'mon." the woman answered from an invisible place under the cream colored duvet of their bed, but since she didn't either hear any response or feel any warmth near her body she felt herself forced to pull out her head and take a look at the door from where Brit's voice had come, "C'mon! I'm freezing here! I need your warmness!"
"San…I made a terrible terrible thing." the blonde said looking guilty at her feet.
"Can you please tell me everything from here? Here under the sheets, here hugged to me, here where I'm fuckin' freezing?" Santana continued begging her with only her hands emerged from under the duvet.
"San…" the blonde repeated without neither hinting to move from where she was, "Do you know the ring…your grandma ring…the ring so much you care 'bout…the ring you neither ever wear 'cause you're afraid to lose it someway…the ring that's one of the only recalls you own of your dear dear grandma…the grandma you loved more than your parents…God…" the woman stopped her words putting a hand on her forehead like she didn't know how to go on, how to say all the stuff…God…she will kill me…she will kill me…I know…no sex for weeks…for months… "Well, this…this evening I…don't know what I was thinkin' 'bout, but I wanted to put it on and so I-I-I…and it was jammed, jammed, totally jammed and I began to draw it away and draw and…and…it…it fell into the sink. In the pimping I mean. It is gone. For ever. Gone. Your ring. Your grandma. Gone. I will understand you if you don't want to sleep with me tonight so I will sleep on the sofa. No, I will sleep on the floor. It serves me right. Good night. " she ended and then turned herself back with a little guilty bow.
"Just for information…" the brunette started to answer with her hot voice, I don't understand, she doesn't seem angry, thought Brittany, this is her "let's have sex voice", "…my grandma is unfortunately gone lots of years ago and if you don't immediately come here and you don't comfort me with some cuddles I'll be very very sad." she ended then and when the blonde turned again back finally saw her sat on their bed wearing just one of her superhot bras and staring at her with a look that made her want to tear off her clothes…not many clothes…luckily…for a couple of moments Britt didn't move, but then the brunette raised her eyebrows like she wanted to say "…and so?"
How much she loved her…she loved every inch of her…and most of all her eyes…her dark wonderful eyes that couldn't lie to her…in her life Santana had been able to lie to a lot of people, but to Britt…it's different…she had always known what she was thinkin' 'bout, she had always known when she was sad, when she was angry, when she was scared…but she loved also her smile…she loved her lips…God…her lips…how much she had always loved kiss her lips and be kissed by them…they were soft and…don't know…kinda…spicy…she knew this was probably just her impression, but…she couldn't live without kissing her lips…
She couldn't avoid to kindly smile at her:
"You're not able to be mad at me, right?"
"Baby, it's impossible to be mad at you." she answered with a fast and little look full of love, "But now let's stop talkin' please."
Brittany made a gesture that mean "At your command, sir!", then she clicked off the light and illuminated just by the soft brightness of the moon that shone out of the window she went on the mattress and without letting her ask her it again she captured the mouth of the brunette with her lips. It was a gentle kiss, but warm and wrapping like an hug. Don't know…maybe the consciousness Santana was her, completely and totally her…maybe the surprise that she was not mad…maybe the sureness everything she did there will always have been a place for her in her heart…maybe just their perfect love…in that moment the blonde wanted her so badly…it was like a spell…she couldn't move her lips away from her, from her mouth, from her skin, from her neck, from her chest, from her breasts, from her belly, from her legs, from her groins…
Santana moaned softly her name while she couldn't stop to make her love. It was like Brit was in a hurry, like she had craze…she wanted just make her happy…she wanted just live all her life looking at those eyes in their different tones…
When she entered inside her with her fingers she restarted to kiss her on her lips…don't know…she liked do that…it was like her lips tasted different…she could feel it…she could catch her breath…she could breath her breath…
"I was thinkin'…" the blonde said almost one hour later holding San's body under the sheets, "what would be the thing that would make you be mad at me the most?"
"Well, …" the brunette immediately answered, "I don't neither need to think 'bout it: betraying me. With a man. If you betray me it'll hurt me, but if you betray me with a man…God…that'll be the worse thing in the world to me because the only idea he can give you something I won't ever be able to give to you…God…it'll be terrible. Just…terrible."
Now:
She had to start from somewhere. She wanted to prove again to her woman she could still trust in her, she could trust in her again, didn't she? So she had to start from somewhere. And didn't matter how much she was scared by her refusal, 'cause it was obvious, she couldn't think that some stupid sorrys and some useless explanations could fix anything. She knew she couldn't go to her like "Oh, hi, yeah, I made a mistake but I'm sorry, ok, good, can I have a beer?"
And the worse thing was that today was Friday. Friday was the worse day of the week to Brittany. It was the day that reminded her most how much she missed Santana. They had had a habit: every single Friday – Joey was with her father since Friday to Sunday – at six o'clock p.m. the blonde had gone to the record company where the brunette worked, they had kissed, they had gone on San's car and they had had a drink in a small romantic place less far from the center, they had gone home, they had had a wonderful dinner Brit had made and then they had had sex on the sofa in front of the fireplace.
It was five o'clock when she decided to go. She dressed her hot, she bought a big bunch of red roses, nine like the years they had stayed together, and she went to the place where she had waited her for every single Friday. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know how Santana would react seeing her in front of her, she didn't know how she would react seeing Santana in front of herself, but to think too much was totally, totally useless, she was sure 'bout that, definitely sure. Sure. Sure. God…God…but what am I doin' here? God…God…she will kill me…she will kill me…she will look at me with that look, that hurt and angry look that make me wanna die…God…nothing will come out of my mouth…I know…I know…God…maybe I would have to go…yeah…yeah…it's…it's better…yeah, yeah…no…no! What are you saying? You're stupid! God! A stupid and a coward! God! Do you wanna her back? Do you wanna her back or not? Breath…breath…just breath…breath and you'll know what to do…you'll know…I promise…okey…okey…
God…God…there she was…there she was…beautiful…confident…serious…hot…God…how madly Brit still loved her…she loved her like the first day, the first day she found that she couldn't live without her…she hadn't ever thought so much when she was young…it was like that had seemed to her a total loss of time…she was young, God, and youngness wouldn't have last forever…but then one day Santana had had a cold, she had had a bad fever that had lasted for a entire week, an entire week during what Brit had found herself every night alone in her lonely bed without feeling the brunette's body hold on the hers…and so she suddenly had understood that…she fuckin' loved her like she had never loved anyone else in that shrinking world…
The blonde was nearly to open her mouth just to attract her attention when San's cellphone started to ring and in the exact moment the woman read the number on it a flash of kinda fear and pain ran into her dark wonderful eyes.
"Hello, wha…what's happened?" she rapidly answered nervously fiddling with her car's key and looking scared in front of her where Brit had been 'til she had hidden herself so that she couldn't just see her during the call and maybe run away from her; her look ran fast from one point to another in the empty space in front of her, "Let…let me understand, I don't think I've…now? Now? Yeah…yeah, I can come…yeah…I've…no, no…my Friday evening is not that busy. But I imagine you don't care, so, yeah…I'm coming. I…ten minutes. Okey. Okey. Good bye." she ended then going on her car.
Brittany didn't know what she was supposed to do, she stayed frozen there, hidden a couple of meters far from the car. Her chance was gone. Just for that day, sure, but…yeah…gone…and then she saw a tear crossing her love's cheek, "Fuck off!" she shouted inside the passenger compartment and then she gave the wheel a punch. The blonde couldn't do anything, she switched on the engine and in a moment the car left.