The Places That You Have Come To Fear The Most
Summary: "The fight-or-flight response, refers to a physiological reaction that occurs in the presence of something that is terrifying, either mentally or physically." Karma always ran when she's scared, it was just natural. However, when her running causes Amy's life to hang in the balance, Karma Ashcroft is suddenly faced with the things that scare her the most: falling in love and losing Amy.
Pairing: Amy Raudenfeld/Karma Ashcroft
Warnings: Language
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: You guys are seriously amazing with your reviews. I am so glad that you love this story as much as I love writing it. This chapter absolutely… God, the amount of love that I have for it but at the same time, it also made my heart ache and then fill with so much love at the same time. I hope that you enjoy this chapter as much as I do. Oh, and I hope that you enjoy the classic Beatles song referenced in this chapter. Katie Stevens sang this when she was on American Idol and it really moved me, so you should give it a listen when that you find that context!
Chapter Three
According to recent studies, the human body does not begin to dream until around stage three and stage four. In stage three, there is an unconscious brain flow and the sleeper is less responsive to the environment that surrounds it. In the fourth stage of sleep, the sleeper is harder to awaken as they fall deeper and deeper into their dreams, allowing their bodies to thwart in action to the unconscious delta activity.
It is the in between stages of sleep that Karma Ashcroft finds herself. Her dreams had always been so very predictable. When she was a little girl, she always dreamed about Prince Charming and how he would swoop in on his white horse, save her from her brother Zen, and they would ride off into the sunset with romantic kisses and the promises for their future. When she turned eleven years old, her dreams shifted to her getting boobs and being asked out on her first real date by the hottest guy in the entire school. When she is fourteen years old, she starts to dream about the "dreamy" Liam Booker and his luscious long eyelashes and bashful smile. But now, her dreams are filled with something entirely different- or rather, someone entirely different.
Her dreams are now filled with Amy Raundenfeld, with her gorgeous blonde locks and her twinkling, gentle eyes. Her dreams are filled with Amy's soft touches, the way that she wraps her arms around her waist and pulled her into her kisses. Her dreams are filled with the sound of her laugh, with the way that their bodies intertwined around one another, hidden away under the covers watching House Hunters, as if nothing had ever happened. Her dreams are filled with stolen kisses, touches, and happily ever after's with her best friend.
So, when she feels herself waking up from the most pleasant dream about Amy's lips on hers, she cannot help but smile gently, stretching her arm outward to pull her friend closer. However, when she is met with nothing but cold, silky sheets, her heart does nothing but absolutely plummet to the pit of her stomach. Squinting as she opens her eyes to perhaps the harshest lighting she has ever seen, she glances around the room to try to find the doting blonde but suddenly nothing is familiar.
Where in the hell even is she? This is not her room and this obviously is not Amy's room, Amy would have ever painted her walls that color. Also, Amy hates silk sheets because she swears that one day when she jumps into her bed, she is just going to keep rolling out into the floor. Fuck, Karma a gasp as a sudden pressure begins to rest upon her chest, where is she? Oh God, she chokes as she jolts forward until she is sitting in the bed, the burning tears beginning to blind her. She has been kidnapped. This is just like an episode of 48 Hours except no one will know that she is missing because everyone is with Amy. Amy, fuck, it is getting harder and harder to breath, Amy is fighting for her life and she has been kidnapped. She is going to be assaulted and raped and murdered and Amy is never going to know… she is never going to know… shit. She has to get out of here, she gasps harder with a choke, suddenly thrashing to get the silk sheets out from under her body.
"Hey! Hey! Karma! Karma, shh! It's okay!" A friendly voice calls out to her and Karma's eyes dart to across the room into the corner where Shane sits, a coffee mug in one hand and the other rubbing what she assumes to be a tear away from his cheek. Gasping harder, Karma rakes her fingers through her tangled, brunette curls, her eyes studying the young man as he slowly stands, his joints popping in resistance towards the movement.
It is when he starts walking closer to Karma that she realizes how much of a mess he actually is. Her whole life she has known Shane Harvey and her whole life, she has always known him to be nothing short of a sharped dress man. He had always been rocking the nicest sweater vests, with the most spotless shoes, the perfect hairstyle and a dotting, thousand watt grin to accessorize. But now, his eyes are puffy, his face is drained, he is supporting a five o'clock shadow and he looks like he has not changed his clothes in the past three days. He also looks like he has not slept in the past year, either, Karma observes. Shane has always looked like a model that jumped straight off the cover of GQ magazine, but now, he looks like some kind of river monster that has finally lurched out under its rock for the first time in months.
"How did… I mean… how did…" Karma stutters, her mind still trying to make sense of what has happened. Shane smiles softly as he gently takes a seat beside of her on the bed, his hand finding its way to the curve of her leg. Normally, she would be swatting away any male advancements in a situation like this, especially after sleeping in their bed the whole night, but when it's Shane, well, Karma finds his touches a special kind of comforting.
"You passed out. Hard. I mean, harder than I do after my caffeine wears off between third and fourth period. You even fell asleep on Lauren, which means that you must have been terribly exhausted to fall asleep on that boney bag of bitchness. So, I called the doctor and he said that Amy wouldn't be up for visitors until at least sometime today because they were going to take her back into surgery. I asked Lauren to text me when she heard something, to which she reluctantly agreed, mainly because Farrah made her. So, then, I picked you up and brought you back here, to which you have been sound asleep in my bed. In fact, I'm pretty sure there was some droolage going on," Shane replies with a wrinkle of his nose as he takes a sip of his steaming hot coffee and Karma stares at him with wide eyes and he shrugs, "What? Were you not aware that you were a very heavy sleeper? Like, you should probably be tested for that."
"You brought me back to your house and let me sleep in your bed?" Karma asks in disbelief and Shane nods with a gentle smile, squeezing her leg softly in reassurance.
"Well, I couldn't exactly let you sleep in the hospital. Especially since it's very vital that you look cute and perfect when Ms. Amy Raundenfeld opens her eyes, so that she can see you and it can truly be love at first sight and then I can say that I helped my lesbian friends realize just how perfect they desperately are for one another," Shane winks, taking another drink of his coffee. Karma's face relaxes in a gentle smile, leaning into Shane as he puts his arm around her.
"You are a really good friend, Shane. Amy's lucky to have you. And so am I," Karma smiles softly, placing a chaste kiss upon his scruffy face before she snuggles back into his side, "so, if I slept in your bed, where did you sleep?" Shane chuckles with a bitter laugh as he runs his fingers through Karma's curly locks before he hands the coffee mug to his friend.
"I didn't. Thank God for coffee, right?" Shane laughs but Karma simply shakes her head as she pulls away, looking at him with the utmost concern and the young boy just shrugs his shoulders with a heavy sigh, "How could I? My entire life has just been turned upside down. Amy is the first real person who wanted to be my friend not just because I'm gay. She is the only person who just totally gets where I am coming from when I speak. And then she's suddenly in an accident after a threesome that I…" His voice trails off as he lets out another deep sigh, "besides, someone had to make sure that you were okay and didn't try to do something stupid in the middle of the night."
"Right, well thanks, I should probably get going. Amy might wake up," Karma exclaims as she stands from the bed, much to Shane's dismay. Shaking his head with a grumble, Shane also stands, clutching tightly to the liquid in his hand.
"Wait, so, we're just not going to talk about it?" asks Shane.
"Talk about what?" Karma retorts, wrinkling her brow as she looks at the boy. Shane rolls his eyes, walking over to his closet as she opens the door, pulling out a dress and throwing it to his friend. When Karma looks at him in the utmost confusion, the boy cannot do anything but smile the most genuine smile that she has ever seen in her life.
"What? I couldn't let you in that be the first thing that Amy wakes up to. It might ruin the whole fairy tale happily ever after thing I am imagining in my head," Shane chuckles and Karma just rolls her eyes with a laugh as she begins to undress. Any other time she would be worried about being modest, but right now, with Shane, she really just doesn't care; after all, it is not like he is going to jump her bones. "And I meant, aren't we going to talk about what you said last night?"
"Why would we talk about that?" Karma grunts as she unbuttons her jeans, trying to shimmy out of them and Shane watches in the utmost curiosity- God, being a girl looks like so much hard work.
"Jeez, Karm, I don't know. Maybe it is because you slapped your potential boyfriend in the face and you sat on the rooftop with me until half past the crack ass of dawn and admitted to me that, not only have you been faking being lesbians with Amy, but you also might, possibly have feelings for her. That sounds like something that needs to be talked about," Shane explains, standing in front of his mirror as he begins to straighten the collar on his shirt and Karma just huffs, trying to quickly put the dress over her shoulders.
"Oh yeah, that. Yeah, I really don't want to talk about that. There's no point in it, anyways. It's not like it's going to change the situation," Karma sighs, trying diligently to tame the hair that has so much volume this morning that it could possibly have its own zip code. Shane shakes his head as he glances over at the girl, a bottle of cologne in his hand.
"What do you mean it won't change the situation? It very well could change everything. For you, for Liam, for Amy, for everyone," Shane states, shaking his head as he sprays the cologne on himself.
"Right, because telling my straight best friend- the best friend might I add, that I was the one who asked her to fake being lesbians with me in the first place- that I might have feelings for her. Telling my straight best friend, of so many years that we could give Oprah and Gayle a run for their money, the one that I asked to join the threesome so that I could lose my virginity to Liam Booker, the one that ran after me in the middle of the street and got ran over because of me, that I have all of these lesbian feelings for her, is going to change everything for the better. God, Shane, it might actually cause her to die. So, no, I'm not going to tell her. I'm not telling anyone. And don't make me regret telling you," Karma snaps, sending a glare at the gay boy before she grabs her jacket from the off the post of his bed.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go check on my best friend," Karma rejoinders in hostility, attempting to storm past the raven haired boy. However, what falls out of Shane's mouth next might just shake Karma to the core of all that she is.
"What if I told you that Amy liked you too?" Shane blurts out before he can catch himself and Karma suddenly stops, turning sharply on her heels as she looks at the boy. Suddenly realizing what he has done, Shane's hand goes over his mouth as he lets out a gasp and Karma's mouth is so far ajar that she might just have to pick it up off the floor.
"Wa-Wait. Wh-What did you say?"
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Gay Scouts Honor. I'm going to straight hell for this," Shane grumbles, burying himself deep in a face palm. Karma rolls her eyes at his overly dramatic antics, throwing her leather jacket down upon his bed as she takes his shoulders in her hands, squeezing them hard until his eyes are staring into hers.
"What did you say, Shane? Amy likes me? What do you know? You have to tell me." Demands Karma and Shane lets out a disgruntled sigh, falling down upon the edge of the bed as he runs his hands through his hair.
"Amy likes you, Karma. She has for a very long time now. She's liked you since she first kissed you that day when you were running for Homecoming Court," Shane answers but Karma just look at him in bewilderment, her brows so deeply wrinkled that Shane cannot tell where one eyebrow begins and the other one ends.
"Then why did she go along with faking this for so long? An…and… why would she even… why would she even agree to go through with the fucking threesome thing if she liked me? Fuck, Amy, why wouldn't she say anything?" Karma chokes back a cry and Shane lets out a gentle sigh, shrugging his shoulders before he looks up at her with so much admiration and love in his eyes that Karma thinks that she might just burst inside.
"She knew that you liked Liam, that's why she did it for so long. She wanted to make you happy. She wanted you to be the happiest because you made her the happiest. She wanted you to feel the way that you made her feel inside. And she didn't tell you because she didn't want you to grow apart. She said that you guys knew everything about each other and she didn't want you to meet in a grocery story line and say polite hellos and pretend like you never knew one another. She never wanted to lose you, Karma. And so she did whatever she could to keep you and to keep you happy. She agreed to the threesome because she wanted to see if you felt anything for her; she was actually going to back out and I encouraged her to do it. I encouraged her to do it because she loves you and she deserved to know that if you loved her back. I tried to make her date other people but she wouldn't," Shane exhales, the tears burning within his eyes.
"She's a Karmasexual. She said that she didn't want to love anyone else. So, I'm assuming that's what she wanted to tell you during the threesome. She loves you, Karma. She always has." He informs her, a twinkle within his eyes that Karma can't tell if it is because of the tears or if it is the all knowing smile upon his face. Shaking her head as she bites her bottom lip, Karma grabs the jacket from the bed, slowly walking backward across Shane's floor.
"I…I…I've got to go. I've got to… I have to get to Amy." Karma sputters and when Shane looks up from the spot on the floor in which he had been staring, Karma is already gone. Exhaling deeply, Shane falls back onto his bed, burying his head deep within the pillows as he lets out a cry. Because for the first time since this whole accident came to light, he suddenly no longer has to be strong, not for Amy's family, not for Karma, not even for himself. So, he begins to let it out, all the fear and secrets that he has hidden inside of himself, and he cries for the first time in forever.
In traumatic situations, an individual manages to drive on autopilot, the go through the motions without actually thinking about it. The brain is too focused on the traumatic events, on all of the things that stress out the human body to comprehend the fact that it is actually doing bodily functions. It is because of this reason that Karma cannot remember getting in her car, driving to the hospital, where in the hell she even parked the car, or if she even thought to put on deodorant before she left Shane's house. But suddenly, here she is, bursting through the doors at the Intensive Care Unit, getting glances from groups and groups of families; families that are probably feeling the same emotion that she is feeling right at this very point.
Nodding her head quietly in respect, Karma pushes herself forward, glancing over the room until she finds Lauren, Farrah and Bruce sitting in the corner. Farrah looks like she has been through the emotional ringer, Bruce looks stoic and solemn, as if his future wife's life is not about to entirely fall apart should her daughter not make it, and Lauren, somehow, looks a lot less bitchy and a lot more small. Lauren Cooper has ever look so small in her life, Karma sighs. Biting her bottom lip nervously, she walks over to the family, her dark eyes flickering from their faces.
"Hey guys. Has anyone heard anything?" Karma asks and Farrah smiles sadly at the young girl with a quiet nod of her head, before Bruce speaks up, taking his wife's frail hand within his own, giving it the most loving and reassuring squeeze that Karma has ever seen in her life.
"You just missed Doctor Avery. He has not been out of surgery very long. They went back in and tried to repair as much of her injuries as they could. She had a lot of injuries to her organs and they had to remove her spleen. She had a lot of work done; they had to give her a blood transfusion because she lost so much blood. They had to put some screws and pins into her hips and they don't…" Bruce gulps as he looks at Farrah sadly, "she'll have to learn to walk again. That's…well… that's if she can. Right now, she's in a medicated coma. They want to see if she will come out of this first before they do any more work to her. She's been through a lot of surgeries since last night." Nodding her head quietly, Karma gently tucks a stray hair behind her ear.
"Wh-What about visitors?"
"About that," Lauren speaks up, looking at both Farrah and Bruce who both nod all knowingly, "she is only allowed one visitor right now because of her condition. So, we three got together and we took a vote," she states, looking up at Karma as they make eye contact and for the first time since she has known Lauren Cooper, she thinks of how fragile she looks, "we voted for it to be you."
"M-Me, what?" Karma gasps and Lauren rolls her eyes with a grunt.
"Don't get too ahead of yourself, it's not because we condone whatever this is. It's just because…" Lauren looks at Farrah before she shakes her head, "no, listen, Karma, I'm going to cut the shit here."
"Lauren Cooper!" Bruce exclaims.
"I'm going to cut the shit, Amy likes you. She loves you. She loves you a whole lot. More than I ever thought a person could love another individual. She will want to live if you're the one that is sitting beside of her bed, not if it is the three people who have done nothing but ostracized her for loving you. You're the only one who could probably get Amy through this. So, you go." Lauren states so simply before she stands, placing her hand on Karma's shoulder reassuringly, "you're the one that she wants to save her. And for the love of God, could you just be that person for her?" And it is in that moment, Karma realizes that Lauren is actually begging her.
Shit, what is this world coming to?
When she first steps into the room, Karma swears that she absolutely forgets how to breathe. Lying in the hospital bed before her is a swollen and bruised version of her best friend, with tubes and monitors and so many wires sticking out from around her. She is so broken that she doesn't even look like Amy anymore. There is an ache in her chest, an ache that unequivocally aches her to the core of everything that she has ever known.
She forces herself forward until she is standing beside of the bed, glancing down at the body of Amy that rests so peacefully below her. Her face is bruised and swollen, with gashes and dried blood painting her painfully beautiful face. Her body looks so broken, so fragile, and Karma can't stop the bile that is rising in her throat.
Eyes burning with tears, she takes a seat next to the bed, her hand gently taking Amy's within her own, and her thumb gently brushing over her fingertips. She stares at her with so much hope, with so much admiration, with so much love that Karma knows nothing else in the world could ever compare. Nothing in the world could ever compare to the way that she feels about Amy- not even Liam Booker. This is more than just love; it is so much more than words would never be able to explain. Sniffling, she reaches forward as she gently strokes Amy's tender face.
"I am sorry that I never had the chance to tell you just how beautiful that I think you are. I am sorry that I never told you that I got butterflies when you kissed me or that I always forgot how to breathe when you looked at me. I'm sorry that I never told you just how special and perfect I think you are. And I am even more sorry that I never told you that I might be in love with you," Karma stops with a cry, trying so desperately to hold them at bay, "but I promise you, that if you live for me, I will spend every day telling you just how perfect and amazing you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life, Amy Raundenfeld." She whispers so quietly, staring at Amy, although she does not really know why. She does not know why there is a breath caught in her chest as she waits for Amy to respond. Instead, she lets out the deepest sigh, biting her bottom lip before the weakest smile appears on her lips.
"I know what will cheer you up, Ames. This song always used to make you feel better as a kid." Karma whispers, placing a kiss upon her hand as a deep smile begins to appear on her face as she closes her eyes so tightly that she can see stars.
"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mary Mother comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be," Karma sings so sweetly that she cannot the tears from spilling down her cheeks.
"And when the broken hearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer. Let it be, for though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Yeah there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be." Karma hums, her fingers gently brushing against Amy's perfect jawline, the silent tears falling down her cheeks as the melody moves through her, as the love oozes from her mouth with every word, every syllable.
"Let it be, let it be. Ah, let it be, yeah let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me. Shine on until tomorrow, let it be. I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be." Karma leans forward, placing her lips so softly to the skin above Amy's ear, whispering the lyrics through soft kisses.
"Yeah, let it be. Let it be, let it be, yeah let it be. Oh, there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Let it be, yeah let it be. Oh there will be an answer, let it be. Let it be, let it be. Ah let it be, yeah let it be. Whisper words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, Amy," Karma whispers, her voice breaking in the softest whisper of the tune, nuzzling her nose softly against Amy's ear.
And when Amy squeezes her hand in return, Karma thinks her heart might just explode.