Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gseed characters… If ever I did… Athrun and Lacus would end up married in the series!! WEEEEEEEEEE!

Warning: TOO much emotion

TAINTED

Written by PuRpLebLusH017

. : LACUS CLYNE : .

Love, Adoration, Care, Serenity, Warmth, Smiles

Those are the things that make up my world.

Things which make up the walls around me, a wall entitled to protect me. Protection from the outside world, protection from war, from people, from pain, from being hurt Because they say I am special. Being a singer, I was named "the pink songstress". They say I give them hope. I give them inspiration. They even treat me like royalty and I lived like royalty. It's kind of funny, because even though I live like a real princess, I never felt like one.

It's not that I don't like it. It was a dream come true for most of the people out there, but I didn't want that. I want to be a normal someone. I want to breathe the same air common people breathe in. I want to do daily chores inside the house. I want to walk freely on the streets. To be able to expose myself in public without having people literally throw themselves at me. I want to live like a commoner.

But I smile, for I am grateful. Because if I was not who I am, I would not have met him—

Athrun Zala.

My fiancée

The engagement did not root from a history between us. It was merely arranger by our parents. And we could not do anything about it. No, it was more like we chose not to do anything about it.

Athrun have beautiful blue eyes. I love his eyes. Because his eyes show me his inner most emotions. Things that won't dare come out of his mouth. Then, there was his sincerity. When he comes over and we chat, he makes me feel that he is real. What I see, hear, and feel from him are all real. He magically touches me in a way and I can't help but be mesmerized at him. When he talks, I can hear the truthfulness of it. Athrun never lied. He sought to that. His charms and his antics hit me hard. So hard that I instantly fell.

I fell in love with him.

And I was happy. I was looking forward to the wedding.

I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Lacus Zala.

I discovered something when the war broke out. I can help. Because I wasn't just some person. I am Lacus Clyne. People listen to me. I influence the mass. And since I can do that, I have the power to help in this war. So I speak purely what I have in mind: the war has to stop. It has only bestowed upon us deaths and thousands of people crying. People killing one another for greed, power and domination would only bring chaos and more death. The mass don't want that. I don't want that.

I became the people's voice.

I helped them.

I saw the two faces of the war. I am a coordinator, I saw what the ZAFT forces' desires are and how they worked. And I saw the Earth Alliance Forces' intentions and forces. Both believed that their own ideology would make the world a better place. But hidden beneath their sweet talk about a 'better' place, was another plan that will only benefit them.

The war tortured a lot of people. From babies, children, women, men to seniors, all were tormented by the never-ending battles. Even the soldiers have something to say too.

Athrun believed in his father's ideology. But I have seen the flaws and the lies underneath it. I told him everything, but he denied himself of that. He had pointed a gun at me. My heart flinched at that moment. Would he really dare to shoot me? At that moment, I knew, we weren't going to see each other for some time.

Kira Yamato, a coordinator who was unintentionally forced to fight for the Earth forces, who later becomes an alliance to the Orb fleet, was in that line. He is forced to fight his best friend, Athrun. He killed soldiers one after the other. He has seen his comrades get killed by the enemy. He has seen his friends get killed right in front of his eyes. He blamed himself. He kept saying he has power and yet, he wasn't able to do anything. So, he fights to end this war. He fought to end the sorrow. He helped in the battle.

And I helped him.

I give him strength to move on. I give him hope. I give him a reason to live. I throw away his inner demons. I give him warmth, love, adoration, security, care and smiles. I bless him with everything. I give him everything. Because that's what I do. I give. And he deserved all of those. He deserved everything. His torture has to end. He deserves something warm.

But who's there to protect me?

The second time my heart ached was when I saw Athrun with another woman, a blonde princess who happens to be Kira's twin sister, Cagalli Yula Atha. It seemed that both she and Athrun have something for one another. I couldn't interfere. I can clearly see something forming between them. I should be happy for them. I keep telling myself that. And yet, a fake smile would only creep onto my features.

Kira locked his eyes on mine. I give him the smile that made him relax a bit. "Marry me." he says as he handed out a box and opened it, revealing the most elegant diamond ring I have ever seen. I knew what it meant. "Marry me, Lacus."

I smile at him as he gently, with pure care, as if I was going to break any moment, put the ring on my engagement finger. He looked over at me. I smile once again. "Of course, I will."

I chose things to happen as they were. Again, I did the same thing with my second engagement. I could have said 'No'. My heart was screaming that out loud. But then again, I chose not to do anything.

"Lacus," Kira called me as he was staring at the ceiling. I was playing with Mr. Pink at that moment. I looked at him, giving attention but he did not utter any words after that. There was something troubling his mind, I can tell. I know him. I stood up and sat beside him.

He was thinking really hard. His furrowed eyebrows were a dead give away. I touch his hand to console him. He has to let his frustrations out of his system. He has drunk too much of it. He looked away from me. I know he was trying to tell me something. And he was having a lot of trouble saying it.

"I want you to be happy, Lacus." He says. And I easily understood.

He's letting me go.

I could feel Athrun's eyes bore on me. I knew. He was silently sitting beside the center table with a glass of red wine in hand. He attended the party. I look over at him at times but his lovely blue orbs keep on making me fall again. The glances I give turned to a full blown stare when I saw Kira approach him. This was happening.

This is it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My eyelids were endangering to fall. I feel hot and my body is unexpectedly warm. I feel uncomfortable and slightly dizzy. I could feel the urge to talk about it out loud. I place my hand above my head to keep myself steady. I couldn't think straight. But there's one thing that I know for sure.

I'm drunk.

I slowly felt new warmth crawling through my skin. It seemed that someone or something picked me up in its arms. Whatever it was, it felt rather pleasing, comfortable and dangerously tempting. So, I snuggled.

"I'm taking you to bed." A voice cracked. It sounded pleasing and very soothing. "…you need some rest…" I couldn't understand the words properly but I reply with more snuggles, it feels so right, and a little moan of pleasure.

I slightly frown when I felt the warmth around me crawl away and softness surrounded me. I can feel someone staring intently at me and yet I don't mind at all. Something brushed my face. The gentleness of its touch is the last straw. I slightly cracked my eyes open, only to see an angel in front of me.

Athrun Zala.

I turned around. And the first thing in my mind found its way through my voice.

"We were never given another chance…"

"Aa." He's caught off guard. I could feel something change in his persona the moment I unconsciously opened this topic. And he's avoiding it. He tries to disclose it. "You better sleep… or Kira will kill me for making you stay up this late…"

I laughed. "I don't see any Kira's around, do you?"

"Aa" I could feel him shift his position. And by knowing him, he might be staring at those dark corners. It seems his habits die hard as well. "But still… you—"

I sit up straight, my right hand behind me for support. I tugged his shirt, clinging for something. Hoping for anything. "Don't you want to talk about it?" I am waiting for answers.

Hear me, Athrun.

"We don't need to talk about anything…" he defends.

Talk to me, Athrun

"We need to!" I command. The tone of my voiced rose up a level.

Tell it to me

"Lacus… you're engaged…" he says, with deep sorrow hidden underneath. "We don't need to dwell about the past… you worry about your future instead…"

"…but you're hurt…"

"…"

Tell me the truth

"Athrun…" I turn him around so that we could see each others. "…how long are you going to play this charade…? This might bring you to your end…"

"…"

"That's why… that's why we have to talk… about EVERYTHING… we need to resolve it before its too late…"

He snorts. "It's already too late for a closure Lacus, if that's what you're trying to say…"

"Athrun…"

Say it to me with all honesty

"…you… you're already engaged…" he swallows. There was a pause. "…to him…"

"I know…" I smile. "And it feels kind of awkward too…" he looks at me, astonished, yet there ws hope in his presence, in his look, in his form, in his eyes. He was searching aw well. He's hoping too. "I pictured my life to be with you forever…" I could feel heat on my cheeks. "—to have your children inside of me…"

"…"

"—to be in your arms every night…"

"…"

"—to worry for you whenever you're at work… and—"

Athrun's eyebrows knitted. He suddenly came to a realization. "You're drunk" he accuses.

I laugh upon hearing his declaration. "Yes, yes, of course I am! But… you don't believe me?"

He frowns, as if his hopes were suddenly shattered in an instant. "You're intoxicated. You don't know what you're saying…"

I smile at him. "Don't you know that alcohol makes a person say things they dearly want to bury six feet under? Alcohol usually makes them say all of these things without holding back, without thinking about the consequences of the 'ifs'. Therefore, it's like a truth serum…"

"…"

"Athrun…" I bit my lip "I think—I think—"

"Stop it!"

I can't

"But…"

"You're getting married Lacus! Focus on that!"

Tell me!

"I… I think I don't want to get married with him…"

Hear me, Athrun…

Hear me!

"Lacus…" I whisper.

"I'm still in love with you…" with all honesty, I said it. And I am proud too.

Listen!

Listen to me…

He looks at me. "You're going to regret this…"

"I am?"

"…but I wont…" he smiles at me smile seductively. Ah, how long has it been? Since our last kiss? How long have I waited and dreamed for this day? At last, I have him finally back in my arms. And his warmth feels so right. Drunk or not, I loved it.

He heard me

And I'm happy

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Love, Adoration, Care, Serenity, Warmth, Smiles

I have been blessed with people giving these things to me, so I give in return. I have been on a long journey. I have fought many battles. I have lost friends, family and my heart. But I have my triumphs as well. I earned. I gained. I grew up. I was loved. And I couldn't be more thankful that I got into this path. Everything that occurred in my life opened a window to realizations. And I am happy.

I can offer nothing but myself and my smiles. And I smile.

"Morning, sunshine." Athrun greets with a peck on my cheek. I slightly blush at his antic.

"Morning." I shyly reply. I could feel that the shyness stems from what happened last night. I blush again. Last night was just amazing. He sits right beside me to eat his breakfast. Again, I can't help but just feel glad that he's right here with me.

I am living my dream.

He's with me.

And that's all I need.

Love, Adoration, Care, Serenity, Warmth, Smiles

He gave me these things and so much more. And I can only offer all of myself to him. Afterall, I am now his wife.

I'm Mrs. Lacus Clyne-Zala.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Purpleblush: It's finished! AT LONG LAST! Waaaah! I guess, I made it just the way I wanted it to be done. I hope you enjoyed it! Anyway, don't you just wish they really ended up together? –sigh- I hope I brought out the emotions in you and in this story. Argh, I'm so tormented right now! I mean, they really look good together! ARGH!!!

A BIG THANK YOU to: Skyforger, Lonely Wind, adf, Nkitty29, simply -v-, Lil Silent Angel, the Black Rose, Lethal Dose, AoiNozomi, Pink Lunaire

You are all adorned and LOVED! Thank you sooooooooooo much!

Kindly leave me your thoughts and constructive criticisms!

Please and thank you…

Love you all…

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