3. Realizations 2

The morning started as nice as the other ones of their honeymoon. The sun sent its beams through the window teasing Sully who was already awake for a while. Although wanting to get up, he didn't budge yet. He loved the way in which Michaela's form fit to his; if he lay perfectly still and relaxed, he wasn't able to say where his body began and hers ended. However, as she stirred, he instantly nuzzled her hair, pressing his hand lightly against her flat stomach, "Mornin'."

Michaela had never dreamed of feeling so comfortable sleeping in Sully's arms, but she did. Waking up in his embrace was something she loved getting used to and hearing his voice right next to her ear sent a pleasant shiver through her body. She heard the smile in his tone which caused the edges of her mouth to curl up as well.

"Good Morning." Contentedly sighing, she let her eyelids droop again and snuggled even closer to him, seeking his warmth. If she could have her way, she would only get up when her hunger became too unbearable.

"Still tired?" Sully chuckled softly.

"I guess I'm rather lazy," admitted Michaela becoming more alert.

"What?" exclaimed Sully pretending surprise. Lifting his head he called in the window's direction, "Help! My wife's been stolen and exchanged for a…"

"Sully!" Michaela quickly shifted as to face him, "Someone might hear you!"

Turning back, he grinned down at her. "Ya worry too much; no one's here."

Of course Michaela knew he was right, but she just couldn't help it. Smiling back at him sheepishly, she simply shrugged her shoulders. "I know, but still…"

However, Sully knew what to do as to distract her from her concerns…

It wasn't much later when they sat at the breakfast table. Taking a new bite from his scone, Sully asked, "How long ya will sit with the boy today?"

"Sit? I won't sit with him Sully. If I needed to, I would have stayed with him last night." In bewilderment, Michaela put down her bread and looked at Sully questioningly. He didn't react though and thus she explained further, "I will examine him again to make sure that there are no swellings, but I don't expect any complications. I should be done in ten or fifteen minutes."

Her face broke into a wide smile as she added, "Then I'm all yours again. After all, we have only two days left and with Mr. Stone here tonight… What is it?"

Puzzled she wondered why Sully didn't react pleased but averted his eyes instead. Growing concerned because she wasn't able to interpret his expression, she laid her hand on his forearm wanting him to look at her, "Sully?"

He hadn't expected this. Assuming she would be occupied all morning, he had promised Nathan to show how to make snares and the best places to put them. Swallowing hard, he at last met her gaze. "I'll go with Reed again, teach him how to handle snares."

Sully's desire to help the groundskeeper felt different to Michaela than the day before. She wasn't sure if it was because Sully obviously didn't share her desire to make the best out of their time alone that was dwindling rapidly, or if it was because she wasn't very fond of Reed who possibly had talked Sully into this. Or it was far simpler; Sully might have thought that he could do something good as well while she treated the boy… She finally decided that it was this which had made him agree to go with the groundskeeper again.

Although she knew that it was useless to bring it up now that things were already settled, she at last spoke her thoughts out loud nonetheless, "Why didn't you ask me…" her question was to end, "… how long I would need to look after Will today?" yet she wasn't able to add the last words for she was cut off.

A mixture of feelings of guilt, caused by seeing her disappointment, and hurt pride made Sully grow defensive. "I didn't know that I needed to ask for your permission! I…"

Seeing all color draining from her face he instantly caught himself though. As she pulled her hand away from him, he grasped it again. "Michaela, I'm sorry. I didn't mean… I mean…"

Suddenly getting tongue-tied he looked at her pleadingly. "I'm sorry," he reiterated, "Please forgive me, I don't know…"

"It's alright." Of course she knew that it wasn't but she gave in to his startled and imploring eyes. They both still had a lot to learn about each other, but now Mr. Reed's steps were to be heard from outside of the window, so it wasn't the right time to discuss this matter. Sighing yet trying to take the edge out of her words, she stated, "I guess our honeymoon is over, Mr. Sully."

Although one edge of her mouth moved slightly upwards, indicating a smile, Sully would stew on her words and sad expression all morning.

………………………………………………….

Michaela still felt Sully's lips on hers and the light pressure of his palm against her back when she reached the groundskeeper's house. She wasn't angry with him, knowing that he regretted both, the promise he had given to Mr. Reed and his harsh words towards her. However, it made her sad that he had yelled at her at all and she was aware of the fact that things spoken in anger always held at least a grain of truth… She dropped all thoughts about her personal trouble though the minute she knocked at the wooden door of the English family's home.

Examining Will didn't take her long, just as she had expected. The boy hadn't developed a fever and no signs of swellings were to be seen. Although a broken leg wasn't a difficult case, Michaela was so caught up in the examination that she didn't hear a wagon and a carriage arrive. Thus she was puzzled when she came back into the living room and suddenly found several women there, obviously discussing plans for the day. An older one noticed her first and immediately stopped talking. Admiration was written on her face as she stepped towards Michaela. "Dr. Quinn, it's an honor to meet you. I'm Maude Poole, the main housekeeper. Mr. Stone sends his greetings; he is looking forward to meet you and your husband tonight. And I'm sorry that you had to treat Mrs. Reed's son, I hope…"

"Oh, don't worry about that," Michaela hastily assured. "A doctor is never on vacation." Smiling tentatively, she wasn't sure how to feel, being treated with such respect for a change. The woman before her reminded her of her namesake, Hannah's grandmother, in many ways. It wasn't only the age and the stature but the kindness in her eyes as well. Hannah… alone thinking her name made Michaela suddenly ache to be with her little girl again.

Her thoughts were interrupted though. While Mrs. Reed's demeanor had changed completely, making her step to the background, her daughters were still too innocent to act like opportunists. As soon as they spotted the doctor, they rushed to her side. Helen was even brave enough to touch the nice lady's hand. Looking up at her with trusting eyes, she asked, "Will you help again? Clean with us?"

"Young lady!" The stern voice of Mrs. Poole startled the room into a dead silence. "Please take your sisters and go to your mother! We'll talk in a minute."

Before the older woman turned back to Michaela, she shot a glare in Mrs. Reed's direction and the adults could tell that there would be a very serious conversation later. Growing embarrassed, Michaela tried to defuse the situation, "Mrs. Poole, I didn't mind, really. I could have refused…"

Maude looked at the doctor, lifting her hand as to stop further objections. "The point is, you shouldn't have been asked in the first place."

Glancing at Mrs. Reed, seeing her anxious expression, Michaela opened her mouth in an effort to help her yet Mrs. Poole stopped her again, "You are Mr. Stones' guest not his employee… Don't tell me you ask your patients to help you clean your clinic, Dr. Quinn."

Michaela couldn't help but smile hearing the last remark and knowing that she had made her point, Maude turned back to her colleagues, "What are you waiting for? We have a lot to do!"

After Michaela had given her instruction to Will's mother about how to care for her son, she left the groundskeeper's house, heading towards the lodge. On her way, she contemplated what to do with her time alone. It made her nervous to not even know how much of it she had at all. Used to work on a tight schedule every day, she felt rather useless at the moment. Strangely, as long as Sully was at her side, such thoughts never occurred to her even when they simply sat somewhere… Well, she could still execute her plan from yesterday, going down to the creek and read her medical journal. Yet she already knew that she wouldn't be able to concentrate on it. Since Hannah's name had entered her mind, she felt the urge to see her. If she only knew how long Sully would be away… If there hadn't been the accident yesterday, he would have been away much longer… If she rode straight to town and back, she could manage to be here again in the afternoon…

This thought made it; on the spur of the moment she decided to go to Colorado Springs. Pushing all doubts aside, determinedly gripping the handle of her medical back even tighter, she made a beeline for the stables where she knew she would find Flash.

…………………………………………………………

"She did what?" Incredulously, Sully stared at Nathan who only shrugged, not understanding what the other man was upset about.

Yet Sully, still angry with himself because he had lost his temper in the morning, knew he had to see Michaela immediately. Rising from the log where they sat, taking a break, Sully informed the groundskeeper, "I showed ya the most important things, and the rest ya will learn in time. I gotta go."

Too stunned at this sudden action, Nathan Reed still contemplated how to hold the architect back while Sully mounted his horse. However, before he knew it, the Englishman stood alone in the middle of a Colorado wood and started cursing loudly, knowing he had to do his job alone from now on.

Sully still couldn't believe what he had done. While he was enjoying being outside, Michaela was feeling uncomfortable for sure. He had brought her here mainly because he wanted her to have a few days away from any work and now he had to learn that she helped cleaning the lodge yesterday. It wasn't that he thought Michaela was too good for that task and he knew that she didn't think that either, but this was their honeymoon! The only one they would ever have! What was wrong with him that he had agreed to go with Reed in the first place? If he were here with Abigail…

Sharply, he pulled at the reins to stop his horse. This was exactly the problem, he wasn't. He had loved Abigail with all his heart but things were different back then. It wasn't because they were younger and more carefree; it was because they lived the usual life of a married couple. He was the strong part, the provider, and Abigail took care of the house, made everything comfortable for him. She never questioned him, no matter what, and he had become used to enjoying the marital pleasures but still living his own life. Of course they had argued as well but it never shook them to the base of their relationship. With Michaela things didn't work this way. She was as strong as he was, and always stood to her conviction, just as he did. Although she was his wife now, he always feared he could still lose her any moment despite the fact that she returned his love with all her heart... Realizing that his marriage with Michaela wouldn't work the way his first one had, he acknowledged that he had to make concessions... Deciding that the first one would be to talk more, especially when he made plans, he at last urged his pony forwards again.

Sully didn't need more than half an hour to get back to the lodge. His eyes roamed the meadow and the house's surroundings, always hoping that he would spot Michaela any second. But he didn't. Wondering if he had made her tend to her patient although this wasn't necessary, he rode to the stable to put his Indian pony there. Determined to find his wife at all costs, he didn't notice right away that Flash was gone. However, the moment he realized it, he grew concerned. It wasn't because he doubted Michaela's ability to ride out alone, it was because he realized that her intention obviously was to go further away or she wouldn't have needed her horse. Was she on her way to…?

He didn't dare to finish that thought, believing if he would, it would become true. After quickly tethering his pony to a post, he ran towards the house. He had to see if her things were still there and when he spotted a move behind one of the windows, his heart started pounding faster, hoping it was her.

Yet as he entered the lodge calling her name, he wasn't answered by her voice. Mrs. Poole descended the stairs instead, telling him matter-of-factly, "Dr. Quinn isn't here, Mr. Sully."

Glad to see a familiar face, they had met at Mr. Stone's house in town not long before, Sully asked urgently, "Did she say where she'd go?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I was…"

But Sully was too impatient to hear her out and had already the next question, "Did she take baggage with her?"
"No; she seemed to be in a hurry though…" Maude's brow wrinkled, thinking about this fact. If this had anything to do with the Reed's, there had to be dire consequences… Yet her thoughts were interrupted by Mr. Sully's next urgent request, "Which direction?"

"She took the path to the road…"
Already on his way to his horse, he called over his shoulder, "Thanks!"

………………………………………………………..

For a while, Michaela rode on full speed. The soft grassy ground seemed to be barely touched by Flash's hooves and the wind they created around them tousled her hair and reddened her cheeks. With them both out of breath, she finally slowed down their pace and forced herself to think again. The first thing she had to acknowledge was that she couldn't go to town, see Hannah and then simply leave her again. It wasn't as much about herself but rather her daughter. Her little girl would either want her ma to stay or go with her, and both solutions were out of the question.

Realizing that there was no reason anymore to go further away from the hunting lodge, Michaela drew her horse to halt. Sitting motionless, with her head bent down, she contemplated for a minute what to do. She couldn't explain it, but she didn't want to be at Mr. Stone's house without Sully and she sure was too nervous to concentrate on a medical text. What was wrong with her? She had always been on her own and it had never bothered her…

Suddenly, she sat straight again, admitting that she was fooling herself. Ever since she had met Sully, she knew that it was him she had missed all her life. She realized it the moment their eyes locked for the very first time. Although they had fought a lot, even hurt each other, they grew closer with every new encounter and now she didn't only share her thoughts but also her body with him. This new experience did something to her she couldn't quite grasp yet. There was only one thing she was certain about: she needed him so much that it almost hurt.

Determinedly, she at last tugged at the reins, turning Flash to head back, closer to him. And there he was. She hadn't heard him approach; he looked as if he had watched her for a while. Her skin that had already cooled down, grew warm again as she met his gaze that instantly pushed her blood quicker through her veins.

Sully wasn't sure what the insecure expression on her face meant. However, not willing to take any risks, he slid down from his pony and was at Flash's side in no time. Holding his arms up, he let her know he was willing to catch her, and not only now. Michaela understood. She went down in his embrace, and so they stood for a while, holding each other tightly until he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

Bending back to watch her eyes, he wanted her to understand. "While I was lookin' for ya, I've been thinkin' about us and about me and Abigail."

Seeing her puzzled expression that grew into an anxious one, he quickly continued, "Marryin' her was different. I never had the kinda feelin's for her that I got for you."

Trying to comprehend what he wanted to tell her, Michaela remained silent, keeping her gaze locked with his. After a beat, Sully added, "I ain't always gonna be able to be with you. Sometimes I lose track 'a time or I might get holed up in a blizzard…"

As her eyes lit up, he relaxed and her next words proved that she had gotten his meaning, "Or I might get tied up at the clinic…"

"Right." His face broke into a wide, contagious smile. "But for the next couple of days I ain't lettin' you out of my sight again."

As he heard her whisper, "I'd like that," he kissed her tenderly, longingly, before he pulled her close again, cupping her head against his chest.

…………………………………………….

The afternoon was a quiet one and they were back on their honeymoon. Maybe they should have talked some more, yet for the moment they were just content being together. Not even the arrival of Mr. Stone with two of his friends and their wives could disturb the peace Michaela and Sully felt again.

The dinner was a pleasant affair; the meal was delicious and the small talk nice. It would have been a perfect evening if Mr. Stone hadn't asked the men after dessert to accompany him to another room. Sully didn't want to be parted from Michaela and grasped her hand on the table, but George Stone prevented him from objecting, "Please, Mr. Sully, there is something we need to talk about with you."

Considering the banker for a moment, Sully at last looked at Michaela apologetically, "I'll be right back."

"Don't worry, the ladies will find a topic to keep them occupied for a while." Jovially smiling at the women, Mr. Stone laid his hand on Sully's back to urge him out of the dining room.

Michaela could see Sully's temper rising and hastily assured him, "It's alright, Sully. Mrs. Kane wanted to ask me something as well."

For a moment they locked eyes, communicating mutely and at last a small smile on both their faces made their parting easier.

Each of the four men sat on large leather armchairs in a room that looked like a library with bookcases along two of the walls. George Stone offered whiskey and cigars, which were accepted by his friends, before he leaned back and turned his gaze to Sully. "I assume your wife has informed you about the arrangements I suggested for her inheritance."

"Sure," nodded Sully, wondering where this conversation was leading.

"Well, you certainly noticed that there is still a large amount of money that is so to speak liquid which means it could be used for an investment." He pause a moment for effect until he added, "Well, there is a very promising one and for you even more appealing because it is one in Colorado Springs."
Not understanding why the banker broached this subject with him, Sully shrugged, "Fine. Then ya should tell her."

Now it was Stone's turn to be puzzled, "Well, I waited until after your wedding because Mr. Preston informed me that she refused to participate in the project."

It was as if the two men spoke in different languages and Sully's bewilderment only grew. "What makes ya think she might change her mind now that we are married?"

Clearing his throat, George Stone tried to be diplomatic when he pointed out, "Because it is your opinion which counts now. And I hoped that after you got to know me, you would trust me enough…"

Sully always hated conversations that didn't come to the point and so he wanted to shorten this strange one, thinking he knew what the banker was getting at, "I ain't tellin' Michaela what to do with her money."

Unbelievingly, Stone looked at his architect. Was it possible that he didn't know? "Mr. Sully, this is your money now."

Carefully, the banker watched his vis-à-vis' reaction; it was obvious that this thought had never crossed the other man's mind and so he added, "That's what the law says. After the marriage, all properties belong to the husband. You are a rich man now, Mr. Sully and the project we want to talk about would bring you a nice profit."

Feeling all eyes on him, Sully suddenly became angry. This sounded as if he had married Michaela because of her money! Not that the opinion of the men present counted to him but the subject aroused old insecurities, reminding him that he and Michaela came from completely different worlds and his looked like the one for losers.

Abruptly rising from his chair, he growled, "I never cared for money and I ain't startin' doin' it now. If ya wanna talk about business, ask my wife. As I said, it's her money."

Not giving the men a chance to respond to him, he rushed to the door and left the room. Without trying to calm down first, he hurried back to the dining room from where he heard the women's voices. He remained on the threshold when he informed Michaela, avoiding her eyes though, "They wanna talk to you. I'll go and take a walk."

"Sully!" Instantly growing concerned, Michaela looked at the two other women, silently asking them for their understanding before she straightened and went to the door.

Yet Sully had turned to leave the house and when Michaela reached the small corridor, he was already gone. Hesitating for a moment, she contemplated whether to follow her husband. Yet considering his attitude from a moment ago, she decided to first learn what had brought him in such a mood and she turned towards the library.

…………………………………………………….

Michaela had no way of knowing that Sully had changed his mind, remembering his promise to not leave her side until the end of their honeymoon. Thus he had gone straight to their bedroom and when Michaela entered it an hour later, he already was in bed, looking as if he was fast asleep. Yet her thoughts still whirled through her head; she had been asked to be a partner in a health resort project in Colorado Springs. It sounded tempting, but she hadn't done Mr. Stone the favor to say yes just like that. There were many things to take into consideration and she had asked for time to think it over. However, she was concerned about Sully's reaction after he had learned about the hotel.

While she was silently undressing, she contemplated whether to wake him up or not. Considering his still form, she decided against it and carefully lay down on her side of the bed. She was still wide awake though; there were too many things on her mind…

With her brow wrinkled she laid on her back, staring at the ceiling and almost startled when she heard his husky voice, "Hey… Ya look like ya could use some holdin'."

Sully didn't give her time to respond but reached for her, pulling her close assuring, "It's gonna be alright, I promise."

While she instantly nestled along his body, he told her, "Anytime ya need some holdin', just ask."

Surprised, she lifted her head somewhat as to look at him, "You don't mind?"

"Mind?" Sully softly chuckled.

Growing embarrassed, Michaela admitted in a small voice, "I was taught that in certain matters, the woman shouldn't ask. She should wait for the man."

Stroking her arms and her shoulders, Sully let out a long breath and almost rolled his eyes when he responded, "They taught ya a lot of things you ain't payin' attention to."

Still insecure, she turned her head watching his face while unconsciously caressing his neck and the soft skin on his chest, "You truly believe it's alright?"

Shortly returning her gaze, Sully chuckled again, "Truly."

Contemplating how to reassure her, he at last asked, "You know what the Cheyenne ask a young man who has just taken a wife?"

Michaela was curious now, "What?"

After revealing the answer, "Does she show enthusiasm?" Sully bent his head as to gauge her reaction when he whispered, "I appreciate your enthusiasm."

Never before had he spoken so directly about their intimacy and surprised, Michaela shifted, locking eyes with him. Seeing him smile broadly, she suddenly lost any fear she still had that she might do something wrong when they were together as man and wife. For the first time since they were married, she initiated the kiss and Sully responded in kind, happy that she didn't shy away after his confession.

In no time, they became lost in each other with their lips meeting repeatedly, hands caressing, and skin lying against skin. Each touch fed their desire, ignited the fire and soon their craving for sealing their love again made them move together in their own, unique rhythm…