Disclaimer: Valdemar and concepts belong to Mercedes Lackey; this fic and original characters belong to their author.

Notes: Just in case anyone was confused with the tenses, this is Harlan telling the entire story to an audience, so it's in the past tense. Occasionally he speaks in the present tense, though, and that's just remarks that are directed toward the listeners.

BROTHERS AT ARMS
Chapter Three: A Feeling in Morgan's head. (Which, naturally, Harlan can't ignore.)
By Senashenta

I was cool. I was calm. I was collected.

Okay, so I wasn't fooling anyone.

And I'll be the first to admit that Nova was eyeing at me rather oddly while I half-pranced half-shuffled around, dancing nervously for a moment before I managed to get my entire mind out of Morgan's and gain control of the emotions that had leaked from him to me through the Link we shared.

:Uh… are you alright?:

My eyes went to Nova and I stared at her blankly for a moment before responding with a completely unbelievable, ridiculous and wavering question mark of a statement. :I think… yes?:

If I was her, I'm sure I would have looked just as skeptical as she did.

:Then what's the problem? You're acting like someone is plucking your hair out one strand at a time.:

Now that had to be an exaggeration. I wasn't in nearly that much pain… actually, I wasn't in any pain at all. And neither was Morgan for that matter. I was just… I was just…

To be perfectly honest I didn't know what I was.

Besides a hyperventilating Companion, of course.

:Maybe we should go and get you a drink… okay? Harlan?:

Vaguely still, as I was half-focused on the utter bewilderment I was feeling from my Chosen, I snorted and bobbed my head in agreement. And when I still didn't move, Nova raised a mental eyebrow, paced up to me, and gave me a semi-serious shove, with involved heaving her weight against mine and forcing me to stumble forward to get out of the way. (Sideways, after all, especially in the condition I was in, would not have boded well and I would have ended up on my side and still staring blankly out at nothing.)

The knock jarred a bit of sense back into me.

Not much, mind you, but enough that she didn't have to push and pull me all the way across the Collegium grounds to where the Terilee intersected Companion's Field.

Thankfully, by the time we reached the river I was composed enough not to fall in when I leaned down to drink. In the back of my mind I could see Toby turn to me—Morgan—and then we—they—turned and continued down the hallway.

Confused, I whuffed and physically blocked the visual link between Morgan and myself. I thought I had already cut it, so it was a surprise to me that I could still experience what he was seeing.

No matter, it was blocked now.

:Harlan, are you sure you're alright? You look as if you've seen a ghost.:

I turned to regard Nova, my eyes only partially focused, and nodded. :I'm fine.:

:If you're sure…:

I wasn't, but I didn't think there was any reason to tell her that. And since my throat felt distinctly dry I shrugged her off in favor of leaning down again to take another sip of water.

I paused just before my nose reached the stream.

Behind me, Nova craned her neck to peer past me into the Terilee.

My reflection stared back at both of us, crystal eyes dilated and emanating a haunted look and normally snowy hide having faded to a pale silver grey. In short, I looked like I had been given a personal tour of the afterlife and not liked what I saw.

I decided I'd had enough to drink and quickly turned away.

My head bowed, I found myself contemplating what had just happened.

(It was easier now that I was calmer.)

Silence.

The feeling that had traveled from Morgan to myself along our Bond was very familiar, and similar to the feelings that I had shared with him since the time of my Choice. But it was not the same, and that was what was confusing me.

Did I mention that being confused is one of my least favorite mental states?

Shuffling next to me.

:Nova?:

She was eyeing me again. :Um… want to talk about it?:

I considered.

While logically I knew that talking about my experience might help me to understand it, especially since I would be speaking with a member of the opposite sex, which would certainly bring a new insight into the equation, I got the feeling that I should keep my mouth shut, at least for the time being.

It was intuition and nothing more.

Understand that I was young then, only eleven years of age according to human standards but mature by Companion's. And with youth comes carelessness and irresponsibility. But it was true that I had already lived many lives before that one, and in my then short existence as a Companion I had learned to listen to the sometimes-annoying Voice that occasionally whispered from inside myself.

Previously, I had chosen to remain a Herald throughout my lifetimes, and the Voice was new to me. But, it seemed, Companions were gifted with a sixth sense of sorts when it came to certain situations.

Interesting? Yes.

Confusing? Bright Lady, yes.

In any case, I decided to listen to the Voice again this time and shook my head, blowing a frustrated breath from my nose as I did so. :I'd rather not, actually. Not yet.: I sent a comforting feeling along with this, hoping to make Nova feel better. :Thanks anyway, though.:

Reluctantly. :I guess…:

She seemed a little put-out, but she'd get over it. Besides, the strange feeling I got had come through Morgan himself, so it had to have been even stronger in him. If he was as confused by it as I was then he was bound to spill everything to Toby (and Dori when she woke up) and then Nova (as well as Teague) would

It was only a matter of time before I had two brothers in arms to help me figure out the problem.

If there was a problem.

Which was part of what I was unsure about.

Gods, it was frustrating.

I sighed and gave Nova an odd look when I noticed she was still staring at me strangely. She seemed to have decided I was officially off my rocker, and I almost snickered at the mental image of myself in my Companion body trying to maneuver my way into a rocking chair and not quite managing it.

The moment of amusement was short lived, however, before I continued with my serious consideration of the situation that was (and had a good chance of remaining) unclear and the problem which may or may not have been a problem at all.

How was a Companion supposed to be mystical, all-knowing and humble with life throwing him twists and turns?

I didn't recall ordering a curvy road, thank you very much.

:Hey, Harlan..?:

Teague this time, damn him.

I couldn't get a moment to think!

:Yes'r?:

The poet, whom I had known all my life (and, I suspected, during a previous one as well) paused for a moment, then; :so…do you happen to know what's wrong with Morgan? He's a bit… distracted.:

So was I, but Morgan wasn't poking around Dori's head and asking about me.

I immediately regretted the thought.

It wasn't Teague's fault. I was just being snippy.

Because of the problem.

Which I had yet to identify, and which may not have been a problem at all.

…

What in the nine Hells? I couldn't even make sense of my own thoughts anymore!

:Harlan?:

:Uh… I don't know.:

:You're sure?:

:Sorry, Teague.:

:Oh.: He trailed off, but his presence didn't fade from my mind and as Nova was looking particularly attentive again I assumed he was in hers as well. :Because… he's just standing here in the doorway to Dori's room… and staring

During his explanation, had I had the corresponding body parts, my eyebrow would have been twitching. And I'm afraid I was a tad short with him when I responded, which was not something I was subsequently proud of.

:Teague!: I snapped, stamping my foot for emphasis and laying my ears flat against my skull despite him not being there to see, :I told you! I do not know! So please just leave me and Morgan alone, okay!:

His mind shrunk back from mine and Nova nickered in surprise, taking a handful of skittering steps away.

I regretted the words as soon as they had been said, but there was nothing I could do.

:Teague—:

:Ah… sorry, Harlan.: He told me vaguely, :I've… got to check on Dori…:

A blatant lie, as I knew he was standing next to her bed at that exact second.

:Hey, I didn't mean—:

But he was already gone.

And when I turned to say something to Nova I discovered that she had quickly vanished as well, either because she finally recognized my need for space or because she had been frightened away by my uncharacteristically angry outburst.

Alone, I stared out across the Field, trying to get a grip on myself.

I had thought I was alright, and the Voice had told me not to say anything.

Stupid little cretin.

I wished it was more than a part of my own thought so I could wring its neck.

I also wished I had hands, which would have made that job infinitely easier.

…

I could only hope that I hadn't managed to alienate my two best friends for the rest of our lives, however long or short they might have been. I would have to seek them out and apologize before they decided to have me exiled from Valdemar all together.

Okay, that was exaggerating.

Still, I planned to apologize.

I really did.

To both Teague and Nova, after which I would drag Morgan out of Healers by the scruff of his neck if I had to and have a nice long heart-to-heart with him.

That was the plan.

Really.

I would go and do it.

As soon as the turmoil of emotions that continued to boil in the back of my head had calmed to a low simmering.