I decided that, as a test, I'll try to go for shorter chapters and more frequent updates. So, consider this and the next chapter, which were written together and then split, as a sort of experiment, and please tell me which way you would prefer.

000000

Garrus knew life was fragile. All turians were taught that. Their homeworld was a scorched, deadly place, and their focus on the military only strengthened that attitude . All turians were drafted at age fifteen to go to the army, and they were all taught that soldiers could die. Yet, the death he had witnessed some hours ago, via an open radio call, had been different: Jonathan Shepard. Formerly Lieutenant Commander of the Alliance Navy and the first human Spectre. The Hero of Elysium. The Saviour of Terra Nova. And again the Hero at the Battle of the Citadel. In fact, even though few knew that, he had become the saviour of the entire galaxy when he had prevented Saren from opening the Citadel relay. The Alliance's hero and the Alliance's bane, who had single-handedly thrown the politics of his species into a disarray. Soldiers were replaceable. Such a person was not.

And now he was gone. The person they all had put all their hopes in to defeat the Reapers. The person who could understand Garrus' outlook on life better than most, his zealotry for justice and retribution, despite the initial disagreements. The turian really did not know what would happen now. For hours already the lifepods had drifted through open space, and Garrus was left alone with his thoughts. There were of course also other people in the lifepod, humans, members of the crew. But none of them spoke. Before the departure of the Normandy from the Citadel, the crew had been hand picked from Shepard loyalists. They all had risked their future career in the navy by accepting that assignment. And now they were left with nothing.

As was Garrus. He could not go back to C-Sec and his military career before had been a failure. He had thought he would dedicate himself to fighting the Reapers under Shepard's command, but apparently this was not to be, either. And he had a lot of time to think about it. Without Shepard, would he just slid back into being a grumpy turian, unsatisfied with everything and yet still following orders? Would he have anything to do at all, any purpose at all? What will I do now? All he knew for sure was that he would miss a friend. His thoughts went on in ever narrower circles, a maelstrom of depression. Thoughts about what he would do, about Shepard's death, about who would even be left to counter the Reaper threat. He was so lost in his grief that he did not even notice when the lifepod's sensors picked something up. Only when the other people in the pod began to chatter excitedly did he notice it: A ship was nearing. An Alliance cruiser, identifying itself as the SSV Hangzhou. They were saved.

One after the other the lifepods docked and its passengers were released. Garrus, the only non-human in his pod, received some pretty hostile glances by the cruisers' crew. However, truth be told, they did not seem to treat the human Normandy crew much better. Tension was in the air. Garrus was a bit shocked. This was not how he had imagined their rescue. This was not like a ship crew being rescued by their own navy. This was almost like taking on castaways of a hostile power. Which in a way the Normandy was under Shepard's command, all by herself, Garrus realized. Of course, that would be over now.

The Normandy crew was led to the Hangzhou's mess, one group after the next. It was a heavy cruiser, and hence the mess area was large enough to hold all the survivors. Garrus was shocked when he saw Tali appearing. He had mused so much about his sorrows that he had all forgotten about her, how terrible it was for her. And she looked horrible. Her view was cast straight down and she was just apathetically shuffling forward, barely raising her feet while doing so. It looked like nothing that was happening around her was mattering to her. He went to her and addressed her, but she did not even seem to realize he was there. She just kept her head low and shuffled by him. Shortly afterwards, it was the same with her and Liara. It was a rather frightening experience.

It was also shocking to see how many people had died in the attack. The Normandy had held a crew of twenty, plus the 'Spectre Entourage' which had completely taken over the role of a marine detachment. When no more further people were led to the mess, of those twenty people regular crew, only eleven were assembled. And the 'Spectre Entourage' was missing the Spectre himself - and also, apparently, Ashley. At least, Garrus could not see her anywhere. Despite the initial mutual distrust between the two that saddened him further.

Finally, somebody addressed them: "I'm Captain Charles Pierce, commanding officer of the SSV Hangzhou. I'm glad to have been able to save you, but saddened by your losses. My condolences. You're in relative safety now, though. We'll get you back to Alliance space." He coughed somewhat awkwardly. "We'll transport you to Outpost Phi-35, where you will be detained for some days until matters have cooled down."

This announcement caused an uproar among the Normandy crew. People demanded to know why, how long the detainment would take, and one also shouted another question: "And what about Williams?"

Garrus head turned around. Ashley is still alive? Then why isn't she here? Sternly, Pierce answered the question: "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams is in the ship brig, due to the pending accusation of mutiny and desertion against her."

This only made the uproar louder. Pierce began to shout for order, without much effect. Some Hangzhou marines stepped in, and for a moment it looked like it could come to a brawl between the two crews, unevenly matched as they were. However, that escalation did not come. Eventually, the crowd began to settle down again.

"I can assure you, she will be given a fair trial, and all factors will be taken into consideration," Pierce said.

"And what about us?" one of the Normandy crew shouted. "Why will we get locked up at that outpost?"

"You won't get locked up," Pierce answered. "You'll just be given a little time out. Should only take some days, a week tops."

He remained silent at further angry questions, until Liara cut through, with a pleading: "Why? You still haven't said why."

Pierce looked at her, and his demeanour softened a bit. "I'm sorry I have to lay that onto you all as soon as you've come aboard. I know you had a hard time, to put it mildly, but well - orders from above. It's because of Shepard. You all know how widely known and how controversial he had become. Anything in the news involving him will lead to endless debate, even more debate in the Alliance. We can't suppress news of his death, of course, but the top brass wants you out of circulation for a bit, so that the news stories don't get further stroked by interviews and the like. Might even be best for you. The journalists will be like sharks. You'll get some protection from them."

There were some cynical snorts among the Normandy crew, and Garrus could only imagine what Shepard would have said about it - but he understood. Raised as a citizen of the Hierarchy, he understood that superiors acted in ways they deemed necessary to uphold order and public calm. This of course could not excuse each and any action taken by authorities, but keeping the public calm by keeping the surviving Normandy crew members from the public eyes for some days, that seemed like a justified decision to Garrus. However, he had no doubt this decision also extended to the Spectre entourage. He was sure the Alliance would be able to make up some legal reason why they could also order them under a house arrest. And while Garrus understood and accepted also that, it was just annoying. And there was Tal to consider. Among all the unrest, she had remained eerily calm, eerily unresponsive to absolutely everything around her. Garrus thought it would be best if she could return to her people as soon as possible. A detainment of her, if only for some days, right after Shepard's death - he feared the effects that might have on her.

However, in the end, all he truly knew was that for the next few days there was nothing he could do, anyway.

…...

The crew's detainment by the Alliance had proven to be absolutely wasted time indeed. As could be expected from a military outpost, Phi-35 was a sterile, mostly subterranean facility on a lifeless, dark rock of a planet far away from its sun. And worse, naturally there had been nothing to be done. The days and hours had seemed to pass at a snail's pace, which left everybody alone with their thoughts. With dark, depressive thoughts about the destruction of the Normandy, the end of their journey, the death of Shepard. However, fortunately, that time was over now. The SSV Hangzhou, the same ship that had brought the Normandy survivors to Phi-35, was now transporting them to the Citadel. In the meanwhile, the cruiser had been ordered to hold station above the facility, so ironically her crew now was just as frustrated as what remained of the Normandy's crew.

Garrus knew why the Alliance had considered their detainment a necessity and accepted that. It still had been depressing. Now, though, now he finally could look forward to - what exactly, actually? The turian despaired at that question. It was not like he really had a life to return to. The thought of returning to C-Sec filled him with dread. As such, the detainment had only delayed the inevitable realization: That Garrus really did not know what to do next. Or, in general, what to do with his life. It had all seemed so clear under Shepard. Not only what he had to do, but also how to behave. The Spectre had proven to be just as obsessed with justice and even with revenge as Garrus was and yet he had also made it clear to him that always the people had to come first. It had seemed simple, logical, clear. Now, though, now Shepard was gone and Garrus was confused.

He despaired about his future prospects. Yet, he was not as badly hit as Tali was. She, Liara and him had gotten a separate cabin aboard the Hangzhou for the passage to the Citadel. Built for eight people, it had been set aside for the non-humans among Shepard's former 'Spectre entourage'. It was not like the sleeping pods aboard the Normandy, but it fulfilled its function. And while Garrus and Liara also went outside to see the 'non security relevant' parts of the ship, as they had been allowed to, Tali had remained inside that cabin the entire time. Most of the time she sat on her bed. It was not like she did absolutely nothing: She listened to music, downloaded reading material from the extranet, watched vids. Nonetheless, she sat much too quietly, and rarely talked - in fact, only when she was addressed.

Garrus could not truly fathom how she must feel. He knew about the high value of romance among such races as the asari, quarians and humans, but it was different for turians. Not that they were as cold as salarians. They knew romance quite well, too, and also had tales of great loss and heartbreak. However, in some regards they simply more pragmatical. Or maybe one could also say more jaded and cynical towards the whole concept, even though they had it as well. His father, no doubt, would have held this up as an example of turian discipline and superiority, but now and then Garrus was wondering if the majority of his race were not perhaps missing out with such an attitude. And seeing that there were in fact truly deep turian relationships, or seeing the surprisingly high amount of turian-asari relationships, others of his people apparently thought likewise.

However, of course, such commitment had its risks. Garrus had not exactly thought highly of Tali when they both had come aboard. She was a quarian, and wherever quarians went trouble followed, even if it was not of their own making. Or so he had thought, at least. Now, though, after countless battles they had gone through together, after an epic journey disbelieved by most of the galaxy - now, Garrus wished he could reach out to her and help her. However, he had always been bad at this kind of stuff. And so was Liara, whose nature went straight against the stereotype of sociable asari. Both were actually somewhat socially awkward, and so both did not quite know what to do about Tali.

It was even more awkward when all three of them sat in the cabin and said nothing. After a while, Garrus could not bear this anymore and desperately tried to start a conversation: "So, you'll return to the Migrant Fleet immediately, Tali?" he asked - a stupid question, but at least it did break the silence.

At first, it seemed like the quarian would not say anything at all, but with a delay she answered monotonically: "Yes. I know its current location, and there are shuttle flights in the general area. It shouldn't be too difficult."

Another pause ensued. "And then?" Garrus asked.

"I'll hand over the geth data," Tali answered. "Then I'll pick a ship to stay on. I don't know which. I didn't put much thought into it. I didn't think I would... that I would..." She stopped.

Garrus mentally cursed himself. This had been rather like laying a finger in an open wound, instead of being helpful.

"He would have wanted you to go on," Liara said very quietly.

"I know," Tali answered, barely above a whisper. "And I will." She fell silent again, and Garrus thought that this was it. So far she had always answered questions, but hardly said anything on her own. However, this time she went on: "It's just... I'll go on. No worries about that. But now it will all be duty an necessity and the demands of the Fleet again. I could dream of other things with Jon, but..." She shook her head. "But that's life. People die."

That was a very quarian outlook on life: Bad things happen. Garrus had seen how Tali had dared to dream of more. To see these dreams crushed most likely was a large confirmation of that creed for her. Unlike Garrus, she knew what to do now, but even more so than him it seemed she had nonetheless lost her orientation, at least for now. And with that depressing thought the cabin remained awkwardly quiet for the rest of the flight. Tali, Garrus and Liara were shuttled to the Citadel, and that was the last they saw of the Hangzhou crew.

And so I'm back on the Citadel. He was still unsure about Tali, but what could he do? She would return to her people, and they most probably would know better how to take care of her. Besides, he realized he would have enough trouble for himself. Before the Normandy had departed the Citadel the last time he had dissolved the small household he had possessed here. For years he had only been living for C-Sec service, without much free time, so there had not been much stuff. However, it meant that for now he would have to go looking for an inn or a cheap hotel. At least for as long as he would need to figure out what to do with...

Garrus abruptly looked up. There was another turian at the shuttle bay. He obviously waited for him. "Father..." Garrus whispered. Liara looked at him surprised, but then led Tali away, so that the two turians would have privacy to speak.

"Welcome back to the Citadel," his father said. "I hope your wasted time with the humans was a lesson to you."

Typical of him to start like this. "It certainly was a lesson, yes."

"So, any plans what you'll do now?" Garrus' father pressed on. Garrus remained silent and looked away. "I thought so. You had good opportunities at the army, and a good career at C-Sec, you know. Despite your troubles at the end."

"I know," Garrus just answered.

His father's demeanour softened. It was only a small change in the voice, and barely any change at all in his facial expression, but for turians it was quite obvious. "I hope this has cured you of all Spectre romanticism. I talked with Chellick. A most reasonable man and a good turian. Don't worry, Garrus. You can go back to your old post at C-Sec."

"Why..." Garrus began, but then reconsidered. That was very typical of his father, too, arranging his life without any input from him. He was sick of it. Yet, it was his father. In fact, he was his clan head, and that was very important.

There was a reason why the Turian Hierarchy had been necessary. In many ways, turians had a pack mentality, and were very concerned about dominance and submission on a biological level. Before the rise of the Hierarchy, this had led to constant conflict and warfare. The Hierarchy, though, channelled these attitudes by structuring all of turian society into a, well, hierarchy. It replaced fights for dominance by detailing in extreme details who would stand above whom. And this went beyond just the citizenship ranks. Turian society also knew other, more informal hierarchies which were however often just as detailed and nearly as cast in stone. And one such hierarchy was the clan. Duty to the clan and clan hierarchy were nearly as important as the Hierarchy and duty to the Hierarchy. And hence it was expected of Garrus to submit to his father.

Garrus felt his shoulders slump, a sign of acceptance of authority. Yet, the thought of returning to C-Sec still horrified him.

"I suppose it's for the best if you take some days vacation," his father went on. "In that time we can clear the details. You should be able to return to work at C-Sec within four or five days."

Garrus growled. It was a quiet growl and very unintentional, nearly automatic, yet his father picked it up and straightened his head's position, a gesture of dominance. Garrus thought about backing down again, but - he had already admitted he was a bad turian. And he was okay with that. Shepard certainly never had had any problems with that. And Shepard had killed a Reaper. No turian could compete with that. So, he took up the challenge in gestures and cues. "No," he said.

"No?" his father repeated calmly, while his body stiffened.

"It's wasteful," Garrus argued. "I'll just get into trouble with Chellick again, and I certainly won't be able to use my talents to the full extent. It's an arrangement that would leave us both worse off."

"So you want to shriek away from duty?" his father asked. "C-Sec is what you've been trained for. It's a very honourable job, the pinnacle of turian service to the Citadel. Now so more than ever is that needed, with humans trying to take over everything here. You must do your part for the Citadel, and for the Hierarchy!"

And yet again, typical. He has to make a grand thing out of everything. "Neither the Citadel nor the Hierarchy really need me," Garrus said. "Yes. I could discharge my duties. But wouldn't it be much more useful if I could use my talents where they're actually needed?"

"You would rather render your talents to other things before the Hierarchy?" his father asked, and it sounded almost menacing.

"Look at the galaxy, father!" Garrus urged. "Look at all the injustices out there and all the threats out there. It doesn't compare to what we get here on the Citadel."

"So, you're still not cured of your romanticism," his father concluded. "This has to stop. I will not see our family disgraced by your foolishness. Returning to your job as quickly as possible is the best way for you to regain your standing. And you know that, I think."

"I do," Garrus conceded. It was certainly true. And, like a good turian, he felt some duty to uphold his family's good name, so he hesitated. However, there was so much more at stake: "But what does this duty still matter if the entire galaxy may be threatened? The Reapers..."

"The Reapers!" his father spat out. "A fancy tale made up by the humans, to cover their embarrassing record against the geth in the New Eden War. You can't seriously tell me you believe in that. That's just some pretext for your dreams of adventure."

Garrus froze. He had been with Shepard through nearly everything. He had seen how the Alliance's Fifth Fleet had torn Sovereign to shreds, and he knew it had not just been a geth dreadnought. So what his father said to him seemed like pure wilful ignorance to him. Still, it was his father... then again, he himself was no good turian. He even admitted that to himself now. So he answered: "You may disbelieve it. However, I won't have you dictating my life."

Now his father growled, openly and loudly. In the bad old days before the Hierarchy, this would have been a challenge. But those days were over a millennium past. "You'd turn your back to your clan?" he asked.

"I don't like to," Garrus said, "but if you force me I will have to."

"You've been with the humans for too long," his father accused him. "You sound just like them. Whining about what you want instead of simply doing your spirits damned duty!"

"Duty... is a fine ideal," Garrus answered. "But sometimes you have to go beyond it. I'd be wasted at C-Sec, and C-Sec would waste a good personnel post at me." His voice got louder. "I won't spend the rest of my life in such a situation."

"And you think you can decide that alone?" his father asked aggressively.

"Watch me!" Garrus answered and walked off.

In ancient times, this would have provoked a fight for sure, and even nowadays such an extremely rude gesture, especially to somebody standing above oneself, would lead to one most of the time. As a rule, turian society still was very accepting of violence, unless it would lead to lasting harm. However, Garrus knew his father was way too straight laced for that. His father deeply believed in the Hierarchy and what it stood for. He believed in hierarchies over dominance quarrels. But that meant he did not know what to do when such a hierarchical relationship were to break down.

Garrus on his part would never have dreamed to do such a thing before. However, he was fed up. There was only so much his clan, in the person of his father, could ask of him. Especially seeing how indeed the entire galaxy was threatened. He actually doubted he could do something about that. Not with Shepard dead. But he would be damned if he just sat on his ass here on the Citadel while the entire galaxy could be gone in a few years. Maybe even a few months. He did not quite know yet what exactly to do, but he knew that there was too few time remaining to spend it with daily drudgery. There were more worthwhile causes in the galaxy than C-Sec.

Angrily, he stomped through the Citadel's corridors, without a clear aim in mind. He had to get his head free. He knew he would be utterly unable to think about what to do with his life if he was occupied with the business with his father. Thus he walked through the wards, took turns at random and did not pay attention to his surroundings. Thus he came ever deeper into the poorer parts of the Wards. Places with hardly any illumination, with only some shadows hushing through poorly maintained housing units and with dirt and garbage everywhere.

Garrus knew this had been the state of affairs for over a millennium. Basically ever since the asari and salarians had first found the station, there also had been poverty on it, and with it crime. It had simply always been accepted as a fact of life. While the Council celebrated the galactic order, peace and prosperity it had allegedly brought to everybody, large parts of their own station existed in misery. It was exactly this hypocrisy that made Garrus certain he did not want to return to C-Sec. There had to be more he could do. Something more direct. Maybe he could not do anything about the Reapers, but that did not mean he had to do nothing. Surely in this vast galaxy there would be a way to fight such injustices better, more directly, with less hypocrisy than C-Sec did.

Still angry by the argument with his father and by what he was seeing Garrus entered the nearest cheap inn he could see and rented a room. It was not exactly a safe region of the Citadel, but after having faced husks, geth and pirates he was pretty sure he could handle just about everything that could come up. He laid down on the bed in his room and began to watch the holovid. The news channels, in particular, which brought word from all over the galaxy. And yet, it was always the same; Disasters, military tensions, economical trouble, crime. And injustices, so many injustices, all the galaxy over. The piracy on Omega, the mindlessness of the Turian Hierarchy, the greed of the Systems Alliance, the brutality of the Batarian Hegemony.

It made Garrus determined to do something. Something somewhere in this messed up galaxy.