Chapter 03 – You Can't Dance Without Two

Now I see that I've been wasting time
I had a picture of us painted in my mind
Now it's fading and there's nothing left to do
Letting go, 'cause I know
You were only halfway there
Even though, we were close
I was holding on just long enough to know
I should be letting go, I should be letting go…

July's weather was the hottest out of the summer months. Remus was up to his daily routines. During the early evenings while Tonks was on Auror duty and Alexis had trials to attend, he would seek serenity in the comfort of the house's library, finding interest in the extensive collection of books that both Alexis and Tonks had created. The first time Alexis and Remus talked privately together, the young girl had told him about Tonks' private collection, books that she enjoyed and read over and over again. Much to his surprise, many of them were ones Remus had recommended to her. While he read over them, he'd find little comments she'd make on the pages. Some made him smile while some made him thoughtful, wondering why he had been such a fool to let her love pass him by.

Remus had been sitting there in the black leather armchair reading one of Tonks' favorite books while listening to a soft song that she'd set on replay since last night over the stereo in the library. He had just finished laughing at a rhetorical and very Nymphadora-like comment she'd marked on the side of the page he was on when the library door suddenly burst open and in walked Sirius Black, breaking Remus from his tranquility.

"Why are you so depressed Moony?" Sirius asked, sniffing around the library.

Remus raised an eyebrow at his old friend. He was wondering why the man was acting like a dog trying to sniff something out. He didn't ask that question however and returned to his book. "I'm not depressed Padfoot," he spoke certain that he wasn't but it suddenly felt like a lie.

"Moony my old friend, I know you," Sirius smirked fleetingly before returning to his sniffing, pulling in and out books now. "When you drown yourself in books," he quickly gestured to the three piles of books Remus had stacked up beside him on the end table books that Sirius didn't know had been Tonks' favorites. "And you're listening to sad, emotional songs," he then pointed to the soft R&B track on the stereo. "You're feeling depressed," he concluded.

"I'm simply relaxing. Besides, Nymphadora's had that track on replay since last night."

Sirius nodded, looking like he was searching for secret compartments in the shelves. "Have you ever wondered why Tonks only lets you get away with calling her Nymphadora?"

Remus set his book down slowly, looking at his odd friend with deep, mirthless eyes. "I know she had a crush on me," he sighed. "But that was the past. We're just very good friends now," he finished, rubbing the back of his head, wishing he'd been just a little bit more selfish.

"The past eh?" Sirius questioned. "Why would she still let you call her Nymphadora?"

"I don't know," Remus shrugged and sighed, trying not to care but failing miserably.

"What if she still loves you mate?" Sirius probed. "I know Tonks. Actually, I know women. If any crush lasted longer than a year, it's no longer a crush, it is love. What if she still loves you?" Sirius questioned.

Remus ran a large, calloused hand down his face and sighed, trying hard not to let that glimmer of hope inside him grow any bigger. "She's engaged for God's sake Padfoot."

"Does she look happily engaged to you?" he asked, trying to pull open a locked cabinet. "I think not. I think you're missing out on a very important fact here Moony," he smirked, almost Marauder like as his newly trimmed moustache wiggled. It was like he was saying I-know-something-you-don't-and-it's-very-important.

"She doesn't love me Padfoot, not anymore," Remus added that last part in almost a whisper, feeling sad with himself that he'd let that opportunity go. But he had to because Tonks was a brilliant, beautiful young Auror and he always felt she deserved better than a jobless old werewolf that he was. "She's engaged to a man who will be able to provide anything for her."

"She's engaged to a cheating bastard who like Lexi said, probably won't hesitate to break dear Tonks' heart again," Sirius cut him off, giving up on the locked cabinet and searching the shelves near the stereo. He suddenly remembered Alexis had said that Tonks never told Remus it had been Even Rosier who had broken her heart and cheated on her.

Remus nearly dropped his book. His eyes darted up at Sirius. "Rosier was the cheater?" he asked, surprised. He didn't know what to think. Remus suddenly felt protective of her and wanted to punch that man he met the other day, Evan Rosier, in the face for hurting Tonks.

"Yes see, now that's why I say you and Tonks should sit down and have a proper one on one conversation about things between the two of you. And you should admit your feelings too. She at least has the right to know that the man she was 'crushing' on was 'crushing' on her as well," Sirius replied, pulling in and out books again, looking for a secret compartment.

"I…I can't. It's too late. She's already fallen for Rosier," he sighed in defeat. Even though Remus no longer felt that Rosier was such a good choice for Tonks, he still knew that at least Rosier could provide for her, and people could change over time. Maybe they'd learn to love over time. After all, Remus felt that Rosier could give Tonks things he never could.

"What do you mean it's too late?" Sirius retorted. "You sit down and you talk."

"It's wrong Padfoot. I can't just go up and talk to her about my feelings. She's engaged in case you've forgotten. Besides, people change over time. Maybe he's a better person now. He could provide for her. She deserves better than a jobless old werewolf like me don't you think?"

Sirius sighed, getting frustrated. "Ah you always try to see only the good in people Remus. But you know what I think? I think you should lay the cards on the table and let Tonks decide for herself what's best for her." He stopped searching momentarily and crossed his arms much like Alexis always did. Remus noticed and thought it was a 'Black' trait when they get thoughtful. Sirius analyzed his friend and it was then that he realized Remus Lupin was merely a shell of himself from the Marauder years ago. Twelve years didn't do any of them good.

"Sirius, did you come in here just to question me and break my peace?" Remus asked, needing their conversation to turn onto a different topic, something not about himself or Tonks.

Sirius sighed and gave up convincing Remus to speak his mind. "Actually no. See Lexi changed the hiding place of her secret stash and Tonks hinted to me it might be in the library. I'm looking for secret compartments and ah hah!" he replied, beginning to grin.

Placing a long, slender finger on the spine of a particularly boring looking encyclopedia, Sirius pulled it out and along with it, the shelf magically shifted and changed into a large shelf filled with bottles of firewhiskey and butterbeer along with stacks of chocolate in all different assortments. Remus' eyebrows rose, fascinated by Alexis' secret stash. There were almost as much chocolate as the shelves at Honeydukes and the firewhiskey were all old and genuine.

"Merlin my cousin has good tastes," Sirius grinned, taking a bottle and uncorking it.

Remus shook his head and turned to another page in the book, trying to distract himself. Unfortunately, when Remus turned the page he was met with a small comment from Tonks that made memories replay in his mind. He stared at her messy but cute and distinct scrawl. Note to self: ask Remus if transformations hurt. He was unable to hide his fleeting smile at the note, partially happy and partially laughing at himself. He was reading a muggle fiction book about werewolves, and right on the page the wolf made the painless transformation, Tonks wrote that note. Remus' eyes grew distant as he reminisced on the one night where something unintended happened, and he ended up realizing he'd fallen in love with a beautiful pink haired Auror.

Two years ago, it was the morning right after the full moon. Remus didn't have access to wolfsbane then, and so like always he'd apparate to the Shrieking Shack to transform and then apparate back when the morning sun rose. That morning was a particularly warm morning as it neared summer. When he arrived back at his small and bare apartment, he was surprised to see Nymphadora Tonks fallen asleep beside his front door. The last moon hadn't been kind to him and he had no energy to pick her up so instead, Remus opened his front door and sat down beside her, waiting for her to wake up.

As he waited he was confused. Tonks never visited him that early after a full moon before and he wondered what had made her do so. His bones ached and the cuts on his body though had stopped bleeding still stung. Remus still waited and finally, she stirred. Tonks' eyes slowly opened and her pink hair grew significantly brighter when she saw his face.

"Remus!" she grinned, her dark eyes twinkling. "Wotcher! How was the last moon?"

"Terrible," he replied but smiling as she got up, helping him into his apartment. "Dora what are you doing sleeping at my doorstep?"

She laughed a bit. Her laughter was loud and to others may seem unladylike, but somehow hearing her laugh that particular morning made him smile as well and forget about his aches and pains. "I was really stupid sorry but I just had this question on my mind and I couldn't wait. I came over just an hour ago but I didn't realize I'd fallen asleep," she smiled.

Remus shook his head as she sat him down on the wooden stool and searched his cupboards for food. "You're always an odd one," he commented. Suddenly that morning he noticed that once he saw her, he didn't feel depressed and dreary about his lycanthropy anymore. Rather, it felt like how Tonks had always seen it, as a furry little problem. "What did you need to ask me?" he questioned and beamed when Tonks set down a cup of tea for him.

"This may seem very weird…but when the moon rises and you're transforming into a wolf…does it hurt?" she asked straightforwardly but not sharply.

Remus looked into her curious dark eyes and nodded, a bit sad, but just seeing her face lifted his spirits. "It's like…your body was changing rapidly…like the man was breaking to fit the wolf," he replied, contemplative. "I just know it's really painful."

Suddenly, Tonks pouted which made him curious. "That's really terrible then," she spoke. "I read this book and it said werewolf transformations were instant and painless."

Remus shook his head but was unable to stop himself from cupping her face with one warm but calloused hand. Much to his surprise, Tonks' lips quirked upwards, smiling genuinely as she held his hand to her face. As he stared into her deep, soulful dark eyes for a while, Remus realized that somehow, seeing Tonks made him flustered, gave him a good, warm feeling inside, and seeing her right after a transformation suddenly made his world shine brighter. He wondered why he felt so oddly towards her.

"I guess I should go," Tonks pouted again. "I should let you rest. Sorry," she laughed.

"No wait," Remus suddenly found himself calling. "You…you could stay if you want. I'm just going to pick up a book and read, I'm not sleeping yet," he smiled a bit boyishly and shyly. "Maybe I could read this book of yours about a painless transformation?" He beamed as Tonks nodded eagerly, magically conjuring up the book with her wand and a muttered spell.

As he was chugging down his cousin's fine firewhiskey, Sirius couldn't help but notice the distant look in his old friend's eyes and that faint smile that had danced across Remus' lips. He quirked an eyebrow for that was one of the few times Sirius had noticed Remus smiling, but he hadn't done something stupid and Tonks wasn't around. When he finished his last drop of firewhiskey, Sirius caught sight of one of the books on Remus' pile. He recognized that title, How to Dance with the Moon. It was a romance story, Tonks' favorite. And then Sirius finally realized that what Remus was reading were all of Tonks' favorite books, and everyone who knew Tonks knew that she likes to put comments in the books she read. Perhaps one of those comments had sparked that smile. Sirius smirked and quietly left the room.

Early July, Tonks sat in her cubicle, her mind in puzzles as she scrawled quickly to finish yet another boring report. Her mind was split as well, wandering between Remus and the report. She was so distracted that she nearly wrote his name down on the parchment.

"If I were you, I'd get another piece of paper and write his name on there until you get tired and then return to the report," Tonks heard her cousin's airy angelical voice tease.

She turned around to see Alexis Black wearing long black robes, having come from a trial being the winning lawyer for the accused. "Why do they let you up here?" she grumbled.

"New case," Alexis smirked, holding up a thin case file. "Your morph is slipping."

"I know," Tonks sighed. "It does that lately. My mind is pulled in a million different directions. As long as I don't suddenly sprout a duck's beak, I don't care if my morph slips."

Alexis shook her head. "Vous êtes aussi mauvais que le temps qu'il fait dehors." Alexis chuckled at her cousin's confused gaze. "You are as bad as the weather outside. By the way, I ran into this wizard named Kingsley Shacklebolt. He asked me to hand this file to you. He knew I'm a Black…do I honestly look that much like one?" she asked, handing Tonks a different file.

She looked at Alexis' blonde highlights, her attempt to look less like a 'Black' after a spark of brilliance during her seventh year. "No I think it's your eyes," Tonks managed to smile.

"Well what about you? Your eyes are as dark as mine," she retorted.

"But I have pink hair," Tonks smirked, attempting to discreetly morph her hair brighter.

"Tonks can you follow up on this case for me?" a husky yet soothing voice suddenly called. Alexis recognized the voice immediately and her heart pounded to a rhythm she thought had been lost a year ago since she left England. She and Tonks looked up from their conversation to meet the dusty green eyes of a tall, lean but muscular male Auror with fair skin and dark, dark hair. He was Deacon Stronghold, looking a lot like his sister Evelyn, except with a more chiseled look. They watched as Deacon swallowed hard once. "I see you have company," he spoke dryly.

"Oh Merlin," Tonks thought, her eyes turning between Deacon and Lexi.

"Alexis," he spoke in a huskier voice as if he hadn't called that name in such a long, long time. "When did you get back?" he questioned stiffly.

"About two weeks ago," she replied, unfazed while staring into his dusty emerald eyes.

Watching them, Tonks finally understood what Alexis had meant before when she said that from a third person point of view, she could see it all. Standing there to the side, Tonks really was able to see it all. Her cousin and her co-worker were lost in each others' gaze, looking spell bound almost. Tonks could see that they still held strong feelings for each other, but both were too afraid to admit it after the way their relationship had ended a year ago. Seeing from a third person point of view, Tonks really could see it all. And she finally understood how Lexi seemed to know so much, because it was that blatantly obvious.

"Lovely," Deacon swallowed and managed a small, genuine smile. "Welcome back."

"Happy to be back," she replied in a somewhat bemused tone. "Great seeing you Deac…err Deacon," She was fighting her habit of calling him by his nickname only she used, affectionately. Tonks watched them closely from the side. Perhaps they were trying to become friends again, simply friends and stop at that. After another short moment that felt like an eternity to the two, Lexi finally cleared her throat with subtlety and got up from Tonks' desk, making to leave the cubicle as fast but yet discreetly as she could.

"Wait," Deacon suddenly called and that made Alexis' heart skip one beat. "Will you…will you be staying here long?" he asked her.

"I…will probably be staying here for a while," she replied truthfully and took hasty steps away, feeling awkward and guilty for leaving him a year ago.

"Great," Deacon breathed inaudible to her. Tonks saw his lips quirk up slightly, nearing a smile. When Alexis' figure vanished into one of the lifts, Deacon suddenly cleared his throat and seemed to have snapped out of his trance. "Tonks," he spoke, turning back to her. "Uh…oh here, can you follow up this call? A woman in Diagon Alley is reporting use of Dark Magic."

"No problem," Tonks replied softly. "I'll check and report back to you."

"Alright," he replied. "It should be quick." Tonks nodded and was about to leave when Deacon suddenly told her something in a very quick and flustered voice. "Can you tell Alexis I'm glad she's finally returned home?"

"Sure thing," Tonks nodded awkwardly, hastily heading for the Atrium.

After apparating from the Atrium to the streets of Diagon Alley, Tonks suddenly realized that it was raining pretty hard outside. Like Lexi had said, Tonks' mood was just like the weather. Since it was raining so hard and not wanting to take a chance with her dwindling coordination and the baby she had, Tonks decided to hide out from the rain, standing under a cover beside the window of Flourish and Blotts bookstore. She stood quietly, watching the rain fall and hoping for it to end as she had somewhere to go and memories were cascading her mind.

That night, it had been raining pretty hard as well. Tonks returned from another one of her new Auror missions she'd been assigned right out of graduation. That night hadn't been too good a night. Her last mission had just involved werewolves, but they were no threat. It was a false call from an old lady who lived next door to a couple and was reporting on the weird sounds she heard and had been convinced they were using Dark Magic. When Tonks and Kingsley went to check the place, it turned out that the wife was a werewolf while the husband was a wizard and they were simply trying to get by. Kingsley taught them both a good working silencing charm they could place on the house and hopefully their old neighbor won't report on them anymore. Tonks left the office that night thinking about werewolves, love, and Remus.

With no one to talk to and feeling like she couldn't take it anymore, Tonks thought that maybe it was time to voice her feelings to Remus. After all, according to Alexis Black, when you have a crush on someone for over a year, it was no longer a crush, it was love. Tonks had been 'crushing' on Remus for two years certain and maybe a while before that.

"Nymphadora, you're soaking wet. Come inside," Remus spoke quickly pulling her inside his office. "Did you walk through the grounds in the rain? You could get sick," he nagged.

Tonks smiled lightly and she was so happy that he seemed to care for her. It made her relax a little at what she wanted to talk to him about afterwards. "Remus I needed to talk."

Remus sighed and gestured for her to sit down. He cleared up his cluttered desk full of papers he still had yet to grade and leaned on the side, looking down at her with a small smile on his lips. Tonks would do that often. During his year teaching at Hogwarts, Tonks would visit his office just to talk sometimes, and Remus appreciated that. No matter how much he enjoyed being in company of the students, it was still nice to have a personal friend to talk to often.

"Remus…I…I don't know how to say this. But I feel something for you. I…see you as more than just a very close friend to me," Tonks began, feeling flustered and nervous.

"What?" Remus replied. He'd known. He'd known that she'd fancied him for a while now, but Remus never thought Tonks would ever confront him about it. He always presumed that it was just a simple crush, an infatuation and that she'd get over him soon enough. He never knew that she would come speak with him about it and for it to last this long.

"I've had a crush on you for two years, maybe more. And Lexi said that if you crush on someone for more than a year, it's no longer a crush but it's love. That…I don't know but I've been crushing on you for more than a year…" Tonks spoke, feeling her heart beginning to drop.

Remus stood up straight from his desk and shook her head. He had such a deep look in his eyes, a look that meant he had so much to say but somehow he couldn't.

"Tonks," Remus sighed. The way he called her Tonks suddenly came as a slap to her. He'd always called her Nymphadora or Dora, no matter how much she protested. Over time she'd allowed him to continue getting around not calling her Tonks. But that night, hearing him calling her what was usually her preferred name made her fall apart. "I…you shouldn't love me," he slowly headed for the door. "You deserve better. I'm too poor, too old, and too dangerous for you," he sighed one last time and quietly slipped away through the opening.

Tonks sat there in his office, staring at the closed door in disbelief. He had given her excuses after she'd told him how she felt towards him. She didn't know why he had to give her excuses, but they were just as good as rejection.

"You're too kind, too gentle, and too selfless," she mumbled to herself, the exact words that she planned to counter his excuses with but never had the chance to leave her lips before he left. Tonks shakily headed for the door, unsure of where to go. She allowed her legs to carry her wherever, anywhere but there. She needed to get away before she could allow her tears to fall.

Tonks forced herself out of her mind, deciding that if she keeps allowing herself to wallow in her thoughts she'd only get more depressed. She was engaged, logically, Tonks was supposed to be happy. Unfortunately love doesn't necessarily follow logic, and so Tonks wasn't happy in her engagement, and she felt scandalous when she was clearly longing for the heart of another man, not her fiancé's whom she could care less for. She was only thankful he was willing to take responsibility and help raise the child, knowing she couldn't do it alone.

Watching the rain soften, Tonks suddenly realized that she too did miss the loud and reckless person that she used to be before this engagement. Tonks wondered that if she ran out in the rain and tripped, she'd be slowly returning to her active, clumsy self again. Thinking it was a reasonable try and she could always shield her stomach with her arm, Tonks took a step away from her rain cover, also making her way to the address on her case information as well.

A calloused but warm hand suddenly gripped her arm and pulled her back into the cover. Tonks tripped over her feet and fell, her face buried into the shabby cotton jumper of a man. She inhaled once and realized the scent was unmistakable. Slowly she looked up to meet the alluring blue eyes of Remus Lupin, nervous, flustered, and unsure of what to say.

"Wotcher Remus," she tried to smile but through her confusion it came out as a grimace.

His eyes were soft. She didn't know if he was happy or upset seeing her. Suddenly, Remus smiled and his eyes softened even more. "What are you doing? You'll get wet."

Tonks gave him a bemused gaze but it was only fleeting as Remus took off his threadbare overcoat and held it over her head, both walking out in the rain together. He held his coat overtop them, shielding her from the rain and walking very closely beside her. Tonks suddenly felt as if the rain had calmed and settled down to a soothing trickle. She felt like the rain was warm and it suddenly didn't seem so dreary anymore. Her emotion felt like the rain as one minute she felt dreary and depressed. Then suddenly she felt warm again, just like the rain was getting. Faintly she could see the sun rising from its hiding place behind the dark clouds, and Tonks glanced up to see the side of Remus' face, so close to her.

"What were you doing about to go out in the rain and getting wet like that?"

"I saw the rain was softening and I needed to go here for an Auror case," she replied, showing him the address she'd written down on a slip of paper. "What are you doing out in the rain?" she asked him as Remus turned and headed the same way she was, his threadbare overcoat suddenly feeling like a priceless cover over them.

"Padfoot was getting a bit too sentimental for my comfort ever since he found Alexis' stash of firewhiskey," Remus replied, smiling gently. "So I left the house and thought maybe I should buy some more books adding to your library. I've already gotten a good understanding of your preferences." He looked down at her, feeling flustered when he saw a smile passed her lips.

"You don't have to walk with me you know. If you've got somewhere else to be."

"I don't mind," Remus shrugged. "I haven't been to Diagon Alley with a friend in so long." Remus stole glances at her, wanting to tell her so much more but it just didn't feel right.

"Yes, friend," Tonks replied softly, thoughtful as she pondered upon the word. Tonks wondered if that was all there ever was between Remus and Tonks, friendship, and she'd gone and mistaken all his kindness and gentleness for love. She looked up at him, wondering if she had been mistaken. She felt like she was right though, so right. So was Remus friend or lover?

As clumsy as she was, Tonks suddenly tripped over a crack in the ground. She flailed gracelessly to the ground, but incidentally Remus had tried to catch her and unlike many other times, that time he'd fallen himself as well. They both fell onto the ground, their bodies splashing against the puddles of untainted rain. Tonks looked up, cursing under her breath at her clumsiness. She was lying on Remus who'd tried to catch her, safe and protected. He was pushing himself up while helping her as well, and suddenly she felt a need to smile, grin actually.

"You'll be the death of me Nymphadora," he groaned, not used to falling like she was.

Tonks laughed as Remus helped her back up onto her legs. He held her tightly by her arms, his body against hers and they realized they were standing awfully close. The rain had softened to a mere drizzle while they stood there, looking into each others' eyes. Tonks' soulful dark eyes met Remus' gentle blue eyes and suddenly, it was as if they were both under a spell.

Slowly, Tonks could feel Remus' warm breath getting closer to her lips. She stood still as he leaned in closer and closer. After a short moment, Remus' lips were rested on hers. He didn't move anymore however, perhaps he was waiting for her to respond. Tonks was unsure. She could feel the small bump that was beginning to form on her stomach and she knew that she shouldn't. But she just couldn't resist. After two years, his lips were finally on hers. Tonks closed her eyes, uncaring for that one moment in time. She pressed forward and soon could feel Remus' soft lips gliding against hers. They kissed gently but lacking no passion at all. Tonks didn't even mind the rain that was growing heavy on her shoulders as she kissed him. She kissed him again after they'd stopped for a moment. She kissed him again and again.

"Nymphadora," Remus suddenly breathed, pulling apart from her, looking at her.

"Remus," she breathed. "I…I…" she didn't know what to say.

"Dora I'm so sorry," Remus suddenly sighed. His sigh was heavy and long, making her want to hug him tighter, which she unknowingly did. Remus could feel her arms wrapped tightly around him and he couldn't bear to pull apart. "Dora you're engaged. This is wrong," he sighed, closing his eyes and slightly turning away from her.

Tonks still held him tight, her one hand gripping his soaking jumper while her other hand gently travelled up to his face, caressing his smooth but scar crossed skin. She turned him to face her and Remus opened his eyes again. Tonks took a breath, unsure of what she should say. But then, the words were suddenly flowing within her. She needed him, and she didn't care what stood in her way. Now she felt like her old self again, loud and reckless Nymphadora.

"Remus did you mean it?" she asked him with hopeful eyes. "The kiss, did you mean it?"

He was quiet for a moment, but Remus slowly nodded, his forehead touching hers. "I was just afraid of what would happen to you if I told you how I felt. If I told you I love you, I'd make you an outcast. You'd be discriminated because of me. And I have nothing to offer you. I'd be burdening you with my lycanthropy. I can't bear to see someone I love, burdened with that weight," he sighed softly to her, admitting his truest thoughts. The soft, drizzling rain trickled down his face and it made her feel like he was crying, his tears mixing in with the rain.

Tonks couldn't fight a smile. "Remus, say the last sentence again, please."

He thought about it for a moment and then repeated his words slowly, truthfully. "I can't bear to see someone I love, burdened with that weight."

The smile on Tonks' face suddenly danced up into a grin as she held his face with both her hands, gently. "Someone you love…me?" she asked in partial disbelief. Remus nodded and Tonks felt her heart lodged in her throat. All she could do was smile.

"But it's too late. You're engaged, Dora. The man you're engaged to, he could give you so much more than I ever could."

She shook her head. Tonks seem to have not heard a word he said as she suddenly buried her head into his chest, still clinging on tightly to him. Tonks had suddenly remembered that she was no longer one person, but she had another life inside of her, a child a child that wasn't Remus'. "Oh Remus," she groaned softly, shaking her head. "I don't want to marry Rosier."

"You're engaged to him. You must have wanted to at some point."

She shook her head again. "I never did. Remus…the only reason I'm marrying Evan Rosier…is because I have made a very huge mistake, and I am now pregnant," she managed to barely breath out the last words.

Remus suddenly felt like his heart had stopped beating. Tonks was pregnant. That was something he hadn't expected to hear at all. He fought the urge to break down at that moment while he ceased the chance to hold her close, hold her tight once again. "You're pregnant?"

Tonks nodded weakly. "Four months," she sighed. "That night in April…"

"When you came and confessed your feelings to me," Remus sighed, wanting to punch himself. If he hadn't turned away from her, things wouldn't have been so complicated now.

She nodded again, weakly against his chest. "I'm sorry Remus," Tonks sobbed. Her own tears were mixing in with the falling rain. "I'm so stupid. I made such a huge mistake."

Remus closed his eyes tightly, allowing the rain to soak his shoulders as he thought. He knew Tonks could feel him shaking slightly as he held her, but there was nothing more that could be done. They both were unable to love because of their burdens. Remus took a desperate breath, breathing in her scent and imprinting it in his memories. He held her close and tight for one more moment, one moment longer. Then, Remus slowly forced himself to pull apart from her. He held her by her arms and looked into her eyes, noticing traces of tears that had been hidden by the rain. Remus took a good look at her eyes and imprinted them again in his memories. Then he finally managed to speak the words that even he didn't want to hear.

"Nymphadora," he began softly. "Get married…" he spoke, his heart falling apart.

"What?" she asked while hurt and confused.

"Evan Rosier is a rich and successful young man. He will be able to take better care of you than I ever could. He will be able to take care of your child better than I ever could. He'll be able to give you things I can never give you. Over time, you'll learn to love each other. You'll be happier with him than you can ever be with me. Please think about yourself. I'm not pushing you away because of this child. But what's best for you, isn't me," he sighed, blinking hard to fight back the rising tears. There he was, having her in his arms, but having to tell her to go marry another man. Fate was so cruel. Remus truly, honestly didn't care whether she was pregnant or not. But he couldn't let her throw away her life, as well as the child's, by following him and becoming an outcast. The best decision was to let her go.

"Remus…" Tonks breathed, unsure of what to say or what to do.

"Come on. We've been in the rain long enough. Let's get you home before you get sick and affect the child negatively," Remus spoke sadly. "As for your mission I will beg someone to cover for you if I have to. We can't have you getting sick or hurt while pregnant."

"Remus stop," she spoke. She didn't deserve his care, and she knew that Remus cared.

He shook his head, ignoring her plea for him to stop being so caring towards her. "Come on," he spoke, walking her back. "You'll grow to be happy again, trust me," he sighed, wanting to trust himself that she'll be happy again as well. "I want to see Nymphadora Tonks laughing and smiling, not depressed like this. After the wedding, you will be," he smiled but it came out as a grimace and he just wanted to sink into the ground and die.

Gotta get myself together, tryna make it through tonight
Tell myself that we were never broken
There were times that I thought I might be, finding ways to make it right
But you walked away and opened up my eyes
Now I see that I've been wasting time
I had a picture of us painted in my mind
Now it's fading and there's nothing left to do

Her case had luckily ended early and Alexis would have normally waited for Tonks, but she didn't know where to wait and hanging around in the Auror department any longer was a risk in itself as she'd run into her ex-fiancé or his sister again. So with a snap decision Alexis apparated home and suddenly appearing right inside her house, in front of a very startled Sirius Black with her black work robes looking like someone from the Ministry.

"I was half scared to death there," Sirius admitted, hiding a bottle of firewhiskey behind his back. "How come you can apparate straight into your home even with all your wards?"

"I found a way to set it so that people who have been here before can just apparate straight in. What is that?" she asked, seeing the guilty look on his face. "What are you hiding?"

"Nothing," Sirius smiled nervously.

Alexis took out her wand, black, thirteen inch with silver leaf etchings on the handle, and waved it in a complicated motion in front of him. Suddenly, the bottle of firewhiskey floated out of his hand and into hers, causing Alexis to raise an accusing eyebrow at him. "So you're the one who have been stealing from my secret stash, even after I changed the location!"

"Well," Sirius laughed nervously. "Some alcohol isn't all that bad."

"Some?" Lexi raised her voice sounding like a mother scolding her child. "Sirius Orion Black…in the two weeks you've been here, you've depleted my stash of over thirty bottles of firewhiskey down to only ten! You're terrible!"

"Lexi calm down," Sirius laughed nervously. "I'm only trying to help you. Remus said you like firewhiskey and a girl shouldn't drink too much."

She ignored him, chasing after him as Sirius ran from her, fearing that he'd get hexed. "You drank twenty bottles in two weeks, Sirius Black! Twenty bottles!" she yelled.

Just as Alexis got a hold of the lanky raven haired man from his collar, the front door to her home suddenly opened, surprising the two cousins. They stopped in the middle of their chase, Alexis' fingers still wrapped tightly onto the cloth of Sirius' robes. They watched as a very soaked and drenched Remus and Tonks walked inside, both wearing very sullen expressions and looking as if they had cried, or at least Tonks was the most noticeable.

"Home so early Tonks?" Sirius questioned casually. "Moony why are you two so wet?"

"It's raining outside," Tonks replied in a soft, hoarse voice.

"We ran into each other in Diagon Alley," Remus explained, his face looking depressed, as if his world had ended. "I told Dora she needed to get home early and away from the rain in case she got sick and affects the baby," he tried to smile but again it came out as a grimace.

Alexis suddenly let go of Sirius' collar and the two Blacks turned to look at Remus and Tonks with a dead Sirius expression. "Oh no," Alexis breathed, almost inaudibly.

"Nymphadora's pregnant…isn't it wonderful? Her fiancé is no doubt happy beyond belief. I can't wait for the wedding." Remus' words sounded mirthful, but the expression on his face was the total opposite. He looked like he was in pain, trembling under his shabby clothes.

"Remus…Tonks…" Sirius breathed, wanting to comfort them.

Remus suddenly shook his head and let go of a very quiet Nymphadora Tonks. "Get some rest Dora," he spoke softly, fully letting her go as he walked solemnly upstairs, no doubt going to the library to hide his sorrows.

Tonks stood there as still and cold as a statue, her eyes staring at the ground, looking like she was still crying. Alexis threw a sharp glance at Sirius and quietly nudged him to go up and talk to Remus, completely ignoring her anger at him earlier for drinking from her secret stash. The pixie like woman with black and blonde hair rushed over to Tonks and hugged her cousin tightly as Tonks' knees gave out and she collapsed into Alexis' hold, sobbing.

"Tonks it's ok, it'll be ok," she breathed, quietly muttering a drying spell for Tonks.

"I hate myself," Tonks cried. "Why'd I have to go and get drunk? I've ruined everything," she sobbed painfully. "He kissed me and admitted that I'm someone he loves. If I hadn't made this mistake," Tonks gripped her belly tightly. "Things could have been different."

"Tonks listen to me," Alexis breathed.

Tonks shook her head, pulling away from Alexis' hold and standing with her back facing her worried cousin. Tonks wrapped her arms around herself, crying quietly, wondering why she had to make such a huge mistake.

"Tonks…"

"It's too late. Even if I call off the engagement, I still can't be with him. I can't burden him with this child!" she cried.

"Nymphadora…"

Tonks still didn't turn around. She only shook her head and sobbed suppressed cries quietly to herself while hugging her stomach.

"Look at me!" Alexis almost screamed. She spoke in a strong, frustrated voice she'd heard only once before in their childhood. Alexis was frustrated. She rarely ever is frustrated.

Slowly, Tonks turned around to look at her cousin who had paled significantly.

"Do you love Remus?" Tonks nodded. "Do you want to marry Rosier?" Tonks shook her head. "Do you want this child?" Tonks contemplated for a while but didn't respond. "Nymphadora, do you want to keep this child?"

Tonks thought again, for a while. "Yes," she finally answered. "The baby's innocent."

"Then we'll take this one step at a time. Things always have a way of falling into place sooner or later," Alexis comforted in a much softer, warmer tone.

Then Tonks nodded, trusting her cousin's word and dropping down on the sofa with her head in her hands, wishing she could rewind the clock and amend her mistakes.

Sirius exited the library, meeting Alexis who stood on the opposite side of the hallway, her arms crossed and her feet tapping impatiently. She was rubbing the side of her cheek with her index finger, a gesture Sirius recognized that she was frustrated and worried, just like he was. He closed the door tightly behind him and leaned on the wall beside it, his arms crossed as well, uncaring that he was mirroring Alexis' position. That was the way they were naturally when they're frustrated after all.

"How'd it go with Remus?" Alexis asked in a dead serious tone.

Sirius shook his head and sighed. "Tonks?"

Alexis shook her head. "She's asleep, really tired. She's starting to show a bump now. Seems about right, she's four months in and it's July already," she rambled. "What did Remus say?" she questioned, abruptly stopping herself.

The lanky man sighed once again, a longer sigh, heavier. "He said he truly doesn't care. He doesn't care that she's pregnant, but he still can't be with her because now she also had a baby to think for too. Evan Rosier apparently can give Tonks and the baby everything they need while he thinks Tonks will have to suffer if she's with him. Now with a baby in the picture, my selfless old friend wouldn't risk it, wanting the best for the new mother and child."

"Did he mention his lycanthropy?"

"Yes. He said that he could hurt the child and wouldn't risk it."

"Tonks said she doesn't care. She just wants him. She doesn't care about anything else."

Sirius dropped to the ground and groaned loudly, hoping that both Remus and Tonks could hear him so the troubled couple could understand Sirius and Alexis' frustration.

Alexis seemed thoughtful as she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed longingly. Sirius looked up and he knew that she had a lot on her mind, too much. "I need a drink," she suddenly spoke. "You coming or have you had enough?" Without another word, Sirius silently got up and joined her, both wondering what to do about the two depressed souls in the house.

Letting go, 'cause I know
You were only halfway there
Even though, we were close
I was holding on just long enough to know
I should be letting go, I should be letting go…