(Note: There's an awesome vid that ties into this. I watch/listen to certain vids for inspiration/motivation on some chapters, this one is When Angels Deserve to Die by AloraVideos, using the same song that inspired the fic title (surprise surprise, heh). Though fanfiction dot net isn't going to cooperate on embedding at the appropriate bit, nor linking it seems, so go to YouTube and stick this on the end of the URL to see it: watch?v=ziHe8MXzJ0k&feature=related :)

Chapter 3 – A Wounded Deer Leaps Highest

A wounded deer leaps highest,
I 've heard the hunter tell;
'T is but the ecstasy of death,
And then the brake is still

After covering a few more miles they had to stop for gas. Dean did the honours and headed for the gas station to pay. Castiel's eyes followed him doggedly until Lucifer once again appeared in the driving seat.

"Things are going to get bloody" the devil said in an annoying sing song voice.

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"

Sam and Bobby had become quite accustomed to Castiel's little chats with Lucifer by now, and so they politely ignored his questioning of the devil.

"You'll see…" Lucifer had a cruel spark of excitement in his eye as he looked at Castiel.

"Do not hurt them!" The angel's first thought was for the Winchester's safety, but Lucifer held up a hand.

"I won't, cross my heart and hope to die". He traced a cross over his chest with a sly smirk. "But why keep a dog and bark yourself? Fate is smiling on me, the little minx".

"She is cruel and capri…" Castiel trailed off as he watched a truck pull up a few pumps down from them. The driver got out to fill up while a dark haired woman sat shotgun with four more burly men in the back. "Demons!" Castiel sat up straight, gripping the seat in front of him, fight or flight mode engaged.

"The people in that truck? Are you sure?" Sam didn't want to go throwing holy water over just anybody, especially when there was so many of them and they looked like they could snap him in half with little effort.

However Castiel didn't answer Sam, he was too busy listening to Lucifer. "Well? What are you waiting for brother? Go and smite them!"

"No… no… I can't". Castiel was torn in two. The demons needed to be dispatched but Lucifer was seeping through, little by little. With every use of his power the door opened wider and the devil's barbs hooked a little deeper. "It's not for you!"

Castiel was getting more and more wound up with indecision, wanting to act and being unable to act. The driver demon finished filling the truck and stepped towards the gas station. Lucifer turned to look at Castiel and gave him the full weight of his insidious voice. "Smite him Castiel. Smite him or that demon will walk in there and slaughter Dean Winchester".

"Cas, calm down. We have weapons in the trunk, we can take care of this". Sam could see the angel trembling and feared he might do something stupid.

Each step of the demon amplified Castiel's anxiety until he was reduced to his base instinct, with only one thought going through his head… must protect Dean Winchester, mustprotectDeanWinchester, mustprotectDeanprotectDeanpr otectDean…

"Cas, sit tight, we got this. Stay there Cas, don't you… Cas! NO!" Sam reached for the angel but it was too late. He was already out of the car, haring across the forecourt and barrelling through the front door.

"Balls!" Bobby summed things up nicely.

-oOo-

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, it felt like he'd been here an eternity. He was stuck behind an elderly couple bickering and counting out dollars. The cashier, his name tag reading 'Billy', looked as if he was losing patience too.

"Why didn't you bring more money with you? I haven't got enough George. Just pay with your card". The old lady was ferreting about in her purse to no avail.

"I haven't got one! I always pay with cold, hard cash… you know that." The man, who must have been George, waved his wallet about in an exasperated fashion.

"You said you were going to get one after that fiasco we had in the restaurant! This is Biggersons all over again!" She snapped her purse shut and scowled.

The bell above the door jingled heralding the arrival of another customer. Just a few moments later the door crashed open and Dean spun round to see Castiel flying through it. Before Dean had a chance to do or say anything Castiel ran straight into the man who just walked in and tackled him to the ground.

"Cas! What the hell are you doing!?" Furiously he pulled the angel off and started apologising. "Sorry dude, he didn't mean any harm, he's got problems upstairs you see…"

"Demon! He's a demon!" Castiel yelled and pointed as the demon's eyes flicked black as if to prove the point.

Dean cursed and pulled out the demon killing knife. But it clattered to the floor as he found himself flying through the air and crashing into a shelf filled with groceries.

George pushed his wife to one side and stood protectively in front of her while Billy clutched at a baseball bat. He couldn't have been more than twenty and looked far too terrified to use it.

The demon bent to retrieve the knife while Castiel rushed forward hoping to catch him off guard. It didn't work, the demon stood too swiftly and Castiel found himself impaled.

"Castiel? It is Castiel isn't it? We all thought you were dead. Crowley is going to be so pleased to see you". He seized the angel's t-shirt with one hand and pushed the knife a little further into Castiel's chest with the other. The angel wordlessly gasped, his eyes wide with shock and pain. "I have to say I was expecting more from an angel. I've had dogs give me more of a fight than this".

"Try this you sick puppy!" Dean had found his feet and some salt. It seemed there was an upside to being thrown at a grocery shelf. He grabbed the demon's head and poured it down his throat and into his eyes. The demon dropped Castiel and roared, clawing at his face. Dean took the opportunity to shove him out of the door, slam it shut, and salt the entrance.

"Everybody get salt! Pour it along the windows and doors! It'll keep you safe". Dean bellowed at the others as he rushed over to Castiel.

The cashier stood frozen, clinging to his baseball bat. George had already leapt into action. "Mabel? Is this salt? I haven't got my reading glasses on…"

Dean clapped his hands loudly at Billy. "Come on! This is not a drill! Salt, now!" Billy stuttered a suggestion about calling the cops which Dean quickly dismissed as he dropped to his knees by his angel's side.

Castiel was sitting up, his back against a shelf of candy, knife protruding from the left side of his chest. The brightly coloured wrappers behind him gave a wrong sense of glee to the grim scene. Short pained breaths came from the angel, his eyes searched around and then settled on Dean.

Dean's hands hovered over the knife, he didn't want to pull it and have Castiel bleed out. But that was the only weapon he had that would kill the demons… "Cas? If I pull this out, will you heal?"

Castiel's lips were pressed tight, but he managed a slight shake of the head.

"Shit… Ok, we need to get past those demons, get you to the ER…" Dean was trying to come up with a strategy. All he had to hand was salt and the knife, which currently had the business end stuck in Castiel. It looked like a bad wound, the angel's hand had found Dean's and was squeezing hard enough to break bones. Mabel came over and pressed some hankies into Dean's other hand, urging him to pack them around the knife to stem the bleeding. He took them with a word of thanks and cursed himself for fretting instead of acting. He wanted to do something, but his angel was bleeding on the floor and Sam and Bobby were stuck out there in the car… At least they had a trunk full of weapons.

"Take it…" Castiel managed to choke out, flecks of blood merging with his words.

"No Cas, I can't, if I pull it out you'll die before we can get you to a hospital. Just sit tight, and don't move". He placed Castiel's hand around the wound, instructing him to keep pressure on it. Then he got to his feet and eyed his fellow prisoners. He had been in tight spots before. This was nothing new. It was time to act.

The rest of the demons had got out of their truck and had started banging at the windows, yelling and taunting those inside. Still, George stepped forward eagerly, salt in hand. "All doors and windows salted Captain! Now what can we do to take down these bastards?"

"George, you're not taking down anybody, you can barely climb the stairs!" His wife scolded.

"Oh hush woman, I've fought before! I can fight again. Now who or what are these people?" The old fighting spirit seemed to have found George.

"Ok, I'm going to give it to you straight: They're demons. I haven't got time for the whole 'they don't exist' 'yes they do' routine. So you better believe they're real and they're outside waiting to kill us". Dean really hoped they weren't going to freak out on him.

"One battle is much the same as another, just put a weapon in my hand and point me at the enemy!" George shook the salt above his head eagerly.

Dean couldn't deny the old man had balls, but he didn't want to put any of them in harm's way. "No George, listen to your wife. No fighting. We need to get you guys out of here".

"But I'm a soldier! I was ready to die fighting back then and I'm ready to die fighting now!"

"Nobody's dying!" Dean managed before George got carried away again.

"We were all born to die, and better to go out fighting than in my sleep!" George was starting to turn a shade of red.

Dean decided to change tack. "Look soldier, we have women and children here. They need escorting to safety and I'm a man down. I need you to get them out of here". He gave a look to Billy and hoped he didn't object to being called a child… No problem there, he was still shaky and hugging the baseball bat like it was his last candle against the darkness.

"Right you are Captain. What's the plan?" George seemed to fall in line with that easily enough…

"Kid, you got a car out back?" Billy gave a quick nod. "Ok, George I'll cover you while you get these two to the car. Then kid, you better drive like the hounds of hell are chasing you, cuz they might well be".

-oOo-

Sam and Bobby watched the demons surround the gas station and start pounding at the windows.

"I don't think they realise we're here…" Sam had tried to duck as best he could to get out of sight but his large frame wasn't exactly inconspicuous. "I'm going to try getting the weapons from the trunk".

"They're going to see you the moment you get out the car. You think you can reach the weapons and fend off six demons?" Bobby's tone was just a bit incredulous. "I'll hold them off. I think I can fling them back if I concentrate enough".

"No Bobby, no fighting for you". Sam pointedly put the flask down on the dash. "Besides, Dean would kill me if he knew I let you fight".

"You're not letting me do anything, you ain't my mother boy". Bobby scowled.

However Sam's attention was firmly on the demons now. Slowly and quietly he opened the car door and slid out. Stealthily making his way to the trunk Sam started grabbing what he could of the holy water flasks, guns and salt rounds. It was all going well until a car came driving full tilt from behind the garage, its wheels squealing as it sped off into the distance. The fleeing car drew the attention of the demons and once it was out of sight their eyes quickly settled on Sam. He swore quietly as a yell of "There's the other one!" reached his ears.

-oOo-

As Sam slipped out of the car Bobby muttered his usual "idjit" under his breath. The boy was going to get himself killed. Right now the demons were like a pack of wolves surrounding wounded prey. Their attention was wholly on the unfortunates in the gas station, but it would only take one wolf to look away and notice a moose skulking around in the trees…

Bobby knew the boys were just worried about him giving in to the anger should he have to fight. Heck, Bobby was worried about it himself. He didn't want to end up hurting anybody… anybody who didn't deserve it anyway. But when they were between a rock and a hard place Bobby would always put himself on the line to save the Winchesters. They were like his very own, and despite their occasional moments of idiocy he would be proud to call them his own.

Sparing a glance at the flask on the dash Bobby started wondering how far away from it he could get. He hadn't experimented with distance yet, he hadn't really needed to. Sam left it there with the intention of keeping Bobby in the car. But surely he could make it outside, get round to the trunk, and stand in front of Sam. It was hardly leaping the Grand Canyon now. A shout of "there's the other one!" rent the air and the time for wondering was over. Bobby focussed outside on the spot he wanted to go to and suddenly he faced six demons charging at him. He could feel the pull of the flask, a magnetic force trying to draw him back, but at this distance it was weak. It was easily ignored. The demons stopped as Bobby raised his hands and concentrated on tapping into his ghost powers.

-oOo-

Sam shot a couple of rounds as the demons came at him, but they were closing fast. Taking out a flask of holy water Sam almost dropped it as Bobby materialised in front of him. Bobby raised his hands and the demons stopped in their tracks, seemingly as taken aback as Sam was. Sam could only see Bobby's shoulders beginning to shake with the effort, but he could imagine the strained look on Bobby's face, his brows knit with exertion, his eyes squeezed shut in concentration.

"Bobby don't do this, get back in the car!" Sam's pleas were too late. It all happened so fast. The demons flew backwards and hit the asphalt hard. Bobby seemed to fizzle out and blow away with the wind. But there was no time to worry about him; the demons wouldn't stay down for long.

As soon as the demons fell back Dean came flying out of the gas station yelling "Sammy! Weapons! Quickly!"

"Where's the knife? I thought you had the knife!" Sam tossed him a shotgun, but since losing the colt the knife was the only sure way to kill these things.

"I do… I did, Cas got stabbed with it. I can't take it out cuz he won't heal. We need to get the hell out of here". Dean gave the nearest demon a face full of rock salt. "Can't take them down permanently, but we just need them down long enough to get Cas to the car. Watch my back".

"Always". With a gun in one hand and a flask of holy water in the other Sam followed his brother.

The rest of the demons were now finding their feet. As Sam shot at one another two went to tackle Dean. His brother took a shot at demon number one but the other landed a solid punch to Dean's face. It was the demon he had thrown out of the gas station earlier. "Real protective of that angel ain't ya? Shame he can't return the favour…"

-oOo-

Castiel was drifting… pain was a constant companion that numbed his mind. He found the further he drifted the lighter his cares became, and so he didn't mind it, this welcoming darkness. However it was shattered by heavy boots approaching and a rough hand against his cheek.

"Cas, wake up." The hand tapped him lightly. He gave no response, trying to burrow back into the darkness. The hand tapped harder. "Come on Cas, I know you're not dead yet you son of bitch. Wake up".

Reluctantly cracking his eyelids open a little Castiel gradually came to awareness. The world was too bright, the pain now too sharp. But Dean crouched in front of him, somehow making it all bearable. "There we go. Cas, you with me?" A slight nod of the head. "Good. I'm going to run to the car, pick up some weapons, and I'll be right back for you ok?"

Dean made it sound like he was going for a stroll in the park, but Castiel was sure it wouldn't be that easy. There had been no mention of the half dozen demons out there for starters. But before Castiel had a chance to object Dean was up and out of the door.

It was tempting to sink back into the darkness. Shadows played at the edge of Castiel's vision, threatening to pull him under. He didn't want to resist. But then sounds of fighting filtered through the door. The need to protect Dean kicked in. With slow, agonising movements Castiel managed to get his feet under him and head for the door. Hearing Dean shout out gave the angel a sense of urgency, he tried to hurry, leaning against the shelves for support as his shaking legs betrayed him. Putting one foot in front of the other had never been so hard, but he reached the door and clutched at the frame, heart jumping at the sight before him.

Dean was on the ground, a demon straddling him and strangling the life out of him. Castiel didn't hesitate; he took a few unsteady steps forward and put his hand to the hilt of the knife in his chest. He knew this would probably kill him, but he had always been willing to die for the Winchesters. Maybe in this final act of sacrifice Dean would find it in his heart to forgive Castiel.

With a firm pull the jagged length of the knife came free and Castiel's vision danced with the pain of it. He flashed back to a barn; the same knife plunged into him by a different hand. A casual glance down, then he drew the knife out and cast it aside with little effort. If only it was that easy now. As the knife arced out and away from his body a spray of blood followed it. More blood ran down his front and his breathing suddenly became more difficult. Castiel managed a shout to Dean, though it was more a breathless gasp, before throwing the knife towards him. The angel's legs gave out, and he fell gracelessly to the ground.

Rolling onto his back Castiel looked up at the sky, it was a perfect blue. The asphalt was hard under him and pain clawed at his every nerve, but he stared at that sky with a detached calm. Shouts and screams and sounds of battle reached Castiel, but they died away as the sound of his own slowing heartbeat got ever louder in his ears. Castiel's words from the barn came back to him… "Good things do happen Dean". He was so sure, so certain. "Not in my experience" Dean had replied. Castiel had thought it the hopelessness of a faithless man. Now he had walked the earth… he had walked the earth as a human, as an angel, and as a God. He knew now, good things did not happen.

The sun was high in the sky giving a mocking brightness to Castiel's end. Then he stepped forward. Lucifer's head blocked the light, sending the rays cascading around him. It gave a perverse halo to the Light Bearer.

The weight of his voice was steady and relentless. "Your world is getting smaller Castiel; the walls of a tomb are closing about you. It's getting colder isn't it? The feel of frost is settling over your limbs. You never really appreciated how sweet it was to breathe the air. You never needed to. But now your lungs are straining, your heart is slowing. This body is dying all around you. This is what it is to die, really die, a slow human death".

The sound of heavy boots heralded Dean's arrival once again. "Cas, you stupid son of a bitch. What did you go and do that for?"

Hands pressed down on Castiel's wound, he gasped and managed to choke out "m'sorry Dean" between bloody lips.

"Didn't I already tell you to stop saying that?" There was more sadness than anger in Dean's voice this time, but Castiel could detect no hint of forgiveness.

The dark figure's inescapable voice cut in again. "This sacrificial defiance is admirable, I like that you would rather die than let me win. But know this as it all fades to black: You will leave him alone to the world unguarded".

Lucifer turned his threatening gaze on Dean while Dean looked down at Castiel with pleading eyes. "Heal Cas, come on, I know you can do it". Dean tapped his face again, trying to keep his attention. Castiel hadn't even noticed his eyes shutting. "What happened to earning redemption? You think this is earning redemption huh? You can't just throw yourself under a bus and make everything alright. The world doesn't work that way. Heal yourself dammit!"

How did the world work then? Good things didn't happen, lives were spent for nothing. There was no rule book… they threw out the rule book. The world didn't work. God had abandoned it… the world was broken.

Lucifer's voice broke through Castiel's reeling mind. "Heal your vessel Castiel, before it is too far gone. As much as I enjoy your suffering you are not meant to die here. There is only one way this ends". With that he stepped out of sight and Castiel was momentarily blinded by the brightness of the sun.

He didn't know which voice it was he listened to, but Castiel called forth his grace and slowly tissue started knitting back together. Grace flowed through his flesh, fixing all it touched, until suddenly the warm glow turned cold. Sharp claws tore into Castiel's grace. He tried to pull it back and protect it, hide it, but the barbs went too deep. Castiel gasped, he felt smothered. His lungs were repaired but he still couldn't breathe. The angel started to panic, and then his vessel blessedly took a deep breath… a breath he hadn't asked it to. Goodnight Castiel. Then darkness.

-oOo-

Dean pulled him to his feet and clapped a steadying hand on his shoulder. He was carefully guided to the car around fallen demon carcasses. Once inside he focussed on this new level of consciousness, this new control. The frantic exchanges between Sam and Dean were filtered out. He raised his hands in front of his face and slowly clenched and unclenched his fists.

Then the brothers got in. Before pulling off Dean turned to Castiel as if to give him a once over. Seemingly satisfied he gave a reassuring nod and turned back to put the car in gear. He didn't know. How could he know? Lucifer smiled inwardly, he had grace at his disposal again. The devil dug further into Castiel's grace, winding around it, making it his own.

As the gas station got further and further away Dean put on the radio. Frenzied guitars drowned the car out giving way to… I don't think you trust in my self righteous suicide…

"Hush Castiel, don't struggle".

I cry… when angels deserve to die.

"Struggling won't help".

Father! Father!

"I have you now".

Father into your hands, I commend my spirit…

"I once gave you the chance to join me willingly, and now here we are. It is almost as if this was meant to be…"

Father into your hands, why have you forsaken me?

"With your help I will walk the earth again. Hush Castiel, please don't fight me".

In your eyes, forsaken me…

"You may think me the lowest of the low, but your own hands are stained with so much blood…"

In your thoughts, forsaken me…

"Our Father left a long time ago. You sought to take his place, you tried to fix this broken world, fix it in the way you saw fit… and how many died?"

In your heart, forsaken me…

"You thought you locked me away. You thought you locked up a monster. Castiel, don't you see what I am doing? I will fix the world; I am locking away the real monster… you are the monster Castiel. Did not the Winchesters themselves order Death to kill you? I sit behind bars but you should be the one locked in a cage like the monster you are".

Why cry, when angels deserve to die?

Lucifer looked across at Castiel, bound and gagged, the hallucinatory observer of his own body. His wide blue eyes spoke of sheer panic. "Hush Castiel… it will all be over soon".