Trigger warning: depression, self-harm.
Austin remembered the first time Dez caught him cutting. Austin's parents were working overtime at the mattress store, when Dez came over unexpectedly. Dez had a habit of walking into Austin's house without knocking, which he did that day. When he couldn't find anyone downstairs, he decided to head to Austin's room, he was certain Austin would be there because his skate board was in the front hallway, so Austin must be home. However, Austin's room was empty. Then Dez heard a strange sound coming from the bathroom.
"Austin?" Dez asked after he heard a muffled groan/cry coming from the bathroom.
Dez walked to the bathroom door and knocked. Something crashed to the ground. "Austin? Are you okay?"
"F-fine. I'll be out in a minute." Austin's voice was faint, and it sounded pained.
Dez sensed that something wasn't right, he tried to open the door and found that it was unlocked. The sight that greeted him was not pretty. There was blood everywhere and Austin was at the sink, hurriedly trying to clean it up.
"Austin!" Dez rushed to his friend. "What are you doing?"
"Stop, I'm fine, Dez. Just give me a sec." Austin moved away from Dez and continued cleaning up.
"You are not fine, Austin. Wha—Do your parents know you've been doing this to yourself?" Dez watched in horror as Austin cleaned up the rest of the blood.
"Yes, of course they do. Why do you think the door was unlocked." Austin sighed and looked at Dez.
Dez looked at Austin incredulously. "I'm getting help, Dez. I just—I can't just quit. It takes time. I'm fine Dez. Stop worrying." Austin assured him.
Austin remembered when he told Dez that his parents had been taking him to a rehabilitation facility, he could tell that Dez didn't really believe him. It took Austin a while, but once he finally got the words out, Dez just stared at him for a few seconds and then chuckled.
"What? Austin that's crazy."
"It's true. When my parents found out, they thought therapy would be the best option. "
"How long has it been?" Dez asked.
"Since before you found out." Austin looked away, uncomfortable.
Dez forced Austin to make eye contact, "Has it been helping?"
Austin hesitated, "I-I don't know." He looked out of the window and turn back to Dez, who was looking at him disbelievingly. "I-I... N-no. It hasn't."
Austin remembered the first time his parents wouldn't listen to him when he really needed them.
"Please, I can't go back. It just—it huts. Please." Austin pleaded with his parents.
"Austin it's for the best. You know we love you and we would never do anything to hurt you." Mimi gave Austin a hug.
Mike placed a strong hand on Austin's shoulder, "Son. You have to be strong. Like your mother said, it's for the best."
"It isn't helping. It's making me worse. Please, I just need to stay here. Please." Austin begged, tears threatening to fall.
"Get in the car. We're leaving."
Austin remembered when he made the deepest cut he ever had.
"It's for the best," he told himself tears falling freely. "It's for the best."
He looked at his scarred wrist, thinking of all the things that sucked in his life. No matter how many things he came up with; school, his parents not supporting his dream, the way his friends ignored him; they all came back to one thing: him. He was awful, he deserved to die. He was poisoning the world.
He made the final cut.
Austin remembered when someone found him in a pool of his own blood. It wasn't either of his parents. It wasn't Dez. And he had felt so alone.
There was a loud crash in the bathroom. John opened the door, "What's going on in here?"
Austin looked toward the sound, his vision already failing.
"What the—! HEY, I NEED SOME HELP IN HERE!" Austin smiled at John's exclamation. He didn't need to pretend to care. Austin was gone. Finally, the world was rid of him, he finally did something right.
Austin heard muffled voices and felt himself being moved slightly.
"What was he thinking?"
"Get another towel, NOW!"
"Did somebody call an ambulance?"
"Guys, he's fading fast."
"HURRY UP!"
Then everything went black.
Dez walked into Austin's hospital room smiling happily. "Good morning, Austin!" he greeted his best friend.
"Um, Dez, it's three in the afternoon." Austin replied.
"Yeah, I know, but I just ate breakfast, so it's still morning for me."
"What? Did you just wake up? Dez, we've talked about this. You can't keep being so lazy." Austin teased his friend.
Dez fained indignation, "I am not lazy. And for information, I did not just wake up."
"Then why'd you just eat breakfast?" Austin countered.
"I like breakfast."
"If you eat in the afternoon, it's not breakfast. It's lunch."
"Not if it's breakfast."
"It doesn't matter what you eat. It's when you eat it."
"Wrong. It is one hundred percent what you eat."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"Look, that's not important. I have some news for you, Austin." Dez said excitedly.
"What are you talking about now?" Austin smiled at Dez's obvious, yet endearing insanity.
"Well, y'know how your parents are sending you to live in the rehab place full-time?" Dez asked.
Austin looked down, the atmosphere in the room immediately darkening. "Yeah," he whispered hoarsely.
"Hey, cheer up, Little Golden Toes. I've got good news." Dez could hardly contain himself.
"There is nothing that could possibly make this situation good, Dez." Austin said bitterly.
"Yes there is. You wanna hear it?" Dez said, milking the suspense.
"Sure. I guess you can't make it worse." Austin sighed.
"I'm going to live with you—full time—in rehab."
Well, you guys are awesome. I'm leaving the country tomorrow, but I thought you deserve to know what's up with Austin. I'll be gone for about three weeks, with no access to the internet, so I won't be updating for a while. But I promise I'll be writing while I'm on my trip, and I'll update as soon as I get home!
Thanks for reading. You guys are seriously the best.