Chapter 3: Something.

I was officially giving up on my social interaction skills. Alice would have to face it, I wasn't one for making friends. Sure, I had tried to make friends with someone who appeared to be an asshole. Yet I thought my irony was going to be welcomed. Instead, I was taken as another stupid person coming to this stupid party. I decided I was going to blame it all on Alice.

Usually when I made these idiotic attempts at socializing, most of those moments would stay engraved on my mind for when I had to go to sleep and my brain wanted me to remember all those embarrassing moments in my life. I was sure this conversation I just had was going to be prioritized tonight.

I failed at maintaining a conversation. I had gotten bored of what they were talking about. Rosalie — who had miraculously agreed to come with us — was not in a good mood and I was not brave enough to talk to her at the moment, not when her eyes almost had little skulls on them. I then tried going to the bathroom… I wasn't able to do a simple task like that. I didn't even needed to go, it was just an excuse to not stand there watching Alice and Jasper energetically flirting while Rosalie went outside to talk on the phone every half an hour. She didn't tell Royce she was coming here and it strongly intrigued me what his reaction would be if he knew.

When I found the bathroom and opened the door after knocking I found out someone had already thrown up. It looked like they had tried to get to the sink but ended up throwing up on the floor instead. I quickly closed the door containing my breath because of the horrible smell

We hadn't been here for more than two hours and someone was already that drunk.

I decided to woman up and tell someone about it, not randomly, I started searching for the responsible of the party. Emmett was nowhere to be found. That other guy, Jacob — I think it was — was also M.I.A and the only person present who seemed to be having a lot of sexual tension fun with my best friend, was Jasper. In certain way I was relieved I asked him because Alice being next to us was a good social support.

It wasn't as if I couldn't talk to guys. I could actually be really nice and polite. It was more about talking to people I didn't know. I never knew what to say or how to act around them.

Jasper told me there was a bathroom upstairs. "You can use that one. Cross the black tape, don't worry about it." He said kindly. It made me like him a little more.

Alice was right, Jasper was nice — and handsome. He was totally not Alice's type though. Or at least what I had thought her type would be. Instead, he was this weird sort of indie guy wearing some ripped jeans with a ridiculous colorful Hawaiian shirt and a cigarette behind his ear. Honey colored eyes that almost matched the color of his wavy kind of long hair. He also had a lazy smile splattered on his face that made me think he was someone who knew more about life that any other person in this house, me and my friends included.

After I went upstairs, not being able to see much because the lights were off I forgot I hadn't ask which door was the one I was looking for. At this point I had almost forgotten the fact that I actually didn't need to go to the bathroom in the first place and was just looking for it for the sake of doing something.

I chose the first door trying to think logically. My theory was that because it was the closest to the stairs it had to be the bathroom. I didn't really know why and what was the explanation that supported that theory I had used but I couldn't think about it because as soon as I opened it I found out it was the wrong door.

Abort mission.

It was a bedroom and not a bathroom but also, there was a man laying on the bed — A man who surely knew where the toilet was — I apologized timidly and rapidly closed the door.

I saw this man again when he came down the stairs once I was back with Alice and Jasper. At first I wasn't paying attention, I was too busy trying to remember in which direction Rosalie had left hurriedly and meanwhile I was glancing around to see what the other people were doing. There was a blonde girl who was taking pictures and next to her, her friend with funny looking glasses was taking off her heels. A couple was making out on the couch while two other guys made shots next to them.

I felt so unfamiliar with everything around me.

I almost jumped when Jasper yelled at someone but had been too distracted to hear what he had actually said and when I followed his gaze I recognized the person he had yelled at. He had messy hair and was wearing some dark jeans, a hoodie and an old looking dark brown jacket. His stare informed me he was definitely not in the mood for partying and I could so relate to that sentiment. Jasper had told us that this was Jacob's house, the third friend. Supposedly, Emmett's brother was staying here and if this guy had a room in the house it meant that maybe he was the Welcome Back brother. Was he Edward?

If that happened to be the case, holy stars, Edward was freaking attractive. I had never been one for paying too much attention to men because they usually didn't pay attention to me but I did admit that some of them did leave an impression and this one certainly did. Like when you can't clearly see if someone is pretty or not but there is definitely something that makes them attractive. Some sort of vibe you get on just seconds.

Suddenly I wanted to talk to him.

Me, talk to a guy.

After Alice made a comment about him leaving his own party and me wanting to smack her on the back of her pretty little head for being rude, Jasper introduced us. He was just about to name Rose when both of them finally realized that she was gone.

Alice looked at me making me understand that she wanted me to stay on the spot while she went outside to look for her and I felt my heartbeat accelerating for the fact that I didn't want to be left alone. Jasper was cool but I didn't feel like starting a whole conversation with him alone.

I thought about going with her but Jasper was faster and went after Alice leaving me in front of Edward. Though we weren't alone because they were a lot of people and noice surrounding us I felt as if an awkward stillness had set up silencing the whole house. So I decided to do one of the things I did best when I was nervous, ramble.

I apologized again for entering to his room and he told me there was a bathroom downstairs. It also happened he was not being nice and that made me feel like I was not being polite enough. Not casual enough or normal enough. I thought of Angela Webber, a girl who shared most of my classes at college and how, even though she looked as shy as me, she was always nice and cool with everyone who talked to her. How she would act casual and made perfect presentations without mumbling, hesitating or rambling incoherently about stupid things.

"Hey, so you're Edward?" I had asked suddenly. I put up a smile trying to play it casual. I was twenty one year-old normal Bella now. Super chill and all. He looked away for a second as if he was annoyed already. Yep, not working.

"Yeah" he answered, his voice sounding raspy. He looked back at where Alice and Jasper had left. Okay, I get it, I want them back too.

"Welcome back!" I said with fake enthusiasm, but still trying to be friendly.

It was supposed to be ironic, because I didn't know him at all and yet I was at his 'welcome back' party, which was very obvious that it was just an excuse Emmett and his friends had used to gather some people around and have fun. However it must had come out as if I was genuinely welcoming him even though he didn't know who the hell I was.

He stared at me like I had just said the most freaky thing ever and sighed loudly scaring me a little. Giving me a final annoyed stare he turned around and left. I watched him walk up to the front door and disappear.

Great social skills, Bella!

I covered my face with both hands embarrassed before rolling my eyes at myself and deciding to go after Rosalie and Alice.

So yeah, I was an idiot and I was giving up on trying to be social with guys. I did not have it in me.

The worst part was that it might have been the best interaction I could give to someone like him. I didn't understand what I had done wrong. Of course, it could always be him. Perhaps he wasn't in a good mood. He plainly didn't look like he was. And something should have rang a bell when he confirmed he was indeed Emmett's brother. Though this party was supposed to be for him he had been sleeping in his room upstairs, and now he was leaving? If Alice would have thrown me a party and I was somewhere else that was not on her side, greeting everyone she would have been so mad. Or not, Alice and I didn't know how to get mad with each other but she obviously would have been disappointed. Besides, Ali knew better that to throw me a party, she knew I didn't like them that much.

So it may had not been me.

Maybe he was just a douchebag. A very attractive douchebag with messy hair. Why did I even talk to him? What was my train of thought at the moment that made me think it was a good idea to approach him?

I had to admit it, I was bit proud of myself for that one. I never in my life would have talked to a guy without being talked to first. It was not because of some strange behavior as a woman, I simply wasn't the type of person to get a guy to keep a conversation going with me. Or a girl… i was not sexist in the matter.

Once we were in the car, Rose and I were waiting for Alice who was talking to Jasper. I was happy for her, even if she had been a pain in the ass for forcing me and Rosalie to come with her. It was amazing how sometimes she could get her way with what she wanted.

Rose had been quiet the whole time and I was pretty sure she was not having such positive thoughts about Alice like I was.

"It wasn't that bad," I said casually. In reality, I hadn't have a great time either.

Rose gave me a sharp stare with narrowed eyes.

"Emmett seemed nice." I pushed a little further. I was confident she was going to send me another terrifying look.

To be honest, I didn't have that much chance of talking to Emmett. He was the one who opened the door when we arrived and his eyes went big like plates. He was definitely not expecting us to show up, not expecting Rosalie to show up. He tried to play it cool though, his posture and eyes quickly relaxed as he stretched a big smile. Emmett Cullen was a giant. I was certain about it. Certainly bigger than Royce King…

I was intimidated for some seconds until he greeted us with a friendly tone. I couldn't help but think that maybe he was trying a lot to appear casual and not that interested in Rosalie but I could possibly just be reading between the lines too hard. If Alice hadn't told me he was interested in Rose maybe I wouldn't even have noticed it. Ali didn't seem to care. It was funny to see her next to such a big guy. They were completely opposites.

"This is Bella, by the way, our best friend," Alice had told him when we arrived. Emmett's smile set upon his lips once again. He was cute, I guess. Perhaps too smiley for Rosalie. I smiled too.

"Bella… that's Italian, right?" He had asked. I nodded awkwardly. "That's cool, suits you. Very nice to meet you." He said and I couldn't help but blush. Damn it, I hated blushing.

"Nice to meet you too." I ended up saying.

That was almost the last time I saw Emmett — or at least talked to him — until we left. I just said good bye and thank you, even though I didn't know what I was thanking him for. Just being the goody two shoes Rosalie and Alice would always say I was I guess.

By then he was a little bit too drunk. He said something about hanging out and Alice clapped her hands and agreed excitedly. It didn't escape the fact that he was staring at Rosalie when he said that, far from the beginning when he was just trying to play it casual. Rose completely ignored him and started walking to her car.

Jasper joked about Edward being the soul of the party and everybody laughed. I was trying to forget about that embarrassing moment so I said goodbye and went after Rose. I didn't understand why she was so mad. She had decided to come to the party and up to the beginning when we were driving here she actually seemed all right about it. She even dressed up and lent me that dark red "Cherry Bomb" lipstick I loved, I took it as a bonding experience for us.

Once Alice entered the car, this time on the back seat, we left the place.

An overwhelming sensation of calmness went through my body and mind. I couldn't think of another thing but the dark background behind the car's glass window. I hadn't notice until I started looking at the tree tops moving slightly with the wind that I was extremely tired. Alice had to shake me a little when we arrived at my gran's place. I left promising I would come by later on Saturday so we could do study session.

Grandma Mary was already asleep when I arrived, obviously. She had left me a piece of banana bread protected in plastic wrap. I ate it in silent with the kitchen lights off feeling somewhat strange. I suspected it had to do with the party and everything that happened there. Every time I found myself back in safe place I would feel as if I was out of my own body and I would watch myself in the memories doing things I knew I had done but still felt quite alienated and unsure about them.

This time that didn't happen.

I was hoping it would. That my brain would try to make me remember that tedious small talk I had with the guy with messy hair and I would feel bizarrely out of my own body, shrieking while watching how I attempted to had a conversation with someone who, now that I clearly thought so, was out of my league.

I didn't regret it though. Looking back at it, that person who talked to him was beyond doubt me and I could easily relate to her and not feel estranged, as if someone had taken over my body. Maybe that's why I felt so weird. I still couldn't wrap my mind as to if it was something good or something bad. Definitely different. I wanted to think it was good because it had made me want to get out of my constant bubble.

I would be really wary when I found myself in this type of situations. I never felt comfortable around new people. I remember the night I met Alice how I almost freaked out at how nervous she made me feel. Not just because I had figured out she was really nice and interesting and I wanted her to like me but also because she seemed to expect something more from me and I was such a quiet person around people I didn't know. I could remember hoping with all my strength that she would understand that I was an introvert and that I needed a little warming up.

Even more, I wanted her to be interested enough to keep hanging out with me so she could see that behind the whole shyness that was my persona I actually was someone worthy. I wanted to believe I was.

And even being cautious tonight I couldn't understand what had compelled me to go after him like that. I was completely certain I was exaggerating. I knew that to normal eyes it would appear to be a normal conversation with someone who was not really into it and someone who seemed to be into it a little bit too much. But for me it felt ten times worse.

That Saturday me and Alice spent the time in her bed doing college stuff. She was reading a script her professor had gave her and I was starting one of my papers that had to be handed in two weeks. I was happy and relieved that for once I was maintaining good timing with everything regarding college.

While we were doing our own things we would occasionally talk about the party. She told me she got Jasper's number and that she was waiting until Monday to text him. I stared at her curiously because I understood the fact that if she texted him now she would come off as a little bit intense, but if she was feeling like it, why couldn't she do it? A simple text telling him she had fun was nothing excessive. Besides, Alice's whole personality was intense.

We also talked about Rosalie and her mood swings throughout the night. She believed her blonde friend was frustrated.

"I think she was expecting Emmett to stick with us the whole evening but he didn't even talk to her," she said turning the page of her script. She glanced my way to check I was listening.

"It doesn't make sense. You told me she didn't like him, why would she be mad because he was not with her?" I asked naively. Alice raised an eyebrow and stared at me as if it was obvious. I knew what she was suggesting but that was so not like Rosalie Hale. She didn't look like someone who liked to play games, she was always straight forward.

"It's like when you don't want to play with the ball but as soon as someone starts playing with it, you want it." she explained. "Rose was used to having Emmett behind her back always and she was expecting him to be that way but he was all over the place, flirting with everyone and being nice. She didn't like that."

I drifted my sight to the quilt under us, thinking of what Alice had said. This was exactly the reason I wasn't interested in being with anyone. The whole complication of it terrified me. Why was it so hard? He should have stopped bothering her as soon as she made it clear she wasn't interested. Even if she didn't say it with words I knew Rosalie could make things understandable with just one look. And she shouldn't be mad that he had been flirting with other people. Wasn't it what she wanted? To get him of her back?

If I ever wanted something with someone I would make sure things stayed simple. No games or puzzles, just the truth. Why couldn't I like you, you like me be enough?

"Do you think she likes him?" I asked Alice with a smile. She gave me the same one I had on my lips because the idea of Rosalie breaking up with Royce seemed exciting.

But I also knew she was one stubborn woman. She had said no to Emmett which meant that if she happened to feel something for him, whatever attraction it was, her pride was going to stand in the way.

I was in no position to comment about Rosalie's boyfriend. I had met Royce King only once but he had struck me as someone who wasn't interested in meeting me or Alice at all. He thought too much of himself and made me feel like I should be thankful to be in his presence. A business man like him had a lot to do, blah, blah.

I get that he must have thought of me and Alice as kids. I didn't even know what I was doing there and the first thing I thought when I saw him was that I shouldn't have been dragged by my best friend to that coffee store where the couple was just because Alice didn't want to meet him alone.

She hated him and thought he treated Rosalie like a piece of furniture. He did gave me the feeling that someone like him — a thirty something good looking guy with an ambitious brain and a big wallet — needed someone as beautiful as Rose on his arms. Something to show off what his money could get or some manly and sexist thing like that. Alice, however, didn't notice the fact that Rosalie didn't really care.

I mean sure, Rosalie deserved someone better, someone who could appreciate her. But she was smart, the I'm-better-than-you-and-also-smarter type of smart. I think she knew what someone like her boyfriend was after. That's why I thought she didn't mind.

Alice and I kept doing what we were doing until it was dark and I was out of words for my paper. I stretched out feeling how tense my muscles were. My entire body seemed to scream for a hot shower and a warm homemade dinner. I took my phone and checked the time deciding it was better if I went home now. If I stayed a little longer I would probably end up sleeping here and having to cook for Alice and maybe Rosalie, if she didn't have plans already. I wouldn't mind cooking for them, it was something I actually enjoyed doing but I also wanted to see gran, unless she had plans with her book club or her tennis class buddies.

It was already night when I arrived home. The lights were on and the kitchen emanated a sweet scent that I rapidly recognized as my favorite, apple pie. I surprised my gran by kissing her on the cheek.

"Dear God, Bella." She exclaimed taking one hand to her chest. "You do remember I'm old right? I could have a heart attack." She complained, but I knew she really didn't mean it. I smiled at her and looked at what she was carrying.

"I love apple pie."

"I know you do, sweetie. That's why I made it." Gran laughed and I smiled rolling my eyes at her smartass comment. "How did the evening with Alice go? Did she liked the banana bread?" She asked me, walking towards the kitchen table and leaving the pie there.

I shrugged. "You know Alice, she likes everything you cook. The evening was nice, peaceful."

"That's good, right?" She asked not sure if I was being positive about it or not. I smiled again.

"Perfect."

After I had a shamelessly long shower, we had dinner. She told me about what book they were reading in her club and I told her about my plans for the week. I wanted to look for a job. Granny kept telling me it was not necessary, except for me it was. In less than a year I was going to finish my degree and going to start the TPP (Teacher Preparation Program.) Meanwhile, I needed to feel like I wasn't wasting my time. Of course, because I was my grandma's little girl, she didn't see it like that. I, who saw others my age already paying for taxes, wanted to feel that I could take control over at least a small part of my life.

I was already taking so much of her and she never complained. I could imagine it was not easy to have to raise me when it wasn't even her job to do it in the first place. I knew I was not a burden for my grandmother but sometimes I imagined all the places she could travel if I wasn't around and if she didn't feel like she was responsible for me.

Mary liked to travel, a lot. Sometimes after dinner I would suggest her to go back to the travel albums she had. We would spent Saturday or Sunday nights with a little bit of those swing songs she loved so much and visiting Italy, Spain, England or Egypt through the pictures she had taken. Maybe that would wake something in her.

She talked about such memories with so much excitement that although it made me feel warm inside it also made me want to pack her bags and tell her to go and keep exploring the world. If I would suggest such thing she would always come up with the age card. She was old, she didn't have the same energy as before, blah, blah, blah. I knew my grandma, she was strong as hell and sometimes even more energetic than Alice.

I don't know, I guess that such an adventurous soul living in Olympia, Washington seemed like a waste to me.

Sunday was spent in grocery shopping, finishing my paper and cleaning the house. I talked to Alice at night and we discussed what she should write to Jasper in the morning. I just told her to be herself and text whatever the hell she wanted.

To be honest, it was weird to see Alice so interested in a guy. I mean, I knew she liked them. Since I had met her four years ago she had been with a few guys here and there. Nothing serious, only one night stands. She would be really explicit about the details for my disadvantage. But boys were not really an important part in our friendship. Neither of us went looking for them. I had my being shy and easily intimidated reasons and she had her high school traumas still pretty alive sometimes. She went to therapy for those.

She tried not push the matter of men but it was impossible because she was a natural pusher. Alice liked knowing everything about people. It was, in part, why I was surprised that she was being so careful with Jasper, waiting two days to text him and all that. I could relate with her up to certain point because I was also a really curious person, except I had more tact about it. Alice on the other hand, didn't seem to care if she came off as meddlesome. She would get people to tell her the most deep hidden stories.

She even got me to tell her the story about how I lost my virginity which was probably the worst story I had to tell.

"I thought you were a virgin." she had said. "I mean, virginity is a social construction anyway but — you know, I just never thought you would have already…" she trailed off.

I remember smiling and nodding understanding what she meant. In so many ways I was still a virgin. For once, I never intended for it to happen, but somehow because it was senior year prom it was expected and I didn't have the courage to say I didn't want to. Back then I was trying the whole being really social thing. I had a group of friends who I didn't really like but left me not other alternative than to be around them. After doing it I came to realize I was absolutely not ready for it and that's how my first time became my last one.

Alice was kind of horrified when I told her that. Brought all the subject of rape and what a bastard the guy Mike Newton was.

"I mean, I never really stopped him… and part of me was really curious to know what was the big deal so it wasn't really like that." I reassured her.

I never talked to Mike again after that night, not in high school at least. We did run into each other the next year. It was near Christmas and I had decided to go and spend winter break with my dad. I had stopped at a Walmart to buy some things for Christmas dinner before going to Forks when I spotted him. Me being… well, me, tried to hide in the cleaning supplies aisle which was pointless because he saw me and followed me there while I pretended to pick a sponge. He asked me how I was doing and what was I studying and I did the same out of politeness. Mike was studying business administration, he got into a long talk about it and the only thing I could do was nod and smile.

After that I said good bye and good luck and left. Aside from the fact that he was still a chatty person, I was a little shaken at the fact that he looked so different. I wouldn't be able to actually spot the difference but there was something he was lacking which had been replaced, he was more careless now, so mature and I was still the same plain old Bella Swan.

I feared everyone in my class was the same as Mike.

You know when you think you're doing something weird but the feeling gets more soothing when you find out someone else is doing it as well? I wondered if there was someone else from my class who could feel the same way I was feeling, if I was alone in all of this.

I was afraid that maybe if I run into Mike again, he would be even more changed and I would still be the same girl he lost his virginity with.

It hit me that, that was the reason I wanted to work.

That's why I wanted to get a job. I was beginning to think that, just like Alice, I wanted something new as well. I had always been so keen about my new start each year under different circumstances but I never really started nothing.

I wanted something. And maybe my thing didn't come in form of a cute guy dressed in a Hawaiian shirt but in a new life opportunity, a change, a new job hopefully.

Whatever it was, I was waiting for it eagerly.

Okaaaaay. So guys, quick reminder: I'm not a native english speaker or writer or anything. This is my first fic ever and possibly my first fiction piece in english. So please, please, please be patient with me. I'm not trying to be professional or something like that, I think that's the reason I decided to upload this in the first place.

thanks to everyone who left a review :)

comments? thoughts?

Comment what you think of Bella, I'm interested in reading your thoughts.