Disclaimer: J K Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, and Warner Bros reserve all rights to the Harry Potter Franchise. I do not profit from the following work of fanfiction.
Note: Thanks to Bendleshnitz, Wickedlovely 731, Lovethenlost, Spicysweetchica101, and Tonksremus2332. I don't mean to be a review-monger, but I would love to hear from you out there in FF land! I'm grateful for high story traffic, but could do with some feedback. Remember reviews are the only form of payment I receive! With that said, I give you the next installment of PlayWizard's Wet Witch Watcher!
September
Eh there Boys! Merlin's gift to all witch-kind, Justin Bengough reporting. Fall is here, and I couldn't be happier. I was dying a slow and painful death this past summer. That heat wave was like a fucking Dementor's kiss, it was! Well anyway, time for yet another installment of Wet Witch Watcher. Here's the name of the game: three witches, five naughty secrets, and legions of wizards spending more and more quality time in the loo. This month's interviews are bang on. No doubt you'll be needing to accio some rubbing ointment and a few hankies! First up, Ms. Cho Chang. Let's find out what this raven haired babe had to say!
Five Sexy Things You Didn't Know About Cho Chang
Tits beyond measure, is this former Ravenclaw's greatest treasure, I say! Cho Chang, seeker for the Wigtown Wanderers and current European record holder for fastest capture of the snitch, is truly one smoking hot piece of ass. And she knows it! The minute she walks into the Three Broomsticks for our interview, she's switching her hips and tossing her long, bone-straight, jet black hair about. Best of all, she was more than happy to show me her dirtiest kinks, let alone tell me. Here's what I jotted down before we headed upstairs for a "nightcap".
1—Listen up BDSM fanatics, Cho likes it rough! "I love to be tied up, blind-folded, and spanked. I need a wizard who is able to dominate me!"
2—Favorite position: "The Tight Squeeze." The wha-wha?: "Okay, so the woman lies with her legs clenched together and her ankles crossed, and the man is on top. It's the best! You can really grip his member and feel it's entire length with every stroke." Duly noted.
3—Likes to go commando for dates. "Saves me the hassle of taking my gear off, and finding it the morning after!"
4—Is taking up water sports. "I once had a bloke ask me to pee in front of him. It was weird at first, but then sort of turned me on." Up for a golden shower: "No, that's pushing it."
5—Is catching snitches for both teams, if you get my drift. "There's nothing better than a clean, shaven, and juicy cunt pulsating on my tongue, while she moans and quivers." BEST. ANSWER. EVER.
Five Sexy Things You Didn't Know About Rita Skeeter
Tabloid queen Rita Skeeter is no stranger to me. I often see, excuse me, hear the platinum curly blonde and spectacle-wearing lass about the PlayWizard office. If she's not trying to butter up staff to find out next month's cover model, she's propositioning to be next month's cover model. Ha! Someone should pass her along the memo: she's a lot hotter if she shuts the fuck up! Laughs like a banshee, she does! Anyway, since she's now at my desk and talking 500km/hr, I mind as well get a few secrets out of her. Here's what she said:
1— Why pose for PlayWizard: "Why not? I mean what witch wouldn't want tons of men drooling over photos of her naked body? Besides, I want a momento 'fore my tits hit my knees!"
2— Loves to talk dirty to her wizard. "It's fun to get him out of his shell. Other times, it's the only way to get him to do exactly what I want!"
3— Best sexual experience: "A friend of a friend introduced me to the vampire Sanguini. Between us, everything you heard about sex with the undead—True!" Did you let him bite you: "Well sugar, when you're all glamoured up, you say yes to just about everything!"
4—MEOW! Those brightly colored 4 centimeter talons aren't just for show, she's a scratcher! "Oh baby, when he gets to working that cock just so, I dig right in!"
5—Likes to spend slow nights as her animagus, a beetle, on the wall of seedy inn suites. "It's such a turn on, watching random, unsuspecting couples have at it!" Anyone of import: "Now Justin, you know I don't kiss and tell! But let's just say that Mr. Bagman gives Ms. Bell private broom riding lessons every Wednesday at the Hog's Head. If she tells you different, its total codswallop!" Nice.
Five Sexy Things You Didn't Know about Minerva McGonagall
Nothing says "loads of fun" like finding out what gets your former Transfiguration professor all hot and bothered. Now men, I have jumped starkers out of bedroom windows at 4 in the morning, and even spent a week at St. Mungo's for a curious rash on my arse. Needless to mention, this is the most awkward situation PlayWizard has every put me. But at the end of the day, McGonagall is a bird (an old bird) with sexual needs like the rest of us. I sat down with her back at good ole Hogwarts, and got these gems for answers:
1—Of course, she's traditional. "What happened to the days when men courted women properly, swooped them off their feet and ravaged them? Now its 'tea bag this' and 'sixty-nine that'. Rubbish!"
2—Favorite position: "Why, I am quite fond of spooning. It's very sensual and it's easy on the joints. I'm no spring chicken!"
3—Hey there overachievers, Minerva loves a teacher's pet! "I sometimes fantasize about taking a promising student into my study chamber and showing him how to really change a woman into a pussycat." Any daydreams about me: "Well, I remember you being about as powerful as a squib high on Doxy dust. But you did seem capable of another kind of magic…"
4—Dream Wizard: "Though he's an absolute fraud and now an obliterated mess, I still hold a flame for Gilderoy Lockhart. Such a handsome man. Took excellent care of his teeth."
5—Last time you got laid: "Why, how dare…Don't you…I am your elder…ehh, too damn long to remember!" Your study chamber is available, yes: (Her right eyebrow rises dangerously high and she gives me a severely appraising look). "Yes. Let's see if your wand ettiquette has improved."